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Comstar's secret cache of jokes could make a whole bunch of people laugh. All at once. I guess.
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May 8, 2013 01:33
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Defiance Industries posted:And then, if the other guy doesn't laugh, you draw a circle on the ground and try to slit their throat. This is what they do pretty much every weekend without fail though. propatriamori posted:Comstar's secret cache of jokes could make a whole bunch of people laugh. All at once. I guess. I hear the Helm Memory Core could hold an entire stand-up routine.
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May 8, 2013 04:41
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paragon1 posted:I hear the Helm Memory Core could hold an entire stand-up routine.
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May 8, 2013 05:30
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Please. No more.
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May 8, 2013 07:57
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Affi posted:Please. No more. It sounds like the prisoner is finally ready to crack! I ask you again, where is your king?
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May 8, 2013 08:11
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I thought such terrible jokes were banned by the Ares Convention.
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May 8, 2013 08:15
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Scintilla posted:I thought such terrible jokes were banned by the Ares Convention. They were. Thankfully, the Ares Conventions were abrogated by the First Lord of the Star League at the start of the Reunification War and never reintroduced, so it's OPEN FUCKIN SEASON BRO. e: I realize this is coming from someone who writes advertisements for BattleMechs but sometimes this thread gets WEIRD between updates.
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May 8, 2013 08:23
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It's a good thing PTN is a merciful god, if I were GMing a game that had an OOC interlude this stupid the player characters would suddenly find themselves in very deep poo poo.
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May 8, 2013 09:25
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Defiance Industries posted:I realize this is coming from someone who writes advertisements for BattleMechs but sometimes this thread gets WEIRD between updates. I judge all the OOC derails by one simple criteria: if it's not Erotic 'Mech Fanfiction, then it is better than it could be (and has been), and thus I shan't complain. Everything else might be stupid but at least it doesn't make me openly loathe humanity.
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May 8, 2013 09:48
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One of the benefits of being an active player is that when your turn is up, you generally have a pretty good idea of when a massive glut of replies are due to a turn update or just another dumb derail. 
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May 8, 2013 10:26
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DivineCoffeeBinge posted:I judge all the OOC derails by one simple criteria: if it's not Erotic 'Mech Fanfiction, then it is better than it could be (and has been), and thus I shan't complain. Everything else might be stupid but at least it doesn't make me openly loathe humanity. ... how does that even work? If you DFA a heavy with an assualt does it turn into two mediums? I mean, I guess you could write about Mech reproduction in the factories... "Oh yeah, insert that piston, yeah, you weld that good and tight." "Hang on now baby, we're going make this... a prototype." "My safeword is squawk."
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May 8, 2013 10:34
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Oh god, I've unleashed a monster 
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May 8, 2013 11:45
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the JJ posted:... how does that even work? If you DFA a heavy with an assualt does it turn into two mediums? Battlemechs are piloted by people. 
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May 8, 2013 11:52
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Oh my god! I have to let the world know! Battlemechs are people! Battlemechs are PEOPLE! :soylentgreen:
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May 8, 2013 13:13
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But he said "Erotic 'Mech" You know, BattleMech, AgroMech, EroticMech... I mean, if he had said 'Battletech' that could have referred to the setting as a whole, but he said Mech. ... I'm just so horrified by the thought.
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May 8, 2013 13:23
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Is it already Sexy Mech time again?
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May 8, 2013 14:34
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TildeATH posted:Is it already Sexy Mech time again? Must be. My liver is tingling in anticipation. Then again, it could be because it's playoffs
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May 8, 2013 14:36
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Malachite_Dragon posted:I can sum up my reaction to that duel in one single emote: Wouldn't be a good movie without a blooper reel. I hope it's gonna become one hell of a long blooper reel.
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May 8, 2013 15:32
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Still waiting on orders for the Atlas IIThat Italian Guy posted:Oh god, I've unleashed a monster Yup. TildeATH posted:Is it already Sexy Mech time again? I really hope not. PoptartsNinja fucked around with this message at 19:39 on May 8, 2013 |
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May 8, 2013 18:52
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Orders are in, sorry about that. The  over my HD getting scoured made it a little difficult to decide where to go.
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May 8, 2013 20:13
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TildeATH posted:Is it already Sexy Mech time again? The scientist sat back, contemplating his underlings' summary of the recently captured memory core. "This is certainly truly ancient comedy, but I think we need more study before we have anything worth presenting to the Archon. For example, I still don't understand why the footballer keeps tripping over."
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May 8, 2013 21:17
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I've found some long-lost comedy of my own! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHSmuBxqlG4
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May 9, 2013 01:40
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Hogarth’s Heroes: Tactical Update 6 Movement Phase Blue 2) Steiner’s Awesome - Attempts to enter hex 1721, but does not have enough MP! Combat Phase Blue 1) Hogarth’s Atlas II - Fires Rotary Autocannon/5 (Hex) at Battlemaster Red 1, but the Rotary Autocannon jams dramatically! - Fires Rotary Autocannon/5 (Hex) at Battlemaster Red, but the Rotary Autocannon jams dramatically! - Fires Medium Pulse Laser at Battlemaster Red 1 (4 base + 4 range + 2 movement + 1 enemy movement - 2 medium pulse laser = 9): rolled 5, miss! - Fires Medium Pulse Laser at Battlemaster Red 1 (4 base + 4 range + 2 movement + 1 enemy movement - 2 medium pulse laser = 9): rolled 12, hit Right Arm (0/24 armor, 10/14 structure remains)! Cine-Crit! - Fires Medium Pulse Laser at Battlemaster Red 1 (4 base + 4 range + 2 movement + 1 enemy movement - 2 medium pulse laser = 9): rolled 10, hit Center Torso (34/40 armor remains)! - Fires Medium Pulse Laser at Battlemaster Red 1 (4 base + 4 range + 2 movement + 1 enemy movement - 2 medium pulse laser = 9): rolled 6, miss! - Fires Medium Pulse Laser at Battlemaster Red 1 (4 base + 4 range + 2 movement + 1 enemy movement - 2 medium pulse laser = 9): rolled 8, miss! Blue 2) Steiner’s Awesome - Torso twists to threaten hex 1621! - Fires PPC at Grand Dragon Red 2 (4 base + 0 range + 2 movement + 2 enemy movement = 8): rolled 7, miss! - Fires PPC at Grand Dragon Red 2 (4 base + 0 range + 2 movement + 2 enemy movement = 8): rolled 8, hit Right Torso (6/16 armorremains)! - Fires PPC at Dragon Red 2 (4 base + 0 range + 2 movement + 2 enemy movement = 8): rolled 8, hit Right Arm (4/14 armor remains)! - Fires PPC at Dragon Red 2 (4 base + 0 range + 2 movement + 2 enemy movement = 8): rolled 5, miss! - Fires Medium Laser (Rear) at Javelin Red 6, but the target is not in the rear arc! - Fires Medium Laser (Rear) at Javelin Red 6, but the target is not in the rear arc! Blue 3) Vasquez’s Banshee - Fires PPC at Kintaro Red 3 (4 base + 0 range + 2 movement + 2 enemy movement + 1 light woods = 9): rolled 4, miss! - Fires PPC at Kintaro Red 3 (4 base + 0 range + 2 movement + 2 enemy movement + 1 light woods = 9): rolled 2, miss! - Fires Autocannon/10 at Kintaro Red 3 (4 base + 0 range + 2 movement + 2 enemy movement + 1 light woods = 9): rolled 7, miss! - Fires Medium Laser at Kintaro Red 3 (4 base + 2 range + 2 movement + 2 enemy movement + 1 light woods = 11): rolled 5, miss! - Fires Medium Laser at Kintaro Red 3 (4 base + 2 range + 2 movement + 2 enemy movement + 1 light woods = 11): rolled 6, miss! - Fires Medium Laser at Kintaro Red 3 (4 base + 2 range + 2 movement + 2 enemy movement + 1 light woods = 11): rolled 7, miss! - Fires Medium Laser at Kintaro Red 3 (4 base + 2 range + 2 movement + 2 enemy movement + 1 light woods = 11): rolled 6, miss! - Fires SRM-6 at Kintaro Red 3 (4 base + 2 range + 2 movement + 2 enemy movement + 1 light woods = 11): rolled 7, miss! - Fires Small Laser at Kintaro Red 3 but the target is out of range! Blue 4) Schultz’s Zeus - Fires Large Laser at Dragon Red 2 (4 base + 0 range + 2 movement + 2 enemy movement = 8): rolled 10, hit Left Arm (6/14 armor remains)! - Fires Large Laser at Dragon Red 2 (4 base + 0 range + 2 movement + 2 enemy movement = 8): rolled 6, miss! - Fires Medium Laser at Dragon Red 2 (4 base + 0 range + 2 movement + 2 enemy movement = 8): rolled 10, hit Left Arm! TAC! - Fires Medium Laser at Dragon Red 2 (4 base + 0 range + 2 movement + 2 enemy movement = 8): rolled 3, miss! - Fires PPC at Dragon Red 2 (4 base + 0 range + 2 movement + 2 enemy movement + 1 minimum range = 9): rolled 7, miss! - Fires LRM-15 at Panther Red 8 (4 base + 0 range + 2 movement + 2 enemy movement + 2 minimum range + 1 secondary target = 11): rolled 6, miss! Red 1) Battlemaster - Torso twists to threaten hex 1024! - Fires PPC at Atlas II Blue 1 (4 base + 0 range + 2 movement + 1 enemy movement + 1 partial cover = 8): rolled 11, hit Right Torso (20/32 armor remains)! Red 2) Grand Dragon - Torso Twists to threaten hex 1218! - Fires PPC at Awesome Blue 2 (4 base + 0 range + 2 movement + 0 enemy movement = 6): rolled 5, miss! - Fires Medium Laser at Awesome Blue 2 (4 base + 2 range + 2 movement + 0 enemymovement = 8): rolled 6, miss! - Fires Medium Laser at Awesome Blue 2 (4 base + 2 range + 2 movement + 0 enemymovement = 8): rolled 5, miss! Red 3) Kintaro - Fires SRM-6 at Banshee Blue 3 (4 base + 2 range + 2 movement + 1 enemy movement + 1 light woods = 10): rolled 8, miss! Red 4) Black Knight - Fires PPC at Atlas II Blue 1 (3 base + 2 range + 0 movement + 1 enemy movement + 1 partial cover = 7): rolled 4, miss! - Fires Large Laser at Atlas II Blue 1 (3 base + 2 range + 0 movement + 1 enemy movement + 1 partial cover = 7): rolled 8, hit Right Arm (19/34 armor remains)! - Fires Large Laser at Atlas II Blue 1 (3 base + 2 range + 0 movement + 1 enemy movement + 1 partial cover = 7): rolled 10, hit Left Arm (14/34 armor remains)! Red 6) Javelin - Torso twists to threaten hex 1523! - Fires SRM-6 at Awesome Red 2 (4 base + 0 range + 2 movement + 0 enemy movement = 6): rolled 11, 2 missiles hit Left Leg (31/33 armor remains), Left Arm (20/24 armor remains)! - Fires SRM-6 at Awesome Red 2 (4 base + 0 range + 2 movement + 0 enemy movement = 6): rolled 10, 6 missiles hit Right Arm (21/24 armor remains), Left Leg (29/33 armor remains), Right Leg (29/33 armor remains), Left Leg (27/33 armor remains), Center Torso (21/30 armor remains), Left Arm (18/24 armor remains)! Red 7) Wolf Trap - Torso Twists to threaten hex 0224! - Fires Medium Laser at Banshee Blue 3 (4 base + 2 range + 2 movement + 1 enemy movement = 9): rolled 8, miss! - Fires Medium Laser at Banshee Blue 3 (4 base + 2 range + 2 movement + 1 enemy movement = 9): rolled 6, miss! - Fires LB-10X AC (Cluster) at Banshee Blue 3 (4 base + 0 range + 2 movement + 1 enemy movement - 1 cluster rounds = 6): rolled 6, 8 submunitions hit Left Torso (29/30 armor remains), Left Leg (23/26 armor remains), Left Arm (16/21 armor remains), Right Torso (13/30 armor remains), Right Arm (16/21 armor remains), Right Leg (23/26 armor remains), Center Torso (26/40 armor remains), Left Leg (22/26 armor remains)! Red 8) Panther 2 - Fires PPC at Zeus Blue 4 (4 base + 0 range + 2 movement + 0 enemy movement + 1 light woods = 7): rolled 4, miss! - Fires SRM-4 at Zeus Blue 4 (4 base + 2 range + 2 movement + 0 enemy movement + 1 light woods = 9): rolled 6, miss! End Phase: Battlemaster Red 1 - Discards her PPC! - Cinematic Critical Chance! No cine-crits sustained! Dragon Red 2 - Through-Armor Critical Chance in Left Arm! 1 critical hit sustained! - - Hand actuator destroyed! Atlas II Blue 1 - Must pass a piloting test or fall (5 base + 1 massive damage - 1 HOGARTH!!! = 5): rolled 7, succeeds! Awesome Blue 2 - Must pass a piloting test or fall (5 base + 1 massive damage = 6): rolled 4, fails! - Suffers damage to Right Torso (8/30 armor remains), Left Torso (26/30 armor remains) in the fall! Banshee Blue 3 - Must pass a piloting test or fall (5 base + 1 massive damage = 6): rolled 12, succeeds! “You should leave while you have the chance,” the Red Corsair’s voice was full of derision, her mocking tones filling the airways even as Hogarth’s pulse lasers chewed more armor from her eighty-five ton Battlemaster. “Too late, our feet are already on the ground,” Hogarth retorted. “I must say I’ve been looking forward to this a lot. A lot! But I’m done playing around,” he roared, bringing his rotary autocannons up to speed. “It’s time to take things up to maximum! OUYAH!” “Sir, your autocannons have never been tested at that rate of fire—!” Vasquez warned, but it was already too late. Already red hot from the friction, Thomas Hogarth’s Rotary Autocannons ground to a sudden and telling stop. The Red Corsair laughed as her PPC scoured armor from the Atlas’s broad torso. “Oh, Thomas, you always did love trying experimental weapons! But you should know by now that tried-and-true armaments trump fancy toys every time!” “Do I—do I know you?” Thomas’s confidence seemed to waver in the face of the Red Corsair’s declaration. “Not that you’d remember,” With a sudden motion, the Red Corsair tossed aside her Battlemaster’s PPC and strode confidently towards Hogarth’s Atlas with her fists raised like a heavyweight boxer. “Come on, Thomas—we both know what this duel is going to come down to. Let’s get right to it, shall we?” “I’d be glad to—” Hogarth’s Atlas rocked as the distant Black Knight fired at his exposed back. Its thick, menacing armor glowed with strange runic symbols and a sickly green mist emanated from its joints. It was difficult to tell if the `Mech had a pilot, so heavy was the obscene fog. Unlike the Panther before, it moved with a fluid grace as it shook its massive fist at Hogarth’s distant form. Thomas toggled over to his Lance’s comms. “Someone put some shots on that damned ghost—try to pin him down before he kills us or escapes!” “I’m a little busy, sir!” Andrew replied, worry creeping into his own voice. “But don’t worry, I’ve got a plan! These guys’ve been out here for hours in the—hot Summer daylight! If we keep pressing them as hard as we have, they’re sure to overheat!” “Alright Andrew,” Thomas replied after a few moments of silence. “I believe in you. Do it, and then put down that ghost while I keep the Red Corsair occupied!” “On it, sir,” Andrew replied, “and thank you for believing!” Primary Objectives Rescue Melissa Steiner and Clovis Holstein (0/2) Defeat Richard Cameron (0/1) Secondary Objectives Thomas Hogarth duels the Red Corsair (0/1) One of Hogarth’s Heroes “dies” dramatically, but no more than one (0/1) Hogarth kills the ghost with his Ghost-Killer PPC (0/1) Believe in Andrew Steiner (0/1) Cross the Streams (0/4) (everyone has to hit with a PPC for it to count) Hidden Objectives Piles of Cardboard Boxes Destroyed: 1 Fruit Carts Destroyed: 1 Wilhelm Screams: 1 Flubbed Lines: 1 [Unknown]  Key: Blue1) Atlas II Blue2) Awesome Blue3) Banshee Blue4) Zeus Enemy `Mech Key Red1) Battlemaster – Ran, 0 Red2) Dragon – Ran, 2 Red3) Kintaro – Ran, 2 Red4) Black Knight – Stationary, 0 Red6) Javelin – Jumped, 2 Red7) Wolf Trap – Ran, 3 Red8) Panther 2 – Ran, 2 Player `Mech Status  Enemy `Mech Status  Cinematic Crit Table 2 – Railing Kill / Protagonist Injured! 3 – Stunned Enemy / Protagonist Flesh Wound! 4 – Huge Random Explosion! 5 – Fruit Vendor Demolished / Chickens Escape / Outhouse Detonates! 6 – Cardboard Boxes Destroyed! 7 – Wilhelm Scream / Flubbed Line! 8 – Cardboard Boxes Destroyed! 9 – Explosive Barrels Explode Unexpectedly! 10 – Something Catches Fire! 11 – Delayed Casualty / Protagonist Flesh Wound! 12 – Kneecapped / Protagonist Injured! PoptartsNinja fucked around with this message at 23:57 on May 10, 2013 |
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May 10, 2013 23:40
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PoptartsNinja posted:Believe in Andrew Steiner (0/1) The best secondary objective of them all.
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May 10, 2013 23:49
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Which raises the question: Thread, do you believe in Andrew Steiner?
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May 10, 2013 23:53
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PoptartsNinja posted:Believe in Andrew Steiner (0/1) I've already failed this objective.
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May 10, 2013 23:53
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Things are really starting to... heat up. Don't worry Andrew, I beli-- 
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May 10, 2013 23:55
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I believe in Andrew Steiner!
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May 10, 2013 23:59
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If by "believe" you mean "hope he gets killed so we can fulfill two secondary objectives at once," then yes. Yes I do.
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May 11, 2013 00:00
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I absolutely believe in Andrew Steiner. There is no way his plan can fail.
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May 11, 2013 00:01
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They just drop the PPC? Not dramatically fling it at another mech as a physical attack?
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May 11, 2013 00:03
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CLAPPING SO HARD MY ARMS BROKE OFF. He's a fairy, right?
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May 11, 2013 00:08
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I am a terrible person for this but I want to believe. I believe in Andrew Steiner!
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May 11, 2013 00:09
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PoptartsNinja posted:Thread, do you believe in Andrew Steiner? No.
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May 11, 2013 00:11
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I believe Andrew Steiner is an idiot, is that close enough to count? Though ghosts are notorious for avoiding sunlight and I have to imagine that goes even more so for summer sunlight. So hell, he might be on to something.
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May 11, 2013 00:13
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I believe Andrew Steiner needs something to make up for his terrible acting.
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May 11, 2013 00:17
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Well if I have to believe one of those idiot brothers I guess it will be Andrew. I can only guess how much I hate him, but my hatred for his brother is a documented fact. I believe in Andrew Steiner. I believe his plan will get him tragically killed, which will put us 50% closer to stopping his family from breeding. That is for the best. Defiance Industries fucked around with this message at 00:21 on May 11, 2013 |
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May 11, 2013 00:18
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Andrew was the one with the good sense to never be seen again, at least!
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May 11, 2013 00:18
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PoptartsNinja posted:Andrew was the one with the good sense to never be seen again, at least! It's true. All of my favorite characters are the ones smart enough to never be in a Stackpole novel.
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May 11, 2013 00:23
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Andrew did pilot a Wolfhound. That is a plus in my book.
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May 11, 2013 00:23
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