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BadSamaritan
May 2, 2008

crumb by crumb in this big black forest


A decent number of traditions advise against choosing names to honor still-living people and imo it’s a pretty good policy that can avoid a ton a drama. That middle name situation sounds like a bad time waiting to happen.

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L0cke17
Nov 29, 2013

remigious posted:

I agree, that middle name situation wouldn’t sit right with me either. I’m seeing the middle name as an opportunity to get weird with it. Middle names hardly ever come up anyway, may as well pick something fun!

Never pick a weird middle name. It sucks and is terrible for the kid. It always gets out and kids are vicious about it.

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

My first son's middle name is a truncation of my maiden name that ends up being an actual name in some European countries. My second son's middle name is just my husband's middle name.

boquiabierta
May 27, 2010

"I will throw my best friend an abortion party if she wants one"
In Jewish tradition you only name after people who have died. It's considered an insult to name after someone who's still living -- like you're saying you wish they were dead. I consider myself Jewish mostly culturally, not religiously, and that's one cultural tradition I really like and find meaningful. The way my parents did it was kid A's first name was after the closest person who had died (my dad's dad) and the middle name was after someone in my mom's family. Then they reversed it for the next kid, first name from my mom's side, middle name from my dad's. That's what we did for my baby too -- first name after my husband's uncle who died young, middle name after my great-aunt. I dunno, I find it a really nice way to honor people.

peanut
Sep 9, 2007


It doesn't have to be someone you know. My daughter's middle name is Ray. That's 1/3 sunshine, 1/3 Achewood and 1/3 Evangelion. It'll be available for her if she ever wants it…

marchantia
Nov 5, 2009

WHAT IS THIS
I feel like even if you guys had a good relationship it's weird to name kids after a living friend. My kid has my middle name that was my grandma's name because I like it, it sounds good, and my grandma was a rad woman.

Nessa
Dec 15, 2008

remigious posted:

I agree, that middle name situation wouldn’t sit right with me either. I’m seeing the middle name as an opportunity to get weird with it. Middle names hardly ever come up anyway, may as well pick something fun!

I think so too! I liked names like Artemisia, Persephone or Philomena for middle names, but my husband is against any “weird” names.

It’s important to my husband that the middle name honour someone though and I want his opinion to be valued! I’m thinking of maybe using a grandmother’s name. My grandma Elsie passed away last year.


Sarah posted:

You have been through so much with the issues you've stated earlier on in the thread. You've had expectations for a long time about being pregnant and all these hopes... and this pandemic has crushed them. You can be positive and focus on your miracle and mourn the loss of your pregnancy expectations at the same time. Your friend might mean well but is being a jerk - humans are capable of having lots of emotions at one time.

Personally, I'm not a social being. I barely got through the baby shower without wanting to curl up in a closet and disappear. But I can see how many women love the social aspect of being pregnant and being with others and sharing experiences and knowledge. And after the baby came, there were times when I wished I wanted my mother around, because I was tired. But I hate having people other than husband in my "space". We went at it completely alone with no outside support. It's doable! But it's hard. But that was my choice. You don't have a choice, and that makes it even tougher. But you're strong, and you'll get through it.

IIRC, you're in Canada. You guys are a lot better off than we are down here, so at least you have that going for you. This pandemic will end a lot sooner for you guys.

Yeah, we’re not as bad as areas down south, but it’s still a bit worrisome. People are packing the beaches and acting like everything is over. Masks will never be mandatory here. They are just “strongly encouraged.” I don’t think our province will shut down bars and restaurants again no matter how bad it gets because our premier is a huge butt.


Alterian posted:

My first son's middle name is a truncation of my maiden name that ends up being an actual name in some European countries. My second son's middle name is just my husband's middle name.

My maiden name is obviously a surname and a truncation would make it seem like we’re big fans of a particular pop music artist. I’ve never been very fond of my own middle name and it would be particularly alliterative in combination with the first name, with the first 2 letters being the same.

A couple months ago my father in law asked if we could name our child Chris if it was a boy. He was all “You don’t have to take this suggestion if you don’t want, I know you guys will do whatever you want.” My husband’s brother is already named Chris and he also has a first cousin named Chris. That’s too many Chris’s! I’m not opposed to Christine, but I also now have an auntie Christine. (My mom connected with her bio dad’s family over Ancestry, so I have a bunch of new aunts and uncles.) She’s lovely and a badass, but I’ve only met her once!

Big Dick Cheney
Mar 30, 2007
We've been watching a lot of baby documentaries. Is there some reason that they're all British? I haven't found an American one yet. It's no big deal it's just a little odd.

My Shark Waifuu
Dec 9, 2012



Not sure what type of documentaries you're after, but I just finished watching Babies on Netflix. It's a science-focused series about how infants develop and learn about the world. I found it really interesting, even for just basic stuff like "this is what an 4-month-old v. an 8-month-old can do." There are British people featured but lots of Americans too, lol.

Hadlock
Nov 9, 2004

On a scale of 1-10 how important is a good rocking chair

In my mind's eye I'm imagining one or both parents frequently falling asleep in the rocking chair, so I'm imagining a traditional high backed wooden rocking chair

I'm seeing on YouTube that all the YouTube moms seem to prefer a plush upholstered glider chair, a lot of them only midback with little or no head rest

Something like this? https://www.dixieseating.com/shop/rocking-chairs/asheville-wood-rocking-chair-no-907s/

Edit: or something like this? https://www.wayfair.com/furniture/pdp/three-posts-mcneel-rocking-chair-trpt6311.html?piid=33349508 anything from Wayfair seems like it's going to be sketchy quality, but that general design

Seems like humanity has been making rocking chairs since the beginning of time and the design hasn't changed much, probably for good reason

Hadlock fucked around with this message at 11:47 on Jul 21, 2020

BadSamaritan
May 2, 2008

crumb by crumb in this big black forest


Hadlock posted:

On a scale of 1-10 how important is a good rocking chair

In my mind's eye I'm imagining one or both parents frequently falling asleep in the rocking chair, so I'm imagining a traditional high backed wooden rocking chair

I'm seeing on YouTube that all the YouTube moms seem to prefer a plush upholstered glider chair, a lot of them only midback with little or no head rest

Generally, if you’re holding the baby you want to *avoid* sleeping in the chair. Personally, I liked our traditional wood one- it was comfy to sit in but not toooo comfy, and it was low enough to the ground that I could get up smoothly with a sleeping newborn. It could be wiped down in the case of spit ups or blowouts.

We got ours off of Craigslist for $80, it was made in the US and doesn’t scream nursery so we can use it elsewhere in the house when the baby gets older.

in_cahoots
Sep 12, 2011
I’m a fan of our big plush chair. The padded armrests made nursing more comfortable, and I never fell asleep in it. Now that my son is a toddler we still use it to read books and sing songs at bedtime. And since it matches our living room furniture we can put it out there when we are ready.

marchantia
Nov 5, 2009

WHAT IS THIS
I have a rocking lazy boy from pre baby and it's great for rocking. I also am not looking to fall asleep rocking/feeding a baby which this chair did not facilitate because it's very comfy.

Nessa
Dec 15, 2008

I have no idea what I want for a chair, but I’m leaning towards one of the padded gliders. I don’t want anything too bulky for the smallish room or too uncomfortable to sit in for long periods. I wanna be able to put on Netflix while feeding baby or pumping and just chill.

We thought we had a name nailed down for a while, but that’s going to be changing now. It’s important to my husband that the middle name be a name that honours someone and he wanted to honour his longest female friendship. I thought I was okay with it, but we had a falling out with this friend and she hates me now. She hasn’t spoken to me for a year and a half. She was going to try to hash things out with me in September, but cancelled last minute and we haven’t heard from her since. She claimed to want to be part of our kid’s life, but it looks like that’s not happening.

Reaching the 3rd trimester with no attempts to make amends has really made me think we’ll never see her again and I’m going to be naming my child after someone who hates me. That hurts. I thought/hoped it wouldn’t bother me... but it does. Fortunately, my husband was understanding when I told him and admitted that it was probably an unhealthy attachment for him. He still wants the middle name to honour someone though, so I thought maybe my grandma Elsie who passed away last year. She was my mom’s birth mother.

Only thing is that I really prefer Elise over Elsie, as it flows much better with the first name we chose. It’s just two letters switched! Elsie and Elise are also both diminutives of Elizabeth. Elizabeth was the name Elsie gave my mom when she was born before it was changed after the adoption. Turns out my mom doesn’t like the name Elizabeth anyway!

boquiabierta
May 27, 2010

"I will throw my best friend an abortion party if she wants one"
Yeah don’t use the name of the person who hates you.

Elise can still be a tribute to your grandmother. IMO you can just use the initial with a completely different name and it can still be a tribute. That’s how my family has long done it (just taken the first initial, ie my son Asher is named after an Andy).

Nessa
Dec 15, 2008

boquiabierta posted:

Yeah don’t use the name of the person who hates you.

Elise can still be a tribute to your grandmother. IMO you can just use the initial with a completely different name and it can still be a tribute. That’s how my family has long done it (just taken the first initial, ie my son Asher is named after an Andy).

Yeah, it would be one thing if she had reached out at all so we could begin to repair our relationship, but she hasn’t, so I doubt she ever will at this point. I haven’t reached out out of respect to her, as I know a message from me would likely be incredibly upsetting to her. Even when we were friends she’d get mad about me messaging her and she’s probably blocked my number anyway.

I’ll see if I can convince my husband to go with Elise. He might want to be a stickler for the exact name.

cailleask
May 6, 2007





Nessa posted:

Yeah, it would be one thing if she had reached out at all so we could begin to repair our relationship, but she hasn’t, so I doubt she ever will at this point. I haven’t reached out out of respect to her, as I know a message from me would likely be incredibly upsetting to her. Even when we were friends she’d get mad about me messaging her and she’s probably blocked my number anyway.

I’ll see if I can convince my husband to go with Elise. He might want to be a stickler for the exact name.

We did an homage for my grandfather with a slightly different middle name for my son. My grandfather's name was José, so we went with Joseph. Everyone who mattered got what we were going for, even if the name isn't literally 1:1.

remigious
May 13, 2009

Destruction comes inevitably :rip:

Hell Gem
I can’t tell if I am starting to show or just getting quarantine fat! Maybe both.

Nice piece of fish
Jan 29, 2008

Ultra Carp

BadSamaritan posted:

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I hope things work out well for you. Is your doctor able to refer you to a genetic counselor? In my experience, they are really skilled at actually talking about risks, potential outcomes, and the decisions surrounding testing and the pregnancy. Also, not sure where you are in your pregnancy, but is NIPT an option for you?

So we got an answer to the NIPT test and it's negative, no other indications of problems from the other tests. Just a scare.

Holy gently caress I thought I was a jaded calloused cynic shell of a lawyerman but the loving relief I felt today is undescribable. Now I just need to not panic again for six more months.

Thank you very much for the sympathy.

BadSamaritan
May 2, 2008

crumb by crumb in this big black forest


Nice piece of fish posted:

So we got an answer to the NIPT test and it's negative, no other indications of problems from the other tests. Just a scare.

Holy gently caress I thought I was a jaded calloused cynic shell of a lawyerman but the loving relief I felt today is undescribable. Now I just need to not panic again for six more months.

Thank you very much for the sympathy.

I’m so glad to hear that you got good news! This whole kid thing has a way of handily busting through all those years of defenses. But imo they make us better for it. Best wishes for the next six months and beyond.

Salisbury Snape
May 26, 2014
While a grain platform can be used for corn, a specialized corn head is ordinarily used instead.


L0cke17 posted:

Never pick a weird middle name. It sucks and is terrible for the kid. It always gets out and kids are vicious about it.

I got lumbered with Merddin, which apparently is something celtic to do with merlin.
Merddin the Viking was one of the not terrible nicknames but there were plenty of poo poo nicknames.
My girls got double middle names as per tradition on my wife's side of the family but we spent many many hours going through middle names to try and give them the best chance at not being torn apart by other kids.

remigious
May 13, 2009

Destruction comes inevitably :rip:

Hell Gem
I wish this thread was more active, so I guess I’ll be the change I want to see :) how is everyone feeling? I have 5 months to go and I’m impatient as heck!

Nessa
Dec 15, 2008

remigious posted:

I wish this thread was more active, so I guess I’ll be the change I want to see :) how is everyone feeling? I have 5 months to go and I’m impatient as heck!

I am doing okay! Only 2 months left for me now. There’s still so much to do!

I did manage to finish painting the nursery though. Just gotta get the crib and glider and change table and all sorts of things. I’m going to hold off on some purchases until our baby shower on the 22nd. We’re just gonna have a backyard BBQ shindig. Even co-ed, we’re only expecting about 20 people tops. At least I can blame the pandemic for a low turnout. I’d be happy for people to just drop by to say hi and drop off a card or something if they’re not comfortable with an outdoor gathering. I haven’t seem most of my family since at least Christmas.

remigious
May 13, 2009

Destruction comes inevitably :rip:

Hell Gem

Nessa posted:

I am doing okay! Only 2 months left for me now. There’s still so much to do!

I did manage to finish painting the nursery though. Just gotta get the crib and glider and change table and all sorts of things. I’m going to hold off on some purchases until our baby shower on the 22nd. We’re just gonna have a backyard BBQ shindig. Even co-ed, we’re only expecting about 20 people tops. At least I can blame the pandemic for a low turnout. I’d be happy for people to just drop by to say hi and drop off a card or something if they’re not comfortable with an outdoor gathering. I haven’t seem most of my family since at least Christmas.

Hi Nessa! I’m glad you are still having a baby shower. I’ve been on the fence about it. It doesn’t help that I moved away from my friends and family to another state a few years ago and if I did have one, it would just be my mother and sister in law :/ They are wonderful and I love them, just feeling a little sad that I can’t have everything. My mom isn’t well enough to travel.
I don’t think I have seen my family since...last Mother’s Day? Jeez.
Are you doing a cute theme for your party? Any fun games?

2DEG
Apr 13, 2011

If I hear the words "luck dragon" one more time, so fucking help me...
21 weeks here, and if #1 son is anything to go by, only about 16 weeks to go. Luckily we have everything already, just trying to figure out the car seat situation. Daycare knows we'll want an infant spot, work know's I'll be buggering off around Thanksgiving, probably. Also...haven't told our families yet. They were warned repeatedly the first time around not to bug me, and with all the Covid stuff going on here in Hellworld (FL), we decided we don't want to field 100 "HOW ARE YOU, ARE YOU STAYING SAFE??" phone calls a week. It was bad enough with the calls and incessant ALL CAPS texts when my kid's daycare shut down over one person testing positive and us having to wait 10 days to get his negative result.

We'll have to tell them eventually, mostly because a bunch of my son's infant clothes and gear are in my mom's attic right now and we'll need to figure out shipping them down here.

They say your second goes faster, and hoo boy are they right. I'm as big as I was at 28 weeks last time, everything seems to be hurting more, sooner, and I'm extra tired thanks to also chasing a demon toddler.

Nessa
Dec 15, 2008

remigious posted:

Hi Nessa! I’m glad you are still having a baby shower. I’ve been on the fence about it. It doesn’t help that I moved away from my friends and family to another state a few years ago and if I did have one, it would just be my mother and sister in law :/ They are wonderful and I love them, just feeling a little sad that I can’t have everything. My mom isn’t well enough to travel.
I don’t think I have seen my family since...last Mother’s Day? Jeez.
Are you doing a cute theme for your party? Any fun games?

I’m in Canada where things are a little less crazy, but we do have a mandatory masks in public buildings bylaw now, which is good! I really feel for those with family far away. It’s a rough time to be pregnant. :(

I’m going with a meteor shower theme, so I picked up some party stuff in teal and purple and sparkles. For games, I’m just gonna do little guessing games for baby’s birthday, hair colour, eye colour, etc.. I’ve also got a letter scramble with all the letters in baby’s full name so people can try to guess what it is. We’re hoping to put the name on an ice cream cake for a reveal at the end of the party. We haven’t told people we’re having a girl yet, so the name reveal will do that for us!

boquiabierta
May 27, 2010

"I will throw my best friend an abortion party if she wants one"
^^ Can you tell us what you decided on the name? whether to name after your husband's friend and whether to use Elsie or Elise?

Silent Linguist
Jun 10, 2009


I’m doing a virtual baby shower at the end of the month. All our relatives are out of state so there’s no way to do it in person. No idea when I’ll be able to see my parents next.

On the bright side, we already have a big pile of Amazon boxes of gifts :D

In other news, my single umbilical artery doesn’t seem to be causing trouble; I had an ultrasound Monday (28 weeks) and they told me he’s around 3 pounds already!

remigious
May 13, 2009

Destruction comes inevitably :rip:

Hell Gem
I’m glad everything is going well, Silent Linguist! A virtual baby shower seems like a good option, how does that work exactly? Do you still play any games or just get together and chat?

Silent Linguist
Jun 10, 2009


remigious posted:

I’m glad everything is going well, Silent Linguist! A virtual baby shower seems like a good option, how does that work exactly? Do you still play any games or just get together and chat?

My mom and sister are planning it, but I know they’re coming up with some games that are easy enough for old folks to play over Zoom. Like, guess the celebrity baby photo. Then just talking and opening presents. We’ll see how it goes!

Nessa
Dec 15, 2008

boquiabierta posted:

^^ Can you tell us what you decided on the name? whether to name after your husband's friend and whether to use Elsie or Elise?

We’re going with Elsie. I still haven’t actually asked whether my husband would be okay with swapping letters to Elise yet. Probably because I know the answer will be no. :shobon:

peanut
Sep 9, 2007


I attended a virtual baby shower. We ate ice cream in sync. There was 1 game, a quiz about news and trends in the mother's birth year. The rest was just chatting. Maybe 10 people? Small and simple was good.

Carotid
Dec 18, 2008

We're all doing it
We did 2 virtual baby showers--one for family and one for friends, since the group would've been pretty big all together and the family shower had a lot of Zoom/webcam first-timers. But they both went great! We did a guess-the-baby-picture game where everyone emailed a baby pic of themselves, and my husband and I had to guess who it was before opening the gift they sent us. My SIL planned the family baby shower and included suggested food and drinks for people to make at home to have during the shower. There was also plenty of time to chat and catch up (But not too long lol, each shower was about 2 hours so it didn't feel awkwardly long or anything). The showers were also on two different days.

Tomorrow I'll be 38 weeks, ooohhhh myyyy goooooodddd

My Shark Waifuu
Dec 9, 2012



I'm at 28 weeks today with my first and it feel like I haven't done anything yet (besides go to the midwife): no shopping, no baby shower, no antenatal classes booked, not picked out a name ... My husband seems to think we still have plenty of time but I'm starting to worry, lol. Does anyone have an online list of "baby stuff to get" that they recommend?

cailleask
May 6, 2007





Baneling Butts posted:

I'm at 28 weeks today with my first and it feel like I haven't done anything yet (besides go to the midwife): no shopping, no baby shower, no antenatal classes booked, not picked out a name ... My husband seems to think we still have plenty of time but I'm starting to worry, lol. Does anyone have an online list of "baby stuff to get" that they recommend?

You honestly don’t need much though.

1) car seat
2) safe place on every floor of your house to set down a baby
3) pack of Carter’s newborn onesies
4) pack of Carter’s 0-3mo onesies
5) a couple muslin blankets
6) some pants
7) some socks
8) bottle stuff (but not a lot; more if you plan to FF)
9) a pack of newborn and a pack of size 1 diapers and some wipes


The rest is all bonus stuff, like if you want a baby carrier or fancy clothes or a dedicated changing station or whatever. You don’t necessarily need it! Baby is perfectly fine being changed on a towel on the floor.

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

Baneling Butts posted:

I'm at 28 weeks today with my first and it feel like I haven't done anything yet (besides go to the midwife): no shopping, no baby shower, no antenatal classes booked, not picked out a name ... My husband seems to think we still have plenty of time but I'm starting to worry, lol. Does anyone have an online list of "baby stuff to get" that they recommend?

https://www.amazon.com/Dermoplast-Hospital-Strength-Relieving-Irritations/dp/B073PB3G26

Edit: Love how the frequently bought together items that go with it are tucks and a peri bottle. You should probably get those too. At least a peri bottle.

Alterian fucked around with this message at 01:24 on Aug 8, 2020

BadSamaritan
May 2, 2008

crumb by crumb in this big black forest


I’d also recommend nursing pads (disposable or reusable), because when milk comes in it can get ridiculous pretty quick. I found disposable useful at the beginning when things were regulating, and reusable were good once my supply normalized.

in_cahoots
Sep 12, 2011
I’d recommend getting a small pack of diapers to start off, unless you’re against Pampers. Between the hospital stay and my bonus stay for jaundice I had enough packs of diapers and wipes to last until he outgrew the size 1s. I also got a peri bottle, witch hazel pads and disposable underwear from the hospital for free. It’s not like they’re going to give some other new mom your used supplies.

sheri
Dec 30, 2002

A waterproof mattress pad for your bed.
Your breasts are going to leak at the start whether or not you breastfees so you might as well save your matress.

Also helpful if kid is ever in your bed or you are changing him on your bed or whatever and he pees all over.

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L0cke17
Nov 29, 2013

cailleask posted:

You honestly don’t need much though.

1) car seat
2) safe place on every floor of your house to set down a baby
3) pack of Carter’s newborn onesies
4) pack of Carter’s 0-3mo onesies
5) a couple muslin blankets
6) some pants
7) some socks
8) bottle stuff (but not a lot; more if you plan to FF)
9) a pack of newborn and a pack of size 1 diapers and some wipes


The rest is all bonus stuff, like if you want a baby carrier or fancy clothes or a dedicated changing station or whatever. You don’t necessarily need it! Baby is perfectly fine being changed on a towel on the floor.

I highly recommend getting a pack of the velcro swaddles. They help so much when you're super sleep deprived and are pretty drat cheap.

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