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C-Euro
Mar 20, 2010

:science:


Soiled Meat

Wife just hit 20 weeks as of today and our 20-week ultrasound is Friday, time to rock and roll baybeeeeeeeee

We divided up the research for our registry, and the other night my wife in a bout of insomnia blew through everything on her half while I've done nothing :( We've got a lot of the basics on there already, but is there something kind of weird or unexpected that you wish you had bought/been gifted beforehand?

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Hadlock
Nov 9, 2004



Kikaroo peanut, a touch lamp for the changing station, one of those Oxo weighted baby wipe dispensers

If you're bottle feeding 10 extra Mam pacifiers, and the "Ali+Oli Pacifier Clip Holder for Baby" made with the silicone balls

Snoo

Baby doesn't really comprehend anything for the first 4 weeks anyways so don't worry about toys or teethers

If you ask for fancy clothes, ask for 9-18 month clothes, baby will grow out of anything smaller before you have the energy/courage to take the baby out of the house

Hadlock
Nov 9, 2004



I think everyone is different, but I felt a lot more "secure" about being ready for the baby once we got the crib in the house and assembled. I don't think everyone is like that, but my stress levels went WAY down once that "problem" was "solved"

I think at 20 weeks we hadn't even gotten our baby registry setup yet, so you guys are doing great

KasioDiscoRock
Nov 17, 2000

Are you alive?

C-Euro posted:

We've got a lot of the basics on there already, but is there something kind of weird or unexpected that you wish you had bought/been gifted beforehand?

Iím sure a car seat is on your list already but I wish this resource had existed a few years ago. I wasted so much time trying to figure out the differences between car seats and trying to find the right one, and then was so not confident about how to use it. Even if youíve bought one already Iíd highly recommend investing the $27 to buy this guide and making sure the one youíve chosen will actually work best for you, not to mention making sure that your baby is as safe as possible in the car.

https://courses.safeintheseat.com/buying-kit

Tamarillo
Aug 6, 2009


C-Euro posted:

Wife just hit 20 weeks as of today and our 20-week ultrasound is Friday, time to rock and roll baybeeeeeeeee

We divided up the research for our registry, and the other night my wife in a bout of insomnia blew through everything on her half while I've done nothing :( We've got a lot of the basics on there already, but is there something kind of weird or unexpected that you wish you had bought/been gifted beforehand?

Since you're going for weird and unexpected - people's mileage may vary but I found fumbling around with onesie snaps and pants in the middle of the night to be an absolute chore with the number of times I was getting up to change nappies. This time round I've bought some sleep gowns that gather at the bottom so I can quickly open it up, change nappies then close it again. For first baby I also bought a bunch of adorable cute 100% muslin bibs that got absolutely SOAKED AND ANNIHILATED the second a droplet of drool or spill made contact, and shrunk/faded even when following washing instructions. I'd go through a million of those drat things a day. I quickly learned to buy sensible bibs with waterproof backing.

I'm a bit sour because I just had a locum midwife appointment and my delightful daughter has decided that 30 weeks is a fine time to be breech. This is on top of a low lying placenta detected at 20 weeks, and my first child being a macrosomic baby at 10lb 4oz. I have a scan next Friday to see if the position of the baby and placenta have changed, and get a vague idea of her growth percentile - so there's quite a lot riding on it. If things haven't changed, this is really adding up a list of compounding risks that I am increasingly not comfortable attempting a vaginal delivery with, and my normal midwife has come across as quite anti c-sections.

Tamarillo fucked around with this message at 06:22 on Oct 28, 2021

Emily Spinach
Oct 20, 2010

:)



^I hope even if she's anti C section the weight of all those factors would make her more reasonable. Good luck!

As far as unexpectedly useful products, we have these baby butt spatula things for applying diaper creams. Fingers work just fine but these are nice because you don't have to get the stuff all over your hands, and you can preload it with your aquaphor/Vaseline/etc on one side and your zinc paste on the other so you're not fumbling while your baby is protesting this whole diaper change business. We have one for the nursery, one for the diaper station in our room, and a smaller one for the diaper bag.

Also I wouldn't buy a bunch of one kind of pacifier off the bat. Your baby might end up hating it. I found the babylist sample boxes really helpful for that sort of thing (pacifiers, bottles, swaddles).

Carotid
Dec 18, 2008

We're all doing it


Have some wet/dry bags, they are fantastic for holding used diapers and changes of clothes when you're out and about, including to doctor appointments. Seconding weighted wipes holder and spatula for diaper cream. Have LOTS of spit clothes, especially when they're young they'll blow through a lot of them in a given day. We also had multiple changing stations in the apartment so we wouldn't have to walk all the way to her room for diaper changes. Zip-up sleep sacks, because our daughter would bust out of every swaddle attempt. White noise machine. An insulated coffee mug so I could actually have hot coffee while still handling my daughter all morning, even if it took me a couple hours to finally drink the whole thing. Noise-cancelling headphones for the very colicky days when the screaming wouldn't end. Yoga ball for bouncing on while holding her for calming--so often it was the only thing that could calm her down!

Hadlock
Nov 9, 2004



Carotid posted:

Have LOTS of spit clothes, especially when they're young they'll blow through a lot of them in a given day.

Oh, yeah, this. How fast all the bad stuff filters out of your brain

We really liked the "gauze" type ones, they held a lot of spitup + dried out really fast. I'm not sure what they're called exactly but they're 80% lighter and fluffier than regular fabric

I felt like I was pretty efficient with spit up cloths but I'd still go through 2-3 per shift. 20-30 gives you a week's worth and they're cheap if you buy in bulk

KasioDiscoRock
Nov 17, 2000

Are you alive?

Oh, also unconventional but a godsend, a pop socket. Saves your hand when holding the phone so often during feedings, helps stop accidentally dropping the phone on the baby.

And you wonít need this until theyíre eating solids, but keeping a small minnow net by the bathtub has proven useful more than once 💩

Nessa
Dec 15, 2008



The Keekaroo Peanut changing pad is definitely a good investment. I canít imagine constantly swapping out and washing changing pad sheets when I can just wipe the thing down.

I used my sunrise lamp in the babyís room for a long time because of the multiple brightness settings, but recently got her her own lamp with a Philips Hue bulb. You can turn the light on and off and change the colour and brightness with an app on your phone. This is really great for middle of the night wake-ups, so you can turn the light on to your preferred brightness setting before you even get in the room.

A cool mist humidifier is also really good for winter and whenever baby gets sick. Get some nice hand lotion to keep by the changing table too. My hands got so dry they would crack and bleed because I was constantly washing them and using hand sanitizer after diaper changes. I was never a lotion person before, but I had to become a lotion person for the sake of my poor hands. Putting on hand sanitizer when you donít realize you have hairline cuts in your fingers is extremely unpleasant.

Hadlock
Nov 9, 2004



Nessa posted:

, but recently got her her own lamp with a Philips Hue bulb. You can turn the light on and off and change the colour and brightness with an app on your phone. This is really great for middle of the night wake-ups, so you can turn the light on to your preferred brightness setting before you even get in the room.

Yeah we got a single hue bulb as an experiment, and within six months completely replaced every bulb in the house, handsfree lighting is amazing

BadSamaritan
May 2, 2008

crumb by crumb in this big black forest




Depends on your comfort level and local covid rates etc, but one thing that helped a ton was getting a cleaner in a couple months after baby was born to just really likeÖ scrub everything.

Someone recommended this to me prenatally, but I put it off until I was starting to go crazy looking at my house postpartum and it was a huge mood boost and a big stress reliever.

The oxo weighted wipes container is fantastic. Zippered delicates/laundry bags are great for not losing baby socks. Also, O Balls and Indestructibles books are really good early toys- lightweight, easy to grip, and safe.

Nessa
Dec 15, 2008



Also, if youíre looking at diaper pails, we just got a small stainless steel garbage can that uses regular garbage bags and it contains the smell really well. Thereís really no need to get a fancy diaper pail that only uses proprietary bags.

Hadlock
Nov 9, 2004



Counterpoint:

I swore I would never buy a product with proprietary $$$ refills, but I really like out arm and hammer diaper pail. This is coming from the guy who takes meticulous care of his roomba so he doesn't have to buy any new wear items directly from the manufacturer.

When it comes to diaper stuff, I'm just :homebrew:

Carotid
Dec 18, 2008

We're all doing it


We have an Ubbi diaper pail that doesn't have proprietary bags and traps the smell inside beautifully. It also has a locking system which is REALLY coming in handy now that our kid wants to open everything.

Emily Spinach
Oct 20, 2010

:)



Seconding the ubbi, we actually have two since she's in our room at nights which is on a different floor than her room. Definitely nice to have something that takes normal bags.

Also, for the little baby claws, an electric nail trimmer has proven pretty handy. They're too small for clippers for a while, and you run the risk of clipping the baby's fingers (say, for example, if you're giving it a try because the nails seem big enough and she jerks her thumb right as you clip...), but you want to keep them trimmed because I swear they could cut diamonds.

in_cahoots
Sep 12, 2011


Another vote for the Ubbi diaper pail.

I took a look at that peanut changing pad since I hadnít heard of it beforeÖ$130 for a piece of plastic?! I used the Hatch changing pad with a built-in scale and Bluetooth, and it was roughly the same price. Itís lasted us 2.5 years, is easy to wipe down (we never used a pad over it), and is all set to welcome baby #2 in a couple months. And the scale was a lifesaver in the early weeks where baby #1 was slow in gaining weight.

Kill All Cops
Apr 11, 2007

Pacheco de Chocobo





Hell Gem

My son was born yesterday afternoon around 5pm, it most definitely felt real to me after seeing him for the first time. Water broke around 3-4 am, a little blood in the toilet, no yellow fluid, very subtle and my gf felt a little off but wasn't sure, I figured her instinct that something was abnormal meant it was time and quickly arranged the bags and went to hospital. Hospital policy meant I couldn't be bedside until her covid test came through at 2pm, by that time her cervix reached 8cm and pain was quite intense and ramping up considerably, and she didn't sleep much beforehand so very tired. No epidural, only had 50% n2o/50% o2 to cope with, probably mostly placebo since at most the effect would be lower due to tolerance anyway. Hk policy is to cut the perineum which sounds horrible but really helped a lot, would've really hated to see her struggle until she teared it open herself. Very cute too see my son being a little drool machine. Overall, I feel survivors guilt for seeing her go through so much for me. If there's any tips for food and how to treat first month post partum it would be greatly appreciated.

Hadlock
Nov 9, 2004



Congrats! Be extra nice to her, she deserves it

Tamarillo
Aug 6, 2009


Kill All Cops posted:

My son was born yesterday afternoon around 5pm, it most definitely felt real to me after seeing him for the first time. Water broke around 3-4 am, a little blood in the toilet, no yellow fluid, very subtle and my gf felt a little off but wasn't sure, I figured her instinct that something was abnormal meant it was time and quickly arranged the bags and went to hospital. Hospital policy meant I couldn't be bedside until her covid test came through at 2pm, by that time her cervix reached 8cm and pain was quite intense and ramping up considerably, and she didn't sleep much beforehand so very tired. No epidural, only had 50% n2o/50% o2 to cope with, probably mostly placebo since at most the effect would be lower due to tolerance anyway. Hk policy is to cut the perineum which sounds horrible but really helped a lot, would've really hated to see her struggle until she teared it open herself. Very cute too see my son being a little drool machine. Overall, I feel survivors guilt for seeing her go through so much for me. If there's any tips for food and how to treat first month post partum it would be greatly appreciated.

I also had an episiotomy and sitting really sucks for the next 3-ish weeks. Big help will be doing things like getting the baby for her to feed etc (or feeding your son yourself if you're doing bottles) - anything that cuts down on the need for her to get up from whatever position she's managed to get comfortable in because getting up and sitting down again a million times is extra sore with stitches.

Nessa
Dec 15, 2008



Tamarillo posted:

I also had an episiotomy and sitting really sucks for the next 3-ish weeks. Big help will be doing things like getting the baby for her to feed etc (or feeding your son yourself if you're doing bottles) - anything that cuts down on the need for her to get up from whatever position she's managed to get comfortable in because getting up and sitting down again a million times is extra sore with stitches.

Seconding this and recommending one of those inflatable donut pillows to sit on. They werenít available at my hospital, so after a third degree tear and needing a catheter, I was basically immobile while at the hospital. My call button was kinda broken too, so I couldnít even care for my crying newborn as I couldnít so much as turn my body and nurses took forever to come help. Honestly, the one night I spent in the hospital afterwards was more traumatic than the birth.

Kill All Cops
Apr 11, 2007

Pacheco de Chocobo





Hell Gem

Nessa posted:

Seconding this and recommending one of those inflatable donut pillows to sit on. They werenít available at my hospital, so after a third degree tear and needing a catheter, I was basically immobile while at the hospital. My call button was kinda broken too, so I couldnít even care for my crying newborn as I couldnít so much as turn my body and nurses took forever to come help. Honestly, the one night I spent in the hospital afterwards was more traumatic than the birth.

drat, im really sorry to hear this

Silent Linguist
Jun 10, 2009




Nessa posted:

Seconding this and recommending one of those inflatable donut pillows to sit on. They werenít available at my hospital, so after a third degree tear and needing a catheter, I was basically immobile while at the hospital. My call button was kinda broken too, so I couldnít even care for my crying newborn as I couldnít so much as turn my body and nurses took forever to come help. Honestly, the one night I spent in the hospital afterwards was more traumatic than the birth.

Oh yeah. Third degree tear plus three hours of pushing made me basically useless. My husband did the diaper changes and bath while I watched from bed.

Emily Spinach
Oct 20, 2010

:)



Congrats! One thing I highly recommend for pp recovery is the Frida perineal foam. Not sure if you can get it for her in HK, but it was a lifesaver after my own three hours of pushing, forceps delivery, and 3A tear. It's just 50% witch hazel, so tucks pads on their own might work just as well but I didn't bring those to the hospital. When I got home I used both (applying the witch hazel on the tucks via wiping, then foam generously applied to the pad I was using). I've had a pretty easy recovery, especially compared to other folks in here. A lot of that is probably because of personal physiology (and maybe explains some of how my mom was able to do this poo poo five times, yeesh), but I think the foam helped with the stitches and healing. I guess we'll see how much at my six week follow up. It definitely helps with the itching I still have.

Also if your gf needs help staying on top of her pain meds, you really don't want to get behind on those. I didn't think much of just Tylenol + Advil until I tried doing things after forgetting a dose.

At the end of the day, though, listen to your gf and what she thinks she needs. She might be lucky in her recovery like I was, or she might need more time and support like other folks in here did.

My Shark Waifuu
Dec 9, 2012





Kill All Cops posted:

If there's any tips for food and how to treat first month post partum it would be greatly appreciated.

Congrats! The first month is pure survival mode, do whatever you need to keep everyone fed and rested, and ignore everyone else. My food tip is to make sure your wife always has water and snacks within arms reach. I know I spent a lot of time sat holding a sleeping baby, and water/Gatorade/date balls kept me going.

meanolmrcloud
Apr 5, 2004

rock out with your stock out



My Shark Waifuu posted:

Congrats! The first month is pure survival mode, do whatever you need to keep everyone fed and rested, and ignore everyone else. My food tip is to make sure your wife always has water and snacks within arms reach. I know I spent a lot of time sat holding a sleeping baby, and water/Gatorade/date balls kept me going.

Yea, this. Just do what you gotta do to get through it. If itís at all applicable, family is fine to help, but whatís truly valuable is finding a rhythm that works for the three of you. We had a baby during covidtimes, which enforced the fact that it was just us, and I really treasure those first few months.

Nessa
Dec 15, 2008



Kill All Cops posted:

drat, im really sorry to hear this

Thanks, Iím doing much better now at a year out. :)

C-section moms tend to get more attention post-partum than moms with bad tears. Even one of the nurses admitted that they donít really think of tears as a big deal. It probably also made the first post partum poop an even worse experience. Literally worse than the birth because I didnít have an epidural. I hope your gf has been taking stool softeners. I chugged Metamucil for weeks afterwards and just wished to poop like a normal person again someday.

Kill All Cops
Apr 11, 2007

Pacheco de Chocobo





Hell Gem

My gf didn't get an epidural either despite asking, I assume the public hospital didn't want to risk any instrumental use or something. She was really suffering towards the end unnecessarily, and reading all the BabyBumps reddit stories about how they all had epidurals on tap and felt nothing is just infuriating after the fact

Tamarillo
Aug 6, 2009


It depends at what point she was asking for it. If it was early on then denying it is not on, and probably some paternalistic bullshit (or, less likely, no anaesthetists were available). But once you get past a certain stage, it's too late to do an epidural** . If she was in a lot of pain toward the end and wanted pain relief she probably could have been given pethidine, but I assume that wasn't offered as an option to her.

**One of my friends brothers is an anaesthetist and he said it's really common to have women come in swearing they don't want an epidural, then start yelling for one at about 8cm so past the point where they can get one. And then they're extra enraged about it.

Edit: This has been instructive. I'll have to ask my friend to ask her brother about when he draws the line about giving epidurals because there's obviously a lot of room for interpretation. Maybe it's a timing thing and the women are already at the point of needing to push.

Tamarillo fucked around with this message at 22:41 on Nov 1, 2021

Nessa
Dec 15, 2008



Oh yeah, I had told them early on that I wanted an epidural and was going to get it after they broke my water (I had to be induced). Once they moved me to a delivery room my water ended up breaking on itís own and the pain really ramped up. I got my epidural on a soaking wet delivery bed while I was still gushing fluids.

I donít know how common it is, but I didnít experience contractions like most people do. It just felt like a constant pain instead of pain and release. The nurses were able to tell on the monitor that I was having contractions, but I couldnít feel any difference. When the pain ramped up, it felt like a big fist was squeezing my uterus and not letting go. It felt exactly like how my previous miscarriage felt when I had to take misoprostol to complete it. That was about 10 hours of pain and I wasnít prescribed any painkillers for it. It was just absolutely miserable.

Chernobyl Princess
Jul 31, 2009


I had a dural (previous spine injury meant they weren't sure an epidural would go where it needed to) and all it really did was take the edge off. Which was super helpful and necessary, but the mild dissociative they gave me was waaaaay better in terms of getting me through pre-pushing labor.

I did tear, but it was kind of a conscious choice on my part. Like I could wait and try pushing less hard for a few rounds and risk tiring myself out, or I could just push now now now and probably tear but then I'd be done. So I did that.

...I didn't realize they were going to put a catheter back in me after stitching me back up/taking the dural out or I may have made a different choice lol

Koivunen
Oct 7, 2011

there's definitely no logic
to human behaviour

In my personal experience, I got an epidural moments before I was ready to push. The epidural went in, I had 3 contractions, then I pushed the baby out 15 minutes later. It was glorious. That was babby 2 though, and labor and delivery went WAY faster than babby 1. I tore both times, but the second time around was easier to heal from because I didnít spend hours upon hours pushing.

CloFan
Nov 5, 2004



Wifey got an epidural after 5 or so hours of pretty bad pain. She kept saying it was like her tailbone was aching , but 2 minutes after the epidural she was completely fine. Couldn't feel contractions at all... But also couldn't feel to push. Doc turned off the epidural and had to wait two hours for it to wear off before trying to push again.

Emily Spinach
Oct 20, 2010

:)



I wasn't sure about the epidural going in but glad I went with it. It didn't fully work--there was a hot spot at the front of my pubic bone--but I was at 8 cm by the time they finished placing the epidural and was ready to push by the time they checked to see if they could up the drug dosage, so I didn't get more relief until we decided on forceps.

John Cenas Jorts
Dec 21, 2012


With #1 my labor stalled around 6-7cm, which is when I got the epidural. Then I chilled and rested for about 5 glorious hours until it was go time, and they dialed it back for the pushing.

I figured #2 would go the same way. There was a slight delay because the anaesthesiologist wanted to re-run some blood work, but I was still only at 6-7cm when it started. I just assumed that the labor process would stall again but nope, second time was the exact opposite. My epidural didn't even have time to kick in before I suddenly ramped up to 10cm and nevermind to that.

I will say though, that active labor was actually amazing for me the second time around? Pushing was a huge relief after the contractions, and my body really got in the groove with the timing and breathing. Hard to describe, but I've never felt more in tune with my own self than when having that baby

remigious
May 13, 2009

Destruction comes inevitably :rip:


Hell Gem

I had to get an epidural three time because they kept loving it up and it was excruciating and this was stretched out over like 5 hours. Still salty about it.

the_chavi
Mar 2, 2005



Toilet Rascal

Nessa posted:

I donít know how common it is, but I didnít experience contractions like most people do. It just felt like a constant pain instead of pain and release. The nurses were able to tell on the monitor that I was having contractions, but I couldnít feel any difference. When the pain ramped up, it felt like a big fist was squeezing my uterus and not letting go. It felt exactly like how my previous miscarriage felt when I had to take misoprostol to complete it. That was about 10 hours of pain and I wasnít prescribed any painkillers for it. It was just absolutely miserable.

This happened to me with my first. Never had contractions or even Braxton-Hicks I could identify. Which meant I had no idea what was happening to me with number two... a friend convinced me by text to time the pain on my phone, then to haul rear end to the hospital. Kid was nearly born in the car!

boquiabierta
May 27, 2010

"I will throw my best friend an abortion party if she wants one"


Tried the parenting thread with no luck... any advice on weaning an almost-2-year-old? I've barely started trying to deny him the boob and I've already given in like a dozen times. This is going to be so hard, I can't stand denying him what gives him so much comfort :( But we need to stop for reasons and I would really appreciate any advice.

femcastra
Apr 25, 2008

If you want him,
come and knit him!


How many times a day are you nursing?

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boquiabierta
May 27, 2010

"I will throw my best friend an abortion party if she wants one"


When he goes to daycare, twice a day, morning and night. On the weekends... oof. Like half a dozen times. I'm thinking maybe the first step is to try to get a consistent routine that's twice a day every day, but it is so drat hard to deny him when we're together all day...

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