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Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Ben Davis posted:

I just got my positive test yesterday at 11 dpo, but I've been feeling like I'm pregnant for over a week now. Sore breasts, waking up ravenous, needing naps, and semi-constant strange feelings in my abdomen--I don't really know how to describe it, but it feels like something's going on there. I'll feel little twinges and aches and pains. I always heard that the beginning of pregnancy was a period of detachment because of the lack of symptoms--is it normal to be feeling everything this strongly so early?

My abdomen started feeling too tender & sensitive for me to wear jeans about 2 weeks into my pregnancy, so yah, I agree with others; if you know your body well it's pretty normal to start being aware of the changes from the very beginning. I also started feeling movement super-early, which was really cool.

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Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Thomase posted:

My wife came back from a blood test with very low iron count (anemia) and other than daily iron pills is there particular foods with higher content? Red meats? Etc? She was around 13% of what her body was supposed to have, what are the negative side effects?

My favourite iron-rich food is liver, but my OB warned me against eating it during pregnancy due to the seeming correlation between high vitamin A intake & birth defects. (http://www.marchofdimes.com/nutrition_risks.html has more info on this.)

Spinach & sweet potatoes & lentils are all good, but I seem to remember that iron from vegetables isn't absorbed as well by the body. I could be wrong about that, though. A lot of breakfast cereals are also iron fortified (along with other vitamins), and when I was pregnant I found it a lot easier to eat tons of cereal than I did to eat tons of spinach. (I didn't have anemia, but my vitamins tended to make me vomit, so I ended up looking for maximising vitamins in my food as much as possible.)

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Bahunter22 posted:

I checked with the doctor and basically she said to take Tylenol, try caeffine and dark rooms and tough it out since I'm still in the first trimester. She didn't feel comfortable giving me anything until the second or third because the stuff she prescribes is class c. I guess that makes sense, it just makes less sense when I'm curled in a ball in agony. I suffered from migraines prior to pregnancy, which she is aware of, so its nothing new, just sucks more now that I can't kick back a couple Excedrin anymore. Hopefully it doesn't last long.

I'm seconding the recommendation for pre-natal massage, even if it seems too crunchy granola, because a _good_ massage therapist can make such a huge difference in your physical comfort level during pregnancy. Curled in a ball in agony is no good at all.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Banana Cat posted:

I'm almost 18 weeks along and both wrists have been KILLING me for the last week. At first I thought I was just sleeping in a weird position since just one wrist initially hurt, but now they're both really sore--more when I move them--from the top of my wrist to about halfway to my elbow.

This didn't happen to me until about 33 weeks, but I ended up having carpal tunnel in both my wrists due to water retention. The braces were a godsend, I couldn't have slept without them, so I definitely second that recommendation.

I did also have some trouble with weird sleep positions, so you might want to look into a pregnancy pillow or other things along those lines.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


CommanderApaul posted:

There's a handful of people, mainly my wife's sister (who does know about the situation and is being a bitch, but that's a whole other story) and a couple of my aunts who knit like crazy, who are being fairly pushy about it, on the "how am I supposed to know what color blanket to make" type of whining. It's just getting drat annoying and it got brought up at my grandfather's funeral two weeks ago and again at the luncheon after his burial this past friday. We don't want to be rude, but at this point it's looking like we'll have to be.

I believe that it isn't rude to set a boundary and stick to the boundary, even if it makes other people uncomfortable or unhappy. Lots of people don't agree, but seriously, if these people aren't willing to take no for an answer about something like this, are they going to actually hear & respect anything else you have to say?

You don't need an excuse. You don't need an explanation. You don't need to justify or validate your position, because if these people won't hear you now, they aren't going to hear you if you explain; they're just going to pick apart your explanation in an attempt to get what they want. If you give them anything to fasten onto, they'll think that if they just figure out the right buttons to push they'll change your minds.

So: don't engage. Be a broken record (man that's a dated metaphor nowadays, isn't it?) and keep setting the boundary. "We aren't going to find out." "Well, how am I supposed to know what colour to pick?" "We're not going to find out." If you really think they're well-meaning, add in, "And it's making me very uncomfortable that you keep asking." If they mean well, they won't want to make you uncomfortable and they'll back off; if they're pushing some agenda of their own they might try to escalate and then you can just go back to, "We're not going to find out."

CommanderApaul posted:

As for my wife's sister, I'm of the opinion that she can go gently caress herself after she flat out told my wife when she miscarried and called her up for some support, "I don't see why you're so upset, you didn't seem all that happy to be pregnant when you told us at Christmas."

I share your opinion 100%.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


LuckyDaemon posted:

I realize that every baby is different, and there is no way to predict anything at all whatsoever, but that said...when will my 5 week old sleep for longer at night? 2 hours is rare, it's more like a 1-1.5 hours as the longest stretch most nights. He nurses when he wakes up. During the day, he can go for 3-3.5 hours between nursings, but it's usually 2.5 hours.

Even though every baby is different, there are actual biological patterns to sleep development, and some amount of science has been done about them. Six weeks from the due date (so add on weeks if your baby was early) the sleep pattern starts to become organised, the brain sorts out day sleep vs. night sleep, and the baby starts to figure out how to do a 4-6 hour sleep segment *at night*. So you've got about a week to go, maybe more if the baby was early, and there is of course individual variation.

LuckyDaemon posted:

he needs to be burped for 15-20 minutes and changed which wakes him up, and soothed to sleep--and if we lay him down too soon he spits up despite being burped.

Are you changing him after he nurses? If so, can you change him when he wakes up, and then nurse him down, burp him and let him go back to sleep? It might still take an hour, but you won't have the trouble with waking him back up, and he might be soothed enough from the nursing/burping to just go off without extra soothing.

LuckyDaemon posted:

Like being next to me is too stimulating/makes him hungry more often? Is this possible? I thought babies slept better next to their mommies.

Honestly, it sounds to me like he just doesn't have his day/night sleep organised yet. I know 'just hang in there' can be sort of frustrating, but this really is something which ought to sort itself out with age, and if it doesn't then you can start problem-solving to see if there's something else going on that's keeping him from consolidating his night sleep. (A topic on which I could go on at great length but I'm restraining myself because, hey, it isn't relevant yet.)

I am a HUGE fan of Marc Weissbluth's _Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child_ because it's the only sleep book I've found that is based on actual science, with charts and graphs and cited studies of significant numbers of kids and the whole nine yards. He's a pretty bad writer, so the book can be crazy-making when you're sleep deprived, but it's worth reading the first chapter & the chapter appropriate for the age of your baby so you're informed about how sleep works in the brain & can take advantage of it.

And he's adorable!

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


limegrnxj posted:

As I've been telling people I'm pregnant, I've had several people ask if I want a boy or girl and I honestly didn't think I cared. I feel like I've had experience with both and both have their ups and downs. But I felt oddly disappointed when she said boy. So I guess in my heart, I was rooting for a girl. I just feel way more confused about it than I expected to. I thought I didn't care and would be equally excited about either. Maybe it's because it's so much earlier than I expected to find out, maybe I did want a girl, maybe it's because I don't feel like it's really certain. Anybody else feel a little off when they found out?

I don't know why, but I really REALLY wanted a boy. I had a bunch of dreams when we were trying to get pregnant, and some more early on in the pregnancy, and they were always dreams about a little toddler boy getting into things and demanding pancakes and stuff. So when we found out we were having a girl I definitely felt off; not exactly disappointed because a) I knew people who got told 'definitely girl definitely girl' at every US and still ended up with a boy, and b) I was so psyched & relieved that she had all her organs and stuff (this was the really long US they do to make sure the development is going normally) that it mitigated a lot of the disappointment.

But yah, I do know what you mean, and it's harder when you're not really sure. My baby turned out to be a girl, and she is incredibly awesome (and not a baby now, almost 21 months) and I can't imagine anymore wishing she'd been a boy. So just sit with it, let it be, and try not to judge yourself.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Ben Davis posted:

Just got back from the hospital with heavy bleeding--the baby is still fine and at the right age and its heart is beating, but part of the placenta detached. I guess all I can do is lie flat and wait to find out which way it's going to go. The bleeding seems to have at least slowed greatly now, but we're still so scared.

That's so scary. I'll keep my fingers crossed that everything goes well.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Tulip Candy posted:

If you had a choice on when you got pregnant, what made you aware that it was the right time? My partner is eager to have kids and so am I, but he's also at a different stage in life that I'm at. He's 25 and has a stable career, I'm 22 and can't seem to find something I want to pursue and so far have no degree. Sometimes I feel that I should just pick up school after I start family, but that sounds a lot easier than it is.

He really wants me to get a least a general degree and worry about a job later, but he also wants to start a family soon, so I'm trying to semi-timeline things in my head and see where everything falls into. I just don't want to be in a situation where our lives become unnecessarily hectic because of an untimely decision (totally aware that a baby will make thing necessarily hectic, though).

This is a tricky question, because as several other posters have said, the 'right time' is pretty subjective. I got married at 30, and went back to school a year later to finish my BA, got my degree at 33, and then started trying to get pregnant. Our theoretical plan was that I'd stay home the first year with the baby, and then go to grad school when s/he was a year old. Baby is now almost two, and we're planning on another one next year, and grad school is no longer on my horizon because being a stay-at-home mom is a fulltime job & a half, and high quality childcare is *so insanely expensive* that I'd need to have a really awesome job in order to afford the level of care/attention that I can give her for 'free'.

I don't know you or your situation, but pregnancy is frankly scary, dangerous, body-altering, and life-altering even if you don't get a kid out of it -- and then having a child changes absolutely everything forever. The right time is the time in which *both* you and your husband want to do it, and are willing to take the risks and make the sacrifices involved. Right now you can go to school, get a job, lose a job, take night classes, whatever floats your boat and the main cost is probably financial. Once you have a child you're making serious decisions about what sort of parenting your child is going to receive, what kind of early education they're getting, who their primary caregiver is, what kind of nutrition they're getting etc etc etc etc etc and depending on your parenting ideology the trade-offs can be huge & really scary.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


bellybutton posted:

I'm 36 weeks pregnant now, and I'm set to pop at any minute. (I have a unicornuate uterus, so the fact that I've made it this far is amazing and surprising).

The little one is still breech inside me, and because of the uterus situation, my doctor is not willing to try a version. Also because of the uterus situation, it's a pretty certain thing that I'm going to have to have a c-section.

This is scaring the hell out of me. Laying on a table while the doctor guts you, and removes a squirmy little baby, all while you're awake? What the hell kind of crazy poo poo is this? Then, 4-5 days in the hospital, with a newborn? WHAT?

I found out my daughter was breech at 36 weeks, and did end up having a C-section, and I *really remember* how terrified I was when I found out that it was likely. You have my deepest sympathy. I don't think you're being 'irrational' -- there's a lot of unknowns coming up, and fear is a natural response to that, even if it isn't the response that serves you best right now. Yes, some of the freaking out is probably hormonal, but it's still real & it's happening & it is in fact what you're supposed to be doing!

I'm not sure if you're looking for advice about the C-section process and the time in the hospital after (both of which I'd be happy to give; there's stuff you can do to make it more positive experience), or if you just needed to vent, so for the moment I'm just going to say that I hear you, and I get it.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


car dance posted:

Are ginger tea and ginger chews actually that good for morning sickness? I've tried saltines and carbonated water, but they're not helping a lot.

I drank Reed's Ginger Beer (which is not actually beer, it's soda) and it helped for me; I've always found carbonated beverages soothing when my stomach was upset, and the combination of that & ginger did the trick. But while I was nauseous 24/7 I didn't actually vomit very often, so YMMV.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


car dance posted:

Yeah, I am nauseated all the time but I never feel close to puking. It makes it really difficult for me to eat/focus/do work or activities, so I need something that can make it lessen. Thanks for all the help. 7 Up has been helping a little, but I'm going to try some ginger products. I also had some success this afternoon with eating a ton of altoids (I guess the mint cleared up other scents from going into my nose). I managed to eat dinner tonight and eat until I was full, which is something that hasn't happened in a while.

I'm sure you've heard this before, but crackers by the bed were a huge win for me. It was almost impossible to make myself eat them because I felt so lovely, but when I went ahead and did it I usually felt better immediately. A couple of times they made me vomit, but honestly, I felt *so much better* post-vomiting that it was kind of a win.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


BizzaroprOn posted:

My question -- even though the pregnancy test showed a fainy positive (you could see the entire plus, but it was faint for the second line) - is the slight bleeding to be expected?

I understand the nervous, but bleeding at the level of faint brown spots is completely normal. And my own pregnancy test was super-faint; it turned out my cycle wasn't what I'd thought, so even though my period was late when I took the test, I was only about 2 weeks into my pregnancy when I took it.

Have you guys called an OB yet, or are you waiting to take another test?

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Andrias Scheuchzeri posted:

Any suggestions about what to ask the OB/GYN at a pre-pregnancy meeting? I get the impression that what I experienced is not at all uncommon, but I'd like some information beyond either "just cross your fingers and let the NICU sort it out if anything goes wrong" or "modern medicine evilly overmanages birth just go natural all the way and there will be no problem." I know this is kind of :can: stuff but I need some more information so I can have a useful conversation with a doctor.

Recommendations about doulas? We didn't have anyone like that the first time--and honestly, while I'm very glad my daughter was at a fully-equipped hospital I do wish I'd had someone other than my exhausted/confused husband to help me sort through what the nurses were telling me. I'm kind of a smile-and-nod-and-do-what-they-tell-you person.

Uh, for what it's worth, I was 30 when my daughter was born, will be at least 33 for the next birth if we go for it.

Man, that sounds terrifying. I completely understand why you don't want to go through that again. My thoughts are not particularly organised, but:

1. Have you had a meeting with your previous OB/GYN to talk about what happened? Nothing confrontational, but it sounded like you got along with her pretty well, and if you two talk through the whole experience together you'd probably come up with a list of things to talk to the new OB about. Basically, find out why she made the calls she made at each point and what the other possible calls were -- of course this only works if she's the sort of person who won't flip out & get defensive at you. Why do they think the induction didn't work? Exactly what drugs did they use for the induction and are there other options you might respond to better? Why was she having breathing trouble? What was going on with the cord? etc.

2. Take all of that information and then you can go through it with the new OB step by step & talk about what decisions *they* would have made, see how educated they are about the challenges you faced & the options available to you.

As to doulas, I had one who was awesome. I ended up with a scheduled C-section because my daughter was breech & refused to flip, but we decided to keep the doula even though there wasn't going to be any labour & I was really, really glad to have her there. It meant I had someone with me post-surgery while my husband was with our daughter (who had some low-level ICU observation but was fine), and she was able to get me grounded so I could start breast-feeding as soon as possible. I'd really recommend one to do that for you & your husband, especially if you're thinking you might need to go off of the SSRIs. Having someone who is less involved there to advocate for you and make sure that everything is happening for a reason is awesome -- and there are plenty of doulas who aren't "natural or death!" types.

Oh, yes, and I know nothing about the SSRIs & pregnancy thing personally, but you might look for Thomas Hale's Medications and Mother's Milk because despite the title it talks about what's known & unknown about what's safe for pregnancy, in immense scientific detail.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


legbeard posted:

So I guess I need some advice on how to not worry so much. My last ultrasound was about two weeks ago. As of today I've reached 12 weeks. And I know everything is a lot less risky after 12 weeks. I'm just worrying so much about losing one or both of my twins. My next ultrasound is next week. 

I think it's compounded by the fact that I can't work, so I'm just sitting home all day not doing anything but thinking. 

My cramps have gone away, does that mean they stopped growing? I'm not really gaining weight, but I'm about 30 lbs overweight to begin with. I'm just over thinking everything at this point. Any advice?

The fear sucks, and I sympathise; I spent a lot of my pregnancy terrified something would go wrong, and a lot of my daughter's first year the same. There's a lot of risk, and a lot of potential for loss, and IME most of us aren't really used to sitting with that. Do you have a support network? People you can talk to at 3am?

Also: How do *you* deal with worry? Do you feel better when you've thought out every single thing in detail, or when you push it aside and distract yourself? I'm the first type, so I read eight trillion books and interviewed doulas and talked to all my friends with kids and spent lots of time trying to figure out my parenting ideology (most of which got dumped when I actually had the baby, but hey, at least I knew what I was choosing not to do!) and so on and so forth. My husband is the second type, so he played lots of computer games, watched movies, and hung out with friends as much as possible.

Cramps going away is fine, not gaining weight can definitely be fine -- I lost some weight early on. Pregnancy is incredibly individual, which is hard because it means that almost everything can be normal or frightening. I would advise against researching symptoms on the internet, because for *everything* you experience there will be someone who has posted somewhere about how it was a prelude to tragedy. Don't make yourself crazy!

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


legbeard posted:

I have friends that I can call. But I don't really want to bother them everyday. The hormones are really getting to me this past week. I've pulled out the puzzles, the books, and the movies, but really there's not enough to keep me occupied all day long. I'm not freaking out or anything, but I think it's bad for me to worry so much. When I start worrying, then I start looking up every little detail that I can, when I should probably be distracting myself.

Honestly, there's not a lot of positive stories about twins out there. Everyone I've talked to has horror stories, and there's really not a lot of good resources specifically about twins.

I have two different acquaintances who have happy, healthy twins -- I'll ask them where they looked for resources during their pregnancies & let you know if they say anything useful. One of them is the geeky sort who reads/researches a lot & will probably have some good answers.

As to the distraction thing -- I can't remember, but are you on bedrest? That definitely makes it harder 'cause you're limited in what you can do for distraction. Maybe look for some online discussion groups about the books or movies or whatever it is that you've pulled out? Find a reading partner to finally tackle War and Peace or whatever other book you've always meant to read but never gotten around to? (This is completely biased towards what I would want, I know... what do *you* do for fun?)

The hormones are a hard ride, definitely. If any of your friends are up for it, maybe arrange regular get-togethers? I had a friend who came and had lunch with me every Friday for my entire pregnancy (and then after she came and had lunch with me & the baby...) and it was a huge help, because it was a social/support contact I could completely count on.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


I said a few days (or weeks? but I think only days) ago that I'd talk to some people I knew about resources for people pregnant with twins. I got one book recommendation and one blog recommendation.

The book is Twins! Pregnancy, Birth and the First Year of Life, Second Edition by Connie Agnew, Alan Klein & Jill Alison Ganon. Recommended by a fairly geeky woman who does a lot of reading & research; her twins just turned 4. This woman also recommended looking for local "parents of multiples" clubs; the one that she went to has monthly get togethers for people who are pregnant with twins+.

The blog is: http://eatingfor3.blogspot and is written by a woman who has 19 month old twins, and apparently has a lot of "unsoliticed advice for parents-to-be" posts.

I haven't read this book or looked at this blog, so I've no idea if they're actually helpful, but there you go!

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Brennanite posted:

I'm sure I'm missing something, what do you guys recommend?

Books! Or an e-reader. (Yes, I know this might just be me, but my daughter slept a ton the first few days and so I had time to read.)

Also, hospital air is dry dry dry, so you might want to pick up some of that saline spray for your nose -- I think the brand name is Ocean but there are tons of cheap generics. That's the one thing I really wished I'd had; I asked the nurses and they could give me little tiny tubes of saline but nothing designed for my nose, which got so dry that it bled.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Brennanite posted:

Books are a really good suggestion. I love reading and if I have any non-sleeping, non-baby care time, reading would be a nice way to pass the time.

I was surprised how much time I had to read early on, but the thing is, a newborn baby pretty much nurses, sleeps, and occasionally gets its diaper changed. There's some quiet alert time here and there, but there was really a *lot* of time when she was sleeping in my lap (I was sitting up in the hospital bed post C-section) and I could read.

My hospital was 48 hours for vaginal delivery, 4 days for a C-section. We went in on a Thursday morning and left Monday morning. I was immensely, immensely grateful for those four days; it was so nice having other people handle the meals and bring me apple juice and be on-call for breast-feeding and diapering and swaddling help.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


netally posted:

So I had my first scan today. I thought I was nearly 12 weeks, but it turns out I'm only 10. Sounds weird but it worried me slightly. What if the baby is just growing slowly or something? Is it really possible to mess up the dates by two whole weeks? drat my irregular cycles.

I took a pregnancy test right when I thought my period should start and got a just-barely-visible positive, and when we went in for our first scan we found out we were off by about 8 days. So I'm sure 2 weeks is possible!

netally posted:

All seemed fine other than that. It was cool to see the heartbeat. So the question is, should we tell people? I know that 12 weeks is the golden rule, but some people seem to tell everyone after the first scan. Do I need to keep this big ole juicy secret for two more weeks?

I told my closest friends as soon as we got back from the first scan, but asked them not to spread it around immediately, and then told other people at a slower rate. It would have been horrible if something had gone wrong, but I am just not the sort of person who can hide something like that from people she sees 2-3 times a week.

Man, it's conversations like this that make me think I should go for the second kid *right now*.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Randomity posted:

We were able to tell that I was having a boy at 14 weeks because he was totally into showing off his junk during that ultrasound. The tech told us we were having a boy, even zoomed in on and printed out the penis shots with "it's a boy!" typed on them. When we went in the next month, the same tech came to get us for the gender ultrasound after my checkup and I told her "I'd love to get another look, but you already showed us that we are having a boy!" She insisted that she would not have been able to make that distinction at 14 weeks and would have never told us that. :confused: Whatever, I got penis pics to prove it (not currently with me or I'd post em).

Maybe she got yelled at? Our tech told us we were definitely having a girl (and she was right!) but she also told us that she wasn't supposed to say anything about it so early.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Wafer posted:

Maya weighed 3lb, 12oz. She's doing good now, but I still worry. She's at a good NICU, and off her IV, but still on a feeding tube. Doctors being doctors, hedge their prognostications, saying it could be a week to another 6 weeks or more.

Also, any advice on managing a 4 year old who still wants Mommy to pick him up? This whole thing has been rough on our son.

Sorry to hear about all the stress around Maya, and I'm really glad she's doing well now. I don't have any particular insights into her situation, except to say that I know plenty of other kids who started in similar places and they ended up absolutely fine. Hang in there.

As to the 4 year old, it seems completely normal to me that he wants Mommy to pick him up! Poor guy, it must be really hard not just adding a sibling but having all of the confusion & fear around her premature birth. It sounds like he's looking for Mommy comfort -- do they have any rituals she can do without picking him up, like story time or cuddle time or songs or whatever? And if he's verbal encourage him to brainstorm ideas for what he could do with Mommy instead of being picked up -- something that can be just his (which should be easier with such a huge age difference.)

I could go on & on with the advice about your son, but I'd need lots more details first, and I don't want to wall-of-text.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


The Young Marge posted:

edit: Anyone else dealing with waaaaayyy too many baby clothes? My husband came home from work with two crammed-full bags from a coworker, and I have at least 3 other people giving us clothes. Obviously I'm extremely grateful - we won't have to buy any! But it's probably way too much for one baby to ever wear. Should I just go through it all and pull out the stuff I like most, keeping the rest as backup?

Unless you've had a lot of experience with little babies, I would wait and see what you actually use before really getting rid of anything. A lot of the clothes I liked most ended up being pretty impractical once I was actually trying to put them on/take them off at 3am. Also, you will probably be changing his/her clothes like 15 times a day to start with, unless you have awesome luck with the baby never spitting up (I did) and the diapers never overflowing (I didn't, oh I didn't), so you really need a LOT more than you think you're going to.

I also had huge piles of hand-me-downs and waited until my daughter outgrew each stage, then got rid of the ones I never used and kept the rest in case of additional baby.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Good_Vs_Evil posted:

How long did you take off of work? I'm mostly interested in U.S. men because I know European and Canadian systems offer you something like time off until your child hits puberty at half pay or something, but not so much in the U.S.. I know that I'm legally allowed to take 3 months off without being fired, but I'm curious what you guys did. Would you have liked to take more time off, or less, or was it the right amount?

Moms: What was the most helpful thing your guy did for you post-pregnancy?

My husband had two weeks of paternity leave, plus the state we live in has a family leave law that let him take six more weeks at partial pay, so the way we worked it is that he took a month off, then worked part-time for another month -- but because of when our daughter was born he had a lot of holiday time and vacation time, so he was home at least part of the time until she was 3 months old.

My husband was really helpful all-around; he cooked, cleaned, changed diapers, spent lots of time cuddling the baby, and was generally awesome. The thing he did that was above & beyond the call of duty, though, was reading to me when I was going absolutely crazy with boredom during a marathon nursing session, even though our tastes in literature are so far apart I could tell he was cringing every third word. It's become a family joke, but at the time it made me feel incredibly cared for that he took me seriously when I told him I was going nuts from lack of mental stimulation.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Gravitee posted:

Hello thread. I just want to say that this thread and the knocked up thread have been very helpful. I've been lurking this whole time but just wanted to say thanks but also ask a question.

I'm currently at 16 weeks and I have near constant shoulder and neck muscle pain. My husband's massages help but are short. I took a prenatal yoga class this morning and it hasn't helped, possibly made it worse. I tried tylenol, therma wraps, and stretching but nothing gives me long term relief. Besides getting weekly professional massages, do I have any other options?

Depending upon what's going on, a single professional massage (with a rolfer, perhaps) or a single chiropractor appointment might do the trick. I had a lot of pain in my back for a large chunk of my pregnancy, and I just took it for granted -- one chiropractor appointment that lasted 25 minutes (at around 36 weeks, done for other reasons) and it felt fine for the rest of the pregnancy.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Doom Catcher posted:

2 questions: has anyone visited a chiropractor when pregnant? I found one through my midwife who is at a general chiro practice and he is the practice's chiropractor who focuses only on pregnant women. He was her chiro, and she refers all of her patients to him who ask about it. I guess I just kinda wanna know what to expect and my midwife is on a long awaited vacation this weekend and I refuse to bug her over something not emergency related. My appointment is Monday and I'm nervous for some reason.

Yes! I went to a chiropractor when I was 36 weeks in the hopes that the work would shift things around enough that my breech baby would have room to turn. She never did turn, but it made me feel _fantastic_.

I talked to her about what I was looking for, she asked a bunch of questions about where things hurt and had me walk around her treatment area, then lie down on a padded table like a massage table. Since I was so pregnant she had various pads/pillows on it so I could lie on my stomach comfortably. She then went through her standard routine for women with breech babies (which has a specific name but I don't remember it now) -- it involved manipulating my legs a lot while I was face-down, then having me turn over onto my back and doing it all over again. Something about the way her table was set up meant that once she got into the right position she could just hit a button and the table itself moved to stretch my legs -- I can't explain this better because I was face-down relaxing and had pregnancy brain. It was odd to experience but not at all painful and at the end of it my back didn't hurt for the first time in 12 weeks.

After she did all the leg stuff she offered to look at my neck and did a couple of adjustments on it that were startling but left my neck feeling great, and then told me to come back the next week if the baby hadn't turned.

She also had available a lot of weird stuff with magnets & lasers that I found fruitbatty, but she didn't suggest it for me, so I didn't have to figure out how to politely refuse.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Panne posted:

chiropractic has been very widely criticized for being ineffective, dangerous, and basically a pseudoscience. I'd rather get a massage.

I don't disagree with any of this necessarily, and I am in no way wedded to chiro, but I would like to point out that what the chiropractor I saw did for me had NOTHING to do with adjusting my spine, or trying to treat some neuromusculoskeletal problem. It was effectively a massage, in that she was doing muscle manipulation to stretch out my legs and lower back in the hopes that if I was in less pain, I'd relax more, and the baby would have more room to turn.

Now I would just go to my massage therapist, but I didn't have one at the time, and so my OB agreed a chiropractor was a good call.

I will add in, though, that any chiropractor (or anyone else who isn't an OB working in a hospital setting) who tries to in any way manipulate the baby from the outside should be run away from at the highest possible velocity. And possibly reported to some licensing authority, 'cause that's seriously dangerous.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Gumby Orgy posted:

Am I really just insane? Why are medical professionals treating me like that?

Is this what I can expect as a pregnant lady? Are people just going to treat me like I'm crazy?


Have any of you guys experienced anything like this? What can I do to make them see this from my perspective? I'm not being treated all that great by the people that are supposed to help me.

You're not insane, but as a lot of people have said -- while this is quite possibly the biggest deal of your entire life, for the people who get paid to help you through it, it's just their job. Yes, they should be acting respectful, but they might not be able to go to the next level and extend really personal sympathy and support, because that's not what they're there for.

It doesn't mean it sucks any less to experience it. (I remember it from my own pregnancy.) It doesn't mean that it's any easier to feel dismissed or ignored. But next time you feel dismissed, try to take a moment to remember that each of the professionals you deal with has dozens of people calling them asking them to fix problems _every day_, and for every single person they talk to, it is The Most Important Thing Ever. You'll be a lot more likely to get the sort of individual attention you need if you go to someone you have a personal relationship with for this kind of understanding & support.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Water Hammer posted:

I don't know how to put this, but I'm dating a girl who now has a 2 day old kid. What can I do to help? She seems reluctant to ask...

Be very clear that you want to help because you want to help, it'll make you feel good.

When my daughter was that little I didn't want to let anyone except me & her dad touch her, so the help I wanted was all housework and food and stuff. Feed her, give her lots of water, offer to do her laundry or her dishes. Shop for groceries for her. Basically, unless she's asking you to hold the baby because she's had enough, do all the stuff she can't do while she's holding the baby and recovering.

Don't burn yourself out. The last thing you want is to end up resenting her.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Smuffin24 posted:

I guess what I'm looking for is someone who's been through a similiar situation to tell me it'll be ok. Or tell me I'm stupid to even think of going through this all over again.

I am not in a similar situation, and I really think only you (hopefully with the support of your parnter & some friends/family) can decide if it's okay or not. But even with an easy pregnancy, no PPD, and a great 2 year old, I am terrified of our decision to start trying for another one. I mean, I made the decision with my husband and I think it's the right thing to do, but I am *still* terrified. So -- I don't think being scared shitless means you're making the wrong choice.

I do agree with the people who said to find a therapist, find a good OB, and start building your support system.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Eia posted:

People who are bored and feel guilty about lying about while their bodies say YOU REST NOW during the third trimester:

NOW is the time to read books about babies and sleep. Once you have a baby who will not sleep, you may not have slept enough recently to absorb and retain facts worth a drat. Now's an excellent time to check Happiest Baby on the Block (about soothing newborns) and your sleep book of choice (eg, No-Cry Sleep Solution, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, choose your poison) out of the library.

Yes, yes, yes. THIS.

The first six weeks of my daughter's life would have been SO MUCH EASIER if I had read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child before she was born.

Most people can't get applied babycare experience until they have the baby, so this is the time to stock up on all the theory and all the science.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


dishonesty posted:

Similarly, I've seen you guys talking about the No Cry Sleep Solution, and while I wouldn't try and implement any "sleep schedules" or any of that stuff, again I'm wondering when it's okay to start doing those "routines" before bed etc, and things to help him learn day from night (he's a bit backwards at the moment.)

Gee this baby stuff is hard. :)

It is! But I found it got easier, not because the problems were solved (there were always new problems) but because they get better & better at giving clear feedback, and you get better at understanding it.

According to Weissbluth, whose science I believe because he has several decades of studies to back him up -- but YMMV, I am not laying down the law for other people here -- baby brains don't start to day/night regulate until 6 weeks after the due date, which will be at 10 weeks old for you. So while it's completely fine to start doing routines immediately, you're not likely to get rid of the day/night confusion until his brain starts doing night sleep organisation at 10 weeks (6 weeks + 4 weeks for the premie).

I can say infinitely more about sleep, if you want to hear it PM me.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


FretforyourLatte posted:

I'm 37 weeks now and this kiddo is still breech. She is the most stubborn thing. I'm scheduled for an ECV on Thursday morning to try and get her to flip. Honestly I'm not thrilled about it - of course I want to do what I can to avoid a C-section but from what I gather, the ECV can be quite unpleasant and take a long time, and only has about a 50/50 chance of even being successful. Has anyone else had this procedure done? If so how bad was it and did it work for you?

I had an unsucessful ECV done at (IIRC) 37 weeks. I showed up & my OB did an ultrasound to make sure I still needed the ECV. My daughter was still breech (sky-gazing, one of the nurses called it, which I liked), and so they put in an IV and gave me a medication to keep my uterus from contracting while they tried to flip her. Then they did the ECV, three different attempts over about 15 minutes with long breaks in between. It was, bluntly, really painful, and I was glad that I had such a good relationship with my OB and that my husband was there to support me.

I don't regret doing it, even though it was unsuccessful; like Greyscale Rainbow I was really hoping for a natural birth, so I was glad to have done what I could towards that. I ended up having a scheduled C-section at 39 weeks and was really, really happy with the result -- minimal pain, very quick healing, and an awesome baby girl who is now an awesome talk-my-ear-off toddler.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


I'm pregnant again!

We (my husband & I) have been trying since September, and I was just about to take a month off when I realised my period was late & I was feeling nauseous, so I tested. I'm only at 5 weeks, so I know there's still a significant chance of miscarriage, but I would go nuts keeping it a secret from the Entire World, so I decided to share here.

It's interesting how all the symptoms seem to be coming earlier this time; I was nauseous from weeks 8 to 30 last time, and my sense of smell went through the roof. So far the nausea is minor, but I can definitely smell everything which made walking to the park with my toddler today a little surreal.

My first OB appointment is in two more weeks. I am eagerly looking forward to seeing the tiny blob on the ultrasound and starting a new collection of baby pictures.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Cathis posted:

Edit: This is utterly retarded, but can I assume this fat feeling below my bellybutton won't get better for.. 8 months or so? It's felt like mild period cramps for 3 days now and if this is the BEST it's going to be for 8 months, I am going to be one cranky lady!

I had a "fat" feeling early in pregnancy which did go away -- it was bloating due to gas and it sorted itself out by about 10 weeks or so. It was uncomfortable and made it hard to wear pants and impossible to wear jeans, so I sympathise! The actual feeling of being big because of the baby was completely different, but of course YMMV.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Mangue posted:

The crying...Jesus the crying! My daughter is 4 weeks old today. For the last few days she has decided that nothing makes her happy except sucking. Unless she is nursing or sucking on a pacifier she is full of rage. Non-stop crying. I don't think it's pain because she manages to sleep pretty well through the night. She just...hates the world right now I guess.

Please tell me this is a phase! Please don't tell me this is a phase called colic :( She does seem to have an intolerance to cows milk protein but she has been exclusively breast fed for the last week and I have cut out milk from my own diet. I am moving on to cutting out all dairy from today on to see if that helps...

It just seems like some switch flipped and she's really unhappy now. Anyone else deal with this and what sort of things helped? I have two more weeks until I return to work and right now I can't wait. I hate to say it but the idea of someone else taking care of my daughter for 8 hours a day is so friggen awesome.

First of all, tons of sympathy. Taking care of a newborn is *really hard*. It does get easier, or at least differently hard, as time goes on.

It sounds like there are two possible things going on here -- the dairy (and as other people mentioned, maybe soy or wheat or something) intolerance, and also possibly she's getting overtired.

For the dairy, cutting it out of your diet does help, but IIRC the proteins stay in your body for 2-3 weeks, so while cutting it out will help some immediately, it may take time for things to completely sort out. Keep an eye out for whey protein, which is in tons of things one wouldn't expect.

As for the tired -- infants have *very short* sleep/wake cycles, and after about 45-90 minutes of wake time are ready to go back to sleep. If she's awake too long her brain starts producing adrenaline and cortisol, which will make her cranky and grouchy and also interfere with her body trying to get back to sleep. If you've fallen into a pattern where she starts to get miserable and you stimulate her a lot in the hopes of making her feel better, you might actually be perpetuating the problem. (I speak from experience here; my smiley happy baby turned into a monster for a few weeks until I realised that she _could not_ stay up for more than about 60m without starting to melt down.) So, if any of this sounds familiar, try shorter waking periods!

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Crazy Old Clarice posted:

My two month old hates being wet with the passion of a thousand firey suns.

When he pees and his diaper (cloth) is wet he immediately cries until we change it (note: he doesn't have any diaper rash or problems urinating). When we try to give him a bath he turns blue/purple with rage and does that "they are trying to kill me" scream that becomes a silent apoplectic fit. It isn't that he is cold because he is happy being naked in the house at the same temperature.

It seems that he is starting to associate the bath with horrible things happening because now just bringing him in the bathroom causes him to start crying. How did I break my baby? Is there a way to fix him?

My daughter hated baths when she was little, too, so we started just giving her sponge baths. She was perfectly happy to sit naked in her baby bathtub and let us scrub selected bits with a warm & damp washcloth, but any actual contact with water caused massive screaming. She grew out of it when she hit about 4 months and started to be able to look at stuff and shake a rattle, and now she loves baths and swimming. So... maybe try a sponge bath?

She was also the same about urinating, and again, she grew out of it. It mystifies me in retrospect because once she quit minding the feeling of being wet she became one of those kids who will happily wear a dirty diaper forever without complaining.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Stairs posted:

Both of my cats seem fascinated with my bump and try to lay on it all the time. One of them was on there yesterday and suddenly jumped off all surprised and wouldn't get back on. He just sort of sniffed and pawed at it after that. I think my cat might have felt the baby move before I can!
Hopefully the habit of sleeping on the baby will not continue once the baby is out.

When I was pregnant with my daughter my little cat would always lie on my bump, and then when I started sleeping on my side she'd curl up next to it... which meant I got woken up one night by the cat and the baby playing. The baby would kick, the cat would jump up and attack, the baby would kick more, repeat. Sadly they only did it the once, because I would have loved to have it on video.

Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Cathis posted:

One: Which trimester was the best? So far the first isn't excellent and the third kind of seems like it might suck a lot.

Two: Baby crap. When is too early to begin stockpiling baby things? Furniture or whatever. We were in Ikea the other day and I wanted to start buying things. All of the things.

During my first pregnancy, it wasn't until about 16 weeks that I quit having nausea, but at that points things were really quite good until about 32 weeks, when I started having a lot of back pain & eventually carpal tunnel. So it didn't exactly break down in trimesters, but there was a long sweet spot in there. I was very lucky, however, since I wasn't working.

Do not start buying baby necessities or heavy furniture, but if you see one or two little things you are just in love with (a toy, a poster, a mobile, whatever), I'd say go ahead and pick it up -- especially if it's from somewhere like IKEA where the selection changes rapidly. There was an adorable IKEA poster I saw that I didn't get and I still wish I had.

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Idonie
Jun 5, 2011


Bank posted:

So my wife has just caught a cold. She just finished her first trimester and can't really do much right now, just sleep. She's been coughing a lot, but still eating.

Are there any medicines or things she can do that won't harm the baby? I'm going to call the doctor if she feels the same tomorrow. I don't want to freak out, but it just pains me to see her like this.

Loratadine (trade name claritin) works wonders for me when I'm congested, and I just saw my OB today and she confirmed that it's fine during pregnancy.

Chart about over the counter meds during pregnancy: http://www.babycenter.com/0_chart-over-the-counter-medications-during-pregnancy_1486462.bc

Spermy Smurf posted:

As the husband with a pregnant wife who complains about back and neck soreness even when not pregnant: How often do you ladies get massages? How would you have liked an hour every 2 weeks? Too much?

Definitely, definitely not too much so long as the massage therapist knows how to do prenatal massage safely. It sounds wonderful.

Idonie fucked around with this message at 01:24 on Mar 27, 2012

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