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Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

I looked through the OP and I THINK this post is allowed, but if it isn't, please ignore me :)

My fiance and I just found out that she is pregnant a few days ago, and we are in the initial stage of trying to figure everything out. I am looking for any kind of tips on the best way to be supportive during this time, and what I should be looking to do in the near future to prepare.

While the pregnancy was a surprise, we're in a relatively stable situation with a nice home, two new cars, and we both have pretty good jobs...so I feel like we are prepared financially for everything. She grew up with a lot more money than me however, so she is more concerned about that aspect of everything, but I think in time she'll see that we're fine in this area.

The biggest thing I'm going through right now is that she has been strongly against having children and has made it clear for a number of years that she doesn't want them. I, on the other hand, have always wanted them. This has been something that has been a point of contention in our relationship for quite a while and to be honest, it's most likely one of the main reasons that we are still engaged after two years, rather than already married. On that subject, we planned on going ahead and getting married in the very near future, as it's important to both of us that we're married when the baby is born (We've been living together for three years now, and have pretty much been living a fully married life in everything except title).

We are definitely going to keep the child rather than consider the other options, but I am worried about how to handle the situation, knowing she has been against having children in the past.

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation to this? Any tips on how to handle it? I am in a weird situation where I am thrilled, but I am also trying to be really supportive of her, as she has been crying and upset since she found out a couple days ago. I have seen a ton of stuff online about men who didn't want their wife/girlfriend to be pregnant, but none focusing on the other side.

Acrolos fucked around with this message at 11:15 on Jul 17, 2012

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Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

SassySally posted:

I was in sort of a similar situation. Once my husband and I got married, he started in on me to have kids, very nonchalantly and sort of knew that I'd have to come to it in my own time, but he was certainly the initiator of our wanting to have kids. Our difference is that I did decide that it was time before we got pregnant, which does make it easier. I had a lot of doubts early on, but once I saw my baby on the sonogram and started feeling him moving, I knew that this was truly what I wanted. We're now 30 weeks and I'm up WAY too early because I can't sleep, but knowing the reason helps.

Do you know what her concerns are/ why she doesn't want children? That can be helpful to understand. For me, part of it was being a teacher and really enjoying being able to have child-free time at home as well as sometimes getting genuinely worried about the kind of world my child would grow up in, knowing the high schoolers I teach... I honestly couldn't tell you what exactly made me finally change my mind and be ready, but I'm glad I did.


Her general reasons have always been that she is concerned about the world that we would be bringing up the baby in. Violence, pedophiles, etc. Basically, just worrying about all of the pitfalls of society.

She is excellent with children and seems to do really well with them, but she has routinely said that once they are about 8-9 years old and have more of their own personality, she loses interest in having anything to do with them. She has also made it a point to bring up why she doesn't want children anytime she hears a baby throwing a fit in a store, etc.

Honestly, most of the typical types of concerns you would hear from people who don't want children have been said by her at most times, but these are the two that she brings up the most.

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

SassySally posted:

Those are genuine concerns, so make sure you don't discount them while you do your best to reassure her that the chances of any of the major ills of the world hitting your family are very low. One of the things that sticks out in my mind as something that helped turn the tide is that after explaining to my students once why I wasn't ready for kids, one of them told me, "But you're the kind of person who should have kids. That's part of why it's like this, because people like you choose not to have kids and make good ones." That meant a lot to me.


Crazy Old Clarice posted:

I agree with the other posters, but thought you could use as many data points as possible, so here is my opinion...

My husband was the "let's have kids" half of our partnership. I wasn't interested because I never felt maternal. It took until about halfway through the pregnancy that I started getting really excited about the idea, and by the time he was born I was totally in love and even decided to become a stay-at-home mom. So it is very possible that she could change her mind about the whole thing as you two make your way through the pregnancy.

Be as supportive as you can (which it sounds like you are already doing) and have realistic expectations. My husband and I were prepared to feel "meh" about the baby at first, since many times it takes awhile for those hormones to kick in. And congrats to you both!

Thank you both for your thoughts. Yesterday she seemed much better and is showing a ton of excitement (we already went to Babies R' Us and a few other things, just to scope out our future options), and it looks like we're five weeks along.

She told me today, that she's surprised by how excited she is, so it made me really happy to hear that. I know there will be a lot of ups and downs through the process, but I think that we're on the right track.

She gave me a little bit of information yesterday that I wasn't aware of. Because of some medical issues, both of us assumed that she wouldn't be able to get pregnant (she's been told that most of her life), so she said that for many years, she's basically tried to convince herself of reasons to not have children. Even though she still has a lot of concerns, she also admitted that her expectation of being unable to get pregnant probably had a lot to do with her lack of interest in doing so.

We've been having unprotected sex for a number of years, so this was definitely a shocker to both us. I think a lot of it can be attributed to both of us working really hard to lose weight and get healthier.

Regardless, thank you guys for the advice and help. I'm sure I'll be in here a lot as I go through this process. It's so nice to hear about these types of things from people who have a fairly similar viewpoint on the world as me, rather than the creepy people in the pregnancy forums around the internet!

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

rangergirl posted:

I just wanted to say I felt/still feel a lot like your girlfriend. I was on the pill for years and found out in January I was pregnant. My husband thought someone had died when he came home from work that day because I was laying in bed crying and wouldn't tell him what was wrong. I've never wanted kids, I'm not very good with other people's kids. Babies do nothing for me, I don't even think they're very cute. The fetal heartbeat and ultrasounds didnt give me some maternal rush or do much of anything.

I'm almost 36 weeks now so this kid is coming any day and I think I'm as ready as I'm going to be. I honestly don't want to deal with a baby or go through the toddler phase, it's going to be difficult and I know that. I guess the reason I decided to have this baby is because after all the baby/toddler needy stuff I get to see this kid who is half me/half the person I love most in this world grow up. My husband and I get to teach him cool stuff and pass on family traditions, I get to make my mother and sisters super happy.

There are a lot of people in here who didn't necessarily really want kids but kind of changed their minds. I'm not 100 percent sure my mind is even changed. I do feel a little guilty about not wanting this baby more at times, and I get anxious or depressed about it at times. The best advice I can give is just give your girlfriend time to really get used to the idea and give her lots of support. Don't expect anything...you can't force feelings that aren't there and enough people will be pushing her or expecting her to be excited. That pressure alone can really make you depressed or feel like a horrible person. Hopefully you don't have to worry about it and she genuinely enjoys the pregnancy and being a mom. Good luck!

I'll admit that she seems excited about the baby right now, but deep down, I'm not sure if it's a bit of a show because she is coming to terms with it. Over this whirlwind that we've been through over the past 3-4 days though, both of us seem genuinely happy, so I'm hoping it's a situation where the pregnancy changed her mind on things a little.

I've spoken with a few people over the years that have mentioned not wanting children that much, but completely changing their minds the moment they saw their child...so maybe that's what you (and possibly my fiance) will need. Feel free to stay in touch, I'd love to hear about how things go for you after the birth.

On another subject - Since we are just 5-6 weeks along at this point, my euphoria about the pregnancy has now turned into a constant fear about the possibility of a miscarriage. My fiance has had inconsistent periods throughout her life, in addition to having Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (which I've read increases the risk of miscarriage). I know that there isn't much that we can do, but it's pretty much all I can think about at this point. Our first appointment with the OB is on August 6th, so I can hope I can get a little bit of peace of mind at that point...even though I know there will still be a long time before the worrying will slow down (although I don't expect the worrying to stop anytime before I see my healthy baby).

Acrolos fucked around with this message at 20:46 on Jul 19, 2012

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

So, my fiance and I are having a hard time deciding when to tell people. At this point, we've told no one. Is the consensus still to wait until 12 weeks, or is that fairly uncommon now. Any thoughts on the pros and cons of waiting or not?

We have our first meeting with the obgyn at 8 weeks, next Monday. If all is healthy, I would like to tell.. But we worry about a complicated pregnancy since both of us were told we couldn't conceive.

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

Thanks for all of the thoughts. Personally, I am the type who wouldn't mind discussing a miscarriage if it happened, even though it would be really painful. My fiance is much more private. It doesn't help that we have been engaged for two years and are now trying to rush a marriage in the next 20 days. It's important to both of us that we are married through this process and when the baby is born... So that adds some interesting variables into the timing as well. Our wedding is planned for around week 10 (a small ceremony with family). We would like to avoid the whole shotgun wedding comments, but I think it's unavoidable, even though we have been engaged for a couple years (honestly we both hate big weddings and were procrastinating).

To make matters worse, I have a close friend and wife who are pregnant, and are two weeks ahead of us. They told everyone immediately and are basically getting nonstop attention from everyone. It may be a little selfish, but it's tough to watch them talking about it constantly with everyone, while we have to stay quiet... Even though we are going through the exact same thing.

Decisions, decisions!

Acrolos fucked around with this message at 04:20 on Jul 29, 2012

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

My wife and I are going in for our first appointment tomorrow, which we think will be at 8 weeks (she has odd menstrual cycles, so doesn't remember the exact date to calculate things on). What can we expect for this first appointment?

I have been extremely nervous about the possibility of a miscarriage (I can't help it, I always expect the worst) and I have been waiting on this day so I can get some kind of verification that everything is ok. I was under the impression that we would get an ultrasound and a listen for the heartbeat through a doppler, but I'm now hearing that this doesn't always happen at the first appointment.

So, the question is two-fold.

1. What should I expect for the appointment?

2. Based on what tests they perform, will I at least get some piece of mind that things are ok (or not) at this point...or is it still just a guessing game this early along?

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

Papercut posted:

They'll be able to tell if something is wrong but that doesn't mean you're safe. There's a reason the rule is to wait until 12 weeks to tell people, it is not uncommon to lose the pregnancy at this stage.

At our first appointment they monitored the heartbeat to look for abnormalities and did an ultrasound where we could see the head and body with little nubbins for limbs. It's pretty awesome, hopefully everything goes well for you!

Thanks. Yeah, we are waiting until 12 weeks, and I know the risk remains. I just wanted to be able to see some kind of sign that things are currently ok at this appointment. Good to see that they did that in your appointment.

Hopefully we will get similar treatment.

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

Update: We went to our 8 week appointment and they did perform the trans-vaginal ultrasound. Everything looked great, and we heard a heartbeat of 176.

I am notoriously emotionless (externally at least) when it comes to big events, but I am man enough to admit that I cried when I heard the heartbeat.

Still a long way to go, but today definitely made me feel better about things.

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

My wife and I had our gender screening last week and found out we are having a girl! A little nervous about the more difficult nature of raising a girl, but I'm also excited about it.

One thing that is bugging me though, is trying to find stuff for a girls room. The bedding, etc. for boys room is fun with all kinds of neat ideas (we found a great underwater theme we were going to use). Girl stuff is just a ton of vomit-inducing pink overload, with very few "fun" options.

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

Winkle-Daddy posted:

Whelp, never thought I'd find myself posting in this thread. I got off of work last night at about 7:40, my wife was especially antsy about me getting off work for some reason. Once I was done, I went to go sit next to her on the couch. With a slight quiver in her voice she said "I have an early Christmas present for you." (I'm sure since I'm posting in this thread you can see where I'm going with this). I asked if she was sure she didn't want to wait until Christmas...she always wants to wait until Christmas; she loves keeping me in suspense because it drives me crazy.

She brought a small rectangular present over to me and handed it to me. I had no idea what was going on, but tears were streaming down her face. Uh oh. I began unwrapping the gift, it was about the size of a DVD so I was kind of expecting a movie or something that she was unable to wait to watch, it didn't explain the tears, though. I tore off the paper to reveal this gift is a book. My face went white; I could not make sense of the title of this book, my brain simply refused to parse it.

"Dude, you're going to be a DAD" is the title. I think my brain has still yet to parse it. Right now I am fluctuating between white knuckle terror and some other emotion I do not recognize. We've been together for about ten years and married for four years. We're both well off and have incredibly supportive families (who we won't be telling about this for another few months). We gave up on having a kid shortly after we were married. We tried for about two years, then just gave up assuming one of us was broken. We spent the last two years coming to terms with the idea we would never be parents and had recently started looking into adopting. I'm 28, she's 27, I'm well off enough in my career that I'm not worried about the extra burden of a new mouth to feed. I am however abso-loving-lutely terrified of being responsible for another human life. I just, uh, needed to type this out. Try to clear my head and gather my thoughts. Congratulations to me, I guess?

Holy. poo poo.

e: How long before the terror passes?

I can't speak for anyone else, but the terror comes and goes for me, usually around the time an appoint,ent comes. I go to every appointment with my wife, and every time they get the Doppler out, I have a crippling fear that we won't hear the heartbeat (this is better now that we can feel the baby, but there is still fear of it being too fast/slow).

I have a similar situation to you where I am in a fairly good position financially, so I am ok with that aspect, but the idea of being a father is terrifying. The only thing I can say is that at 30 weeks, that hasn't changed too much...it's just getting more and more real to me.

I think if I was having a boy I'd be a little more prepared, but the idea of having a girl is hard because I worry about all of the girls things that I have no knowledge of. I have a feeling I'll pick it up in time though...

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

My wife is currently at 30 weeks and weighs exactly the same as her pre-pregnancy weight. The doctor has told her that it is perfectly fine, as she was a little overweight before getting pregnant. It does frustrate her a little bit when people comment on the lack of weight gain, but now that she is showing quite a bit, it tends to be a moot point with people.

The baby is actually in the 85th percentile in size as well, so the baby seems to be growing quite well, even with her lack of extra weight.

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

Ok, so we just had our big baby shower (still have one left at work, but this was a massive one). We only got about 1/3 of the things off our registries, and ended up with a TON of clothes and items that we would like to return, so that we can get some stuff we need.

The problem is that we don't have receipts for most of it and have no idea where much of it was purchased. From reading online, I've found that Target is the hardest place to return things to, but I've heard that Wal-Mart and Babies R' Us are a little easier.

Any suggestions on how to determine what to return where? Is it possible to just take a ton of items to Wal-Mart or target and have them scan what was and wasn't purchased there?

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

Lyz posted:

I wouldn't be too hasty about returning clothes and other stuff, unless the outfit is so hideous you can't stand to look at it. There will be those days where it seems like every poo is a blowout and it's nice to have backups so you don't have to do laundry every other day. Or the day the baby just spits up on every fresh outfit you change him into.

And bibs.. I was convinced I was buried in the drat things but when Chris started eating three times a day I ended up buying more.

So unless you desperately need the cash I would keep it all. Babies have a knack for dirtying clothes and you'll always need 2 to 3 times more clothes than you think you need.

Yeah, we ended up only needing to return about 6-7 outfits (some hideous, a few that were premie clothes for some reason as well), along with a baby food maker that had some terrible reviews, and a baby carrier that didn't fit me properly. Babies R' Us was great about the returns. Everything we brought back was a Carters item, and they accepted all but one that wasn't in their system.

All in all, the returns were enough to buy us all of the breast feeding pieces we needed, along with a changing pad.

I think at this point, we probably have about 100-150 outfits, plus a ton of generic onesies for around the house, so I'm hoping we'll be good. The bibs definitely are something we're going to need to invest in, because we didn't get many of those.

On the subject of buying baby stuff...I don't know if this is common knowledge or not, but we stumbled into a Burlington Coat Factory while we were out yesterday. They had nearly everything that was remaining on our registry from Babies R' Us and Target, and the prices were much better. I was shocked by how much cheaper they were on many things. We ended up spending a few hundred bucks and bought nearly everything we needed to finish up our shopping. If we would have bought the stuff at BRU, I'm convinced it would have been at least 50% more expensive.

A friend of ours is having a baby next week, for instance, and we bought them a Diaper Genie Elite. We had just purchased it at Babies R' Us for $49.99. We ended up grabbing it at Burlington Coat Factory for $24.99, and were able to buy them two of the refill packs at the same cost (we returned the other one to BRU).

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

Greycious posted:

I'll most likely be finding out the baby's sex this week, I'm very excited but I'm pretty nervous too.

My mom and I both think it is a girl. I just have this feeling it's a girl, I've had it from pretty early on. I'm starting to get a little worried that if it isn't a girl I'll be a little..confused for a couple days. I've been trying not to get it so stuck in my head that it is one sex or the other but I just can't seem to shake that it is in fact a girl. :confused:

Has anyone else felt like they just knew the babies sex like that? And...if you were right or wrong? I feel so dumb for getting so set on thinking it was one or the other. It just sort of happened :shobon:


My wife was absolutely convinced that we were having a girl, and she was correct. She said that she never even had a doubt that it was anything but a girl, and she didn't even think about boy names because she didn't think there was a point.

I think she just got lucky, but she claims that she knew from the moment she got pregnant.

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

For those that have already had their babies, what are the thoughts on diaper pails? I have seen mixed thoughts on them...

The arm and hammer model tends to have the best reviews, but it only holds 25 at a time, compared to a much larger amount (at least I think) on the diaper genie.

I've also seen a fair number of people who suggest not bothering with them at all.

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

Sitting at week 38, so I think the nerves are finally starting to hit me! Our due date is March 17th, but I have a gut feeling that we're going to be a little late.

We haven't had an ultrasound since the gender screening back in week 20 or so, but on Wednesday, we'll be getting one to check the placement of the baby, etc. Our doctor uses 4D ultrasounds, so we're pretty excited about seeing the baby. For those that have had 4D ultrasounds this far along, do you get a good view, or are things too tight too see anything more than a squashed face?

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

So here's a question for new parents...what are the first few weeks like? My wife and I both have 12 weeks off of work, and I keep hearing that we'll be exhausted and getting very little sleep. Is there anything that I should be prepared for that I may not be aware of?

My wife is breastfeeding, so I know she'll have to get up every few hours to feed her, but is there anything I can do to make things easier for her during that time?

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

Thanks for the tips, guys. I feel like if my wife is going to breastfeed, I want to do everything I can to help where it's possible, since I know it's not going to be easy.

I get up multiple times throughout the night as it is, so getting back to sleep isn't a big deal for me. I rarely sleep more than 2-3 hours at a time anyway (even though I'm usually back asleep in 5-10 mins).

Amazon Prime, I'm finding out, is a great tool. In the month I've had it, it's paid for itself... even before the baby is here!

Acrolos fucked around with this message at 22:04 on Mar 6, 2013

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

So we are sitting at the hospital now. In the middle of the night, my wife started feeling a trickle and we believe it was her water breaking, as it continued most of the morning.

She hasn't had any contractions at all, but they are making us think that we are ready to go, as apparently a small percentage of women's water break without contractions.

We've been told that if that is the case, we are going to have the baby before we leave..

Has anyone experienced a similar situation? This should be fun...

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

hookerbot 5000 posted:

My waters broke before contractions started twice. One time contractions started about an hour later, the other nothing happened for two days so I had to get induced.

How many weeks along is your wife?

Edit: They won't send you home if your wifes waters have broken because there's a risk of infection. As long as your wife is term (over 37 weeks) they'll induce labour, otherwise she might have to stay in until they think the baby is ready to get out.

She is just under 39 weeks, with a due date of 3/17, so we are far enough along. We had a checkup yesterday and she wasn't dilated at all, so my guess is that we are headed toward inducing the labor if it was actually her water breaking.

We've been waiting for the doctor for about an hour now, so hopefully we will find more out soon!

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004


Thanks! Just found out that she is officially in labor... So looks like we are having a baby today (or tomorrow) :)

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

Another goon baby here!

We had Abigail Elise early this morning at 3:22, after about 20 hours. My wife was adamant about not getting an epidural, but eventually the pain got too tough to handle and she decided to get it done. Once that happened, it was smooth sailing and the actual labor was very easy, as she only had to push 4 times before our little girl was here.

She was 10 days early, but ended up being 6 pounds, 7 ounces, and 100% healthy! When I get a chance in the next few days, ill post a picture or two.

Thanks for all of the advice and reassurance in this thread over the past nine months. Now it's on to the Parenting Thread! :)

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

So we have been home with our newborn for just two days now. Day one at home went well, with Abby eating every two hours or so and sleeping in between.

Tonight however, she began crying around 9:30pm and is still going at 4:15am. My wife has attempted to breastfeed her almost non-stop throughout the night, but has struggled to get her to nurse, as she keeps flailing around and refusing to latch for the most part. She will eat occasionally, but for the most part, she just plays with the nipple or refuses to drink for more than a minute or two. Regardless, within five minutes of stopping, she is typically crying again.

My wife is miserable and obviously frustrated. We are aware of the idea of cluster feeding, but this seems to be missing a lot of the "feeding" aspect, even though she's had no trouble latching prior to tonight.

Anyone with experience have any idea on what we could do to try to help get Abby nursing at this point, or is this just one of those times that we're destined to be up all night with a screaming newborn?

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

Hastings posted:

I need to be honest with you, I gave up on the idea of full breastfeeding. I strictly pump, and it is precisely because of this reason. Once my milk came in, Rocky flipped the gently caress out at the texture of my breasts and nipples and started "biting" and crying at my chest. Even before that, he'd just flail and poo poo before finally settling in to latch, and he would feed at the longest, almost two hours with only a few minute breaks. It got to be too much for me, given I was already hormonal and have a history of depression. My kid is less than a week old, and I was honestly having nervous breakdowns and beginning to resent my husband because he could not work as hard as I was. So when my milk came in and Rocky decided he hated the boob I felt relief. Now he drinks solely from the bottle, and I have no regrets because he's still getting a part of me and the health benefits of the milk. The only thing I can tell you is that if you really want to breast feed, keep talking to a lactation consultant. If you find it is too exhausting, just reaffirm to your wife that she is still a wonderful mother no matter what she chooses, and to just make sure she holds Abby to her breasts and keeps eye contact during feedings to maintain that intimacy. I know a lot of people judge other Moms for not being "natural", but I'm not here to judge her. I know she'll do what's best.

Thanks for posting this. Before I read your comments, my wife made a similar decision after about Abby screamed for hours (for the second night in a row) and refused to eat. In addition to Abby not liking the breast texture, my wife is having difficulty producing enough milk for her. Even through pumping two breasts, she's unable to get enough to satisfy her.

After a long talk, we decided to supplement her breast milk with some formula, so that Abby could eat. Sarah had a lot of feelings of guilt after doing this, but I've tried to be as supportive as possible and I believe that she is feeling a bit of relief at being able to ensure that Abby is eating. As she is a small baby (6'7 at birth, but down to 5'11 yesterday), it's important that we feed her when she is hungry, and this makes things possible for our situation.

Last night, after giving the bottle with supplementing, Abby slept nearly the entire night (waking up twice to eat, but going back to sleep afterwards). We both were able to actually get some sleep last night, and my wife is a completely different person today, as she isn't battling the feeling of inadequacy that she was feeling previously.


On a completely different subject, this morning I woke up to horrendous news. One of my best friends and his wife were due two weeks before us, but because we were a little early and they were a little late, they ended up having their baby the day after us. In the middle of the night, while holding their little boy, they noticed that he had stopped breathing. It was too late to do anything, and he passed away at three days old. He had been cleared at the hospital and had just come home about eight hours prior. At this time, no one knows what caused the death, although SIDS is obviously a thought.

My wife and I want to be as supportive as possible, but we also know that having a baby that's nearly identical in age is going to be extremely tough on them. Obviously we'll do our best to not flaunt photos, etc. but in terms of how to handle the situation itself, we're at a loss. I've tried to avoid posting pictures of our baby on Facebook or comment too much about her to my friends that I've spoken to today, but I know that I can't just pretend that she doesn't exist going forward because of what my friends are going through. At the same time, I want to make sure that I am as sensitive as I can possible be to their situation. I know it's a situation that isn't exactly common, but if anyone has experienced something like this or has any advice on the best

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

lady flash posted:

Has anyone been induced early? Anything I should know/do/read ahead of time? I'm 36 weeks today but my BP won't stay down so they are inducing at 37 weeks.

My wife was induced at 38 weeks, but it was as a result of her water breaking (or actually, rupturing). We went in blind, because we didn't really think that there would be any chance for having an early induction, but the process was fairly straight-forward.

Within an hour of inducing labor, her contractions were 4-5 minutes apart, and they dropped to three minutes within about two hours. It stayed that way throughout the 20 hours between inducing and delivery.

I'm not sure how true this information is, but when my wife decided to get the epidural (after initially refusing), the anesthesiologist told us that a vast majority of people who induce labor need to get an epidural, because of how quickly things move along. Had we known that, she probably would have decided on the epidural a bit earlier.

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

Bubble Babble posted:

I second the Facebook-specific group idea. That's horrific. I can't imagine going through that. Maybe also send them a card (less in-your-face) and ask if they need anything.


On a somewhat different note, how on earth do you pick out a name for your baby? My husband and I have looked through the one book we have, and he's looked through another one I got (I haven't been home to do so), and we are completely at a loss for names. We have a long Italian last name, so I think it will need to match at least a little. Were there any books that were helpful to you? How did you do research? How did you ultimately decide or did you just know?

Yes, I think we will probably work on something with the Facebook. We share a ton of friends (probably 30-40 different people), so it will be hard to create something that shares our experience while being respectful of them, but we'll figure something out.

I spoke with the father today and he's obviously taking it rough, but hopefully my friends and I can just be there for them the best that we can to support them. I'm going to go to the funeral/visitation on Thursday, but my wife and I talked about it and I don't believe she is going to go. As much as she'd like to go to support them, it's also a situation where it may be too hard for her to take.

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

My wife planned on breastfeeding exclusively, but she has had difficulty producing enough milk. Because of this, we have started to supplement her breastmilk with formula.

Here's the question - We received a TON of free formula in the mail in the months leading up to the delivery and I feel like it would be bad to have it all go to waste. At the same time, I'm not sure if it's good to switch types of formula once you have already started on something else.

Right now, we're using the Enfamil Gentle Ease, but we have a few big containters of Similac (two variations), another Enfamil (a different variation), and two containers of Gerber.

If we used all of this, we wouldn't have to purchase formula for quite a while. I just want to make sure this isn't a big "no-no".

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

Hey guys,

Any suggestions on a good baby sling for my wife? I'd also be interested in finding a baby carrier for myself, if anyone knows of one that would fit a large guy like myself (about 300 pounds, and everything is geared toward the L/XL level at the most, while I wear a 3XL).

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

sudont posted:

Also, doublepost but this didn't really fit in with the theme of my last post... I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who participates in and maintains this thread. It's just one thread, but it's the only pregnancy related resource I've seen that doesn't make me want to tear my hair out. I feel a bit snobbish or elitist for rolling my eyes over it, but the level of "sparkly baby dust" and ridiculous acronyms and sanctimoniousness on places like Babycenter, etc. is so offputting. Books have been hit or miss too, as even though they try to be inclusive, most are completely written to a "you and your husband preparing for this child you've planned for years" audience rather than the "surprise, you're pregnant and the father is totally not in the picture!" audience of me, and I can't relate at all. Same goes for my pregnant friends/family members. So it's good to have this space that I feel is relatively free of judgement, and a great and diverse resource across the board.

Completely agree. Without this thread and the people involved, I would have went insane during my wife's pregnancy. It's so hard to find people who are wiling to talk about pregnancy without the touchy-feely crap that overtakes all of the websites around the internet.

We are now two weeks into being parents and I owe a lot of my sanity to this thread.

Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

Now that my wife and I are two weeks into the birth of our child, we are hitting the point where all of the family support is more annoying than it is helpful.

Today is the first day we've had since birth where we haven't had a bunch of people stopping by our house, and it has been wonderful.

On the subject of family, I have an issue that I've had a tough time dealing with. My mother smokes and we have been adamant about keeping smoke, the smell of smoke, smokey clothing, etc. away from our child. She acts really offended when I ask her to change her clothes when coming into my house and holding my child, but I don't see the big deal with it. Every time they come to the house, an argument happens where she explains to me how she hasn't smoked in ____ hours, or how she wore a jacket over her clothes, etc. The problem is that the clothes she wears comes from a house that reeks of smoke and the car they drive here in has been smoked in for years.

Has anyone dealt with this type of situation? Am I being unreasonable to be concerned enough about third hand smoke to require her to do this? My mom was in tears yesterday claiming that we were trying to keep her away from our child (after I told her that I wouldn't allow her to keep my daughter in her home or ride in her car because of the smoke)...but I'm reaching the point of frustration where I am close to telling her to follow the simple rules we have, or not be involved in my child's life.

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Acrolos
Mar 29, 2004

sudont posted:

You've probably thought of something like this, but could your mom keep some clothes at your house?

This is the current plan, and she has said she'll bring something over to change into. Hopefully she'll just do it and not make a big deal about it every time like she currently does.

I think that a few weeks ago, I wouldn't be quite so insane about the situation, but one of my best friends had a baby the day after us who died of SIDS the day they came home from the hospital (at least that's what the initial report is)...so I am extremely nervous about anything that could be a risk.

Acrolos fucked around with this message at 03:12 on Mar 26, 2013

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