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Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




quote:

Good idea, we have a weekly appointment in a few hours as well.

You're probably good to wait til your appointment. Have her lie down and relax and see if they taper off.

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Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




Yeah having been on both ends of that stick, oversupply is a hell of a lot easier to deal with than undersupply.

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




1) if you haven't noticed any feeding issues, she's fine, its up to you whether or not you're anti-paci or not. Just get the orthodontic ones. My kids never would take them, I would have welcomed them more than once!

2) baby socks! the little tube sock types with the knit ankle part that's nice and elastic stayed on like a dream, much better than those annoying-rear end mittens.

3) lansinoh brand were awesome and the only ones I would use. I would soak those things so thoroughly they would make a SPLAT noise when you dropped them on a table, and they never, ever ever leaked. The sticky stuff on the backs stayed put too.

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




Its not up to you to deal with it, its up to them. Your news exists independent of their status. There is no reason you can't still be friends with those people, no reason to stop talking to them, not invite them to the shower etc. It is up to them to decide how to react, what they can handle, whether or not they want to talk to you.

Since you do have a rather more empathetic perspective on it, having had the shoe on the other foot so to speak, you could try thinking about what you would have wanted them to say to you, or how you would have wanted to have been treated, but honestly? They're adults. Any issues they have with it are solely theirs.

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




I always used an aerobed (or similar inflatable mattress that you could control the inflation level of with while lying in it) and a nest of pillows on the floor. You inflate it fully, throw your pillows on it, arrange them as it suits you then slowly let the air out until your hips feel good. Boom, perfectly adjusted firmness and pain-free sleep.

If course getting out of it in the middle of the night to go pee was hilarious especially towards the end, but consider it exercise you're supposed to be getting anyway I guess....

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




drat you make some cute kids, Dex. Also I cannot believe how old they are.

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




Just buy a men's hoodie.

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




What in the hell is a woman with a two day old kid doing dating. Scratch that, HOW in the hell is a woman with a two day old kid dating? When my kid was two days old it was a red letter day if I managed to get a loving shower.

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




There's a store in the Chicago suburbs called From My Room, I think it's in Naperville, that has gently used secondhand clothes and maternity clothes. And I'm talking some nice stuff. I've seen some ritzy labels in there for maternity clothes. See if you can find a coat there.

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




Oh that's right, ponchos are huge right now. And would work swimmingly.

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




healthy sleep habits, happy child is another good one to look at.

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




The only response to that is 'We named THE DOG Indiana' in your best Sean Connery impersonation.

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




quote:

I'm also just generally afraid of being incompetent. Other people it seems have the whole parenting thing under control - they just know what to do. I'm worried I'll constantly fumble through the whole thing.
Congratulations; you're a parent. Everyone has these exact same thoughts when they first have a kid. You will fumble through the whole thing, its a given. This poo poo's hard and its not like there's a definitive owner's manual or course you can take or anything, and even with the good books your kid is already a little individual so no matter what, YMMV. In about three months you will wonder what the hell you did with all the free time you had before you had a kid, and you'll be an old hand at dealing with a newborn.

Then she won't be a newborn anymore and have new milestones and new challenges and you'll be back to square one. Lather rinse repeat until she's 18 and out of the house. On the plus side, the second and any subsequent kids will be easier because you'll know what to expect (unless your first child is an angel baby and the second is a screaming hellion from the demon sleeplessness dimension, but its a little early to worry about that).

You're already worried about being a good parent; that's probably the best sign you will be a good parent. Its the chucklefucks who think raising a kid is a piece of cake or women's work or something you do between WoW raids that you need to worry about screwing it up.

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




me your dad posted:

Our baby is 8 days old now and both my wife and I are utterly miserable. We're both having crying jags on a near-daily basis and I feel very hopeless that things are going to get better. I feel a huge loss from the freedom we enjoyed before, even if that freedom meant just quietly relaxing at home. Somehow I don't resent the baby but I am worried we made a huge mistake in deciding on doing this. Our lives were great and now I feel like everything is ruined. I feel like I'm grieving.

You are grieving, and that's ok. Your life has just been turned completely upside down, and sleep deprivation on top of it would make anyone cry. That doesn't even go into the hormones your wife's experiencing. In like a 30 minute stretch, I cried because I couldn't take my first back to the hopsital, then cried because someday he was going to grow up, go to college and leave me. That poo poo is whack; do not discount its influence on her (and by proxy, your) emotions.

quote:

I also feel like we're on house arrest because we don't want the baby to get sick before the six week mark. So we're trapped in our house, which suddenly seems too small, and our car suddenly seems too small, and I'm having trouble coping with everything.

You are a lunatic, and whoever told you this is an utter quack/germophobe. I went to a goddamn barbeque with my first at like six days old and played 'pass the hat' with him with around 40 people. He was fine, I was fine, everyone was fine. Granted this was in July, but seriously, if newborns were that goddamn susceptible noone would've ever survived the Black Plague.

quote:

People say, "Get out of the house - let your spouse get out of the house." My wife told me today to go have a beer with a friend but I'm afraid to leave my wife alone because I'll probably feel guilty about burdening her with the baby. And we can't go out together because we're waiting for that six week period to pass. And she can't go out by herself because the doctor told her not to drive because she's recovering from a C-Section and on Percoset.

She can go take a drat walk around the neighborhood, assuming you don't live in a warzone/weird suburb without sidewalks. Hell you can even take the baby with you, properly bundled for the weather. Fresh air's good for them and will do wonders for you. You so don't have to be under house arrest; christ I'd have killed myself if I was expected not to leave the house for six weeks. I hit Target on day four or something.

quote:

I just don't know how this is going to get better. We went to the pediatrician today, and I let her know we were having a lot of trouble coping. I started crying in the office and she recommended I speak to a doctor. But I'm worried it would be a fix for something which might resolve itself in a couple weeks when I hopefully adjust to this change.

It'll resolve itself when you realize you have a perfectly healthy baby with a working immune system and stop acting like she's been diagnosed with 'boy in the bubble' syndrome and go out and live a little. Just because you're in public doesn't mean you have to let every Tom Dick and Harry touch her/cough on her whatever. Seriously. Get. Out. Of. The. House.

quote:

I took her upstairs a moment ago to change her and I couldn't stop thinking, "What the gently caress were we thinking? What the gently caress were we thinking? How the gently caress could we have thought this was a good idea?"

Again, you are not the first parents to have these thoughts (and worse), nor will you be the last. If you get to the point where you want to hurt the baby or hurt yourself, start worrying. Yes, 'wanting to die' counts. Otherwise you are just a new parent, and this too shall pass, and probably a lot faster once you realize you can still have a social life.

I'm seriously curious where this six week thing came from; I know my Thai mother in law told me that they believed you should stay in bed for a month after the baby was born and not even WASH YOUR HAIR (wtf) but even she wouldn't have gone for that craziness.

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




Ditto. How'd she come out with such a round head?

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




^^^ This would fall under nipple stimulation.

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




ChocNitty posted:

Thoughts? Recommendations?

Don't sleep with women who you trust so little that you feel you have to go to extremes to prevent them possibly 'trapping' you into a relationship with a child? Also get therapy for your paranoia and misogyny. Its probably not a good idea to be dating while you're in rehab anyway.

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




She can also try CeraVe in the tub for extremely dry skin (you can get it at Walgreen's, its in a light blue tub, about 12 bucks). I use this on my kids eczema along with a topical cream and it really helps prevent it. Might also want to think about eliminating some of the big four allergens like wheat soy milk and eggs and see if that helps at all, then if it does gradually add them back in one at a time to see which is the culprit (if I had to guess I'd say wheat). Sometimes your immune system can go haywire when you get pregnant and things that never used to bother you or only bothered you a little can flare up unexpectedly, though it could just as easily be stress.

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




You have a ten pound hoss on your hands. He's probably going to eat an impressive amount. If he's anything like my firstborn, get a second mortgage on the house. Kid's five and he eats more than I do.

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




My sister keeps her thermostat at 63 degrees. She lives in a drafty 120 year old farmhouse in a place that sees multiple sub-zero days and has five kids. They're all fine. The baby will adjust. Just remember that back in the old days people wore nightcaps for a reason: hats trap body heat. Slap a fleece sleeper on baby, put her in a sleepsack, pop a hat on her head and she'll be good to go. Alternately you might consider cosleeping since your body heat will also help keep baby warm.

I feel you about the ice cold clothes. Man I hate going up there for Christmas. At least my Smartwool socks get a work out (get these, they rule, I would buy a smartwool bodysuit if they made one).

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




Something ain't right, is my first instinct. Do you breastfeed? Have you tried eliminating any allergens from your wife's diet then slowly reintroducing them one at a time to see if he's got some kinf of allergic reaction that's making him miserable? If he's formula fed have you tried a non-milk/soy based one? Are his clothes bothering him, any rashes or redness? Sometimes the ink on the tags/printing on the back of the shirt can cause issues, sometimes the detergent used in washing the clothes, sometimes it can be soap or perfume or... you get the idea. Is he warm enough, is he too warm, getting enough to eat gassy etc etc.

If you can rule all those out I'd suggest a visit to the doctor or an experienced midwife to see if they can't figure something out.

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




Yeah, unfortunately you can't just 'cut down' you've got to eliminate, and for a good while. Caffeine's another good one, as sadly is chocolate.

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




Is it bright red? Is there a lot of it? Did you just have sex/did she have an obgyn appointment today? Has she spotted before? How is she feeling otherwise? Any yeast/UTI infection symptoms?

I wouldn't worry about it overmuch unless it increases in color and flow and she starts to feel bad/off/wrong. Chances are her cervix was just irritated by something recently.

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




Bodnoirbabe: welcome to motherhood. Seriously. You are not alone. The reason everyone only talks about the happy joyful bonding crap is because after that much severe sleep dep you just plain don't remember the rest of it.

You are not going crazy, you just gave birth. You're tired, sore, you have a new baby demanding your time and instead of sleeping and taking care of yourself you're taking care of this helpless little human being. Oh and did we mention your hormones are going to be COMPLETELY WHACK for about a week post-partum? This isn't all just you, it will get better.

Feel free to mourn your old life. If anyone truly knew what they were getting into before the kid actually arrived the human race would probably die out within fifty years. I will not promise you will ever sleep in again, but you will find other ways to spend time with your husband, and the kid cannot help but get older. This will be both a blessing and a curse. Just remember This Too Shall Pass.

Pumping: Do it. Do it now. It will help keep your supply up when kiddo is sleepy, it will help your husband bond with the kid by getting a chance to feed him, and it will give you a chance for some much-needed rest. Even if you plan on breastfeeding exclusively there will be times you want or need to be out of the house and that stored milk and the ability to drink from a bottle will come in handy. You are not a failure if you pump. If I hadn't pumped I'd have given myself mastitis in the first week, my milk came in so hard. I had to just to relieve the pressure. I probably could've fed triplets.

Kid sleeping: You absolutely HAVE to wake newborns up every 3 or 4 hours to get them to eat. Remember in the womb they didn't have to do anything but sleep, all their needs were taken care of for them by the umbilical cord. Now they have to actually do something and its all new to them. It sounds odd but some kids you have to teach to eat, especially if they've been drugged via you as mentioned above. Set an alarm if you have to, but get that kid awake before he gets howling mad from hunger. Strip him down to a diaper, tickle his foot or put a cold damp washcloth on them, whatever it takes, but get that poor kid on a feeding schedule for his comfort and your sanity. It'll make things much much easier.

Finally, sleep when the baby sleeps. Doesn't matter if you just got up 30 minutes ago and there's five loads of laundry and you haven't brushed your teeth. If he's fed changed and sleeping, GO TO SLEEP. You're recovering from major surgery. Set an alarm, keep the kid in a bassinet next to your bed and zonk out. Have your husband alert you when its time to wake up, and make sure you're trading off feeding times. Don't get angry if he's harder to rouse than you; you have hormones and instinct working on you to keep you sleeping lightly. He's still sleeping normally plus is probably also sleep-deprived. Feel free to physically push him out of the bed if that's what it takes to wake him up, though.

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Oracle
Oct 9, 2004




Make sure she's drinking plenty of water as well.

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