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Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


McDonalds thought it might be a wise idea to have a woman in their commercial whose body structure resembles that of Brian Urlacher.

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Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


This one is new. It's only been playing a few days.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrmsSbojBVI

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


This one's new, too. It's probably my favorite commercial airing right now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ys0cmMiW6bI

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


Tom "Biff Tannen" Wilson does the voiceovers for the Golden Corral commercials.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


YES

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0qth4rtXao

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?

This is just the shortened version of the longer commercial, which includes a voiceover and several demonstrations. The full length commercial is 1,000 times worse.

I saw this for the first time last night and my jaw was agape at how truly awful it was.

EDIT: Here's another version of it....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WydPwSyW27I

The "Insane in the Membrane" hook for a skateboard without wheels commercial? INCREDIBLE.

Gonz fucked around with this message at Jul 14, 2011 around 00:07

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


New favorite commercial (that will never air on TV here in the US):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvgYAwDORo4

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


What the gently caress, Heineken?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bywh_r0bvGs

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


I am severely disappointed that this new Project X movie has nothing to do with Matthew Broderick saving super-smart chimpanzees from government experiments.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


The Music Bullet is a terrible product and anyone who owns it is probably a terrible person.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


That's Kate Upton, she's king poo poo of the supermodel world right now.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


I will also chime in and say that Haribo Gold Bears are a superior gummy bear to any and all other brands. I normally pick a bag of them up for a buck at a gas station; they're infinitely more affordable than any of the 5-6-7 dollar candy that movie theaters try to sell you.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


Son of a BITCH.

REALLY?!?!?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqcUrmVKjjM

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


Mio's ingredients are basically 100% artificial. It's like squirting concentrated awfulness into your water.

Case in point:

quote:

Water, Citric Acid, Propylene Glycol, Malic Acid, Contains Less than 2% of Natural Flavor, Sucralose and Acesulfame Potassium (Sweeteners), Potassium Citrate, Red 40, Blue 1, Potassium Sorbate (Preservative).

* Propylene Glycol is a clear and slightly bitter liquid that is used to prevent discoloration of foods during storage. It has been shown to cause various diseases in animal studies when consumed in large quantities.

* Acesulfame Potassium is a fake sweetener that is potentially carcinogenic.

* “Natural Flavor” with fake colors to cause you to imagine the berries depicted on the package. Unfortunately those artificial colors may cause cancer and hyperactivity too.

* Last but not least, potassium sorbate is a mold inhibitor – it allows this product to sit on a shelf for months.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


This goddamn commercial. THIS GODDAMN COMMERCIAL.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VE4bcq8Plzk

It's just that loving "SOMEBODAYYYYYYYYY LEFT THE GAAAAAAAAATE OOOOOOPPPEENNNNNN" song that grates my ears and brain. It wouldn't be as bad if this particular ad didn't play 10 times an hour on drat near every channel I watch.

Die, Citibank.

Die.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


Several years ago, when I finally found out what they put in Chicken McNuggets, I stopped eating at McDonalds.

Period. I'll never eat there ever again. Their drink cups are probably made out of recycled humane shelter dog beds, too.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


I grew up outside of Detroit, HQ of Little Caesars pizza. Mike Illitch, the LC CEO, owns the Tigers and Red Wings, and profits from his pizza company went directly into funding those two franchises, so I always did my part and occasionally bought LC pizza for nearly 20 years.

It wasn't the greatest pizza, but it was inexpensive, so it was convenient. I've always found the crazy breads to be the best part of Little Caesars, though.

One day, about 12 years ago, I ordered a Hot 'n Ready for my brother and I and took it home to eat. After the first bite, I could tell something was wrong. The pizza had a strong chemical taste to it. It was revolting. I immediately spit the pizza out and smelled the other slices in the box.

They smelled like bleach.

I drove back to the store and told the manager what had happened. He apologized profusely and offered me another pizza free of charge. I told him to kiss my rear end and walked out. I went home and called corporate and told them what had happened, and they took my contact information down and said they'd get back to me after they investigated it.

About a month later, I got a letter in the mail from some regional corporate bigwig explaining that they found out that the reason the cheese tasted like bleach was due to the fact that the reusable bags that this particular location uses to store the cheeses are occasionally disinfected with bleach and then washed clean with soap and water before more cheese is placed back in.

Apparently this location had some lazy gently caress who thought it'd be okay to just do step 1 without following through on step 2 of the disinfecting process, and that's why the cheese was bleachy. I'm positive that other people that day also had the same problem I had.

They sent me a 100 dollar gift card as an apology and said that they hoped that this incident wouldn't affect my patronage of their stores in the future. I ended up giving the gift card to a relative and as of this day, I have never purchased or consumed another pizza from Little Caesars.

Besides, if we're talking pizza companies that are headquartered in Michigan, Hungry Howie's (HQ'd in Westland, MI) is the superior pizza place. Free flavored crusts, motherfucker.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


I just imagine diehard Miracle Whip supporters starting some sort of Ruby Ridge or Branch Davidian-style standoff with federal agents, all in the name of the mayo revolution.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


SON OF A BITCH

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2wtNYkngvA

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


Alfred P. Pseudonym posted:

This made the NFL Draft hell

Precisely. It got to the point where I had to watch the whole thing on mute because they played this goddamn ad 4 times every commercial break.

I've been a Verizon customer for years now, and I appreciate the fact that when I got my iPhone 4, they let me grandfather my contract agreement into it, allowing me to continue to have unlimited data for the same price, despite the fact that new customers have a data cap.

But these ads are really trying my patience with Verizon, so much to the point that i'm considering going over to Sprint when the iPhone 5 comes out this fall. My contract is up in December, anyway.

Get your poo poo together, Verizon. This is like nails on a chalkboard on a daily basis, now.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


ONE YEAR LATER posted:

It's a radio ad but there's a Taco Bell one going around where they quote fake twitter people talking about their tacos and ugh.

Oh god, yeah, that one is particularly infuriating. Especially the line "I think i'm gonna cry, yo.".

Despite the fact that it's clearly a bullshit Twitter account being quoted, in reality, if the taste of lovely faux preprocessed Mexican food bring a tear of joy to your eye, then you should immediately douse yourself in kerosene and then flick a Zippo.

And if you say you're gonna cry, don't you dare follow that up with "yo". You're not a cholo and never will be. Stop it.

A more realistic Taco Bell commcercial would feature someone laying down on the couch after eating the Taco Bell food, and crying/clutching their stomach in pain because of it.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


Boondock Saint posted:

Isn't that the one where the CEO's name is "Tom Cruise" or some poo poo?

Tom Kruse

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


N: An interesting commercial that harkens back to much of my childhood during the 80's.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAWDA7Xqjz8

V: Too bad Sonic food is absolute garbage.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


vyst posted:

Also, Sonic's shakes aren't bad. The rest of the food sucks though.

Yeah, the beverages and shakes aren't bad at all, but the food is just blech.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


In 'n Out above all others. In 'n Out über alles.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


If you lived in Southeastern Michigan during the early-to-mid 80's, then this commercial would have been the bane of your existence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bo3XPDh7Irs

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


So it's come to this, Dee Snider?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWviL_8ShZc

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


QuickbreathFinisher posted:

Goddamn, those are like extended Tim and Eric sketches with no punchline.

Reminds me of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8u4CEBVq7s

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


NaturalLow posted:

This commercial irritates me a little just because it makes no sense. If anything, having your eyes dilated makes your vision temporarily worse and you sure as hell wouldn't want to be staring at a bright computer screen at the time.

Precisely. I've had my eyes dialted several times in the past for eye exams, and all I did afterwards was have someone drive me home so I could turn off all the lights and put my face under a pillow before falling asleep. Dialeted pupils are a pain in the rear end.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


Your family will treasure this lovely piece of costume jewelery for generations!

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


Say what you will about Subway, and Subway is terrible, but gently caress Quiznos. gently caress Quiznos forever. Remember this poo poo?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PdsS01iUZs

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


ONE YEAR LATER posted:

Besides, the General is loving pixar quality compared to this thing:

RaspberryCommie posted:

Didn't know Tim and Eric did tax commercials too.

BlueTax.com, as directed by Glen Tennis:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDGud3o0Nrc

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


Know why this is my new favorite current commercial? Because it doesn't feature awful loud music, and it also doesn't feature lovely CGI.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuNihdGBu8k

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


I love the Quietus commercials; I make a fertility crack every time I see it on TV.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


God, it's like something Pinhead would show you before ripping your skin off and dragging you to Hell.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


Oh NO! I was cooking pasta with my husband (because cooking pasta is difficult and requires more than 1 person), and the power went out!

Regardless of the fact that I had no light source, I continued cooking the meal to completion.

Then, I put the meal on a plate, shoved a flashlight under my jowls and attempted to eat the dinner like nothing had happened, but trying to eat with a flashlight lodged under my chin is awkward and hard to do, so I kept dropping the flashlight, which interrupted my meal several times!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDR6Vcu3oUc

Also, I enjoy taking my Olde Brooklyn Lantern with me in public places, like some sort of mentally deficient Paul Revere, but rather than warning people that the British are coming, it warns them that an insane person is approaching, instead.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


muscles like this? posted:

I like how the lantern is made of "genuine metal."

I prefer my lanterns to be constructed out of cheap, imitation metal, preferably from China or Malaysia.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


In brightest day
In blackest night
No pasta shall escape my sight...

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


I've owned one of those deluxe MagLite police flashlights (the one with the 4 D batteries in it that can also double as a weapon) for the better part of the last 15 years and it has yet to fail me.

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Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


Goddamn you, T-Mobile. Goddamn you straight to Hell.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0eML7aphSc

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