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Baron Bifford
May 24, 2006
Probation
Can't post for 3 years!
Great action and special effects, if you don't mind Michael Bay's love of shaky cam. Stupid plot, ridiculous over-acting, inane characters. He's learnt nothing from his two previous disasters.

2/5

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the_psychologist
Jul 28, 2004
~~Bush is a Dick.....Cheney~~
Couldn't make it past the part where Sam is screaming in the car about not being allowed into the silly old military base. Or was it another scene that snapped my remaining good nerve? It's tough to reassemble what I saw into anything that makes sense.

Given the drop in brightness for 3D movies, I was not amused by the overall effect. It was the best screen around, though I'm not sure if it's real IMAX or what.

I also noticed that much of the CG doesn't seem to mesh with the live action that well. It's like the CG is just too BLINGEY or something.

Stupid robot designs also detract.

I bailed and asked for a replacement pass for another day. Life's too short for this horseshite.

?/10

the_psychologist fucked around with this message at 06:46 on Jul 6, 2011

KatMan911
Jan 21, 2002
CHEAP FUCKASS. I HAVE NO COMPASSION. IGNORE ME. I AM WORTHLESS.
The movie was too long for my liking, and didn't manage to keep me interested. Towards the end I just wanted it to be over and almost got up and walked out at least twice, but decided to stick until the end, just so I would know how it ends (I run a video store, so I gotta discuss movies with customers).

The movie suffered from the same problems as with #2, like unnecessary out-of-place comic relief, both human and robots (we get an equivalent of the ebonically speaking Bucktoothed Twins from #2 within the first 10 minutes of #3), too many robots, can't really get attached to or even keep track of Transformer characters, bad acting, bad story, and horrible, horrible dialogue. Several good actors just got wasted on this piece of crap, which was sad. Even giant robots fighting lost its appeal after you got too much of it.

2/5

low8284
May 20, 2003
If you want an entertaining action movie full of CGI this is it. It requires no brain effort at all, literally you could talk through the entire movie and hardly miss a thing.

Much the same as the first two Transformer movies, Dark of the Moon is nothing short of 2 1/2 hours of amazing special effects, things blowing up, and robots fighting. Personally I'm always a believer of being in the right mindset when viewing a particular movie. This is a big budget CGI fest full of action, not a well written script with flushed out characters. I saw it in theaters for the overall visual experience.

The Good:

-Amazing special effects (however with every explosion I just kept thinking of the Imaginationland episode of South Park with Michael Bay)

-Much more of an "invasion" film then the first two
-John Turturro, John Malkovich, Patrick Dempsey, Kevin Dunn, Julie White and Frances McDormand are all amazing
- Rosie Huntington Whitely is gorgeous
-Giant robots fighting will always be awesome
- Leonard Nimoy as Sentinel Prime
-
The Bad:

-Simple plot, same as the first as in "Holy poo poo! The Decepticons are after *insert object* we have to get there and stop them from getting it"
-90% of the acting is trite and could be played by anyone, you , me...anyone. Essentially anyone not listed above.
-Blood...they're robots....they don't have blood and their fluids aren't likely blood red
-Alot of the auto-bots are boring and when attempting to be entertaining ...well just aren't.
-It's long...and feels long. There's definitely way to much down time of the characters doing and saying things you don't care about

I'm giving this movie my rating based on the fact that this IS a fun movie to see in theaters for the excellent special effects on a big screen. There's no great script, most of the screen time spent by the main actors will cause you to wish you could fast forward, but the amount of things blowing up combined with fighting robots makes up for it.

4/5

low8284 fucked around with this message at 22:21 on Jul 7, 2011

Huggable Bear King
Jan 12, 2006
H.B.K.
I thought it was a fun movie, I splurged on IMAX 3D and was pretty impressed with how sharp the picture was and how the 3D was generally used well, it never felt gimmicky or tacked on. The action scenes were good, you can actually tell what the gently caress is happening unlike the fight scenes in the last two films. The CGI is a little hit or miss, most of the time it looks great but occasionally there are scenes where it's kind of cartoonish and one of the robot designs is so bad and out of place it's laughable.

Megan Fox was not missed, her character was so vapid and inane that she was easily replaced.
As far as the story goes I actually think it makes the most sense of the three, sure it's cliche but at least it felt like there was something at stake, the humans were given a reason to fight and they actually did something. that being said I kind of had some issues with the premise, like the plot isn't exactly rock solid but it isn't anywhere near the disjointed clusterfuck that Transformers 2 was. Basically If you enjoyed the first one it's worth seeing this in theaters.

4/5

Huggable Bear King fucked around with this message at 22:53 on Jul 8, 2011

GreenBuckanneer
Sep 15, 2007

1/5

This movie was so bad it was almost offensive.

Cliches up the wazoo, predictable storyline, shallow characters, plot that goes nowhere. The movie was really too long for nothing.

Ka0
Sep 16, 2002

:siren: :siren: :siren:
AS A PROUD GAMERGATER THE ONLY THING I HATE MORE THAN WOMEN ARE GAYS AND TRANS PEOPLE
:siren: :siren: :siren:
Where to begin. Lots of questions. Why does Michael Bay edit his movies as if they were TV commercials, why is this thing 3 hours long, why introduce characters and then have them killed or do nothing... agh.

I liked the story. I liked how it tried to tie in with historic facts. That was a nice effort. There was an actual rapport this time around between Sam and the audience. I also thought Huntington did an ok job as being "GF of Guy who befriends Bumblebee". Sam's parent time was kept minimal, as it should have.

Special effects were a mixed bag. This thing is such an over-the-top romp it's difficult to judge what works and what doesn't. Plenty of incredible action sequences. The battles themselves were quite visceral, I counted no less than 5 decapitations.

The humans get to do useful stuff! including taking down baddies, rallying and overall contributing to the Autobots. Also the sympathising humans who worked for the Decepticons was a nice touch.

The score was pretty adecuate. Since most of the time you cannot tell if robot a killing robot b is either bad or good it helps with making the audience to understand.

That's it. Go anywhere online for a complete list of "things that are bad about this movie". I couldn't summarise them for the life of me.

3/5

OK fine THE EDITING OF THIS MOVIE IS loving ATROCIOIUS, I AM BEING AS SERIOUS AS A BRAIN ANEURYSM

Zuriel147
May 1, 2009
Transformers 3 is a film utterly without merit that exists only to sell makeup and cars to loving idiots. It is ironic that the latest film contains a scene of the space shuttle being blown up, considering that whilst the average cost of a space shuttle mission was $450M (which would be less had it not been cancelled), the Transformers films to date have had a budget of $550M. It is also ironic that apparently some parts of previous Michael Bay films are reusable, as in the space shuttle programme.

There are only two possible glimpses of a plus side to the film, one being that it ended, and the second being that Industrial Light and Magic have managed to do some pretty good special effects on their Hot Girl (tm) (with over 600 individual moving parts and two days of rendering hours). While the budget cuts have clearly had an impact on motion capture and voice acting, at least they have managed to get the loving thumbs right this time.

The women in this film (of which only three are actually given the honour of having a character name) exist as either as one dimensional objects to be bickered and leered over by alpha males, wrong-headed government types proven wrong by the main character, or, laughably, to hold said government type's handbags, of which there are so many that the character, dubbed "Mearing's Aide" in the credits, has trouble identifying the appropriate one ("it's the green ostrich"). It speaks volumes that, in amongst the G.I. Joe gentleman's club attitudes, the only positive note that a feminist is likely to take from the film is that at least the government idiot that will not listen to the main character is a female mental cripple rather than a male one. The fact that she is leered over by the government idiot from the first film is like noticing the diamonds glistening in this turd of a film are actually bits of broken glass.

The effect of watching Transformers 3 can be obtained merely by watching the first two films back to back, but louder. The entire fiasco is in essence the same film (which could be said for the previous sequel, although Transformers 3 is considerably less racist than the others). Michael Bay's whole schtick is "loving the frame", but the fact is that after thirty minutes of watching, it was me who felt shafted.


Just out of interest, the money spent on the Transformers films is equivalent to any of the following:

One space shuttle mission.

One Goldman Sachs fine.

10 AgustaWestland Apache Attack Helicopters.

All RBS assets in Taiwan, the Philippines and Viet Nam.

The amount raised by the Disaster Emergency Committee in major campaigns since 2004.

Roughly one Live Aid (adjusted for inflation).

The yearly salary of two million Ethiopian households.

One million mosquito nets treated with slow release insecticide.

Seventeen billion aspirin tablets.

-

In any case, I didn't like the film and felt angry enough about wasting my time to write about it on the internet. Transformers 3 is that poo poo (although you might like it, who knows).

2/5 Saved from a 1/5 by impressive special effects.

The Jizzer
Mar 19, 2003

...a man that doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man.
I don't understand why people are complaining about this being a disappointment or are somehow surprised that this is anything more than Michael Bay crawling into your head and punching you in the brain for two hours. You were expecting quality acting? Cinematography? Something more than an FX orgy...from a Michael Bay film which has established precedent TWICE?

This movie is stupid.

The acting sucks.
The editing is, as stated, aneurysm-inducing.
The comic relief is annoying.

It is, however, two-plus hours of gigantic robots exploding things and beating the poo poo out of each other. That is what the other movies were about, and that was what was inferred in the trailer.

If you expect a mindless gobfest of robotic violence then you will not be disappointed. Expect anything resembling "filmmaking" and you will.

4/5

Mr. Crow
May 22, 2008

Snap City mayor for life

The Jizzer posted:

If you expect a mindless gobfest of robotic violence then you will not be disappointed. Expect anything resembling "filmmaking" and you will.

I disagree. Anyone with half a brain should know what they're getting in to when they see Transformers. The problem with Dark of the Moon is that they somehow drag out over 2 1/2 hours of not-robotic violence. You go in expecting a Michael Bay film with awesome special effects and explosions and action everywhere and not much else and... you don't even get that. It reeked of somebody somewhere trying to make a compelling, critically acclaimed adaptation of a Michael Bay film, instead of just making it a robot-action-packed good time and so we end up with this over-long drawn out and predictable movie with limited action (relative to what you might expect).

1/5

mysterious frankie
Jan 11, 2009

This displeases Dev- ..van. Shut up.
Roll two car engines down a hill, while screaming at them, for three hours. Have a dog fart whenever they reach the bottom. You have now recreated Transformers 3

1/5

Galewolf
Jan 9, 2007

The human gallbladder is indeed a puzzle!
I somehow ended up enjoying this movie, more than i should most likely. I liked the relatively less liberal use of shaky cam compared to Transformers 2. I actually understood what the hell is happening on the screen except couple of shots and thats due to having lots of stuff happening on the screen to follow. It seems that Bay has finally learned how to put the camera on hold instead of spinning it around the scene like a madman.

The "plot" was, and i am using this term very, very lightly here, solid this time. Yes i used an airquoted term very, very lightly. But it wasn't as horrible as the second film (on a sidenote i've never watched the first film). It had a clear beginning, developed with a good pace and wrapped up things nicely. Also, they didn't skipped all over the world this time so it lacked the infamous Museum-Plane Graveyard-loving Petra Temple leading to Pyramids scene of its own.

The action scenes were good and spectacular but Bay hardly gets any points from that with all resources he has. I especially liked the car chase scene and that long rear end skyscraper shot. I somehow enjoye that human vs hugeass robot fights aswell but this time robot vs robot was even more focused on.

Yes yes the characters are terrible i know, not defending it. Autobots have their new racial stereotypes, brawly Aussie (or British?) Wreckers but ultimately boring as poo poo as a group with the exception of Ironhide. I think even if Bumblebee ripped the poo poo out of every single Deception out there single handedly, he wouldn't look badass. Optimus Prime is just fanboy wank material, i never liked Transformers that much though so i might be biased here. Deceptions are spiky and for some reason have metal rasta hairs but what the hell.

Actors, oh the actors. I can't believe how irritating Shia is, doubly in this movie because all he does is whine&shout this time instead of JUST shouting "AEPTEMUS!!!!". Ok i get it you made the mistake of casting him because he blows Spielberg or something i don't know, just make him bite a stray laser or get smashed in the face by a giant angry robot like it is bound to happen in five seconds any scene he is involved against Decepticons. I don't care about which chick plays his girlfriend this time, never did either. Rosie something-something is gorgeous, british and my god that jean does look tight i mean how she didn't ended up as a red stain on some pavement or vaporized by an energy bolt while battle hardened soldiers bite it by the dozen?

And, an actual TWIST on a Bay film? Not just one but two? Why i never!

Overall, i expected something terrible and i got something terrible but enjoyed it somehow. It was much better than Transformers 2 and pretty much did its job for me. I am also never, ever going to watch this again.

4/5 if you like mindless action and claim that this movie had a plot, 1/5 if you are not me.

Galewolf fucked around with this message at 23:32 on Oct 29, 2011

Maladjusted Jester
Jul 11, 2012
The title of this movie made me laugh. The original, "Dark Side of the Moon" was, while inaccurate, able to be used metaphorically. However, "Dark of the Moon" just sounds silly.

conscript salad
Oct 5, 2005
I am not allowed to post outside of CC or repsnake will hurt me.
Every Speaking character makes the worst, most nonsensical decisions simply to set up the horribly long action finale. It's truly agonizing to the point of anger to try and rationalize these people being qualified for their respected roles in the movie. So much so that by the end I felt they deserved to be annihilated or enslaved. I hated it.

Sam kills Starscream single-handedly. :smithfrog:

0/5

The Slippery Nipple
Mar 27, 2010
This is the only movie that has made me actually become enraged while watching. It is the stupidest thing I have ever laid my eyes upon. Characters choices make so sense, the character themselves are even more stupid than they were in last two movies and the plot makes no sense what so ever.

As someone who enjoyed the previous two in a 'turn your brain off' kind of way, I couldn't enjoy this one because even with ones brain turned off it still an offensive piece of poo poo, and I am ashamed at western civilisation for producing such an abomination, and for it actually being successful.


The worst movie I have ever seen, 0/5

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plushpuffin
Jan 10, 2003

Fratercula arctica

Nap Ghost
Just saw this on Netflix instant play and decided to waste two hours. Boy, did I ever!

Incredibly simple, stupid plot with completely predictable twists and turns that somehow managed to confuse me because it was so nonsensical and badly paced. Terrible, terrible acting. Did I mention awful pacing? I felt like I was watching it on cable and it had 5-10 minutes cut out of various parts. Cuts from scene to another made no sense. Side characters were introduced and thrown away. Talented actors were wasted. lovely actors were given top billing. Sexism and racism abounded. RAH RAH American military jingoism thanks to yet another sponsorship deal with the armed forces.

AVOID

1/5

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