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El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Trico posted:

Does everyone remember the time Tyrion married Sansa? That was such a... thing that happened.

Nobody ever spoils that because it sounds dumb and nothing ever came of it.

Didn't he marry her to save her life? I'm pretty sure Joffrey/Cersei would've killed her after the Margaery marriage was set up.

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El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Junkenstein posted:

In that case, they choose someone far too old to play Arya.

Anyone has a list with the ages of all the Stark children?

In my mind it was always something like:

Robb 16
Sansa 14
Arya 12
Bran 10
Rickon 6

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Factor_VIII posted:

It all makes sense. Sansa shows true agency when she rats out her dad to Cersei, thus ensuring the destruction of her house.

I got banned in the bad thread for posting pretty much this but with slightly harsher words :(

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Joramun posted:

Arya is the most sociopathic one of them all.

She saw her father get his head chopped off, she has reason.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'
I didn't notice it before reading this thread but holy gently caress there ARE a lot of food descriptions in these books, I'm re-reading CoK and every chapter is filled with huge walls of text describing hundreds of foods.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Factor_VIII posted:

GRRM takes the "write about what you love" credo to heart. The endless descriptions of food and underage sex are proof of that.

Seriously though, lamprey pies GRRM? that sounds like the most disgusting thing ever.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Azure_Horizon posted:

I like that ending, too.

It's like a Mass Effect 3 ending, goons loved that one.

Also GRRM is 63 years old and fat as hell he won't live long enough to finish the series.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Honestly, the only time I've felt physically ill from reading a book, any book, was when Joffrey made his guard strip Sansa naked and then beat the poo poo out of her in front of everyone, god that was awful.

The show is nothing compared to the books.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Smashurbanipal posted:

That was worse than the Jeyne/Reek/Ramsay situation? With the added later implication of bestiality and him biting and beating the poo poo out of her...

By the time I got to ADWD I was already desensitized by the GURM :(

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

IRQ posted:

I'm the one who brought up woods porn, I am the grandpa.


I've made it before.

Woods porn is how kids got porn before the internet. Nobody knows how or why it was there, but there was always porn to be found in the woods, usually found while shooting crap with bb guns. You tried not to think too much about its origins.

There was probably some pedophile watching you masturbate.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'
Was anyone else as sad as me when Oberyn was killed by the Mountain? I wanted him to win that fight so bad :(

loving GURM won't let us have a happy moment through the whole series

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

smarion2 posted:

Did you really think he was going to live and have Tyrion bailed out the same way twice? I'll admit for a little bit I almost thought he was going to succeed but nope, the GURM denies us yet again.

Edit: I almost think he knows that most peopole are just reading to see if anything happens so if he writes something good it'll all be over.

No, I also thought he was going to fail but with the way the fight played out I really thought he was going to do it but then he got cocky. :(

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

IRQ posted:

I forget who it was, but someone around here used to argue fervently that they were also loving.

And why not? Jon is a secret targ so they are only cousins





yes I'm kidding

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Koirhor posted:

GRRM has probably hosed himself good, because at this point I think he's going to be bouncing ideas off the HBO guys to help him finish the books and then take all the credit of course.

This is exactly what I was thinking, GRRM is hosed no matter what.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Ross posted:

Maybe we will get an Ice & Fire Update sometime this year.

Well gurm has read a few chapters of winds of winter, if he likes money as much as anyone then he has a good incentive as any with the tv show.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Ambiguatron posted:

I seriously think that was his plan all along, that the whole series was to be the shocker decapitation of the apparent Fantasy Protagonist writ large, but he got too involved in his world and regrets setting it up, and doesn't want to finish it. He doesn't want to kill all of his imaginary people with an endless winter.

That doesn't necessarily has to happen, Dany can still come and save the day with her dragons and burn every Other if GRRM wants a happy ending.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Midnight- posted:

Isn't there only one path into Dorne, which is guarded by a Dornish army?

Well there are ships too, I don't think Dorne has such a good navy either to blockade the rest of the continent from invading them from the sea.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Contra Calculus posted:

So I am watching the latest episode and apparently they decided to replace Jacelyn with Bronn for commanding the City Watch. Makes sense since Bywater gets murdered like two seconds into ASoS. What else has changed that I may not have noticed?

Lots of the changes have been for the better, they are mostly done to save $$$ but there really are too many useless characters in these series.

Also I was watching the commentary on Episode 8 Season 1 by GURM himself and he says they got a lot of angry mail because Ghost wasn't completely silent on the show... people complain about the silliest poo poo.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

el_brio posted:

It sure would be nice if GRRM killed off Dany in the next book. Then Arya. Nothing is plausible about a 13 yr old girl being a bad-rear end. Just doesn't happen in real life.

Wasn't Joan of Arc like 16 when she was doing her thing?

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Sad King Billy posted:

Game of Thrones: The Tv show, has become a major talking point at work. One of my colleagues is convinced that Sansa and Shae will have a lesbian affair.

I thought this outlandish at first but considering what HBO are like, it wouldn't surprise me if they added it in!

I'm sure you are kidding but the actress playing Sansa is like 15.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'
I don't know why some people think Jon will be riding a dragon considering he burned his hand, surely you'd have to be fireproof like Dany to ride a dragon.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Tony Danza Claus posted:

Winds of Winter prologue:

Zombie Catelyn killed Jaime. JonCon and Aegon are rotting in the siege of Storms End.

3 YEARS LATER

Dany and Drogon have built a khalasar.

Jon is dead. Ghost acts dumber than before, though, and is always humping Dolorous Edd.

Davos found Rickon and brought his feral rear end to Stannis.

Stannis is the de facto king of the wall and the north.

Cersei is completely mad and coddles King Tommen way too much.

Victarion has been chasing the dragons. Along the way he found Tyrion. Tyrion is alive because he amuses Victarion.

Samwise Gamgee is now a maester.

Arya is a ninja.

Sansa is Sansa. Littlefinger is creeping.

The war has ended as Westeros is buried in snow.

RESUME STORY.

This but unironically.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

crazypeltast52 posted:

So I updated this post with the quoted texts and moved deeper into the proto-bad thread. We are still before the time of the absolute fucker, but beneath the surface a dark rage is brewing. GRRM has just missed a deadline for finishing Dance, destroying expectations that it would be published in the fall of 2008.

A means of motivating the GRRM is discovered:


http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2327492&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=128#post345439260

Little would he know what he would create and the true foulness of the GRRM was not yet known as we know it today, but I must wrap it in spoiler tags to protect the young minds of this thread.


http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2327492&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=128#post345444593

Continuing onward, I discovered more of what came to be known as "horrible fan-fiction" in the guise of continuing the story should the GRRM perish to a pizza or three.


http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2327492&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=128#post345446596

It is unknown if these tales ever reached GRRM, but if they had, the yet unBad thread would have contributed to several of countless one-handed typing sessions responsible for the writing delays they had suffered thus far.

drat these two are excellent post more please.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Dead Man Posting posted:

Yeah I was wrong. I thought HBO did another "Let's change this around so our viewers don't get confused" thing, but in my defense I was pretty drunk after watching a hockey game (then that episode after) and it was a dark scene.

He even says he's Amory Lorch dude.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

Sure. The continuing adventure of Ser Gregor Clegane, as you will.


I thought there was more than just three chapters, too. Welp! I should do something about that, I guess.

These ae really good.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'
Anyone remembers who gives Sansa the hairnet with the poison beads that kills Joffrey?

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'
Thanks it was killing me haha.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'
Bad thing is that they 100% won't have Tyrion with a huge scar on his face and no nose, it's not that huge of a deal because Dinklage is such a good actor that he makes up for it but still, the show is lacking every character recoiling at Tyrion's ugly mug.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Tony Danza Claus posted:

It's odd reading the books describing characters now.

Loras, the prettiest man in the world, is played by a Skinny-Fat.

And the hideous half-man is played by the second handsomest man on the show.

(Jaime :swoon: )

I was really disappointed with TV Loras, I expected him to be a handsome guy like John Hamm but we got a twink.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Tony Danza Claus posted:

But in the book Lora's is, like, 15.

And prissy.

Where the hell did you get Jon Hamm from?

Well I don't know a young John Hamm, in the books it seems every woman is in love with him, TV Loras looks like he might get blown off if there's a strong wind.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'
ok ok ok replace Jon Hamm with another actor that actually looks like he could lift a sword and it's good looking

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Junkenstein posted:

I'd have much preferred a Spartacus-esque CGI-Fest for the King's Hand Tourney than the poo poo we got.

Hahahah I wonder if you can post in the TVIV no spoiler thread with that avatar without getting banned.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'
Are lemon cakes really Sansa's favorite?

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Rurik posted:

The only person I remember loving lemoncakes in the series is Sansa and she just can't be called a bitch.

Unless she's 16 in TWOW and goes ~~My Littlefinger~~

I'm sure she's gone ~~~My Littlefinger~~~ more than a few times by now if you catch my gurm.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

IRQ posted:

I need to watch Spartacus. :fap:

It's pretty much only sex and beheadings, so yeah it owns.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'
No way, they've stuck very close to the books until now, Robb and Cat are going to die at the RW, she's probably just referring to Zombie Cat who serves no purpose whatsoever but be an insufferable bitch.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'
To me Dany is Azor Ahai, all the signs of the prophecy match her perfectly, she's going to make Lightbringer by killing ~~~~Daario~~~.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Ambiguatron posted:

The last thing the Iron Throne needs is watery poo poo all over it, it'll give people infections when they cut themselves.

Also I hope the various references throughout the series to the Iron Throne actually killing unworthy people who sat upon it turns out to be literally true, in that in the age of dragons and magic now come again it reveals itself as an iron golem in chair form who judges all who sit upon it and devours those who are unfit to rule in a spectacular fountain of gore.

Hmm Jaime sat on it and he isn't dead, maybe he's the king at the end of the series?

by the end of the series I of course mean a Jaime fan fiction

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Maytag posted:

I understood it and completely agree.

Also Rowling already did the whole "normally an inanimate object but it judges people" bit and that's probably the only original idea in her entire series. Oh wait no that's been done before too. I loving hate her.

Everything has already been done if you want to really look into things.

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El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Ambiguatron posted:

I'm reasonably certain his plans involve Sansa claiming Winterfell, but I doubt he'd have Tommen killed. Even if he had the means, it would be a better fit for his MO to attach himself to Sansa controlling the Stark holdings in a Seven Kingdoms united under the Iron Throne. He knows how precarious the throne actually is and he wouldn't want to center his plans on it.

Ultimately, I'm sure whatever he plans will gently caress up because he really shouldn't diddle Sansa but he won't be able to help himself. It would be a fitting end for his character to go down because he lost sight of the driving principles that made him a success in the first place. I doubt Sansa will have anything to do with it, at least consciously.

Having Sansa claim the North alone isn't going to do jack unless he has the military might to back up her claim. Roose isn't Stannis, and his nutty son most certainly isn't. He needs the authority of the crown working for him without being so tied to it that if the current monarch falls, he lose too.

I haven't read the series since I did a pre DWD re-read. Has Sansa's marriage to Tyrion ever been formally annulled? That's another snag in his plans.

They didn't consummate their marriage so that can be easily annulled yeah.

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