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All right, well after my two week vacation from the Book Barn to stay away from spoilers (I only had Jon and Martell dying spoiled for me), here's my take on the book: Everything In Essos: was really getting loving boring. I hated how we got another city-state with it's own pseudo-African/Arabian government in place and how we had to have that loving described to us. The First Half: was actually really loving good with the exception of what I just said above. I loved Tyrion's trip down the river: I actually felt that he will someday look back at those times fondly and as some of the happiest of his life. I liked Jon getting his people provisioned and I actually enjoyed Theon's chapters this time, despite how much you wanted to yell in his face "don't loving go nuts, keep it together, you can get through this". The first half of the book was as strong as the second half of Storm to me and I know that makes me look bad, but I feel it's true. Second Half: really loving boring at times. Like skimming to get to the next chapter, like Brienne in Feast boring. Especially Mereen. GET THE gently caress OUT OF MEREEN. I'm sick of everyone's backstabbing and stubborness and "are they leaving or are they going to siege the city". There are a couple exceptions, but I hated the second half. Jon: you're making missteps - this is the reason I hated the Cersei chapters in Feast because I don't like reading from the POV of someone who is making a ton of mistakes. (That said, I felt it picked up in the last few chapters) So by chapter POVS: Jon: Loved him killing Slynt and getting ready for winter and loved to see Tormund back and them having a slightly edgier respect and possible friendship for each other again. Hated how the second half of his story was basically everyone turning on him though it made sense after they ganked him. I got bored of hearing the same old "the Queen hates me, I'm supposed to marry Val, we need more men". Barristan: best chapters of the book, hands down. Dany: oh gently caress you. gently caress Mereen. gently caress the feeling of his cock going erect in your hands. I hate Mereen, get the gently caress out. The last chapter was okay...bleeding might mean she can have kids now, kept expecting her to come upon a lion or something and have to fight it. Seriously. The part with the Dothraki scout coming from the grass was pretty cool and tense and I liked the ending cliffhanger moment. Will be cool on screen. Tyrion: my second favorite set of POVs. Some chapters were bogged down by the complaints I've lodged already, but when his mouth opened it was worth it. The auction scene reminded me a lot of the Aerie confession scene. I loved the boat scenes. I liked the contrast of him and Penny, how he just wants to say "listen you little bitch, I'm rich and powerful back home and I can gently caress any tall whore I want, why do you think I belong by your side, scraping and bowing and letting tall people poo poo on me? Get some loving pride". The Jorah reveal (actually figured it out when he said "I was a lord once and shamed my father") was pretty cool and despite them squabbling, he and Jorah remind me a bit of him and Bronn and I liked that. Martell: Oh gently caress Quentyn. I pictured him as Martin Freeman. Nerd. That said, the very last scene in his last chapter was one of my favorites. The dragons rising up and sniffing around him, then blasting him with fire would be a cool scene on screen. Theon: Liked them a lot. Still not sure if I forgive him, but I think he needs to do some redeemable things before he dies. Felt bad for him when he finally came to the realization and let himself admit that he just wanted to be a Stark all along. It was actually kind of sad. Not completely pathetic, but yeah. Arya: Wow, all the loving bitching and she was only blind for one chapter. The face scene was awesome. I'm not sure how much farther she should go though. What's the point of a Stark who's basically a paid hitman? What's that do for her story arc? Bran: I wish we had more, these are tied for my favorites. Bloodraven reveal was a "told you so"...cool to see one of my more obscure theories turn out correct. Connington: good, Aegon reveal was an actual shock...that was the one theory I thought was the least likely to happen and it did. Asha/Victarion: short. I liked Victarion's second chapter basically being him clicking off his fleet's numbers and his burgeoning friendship with the red priest and maybe accepting the Red God. Asha's last chapter was good. Cersei/Jaime: would have liked more OR they could have put these chapters in Feast. Epilogue: Pycelle was a shock, but he had to die eventually...I knew they were going to kill Kevan the second he got his own epilogue and was wandering alone in the cold between scenes. It sucked though: after re-reading the series I really started to like Kevan, even pissed they made his character a sniveling Star Wars villain in the TV series. But Mace being in charge of the realm is more dramatic I suppose. Wait...is this the "Bad" thread? If so let me know so I can replace my mini-review with "wildcards rape lemoncakes" or something. bengraven fucked around with this message at 05:10 on Jul 14, 2011 |
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Jul 14, 2011 05:07
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The "Mereenese" knot is the only thing that kept me from liking this better than Storm. Like someone above said, even Tyrion's awesome chapters went to poo poo after Volantis. Also, I don't even remember Volantis from the earlier books and suddenly it's this major city-state power. The gently caress. That said, I want to be Tyrion on the Rhoyne. Just slowly drifting down on a big boat, getting to see a hot milf bathe every morning, talking books with Haldon or playing cyvasse, giving poo poo to Duck. Man, I wanted to just kick it there for a while. Also, Lemure is totally Ashara Dayne. When Barristan meets up with her, it will be rad.
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Jul 14, 2011 15:41
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War Eagle posted:You know I also thought about this while reading the book. I know you shouldn't get your hopes up that things will work out for people in this series, but man I'd love it for Barristan to end up married to Ashara Dayne and living the last part of his life happy after everything is said and done. At least we have a few more people who can shake Jon and go "hey, look, I know who your mom is!" Aurubin posted:There's been a few candidates proposed for Jon's parentage. The other is a dornish servant girl named Wylla. But after so many years of R+L=J, I'd be more shocked if it wasn't the case. Well then you have that ship captain's daughter who apparently was Jon's mom, according to Manderly. Then you have Ashara Dayne, though it seems that theory might be out since apparently Ned knocked her up and the baby was stillborn. Which is another reason she is probably Lemure, since the septa has the stretchmarks of pregnancy. I can see her having the kid, freaking out, and and being wisked away to a nunnery by her embarassed family.
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Jul 14, 2011 16:43
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cenzo posted:Yeah, but every time you read something it's always like conjecture. The way the guy n Sisters said it struck me much more as a definitive "this is what happened." Well I think between that story and the one Barristan tells, it's possible Ned possibly had two bastards, maybe even three if Jon is really his son. One might even show up someday.
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Jul 14, 2011 16:46
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Ray_ posted:And Penny is really loving annoying with her goddamn Pretty Pig that she loves so much. Come on Tyrion...we're just a pair of dwarves, the big people don't like us, we're supposed to be funny and they'll throw coins at us. Stop trying to be someone you're not. Dance a jig with me.
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Jul 14, 2011 18:34
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Insurrectionist posted:The worst part of Meereen for me wasn't the whole Daario thing/Dany being a spoiled kid, but the fact that not only was the padding boring as gently caress, but also offensively orientalist (All the slavers from Yunkai are unreasonably grotesque caricatures you say? I can't agree with these two points more. The padding was unnessary and the early 20th century racist charicutures got old (I wonder how much Robert E. Howard he read for this).
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Jul 14, 2011 19:18
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I don't know, Jon's character is becoming less interesting to me as things go on, so maybe the resurrection will make him better. But the biggest reason I like the character is that I like the Wall. I like the Night's Watch. I love ice and snow in my own life and having moved to a sub-tropical area, that's denied to me. I'm in the long summer. So it's cool to think of this blowing, white wind and these little black shapes moving from one building to the next. I could seriously do with a prequel series taking place just on the Wall.
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Jul 14, 2011 19:42
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NihilCredo posted:A small taste of it: rumour is that Dunk's next adventure will be set in the North. Hodor is his grandson confirmed.
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Jul 14, 2011 20:03
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I can't wait to see how Jon's friends take that. I'm going to assume that Thorne will choose this moment to return and maybe even become the 999th Lord Commander.
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Jul 14, 2011 20:20
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I actually found the first two Davos chapters boring. And I like Davos a lot. The next two were really good, especially his "trial". Barristan's chapter where he's going in stealth to capture Hizdhar was really tense to me. I seriously expected him to die. It felt like Shavepate was setting him up. Also, how awesome is it that, if Ramsay, Roose, and Fat Walda get killed in the next novel during the siege, that Jeyne loving Poole will be the Lady of the Dreadfort? Edit: ^^^ yeah and I think it's intentional that he picks Cersei gently up in his arms to carry her to safety. It's symbolic of him going from this mad monster to being under her complete control and devoted to her.
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Jul 14, 2011 22:33
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Gaussian posted:Am I correct in assuming that Arya completed her kill by intentionally getting caught stealing that dudes purse and then putting a poisoned coin into his purse as she was running (since she knew he bit all of them). Yeah, it took that girl saying "kneeler" for me to figure it out. I was like "oooooh, okay". I feel like a moron for not catching it when this minstrel arrives with a bunch of women. Brannock posted:I don't know how many times GRRM had to pound Dornishman's knife and wife into us for it to make Mance immediately obvious the moment that Abel sang that verse - or even when Mance says it to Melisandre as "Rattleshirt". I don't even remember that part. Kainser posted:I just realized that the fact that Tyrion didn't get Greyscale (and the plague in Mereen for that matter) even though the Griffin dude got it from touching him might be a hint that he's a secret Targ, seeing as Targs are immune to many diseases apparently Well I don't think anyone ever says how long you're supposed to check for greyscale. All I could think was "please don't get greyscale...you don't need to get any uglier on us". As for the Targ thing, when Selmy says that Aerys took the bedding a bit too far, I think it was more of sticking his fingers in her or rubbing her up and down. I think he literally said something about Aerys not being able to take advantage of "first night". I think he just molested Joanna, not hosed her.
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Jul 14, 2011 23:26
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Kainser posted:Yeah, but that line was more about establishing that Aerys wanted to gently caress her, meaning that it's very possible that he did so while Tywin was at King's Landing. You know after Connington/Aegon, Jon is a Targ, Arstan was Barristan, Lumare possibly being Ashara, I'm kind of getting sick of the whole "this character is actually THIS character". It's kind of cheap now. The Connington thing was spoiled so I wasn't shocked, but when he revealed that Aegon was Young Griff I was like "well...okay...but can that be the last?". Brannock posted:Anyway, Didn't catch that. But then again, I know many Goons who didn't catch that Renly/Loras were gay, so I don't feel so bad.
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Jul 14, 2011 23:55
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OperaMouse posted:
I thought I was the only one who suspects that. haha Guess he won't be dipping into Jeyne's pool. She will be turning tail and Bolton.
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Jul 15, 2011 13:23
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Gully Foyle posted:Isn't it just chess with different names? No, it sounds like it has more complex rules. It actually sounds like one of those nerdy adult board games like the Game of Thrones one. I want to learn to play too.
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Jul 15, 2011 16:58
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Ray_ posted:If Tyrion is a secret Targ (I've thought so for a while regardless of how dumb it'd be narratively), he'd definitely be a bastard. Dany, Aegon, and Jon would not be bastards - it's assumed Rhaegar would have married Lyanna since he specifically had sex with her to give birth to a 3rd child. I'm actually suspecting he didn't love Lyanna. I think he was playing the game to try and create the PTWP. He wants to make an uber Targ. Also I think Aegon being alive is the reason Dany saw that vision. I think that was Rhaegar telling her "don't push him to the side when you come into power in Westeros, you need him".
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Jul 15, 2011 19:17
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I read the first 500 pages in a leaked document the weekend before Dance came out. I also am unemployed and my wife took my kid to work on the 12th (she works at a day care center). So I kind of had a lot of time.
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Jul 15, 2011 22:54
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Holy poo poo, I did NOT notice that about the pies. I knew something was kind of off about them, with Manderly seeming kind of smug. I half expected them to be poisoned, but them Manderly eats one ravenously. That and the missing Freys... I'm an idiot for not putting 2 and 2 together. Roark posted:I thought that people freak out about greyscale because it's the in-universe leprosy or scrofula, and - like most medieval real world people - the non-infected think the infected should be killed or isolated. And with the wildlings, a disease like that could be like wildfire through the villages with no one to stop it. And if what she said about greyscale coming back even after being cured (and Connington getting it), I could see a greyscale epidemic imminent in Westeros, with Jon C. or Shireen being Patient Zeros.
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Jul 19, 2011 15:58
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Haven't checked this thread in over 6000 replies and wondered to myself: "Has it devolved back into the "bad thread" yet?". Thank God, not yet, but the undercurrent is there.
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Jan 3, 2012 21:35
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Speaking of Theon losing his penis, I think it's safe to say he's suffered for what he did and can move on.
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Jan 4, 2012 19:39
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Joramun posted:Have you read the sample chapter from TWOW with him as the POV yet? Stannis is about to have him executed (though I have a feeling either he himself or Asha will ultimately be able to talk him out of it). You know, since Theon is technically the heir to the Iron Isles, that makes him a king...at least in Stannis's eyes. Stannis likely rejects the Ironmen's rules of succession and going by the rest of the kingdoms, Theon is heir and king. I wonder if Theon's death will finally prove that Stannis isn't the TPWWP.
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Jan 5, 2012 00:58
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I think the Iron Bank's involvement could be that everyone in Westeros but Dany owes them money. So Dany wins the throne and the Iron Bank tries to get their money from her, since all the other army generals/kings are dead and she's like "lol, come at me bros, I got a dragon" (assuming one or more won't survive). She either destroys the small invading army of the bank or they run away in fear. Later the Bank falls and it destroys the economy of Esteros, which helps Dany cross the sea and take Easteros. And the worrrrrld.
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Jan 7, 2012 17:27
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lifts cats over head posted:Just like with Littlefinger and the gold cloaks in GoT whoever has the money has the power. There was a lot of companies of sellswords mentioned in this last book. I can see the story taking a turn where the Iron Bank outpays every single company and turns it towards the throne. Basically this. There's still a ton of Unsullied out there to buy. See? That would be ironic.
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Jan 7, 2012 22:53
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George said that the sample chapter actually happens before the end of Dance. I'm 99% sure that this meeting with Stannis and Theon takes place before Jon gets the letter saying that Stannis is dead and he wants his Reek back.
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Jan 9, 2012 22:42
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This thread is now the bad thread again. BTW, if George loves the word "jape", does that make him a "japist"?
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Jan 14, 2012 21:25
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Joramun posted:One does not preclude the other. Daario could even be Rhaegar in disguise. Oh no what have you dooooooone...
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Jan 18, 2012 00:10
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IRQ posted:I would say I hope Gurm gets hit by a car like Stephen King but Gurm would just total the car and keep rolling along toward the Pizza Barn like a gelatinous force of nature. NO, YOU FOOL! What are you DOING? If he gets hit by a car, he'll loving write himself into Winds of Winter. - Amongst the rotting roots and damp shelves, Bran found a strange book. The language was a strange dialect of his own and he read it as best as he could. "Fevra Dream," he whispered. "Hello?" came a nasally voice from behind. A large fat man with tangled grey beard walked from the shadows of the tunnel. "Where...am I? This isn't Santa Fe..." The man was naked. Bran was disgusted. "Who are you?" "I...wait, are we alone?" whowhatwhere posted:Sire No Children. "We're your brothers now! Would you gently caress your own brother?"
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Jan 30, 2012 18:08
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General Battuta posted:The bad thread can rest assured that its long-delayed and much-longed-for love, Half Life 3 (nee Half Life 2 Episode 3), will probably contain single player content. Gabe did an interview clarifying his remarks re: single player campaigns. Apparently in the future Valve will be focusing on 'single player plus', wherein even their single player campaigns have value added through social networking and bullshit like that. Maybe something like the hints system in Demon's Souls. I just suddenly realized there was LESS time between Feast and Dance than between Half-Life 2 and 3.
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Feb 11, 2012 23:17
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whowhatwhere posted:He said that the ending would be "bittersweet" though, so I figure they'll pull it out in the end. Yeah, I have a feeling some bastards are still going to be alive and in power and most of our favorite characters will be dead. Then we'll debate for another 20 years on why those bastards were actually a good fit to rule and the heroes were too weak to win in the end.
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Apr 10, 2012 21:17
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Sad King Billy posted:Thanks to this thread, 'absolute fucker' is now one of my favoured terms of endearment! Oh, is this THAT thread. I noticed quite a bit of nonsensical discussion, but there was too much serious discussion to make me notice this was the Bad Thread.
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Apr 11, 2012 02:53
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That's fine. Thread comes off as the best of both worlds.
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Apr 11, 2012 03:48
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