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Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Yeah, don't post that poo poo anymore. It's getting really loving stupid and old. I'd rather we get to at least three pages this time.

Anyways, here's Kylaer's history post in my thread that got gassed:

Kylaer posted:

The original GRRMASOIAF thread. 26 pages, spanning November 15th 2006 to February 13th 2007. Oh how the times have changed since then. There was no hatred, no rage against the GRRM - there was genuine book discussion, and everything was exciting and new. It was eventually closed by a moderator because the thread's creator had vanished, paving the way for...


The proto-Bad Thread, which sprawled over 240 pages and lasted from February 13th 2007 to March 25th 2009. These were the years in which the mood among the GRRMASOIAF fans began to sour, and The Bad Thread developed its own distinct culture, combining such elements as a hatred of the GRRM, a love of spoiling newbies, and general pessimism about everything. This thread saw the creation of much fanfiction, and, worse, GRRMfiction. On or about page 205, Bummey coined the phrase "Absolute fucker" in reference to the GRRM, which became a favored epithet. But all things come to an end, and this thread found its termination when a stupid newbie named Egon de Szombathely, who registered specifically to join the discussion, hit Post instead of Reply and spun off a new thread. This thread was prompted closed by Loosechanj, forcing us into our new home, which was...


The Bad Thread I, First of Its Name, King of the Spoilers, the Hatred, and the surprise sex Chat. Egon's OP originally read:

quote:

Warriors late 2010 early 2011

A Dance with Dragons late 2110 early 2111?


Although apt, it was replaced with a more extensive OP shortly thereafter. This thread was by far the most like unto the GRRM in size, bloating to 501 pages between March 24th 2009 and October 12th 2010. The rapechat was developed during its early days, as is entirely appropriate - on or about page 50 was where it really took off. Nothing could stop this behemoth - other than Viconia, who wanted her own version of The Bad Thread, and closed it, making way for...


The Bad Thread II, Bad Threadder. This was a seamless continuation of the first Bad Thread, although it did not live up to its parent in size. Between October 12th 2010 and April 20th 2011, it generated 250 pages. The HBO TV series was generating its own threads during the later phase of this, and foolish souls from The Bad Thread launched marauding raids on the hapless TVIV denizens, bringing down the Wrath of the Mods. Then some dumbass posted goatse and got the thread gassed, good job! It was quickly followed by...


III Bad Thread. This thread lasted a mere 44 pages between April 20th 2011 and May 1st 2011. During this thread, the official announcement of A DANCE WITH DRAGONS was publicized, leading to much incredulity and rage, with consequential shitposting. It burned brightly, but the incandescence of the thread attracted the gaze of Loosechanj, who decreed that the shitposting had to stop. The egomaniac who created the thread ( ) didn't like this and closed the thread instead, leaving the torch to be picked up by IRQ, in...


The Bad ThrIVad. More successful and less shitpost-y than its predecessor, it ran 122 pages from May 1st 2011 to July 2nd 2011. This thread saw the most unbelievable of developments: A DANCE WITH DRAGONS, after being delayed for years, actually got released early, due to a gently caress-up with the German Amazon.com. Oh, what days of glory, as the spoilers flew and the WILD CARDS were separated from the MILD CARDS. This thread was closed by a mod. Why?


And that brings us to today.

Here is the gassed Bad Thread V which I created yesterday that lasted two pages and should serve as an example of what not to do on the first page.

Contra Calculus fucked around with this message at Jul 3, 2011 around 14:15

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Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Yeah, I like Brienne as a character, but goddamn if her chapters aren't some of the most boring parts of Feast. The problem is she's just going from village to village doing the exact same futile poo poo in her search for Sansa. She's better as a non-POV.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



I think the mummer's dragon is actually supposed to either be Stannis, or the Great Stone Dragon that he keeps trying to summon via Melisandre.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Rednik posted:

I have a hunch that the ending will involve Dany defeating the Others and taking the throne but the seeds will be planted for her to descend into madness like her father. You catch glimpses of her losing her grip on reality throughout the books.

She's pretty much lost her grip with reality already. Multiple people have told her multiple times that her father was batshit insane and she doesn't believe them because she subscribes to her abusive brother's description of the Targaryens being the best royal family ever. Oh, and she's a total moron for kicking Jorah out because he's the one WHO BASICALLY GOT HER THE GIANT FUCKOFF ARMY SHE HAS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Undead Unicorn posted:

I know your joking but he is dead. He might come back as Jon DeadSnow but he won't be Jon Snow anymore. Zombie Gregor doesn't loving surprise sex people like his namesake and Lady Stoneheart is actually competent and interesting unlike her previous self.

I seriously doubt he really dies/is out of the series for good. Even if he does croak after getting stabbed, he'll probably be almost immediately resurrected and not much will change beyond "now Jon is free of the Night's Watch vows. Thanks for reading this entire loving plot of his that went nowhere."

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Ixian posted:

Is it more or less a given for this thread that a lot of people have read ADwD now? I know some terrible scans were posted but I imagine it's a matter of time, if it hasn't happened already, before someone does a better job of it and posts a full ePub.

I'm waiting myself, but it seems like book 5 spoilers are popping up here already.

In this thread? Probably not unless you're either German or Austrian. Elsewhere? Yes, it sounds like a lot of people have already read it and have given all the spoilers for it. If you want to avoid them, it might be a good idea to not read this thread.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



The Lannisters did have trouble-making lesser houses. Their names were the Tarbecks and the Reynes. You may have heard of them again in a little song called "The Rains of Castamere."

Also, Darkstar is the single greatest character ever created.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



If Tyrion is seriously a secret Targ, that is the single stupidest loving retcon I have ever heard of in my entire goddamn life.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Toplowtech posted:

How is it a retcon:
_mismatched eyes and white-blonde hair that doesn't sound anything like the Lannister
_said he spent hours watching fire and dreaming of dragon when he was young (and he is still reading books about dragons)
_Tywin's distant behavior with him, only showing real interest in him when Jayme is captured and his final "you are no son of mine"
_Aerys promoting Jayme to King's Guard after his birth, making him indirectly the heir to Casterly Rock and Aerys's reaction to his son abducting another great house member to 'apparently surprise sex her'.
_Tywin's sudden resignation as Hand and his later brutal betrayal of the Targaryen, attempting to kill them all (children includes just because they made Jayme a kingsguard? really?).

Well, it could still be a red herring but it's hardly a retcon.

Yeah, I used the wrong words there. I still think it's stupid though.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



A Dance with Dragons seriously loving posted:

The dancers shimmered, their sleek shaved bodies covered with a fine sheen of oil. Blazing torches whirled from hand to hand to the beat of drums and the trilling of a flute. Whenever two torches crossed in the air, a naked girl leapt between them, spinning. The torchlight shone off oiled limbs and breasts and buttocks.

The three men were erect. The sight of their arousal was arousing, though Daenerys Targaryen found it comical as well. The men were all of a height, with long legs and flat bellies, every muscle as sharply etched as if it had been chiseled out of stone. Even their faces looked the same, somehow...which was passing strange, since one had skin as dark as ebony, while the second was pale as milk, and the third gleamed like burnished copper...

As the drums reached a crescendo, three of the girls leapt above the flames, spinning in the air, the male dancers caught them about the waists and slid them down onto their members. Dany watched as the women arched their backs and coiled their legs around their partners while the flutes wept and the men thrust in time to the music. She had seen the act of love before; the Dothraki mated as openly as their mares and stallions. The was the first time she had seen lust put to music, though.

I believe the sentence "the sight of their arousal was arousing," shows that George RR Martin as an author has decided to step into new areas of the writing world. Never in my entire life have I read such a unique passage and, from now on, I will be taking every single Dany POV more seriously. Especially given this new insight that she would willingly throw away her crown for love of a total stranger who has been described a total of 2 times in the entirety of the series A Song of Ice and Fire.

Contra Calculus fucked around with this message at Jul 9, 2011 around 02:54

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Good god, Gurm isn't even trying with Ramsay or any of the Boltons really. They're so hilariously over-the-top. Seriously, they live in a place called "The Dreadfort," they have a family tradition of skinning people and then wearing their skins, and they have a loving flayed man as their house sigil. Top it all off by having them murder/torture some of the main characters and there you go. Remember when he wrote villainous characters that were still somewhat sympathetic?

VaultAggie posted:

The one question I need answered is this; Is Bronn still kicking around or does he not show up at all?

As far as I can tell from the chapter summaries I've seen, it looks like he doesn't show up at all which sucks because what he did in A Feast for Crows was the only entertaining part of it.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Ray_ posted:

Gurm being Gurmy.

Oh god, Ramsay is such a loving goon.

Hey looks like GURM has been taking a few hints from Twilight:

GRRM seriously loving posted:


That night she could not sleep but turned and twisted restlessly in her bed. She even went so far as to summon Irri, hoping her caresses might help ease her way to rest, but after a short while she pushed the Dothraki girl away. Irri was sweet and soft and willing, but she was not Daario.

What have I done? she thought, huddled in her empty bed. I have waited so long for him to come back, and I send him away. "He would make a monster of me," she whispered, "a butcher queen." But then she thought of Drogon far away, and the dragons in the pit. There is blood on my hands too, and on my heart. We are not so different, Daario and I. We are both monsters.

So, any bets on when Dany is going to start cutting herself?

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



PeterWeller posted:

In the grand scheme of things, the Boltons are a minor player, and it's not the first time he's written downright terrible villains. The Boltons don't seem anymore crazy than the Bloody Mummers. And in their way, characters like these help make the more important villains more sympathetic. Sure the Lannisters are shits, but the Boltons are real shits.

I don't think the Boltons are "terrible villains," as you say. They're just completely unsympathetic. I actually think they are quite interesting in the same way that Gregor Clegane was interesting but was totally unsympathetic. I just think it's funny at how many steps Gurm has taken to point out that yes, these guys are completely loving evil.

(PS: Tony, get on the IRC one of these days. I have something for you. I wouldn't normally ask like this, but I've got no other way to contact you dammit)

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Reverse Jesus posted:

Amazon just changed the ADWD release date from July 16 to 'July 16 - July 19'.

It begins.

Still says July 12th for me:

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Never change, Tony.

So since this is the first time that I pre-ordered a kindle book, how early can I expect the book to be delivered to my kindle? At midnight tonight? I want to get started on this trainwreck early.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



SlipkPIe posted:

So, wait

This whole thread

The entire thread

is full of dudes who just absolutely hate the poo poo out of GRRM and A Song of Ice and Fire but keep reading the books?

We don't hate A Song of Ice and Fire at all. If you had waited a whole six years for a book that seems to consist of a lot of filler, you might be a little upset too. I plan on finishing this whole series to the end no matter what (if there ever is an end)

I am pleased that the Jon chapters look interesting at least and have him try to accomplish something. Tyrion's seem to consist of him being a complete loving goon to all the women he meets. Dany had been an increasing disappointment and it sounds like she has regressed so far back that I am considering skipping her chapters all together.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Sexpansion posted:

We just need a new bad thread so that those people can post there and the other people can post here.

The spoiler-free thread has been great about serious discussion and asking actual questions as opposed to calling for the blood of the author every other post. They are also normal human beings who understand how the spoiler blocks on this forum work and will not complain if you post them unlike another certain spoiler-free thread.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Welp, got it on my kindle. http://isadancewithdragonsoutyet.com/ This actually now does need to be updated because it's definitely out. I just finished the prologue and it kind of interesting. To any aspiring authors out there, never open a book with the sentence "The night was rank with the smell of man," like ever.

Contra Calculus fucked around with this message at Jul 13, 2011 around 04:10

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Seriously, where the gently caress do you guys find this time to read? I'm only like 10% of the way through the book. Maybe I'm just a really slow loving reader... or maybe it's because I'm actually employed and am taking summer classes, who knows.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



The worst chapters in the entire books so far for me are Tyrion's and Dany's. Dany is just whining about this mercenary shithead that no one gives a gently caress about and all of Tyrion's chapters have been one big . Jon's are at least tolerable so I don't know what you guys are talking about.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



b0lt posted:

This summarizes all of Dany's chapters:

Oh Gurm We don't even need the old bad thread to come back. Just post random ADWD passages and it will be at the exact same level of quality as the previous threads.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



I'm not even close to being done with the book, but I can say with confidence that Jon, Bran, Theon, and Davos POV's have been the most interesting stories in the book so far.
Hell, if they just had those as the entire book, I probably would say it is about as good as SoS. Unfortunately, this book is requiring me to slog through the slow-as-gently caress Dany and Tyrion chapters. It sucks that George has basically ruined Tyrion because I use to really look forward to his POV's in earlier books.

Is there some magic spell that causes people who leave Westeros to suddenly become completely loving retarded?

Contra Calculus fucked around with this message at Jul 14, 2011 around 13:46

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Rarity posted:

So... I just finished reading ADWD.

He didn't really just kill Jon, did he? Not that I care that much (his chapters were soooo awful), but if he did it would the most hilarious 'gently caress you' ever. But he didn't, right?

Not a chance in hell is he permanently dead especially after seeing Mel's POV.

Why do people hate Jon chapters? Between the three characters that ADWD is many about, his were at least interesting unlike Tyrion and Dany who couldn't shut te gently caress up about their their terrible relationships.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



I think everyone can agree, whether you liked or hated them, Theon and Davos had the absolute best POV's in the entire book. I am still disappointed in this book so far, but those chapters almost made the two year-long wait for this book with it. Oh wait!

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



You know? I'm beginning to think that the only reason I said Jon's POV's were "good" in this book is because everything else that wasn't Theon/Davos was so goddamn boring and terrible that by comparison, Jon's are only slightly less terrible.

Just finished the chapter where Theon jumps off the battlements with Jeyne. I have no idea how the gently caress you guys read so fast, I literally have read all of two loving chapters today, I literally just can't bring myself to read for more than two hours a goddamn day.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



I know we all hate AFFC with a burning passion here, but I am really starting to miss Jaime POV's

edit: VVVVVVV I don't think he's going to die yet. Someone else mentioned that there's a pattern for when characters 'die.' For Robb, it was when he broke his oath, for Jon it's when he broke his oath, for Cat it was when she set Jaime free, for Theon it was when he betrayed the Starks. I don't think he'll survive to the end of the series though.

Contra Calculus fucked around with this message at Jul 15, 2011 around 00:05

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Just finished a few hours ago.

First of all: Not worth six loving years.

Jon's POV's ranged from mediocre to somewhat interesting until the very end where it ALMOST reached the quality that they had in ASoS. Spoilers: He isn't dead.

Dany's were terrible, but hers have been terrible since Drogo died anyways.

Tyrion can be summed up like this: "WAAAAAAH I HATE CERSEI WAAAAH I HATE JAIME WAAAH TYWIN LIED ABOUT TYSHA WAAAAH WOMEN ARE VAPID CUNTS." I guess the policy is once someone isn't in Westeros, they become the worst loving characters ever.

Davos- Some really good poo poo. Still not worth six loving years though.

Theon- Best stuff he's written in the series in a long loving time. It was also funny to see Theon get tortured because he is a total loving rear end in a top hat in the other books anyways.

Other random poo poo- Ranged from mildly interesting (Mel and Jaime) to boring (Arya).

So anyways, I hope everyone enjoys reading Wild Cards for the next six years eternity for when Winds of Winter comes out and features even more build-up for another book that doesn't ever come out.

edit: I still have no idea how the gently caress some of you people read this book so fast.

Contra Calculus fucked around with this message at Jul 15, 2011 around 21:49

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



If I were to rank the POV's, they would go like this:

Theon > Davos > Bran > Jon > Everything else > Tyrion > Dany.

So yeah, those are my final evaluations for the book.

edit: VVVVVV I agree, I think Dinklage brought a lot to the character and if he is able to do the same thing he did in the show, I believe he will be manageable in the HBO adaptation of A Dance with Dragons. Hell, that show made me actually love jolly old Sam.

Contra Calculus fucked around with this message at Jul 16, 2011 around 05:10

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



EC posted:

Edit: people really believe Jon's dead? There have been a LOT of chapters that end with the death of the POV character, only to have the character awaken, wounded, in a totally different environment. Theon comes to mind off the top of my head, as does Catelyn. I fully expect to see Jon in the next books.

I don't think anyone here thinks Jon is actually dead (or at least not permanently). They're just referring to the only important character to actually "die" in this series in a long time.

Also, I agree that the Night's Watch was loving retarded for not letting Wildlings who would WILLINGLY fight for them help man the walls. God, what a bunch of loving morons. I think it was GURM's way of doing commentary on illegal immigration or something or who knows what the gently caress.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



threeagainstfour posted:

I know most of you guys are done, but work has slowed my reading pace significantly.

I just got to the chapter where Danerys finally meets Quentyn and he makes his offer. What struck me most was her referring to Barristan as "Ser Grandpa" in her internal monologue. She's loving up big time. She needs to keep Dario in line. Keep him around as a soldier and tool to satisfy her lusts. She shouldn't be letting that piece of garbage influence her opinion on one of the greatest living knights in Westerosi history. Especially when that knight happens to be in her service.

Someone kill Dario already.

Welcome to the last 40 pages or so of this thread.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Cpt_Obvious posted:

...ugg.

Someone please tell me that Tyrion hasn't turned into a bitch. All he's done so far is whine about Tysha.

Sit down, this is going to be tough...

edit: VVVVV Well, hopefully Dorcas' name kept her from getting grabbed by her groats. After all, words are wind.

Contra Calculus fucked around with this message at Jul 22, 2011 around 05:09

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Ray_ posted:

Game of Thrones has been dropped in all 5 books, and A Song of Ice and Fire in at least 1 of them.
I'm with you though.
Robb to Edmure: "We were all set to bring a storm down on Lord Tywin's head in the Westerlands but you hosed it up!"
E: "I didn't know! Robb I swear! But I don't get what you mean by a storm? Is this some sorcery?"
R: "A Storm...of Swords, you loving retard did Hoster drop you on your loving head as a child?"

Are Robb and Edmure supposed to be 15-year olds playing Call of Duty or something?

edit: VVVVVV

Contra Calculus fucked around with this message at Jul 22, 2011 around 14:39

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



EC posted:

My wife was thinking that this might mean Joffrey was molesting poor Tommy boy at some point or the other. I said it could easily be that or that Joffrey was as evil to Tommen growing up as he was to everyone else.

Probably the latter... maybe the former. At the beginning of ACoK, Joff was shown as being a huge dick to Tommen when he was trying to practice jousting.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



VaultAggie posted:

I'd like to see Selmy fight Ser Gregor. Then we'll see who the best living knight is.

I want zombie Gregor with Lady's/Ned's head sewn onto his body to fight DarkStar, dammit!

I mean, he is the most dangerous man in Dorne. (To twelve-year olds' ears).

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Levitate posted:

So is this book worth reading or what

It is one of the weaker books of the series but it is still better than 99% of all fantasy books. Of course that is like saying it is one of the duller golden shits in a certain pile of golden shits but it is still more golden than 99% of all shits in the world.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Levitate posted:

Are you making GBS threads me it took him 6 years to write another AFfC what the gently caress

In most people's opinions, this book was better than AFFC and some people claim it is arguably better than ACOK. You will just have to read it for yourself and draw your own conclusions.

Edit: In my honest opinion the Dany and goony Tyrion chapters made this book a loving chore to read. Everything that doesn't involve those two is actually pretty good and almost nears the quality of SoS.

Contra Calculus fucked around with this message at Jul 29, 2011 around 20:28

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



VaultAggie posted:

The Theon chapters alone redeem this book. Reading every one of those chapters was well worth skimming or skipping Dany and Tyrion's chapters.

True enough, I just don't think we got enough Theon and other chapters. The majority of the book was Jon, Dany, and Tyrion. To be fair, I think the Tyrion chapters were starting to pick up again by the end when he was scheming with the sellswords and at least Dany is starting to actually suffer consequences for her actions so those are positive aspects of the book at least.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Reset Smith posted:

Who the Hell is Bloodraven? I've read all 5 books and don't remember this Bloodraven mentioned in every other post. Is this some Bad Thread in-joke I missed?

Yes, we somehow managed to convince George to insert our fanfic character into the series.

Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Mahlertov Cocktail posted:

Contra Calculus informs me that this thread isn't a huge pile of poo poo anymore, so hi everyone!


I agree completely. Are you talking about the Dany and Jon storylines? Because Dany's was basically dithering about whether to marry, at least until she rode Drogon out of Meereen (which was AWESOME), and Jon's was basically Jon pushing the boundaries of what is appropriate for the Watch to do for Stannis until Jon gets stabbed (speaking of which, I really doubt that Jon's dead).

I can totally understand why it took Martin such a long time to write Meereen, though. He has Tyrion and Quentyn converging on the city to get to Dany, Aegon considering doing the same until he decided to go to Westeros instead. Plus he had all of the intracity politics to deal with, and since he had Dany commit to saving Meereen, he can't just have her ditch it to invade Westeros because that would be supremely unsatisfying, not to mention out of character.

The two storylines I was referring to were Dany's and Tyrion's both of which I have spent too much time in this thread complaining about, but basically I got tired of Tyrion's attitude and I got tired of Dany and Daario subplot and some of the really stupid decisions she was making. And you can probably read the last 63 pages or so of this thread if you want to see why. Everyone basically said everything about them for me. Jon's chapters were somewhat boring at points, but what helped is that he wasn't making infuriatingly dumb decisions as a leader like Dany was doing.

And yeah, the general consensus is that it's most likely that Jon isn't dead or at least it's more than likely Melissandre will revive him. He all but outright confirmed that Jon is in fact Azor Ahai reborn with that Melissandre POV.

Anyways, the POV that I was referring to that I felt was the best writing GRRM has done in years was the Theon/Reek POV's. Honestly, that stuff boosted this book above AFFC for me in my rankings of the books.

Contra Calculus fucked around with this message at Aug 3, 2011 around 05:34

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Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



We still haven't seen any grumpkins or snarks which I'm sure actually exist at this point. I just want to know what the hell they even are!

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