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FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

The internet is for Dorne.

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FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Isn't Alleras one of the Sand Snakes disguised as a boy?

You know since the r other Sand Snakes specifically mention that their little sister Sarella Sand, whose mother is from the Summer Isles, really loves Oldtown and Alleras is half Dornish and half Summer Islander. Not to mention that his name is Sallera spelled backwards.


Obviously this is part of a vast Dornish conspiracy to bring about the apocalypse by using magic to move the moon closer to the sun(the symbol of house Martell) which will cause the moon to burst and spill forth a thousand thousand dragons. The Martells want dragons to take over the world because they are all secret Targaryens and love dragons and might be a race of blooddrinking reptillian draganoids disguised as humans.

Also Hodor is the prince that was promised and "Hodor" is the true name of the Great Other. The books will end with Hodor defeating the Others by speaking the forbidden true name of their god causing them to melt. He will then be crowned as king of the Hodordom of Hodoria and rule for a 1000 years.



FreudianSlippers fucked around with this message at 04:45 on Mar 16, 2015

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

I know nothing.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Iron Lung posted:

ahahahahaha that cape is GREAT. Are these the nerds who do his proofreading/content generation? This picture is the best.

I remember hearing somewhere that if GRRM forgets what colour eyes Lollys Stokeworth has or what Dickon Manwoody's favorite type of pie his he calls the dude with the cape.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

"Her oval office became the world"

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

For some reason I always imagined that GRRM sounded really British despite knowing that he wasn't. Probably because he looks and dresses like a retired sailor from some godforsaken port town in northern England that used to be prosperous before Thatcher and the cod wars.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

I don't get the Howland Reed = High Sparrow theory. I mean we don't know much about Howland but we know he is a Crannogman and therefore very short, we know he worships the old gods, we know he is a Lord. The High Sparrow on the other hand is a zealous septon and seems to be around average height and unless I'm mistaken it's specifically mentioned that he is lowborn and no one seems to detect any sort of northern accent from him.

Also the resurgence of the faith and increased fundamentalism is a lot more interesting if it's simply a byproduct of the war radicalizing the small folk instead of being some huge conspiracy.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

kaworu posted:

Also to the above post the crux of the horribly dumb Howland/High Septon theory is that he's pretending to be someone else so I always thought it was incredibly retarded when people would rebut it with "But Howland worships the old gods he CANT worship the new ones too!!" or similar stuff that anybody could just lie about. It's an even more retarded sentiment than the original theory so it keeps the comedy going at least.

I get that but I just don't see why someone would go through all the trouble of disguising himself as a septon and spend presumably months gathering followers among the sparrows just in case the current High Septon happened to die around the time they reached the city. Seems to be a bit too much trouble just to gently caress with the Lannisters. Especially since I doubt the Faith Militant will stop at purging the church and nobility of decadence and corruption. Not when half the realm still keeps the old gods and several thousand of those tree pagans have sworn their swords to a man who worships a foreign fire demon. It would be a bit rash and stupid for a guy who seems to be into sorcery and spent several months or maybe even years on the Isle of Gods to work towards putting weapons and power into the hands of people who are likely to want to finish what the Andals started and chop all the spooky trees down.

The Sparrows are basically the Reformation on steroids. Martin Luther as an alien spy is a lot less interesting than Martin Luther as a priest who has had enough of the church's corruption (and is also a fundamentalist who really hates the Jews).

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

I bet Littlefinger knows much and more about Star Trek.

FreudianSlippers fucked around with this message at 22:29 on Apr 2, 2015

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Elman posted:

Everyone knows Benjen is Daario anyway.

Don't be stupid.
Daario is obviously Euron Greyjoy being warged by Benjen(who is also Cold Hands) as a part of a vast conspiracy to use the dragons to melt the wall and unleash the Ice Dragon that lives inside who will lead the Others to destroy the Isle of Faces because the Others are actually just a bit misunderstood but the Green Men are the real bad guys.

FreudianSlippers fucked around with this message at 22:13 on Apr 3, 2015

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Robert Strong is actually Pod and Sweet-Robin sitting on Rickon's shoulders.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

I like the giant leaps of logic Preston Jacobs makes. Like Euron says "we will feast before the fall of night" obviously meaning that the Ironborn will get a bunch of land and loot in the near future but Preston somehow reads this as "I want the Long Night to happen".


Blind Sally posted:

They're not? Bran and Meera and Jojen are hanging out with some.

Also the others are snow elves.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Syncopated posted:

How come Robert led the rebellion against the Targs? The Baratheons were close enough to the that he had a claim to the throne via some relative, right? What made him angry enough to revolt?

Fake edit: oh right it was R+L

Robert was just one of the leaders of the rebellion but the only one that had anything resembling a claim on the throne. House Baratheon is practically a cadet house of the Targaryens since it's founder was the bastard brother of Aegon the conqueror. Also Roberts grandmother was Rhaelle Targaryen the daughter of Aegon the Unlikely.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

They're not a 1:1 representations of the Britons. There's a bit of other cultures in there as well. Just like how the Dothraki are obviously based on Mongols and other Altaic horse people but they've also got a bit of Amerindian in them. I've also heard that the Dornish are based on Moorish Spain and Wales but I'm not sure what aspects are borrowed from the Welsh.


Also the Valyrians are a bit like Rome in that they had a huge empire and the core area of that empire collapsed into a bunch of city states and they built really good roads but they seem to have been a lot less centralized than Rome was and relied on dragons and sorcery instead of legions and poo poo. The king called "The Conqueror" being Valyrians also suggests a bit of a Norman connection, albeit a very loose one.

FreudianSlippers fucked around with this message at 17:16 on Jun 7, 2015

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Did some quick research and apparently there was a time in the middle ages when Wales was a (mostly) independent principality and there were marcher lords in the border counties whose job it was to keep the Welsh in line.

e:
Posted before I saw your post. Yours was better.

This has made me realize that I don't know nearly enough about British history. My knowledge is basically:

??? -> Britons being British -> Romans invade -> Boudica burns London -> Romans eventually leave -> Saxons, Jutes and Angles invade -> ???? -> Great Heathen Army -> Danelaw -> ???? -> William the Conqueror, the bastard, conquers -> ??? -> Magna Carta -> ??? -> 100 years war -> ??? -> ??? -> War of the Roses -> ??? -> Henry VIII starts his own church with blackjack and hookers -> ??? -> ??? -> Oliver Cromwell -> ??? -> ??? -> Glorious Revolution -> ??? -> ???? -> Victoria.

FreudianSlippers fucked around with this message at 18:05 on Jun 7, 2015

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

His dark star became the world.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Stannis is one of the worst candidates for king in the war and that's saying quite a lot. Dude isn't very bright and extremely uptight.

A Major Fucker posted:

who's the perfumed seneschal

A boat.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

And here I was hoping that the books would end with Stannis winning the war but almost immediately dying before he had a chance to gently caress things up(more then they already are) and Shireen taking the throne and being the best queen ever with Patchface as hand.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

I really liked the Brienne chapters. The fact that the only truly heroic knight in Westeros is wandering around on a totally pointless quest to save someone she'll never reach is humorous to me.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Aegon being fake has been telegraphed so much that the Jon Con chapters might as well have been written in morse.

Euron being Daario is about as likely as Tyrion being Walder Frey.

The moon is an egg that will kiss the sun and a thousand thousand dragons will burst furth, it is known.


e:
Just started watching the fifth season. The first episode was alright but there was a scene with Loras loving some random dude. Everyone knows Renly was the only one for Loras.

FreudianSlippers fucked around with this message at 00:53 on Jun 20, 2015

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Even if the timeline is a lot longer then it seems to be Euron would still have to sail around almost all of Westeros, which is stupidly huge, and then head far into the east. That's months of sailing even if he can do magic to the wind.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Theories that are obviously true:
-Aegon is fake.
-Jon is the son of Rhaegar and Lyanna.
-Manderlly killed three of the Freys and made their relatives eat them.
-Jon Snow will become a wolf for a while before re-entering his body.
-Robert Strong is the reanimated corpse of the Mountain.
-Alleras the Sphinx is one of the sandsnakes disguised as a boy.
-The Hound is alive and living in a monastery.
-Varys is a merman.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

this_is_hard posted:

isn't rickon like 4 years old?

He's three years old in book one.ince the books take place over about two and a half years he should be at least five, hanging out with his near feral giant wolf on the island of unicorns and cannibalism,

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Darkstar feels a bit like Oberyn-lite but without the charisma and really incompetent. But the fact that he talks a load of poo poo about how great and dangerous he is and his only act in the book is to try, and fail, to murder a small child makes it come of as a joke. I hope it's intentional.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Euron is a shady power hungry dude whose into sorcery and spooky poo poo. Daario just wants to gently caress and kill.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Daario is basically the personification of war and how appealing it would be to just murder all your opponents. I think even Preston Jacobs got that.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Wyman Manderly is the self insert character.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Knuc U Kinte posted:

The ever interesting and clever "which fat guy is the GRRM self insert?" discussion. :iamafag:

No need to bring his weight into it. I was talking about how he is a very clever and influential man but is underestimated by many people.
I don't see fat I see people.

FreudianSlippers fucked around with this message at 16:37 on Jun 20, 2015

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Hasn't GRRM specifically stated that Quarth is the furthest east we're ever going to see?

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

A lot of the poo poo mentioned in the World of Ice and Fire is really far out and crazy. Especially for Sothyros and the eastern most parts of Essos. I think this is meant to reflect how real life scholars in the middle ages would write stuff about giants and winged people living in far away places simply because all they had to go on for those places was vague rumours and old legends. The fact that the book is written in character by a biased Westerosi author probably indicates that we're not supposed to take it as being 100% accurate.

Asshai should probably be fairly accurate since he could probably just ask Marwyn.




Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Leng and Ib at least were in world of ice and fire (pretty sure they talk about "Ibbenese" in the books)

The Ibbenese are a nation of really hairy semi-midget Eskimo dudes who primarily hunt whales and sell whale related products. I think one of the Bloody Mummers was Ibbense and Tyrion had gay Ibbenese mercenaries guarding Shai. There are also some mentions of Ibbenese whaling ships. The Skagosi are possibly descendants of Ibbenese sailors and traders.

jsoh posted:

he also stated he would release another book

Winds of Winder is set to come out 4 days before the heat death of the universe.

FreudianSlippers fucked around with this message at 01:34 on Jun 23, 2015

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

There's like a shitload of Lovecraft references in WoAIF and the forums of Ice and Fire are chock full of people who are taking them as being clues to the fact that the real threat to Westeros is actually the impending Merling invasion, which Varys is laying the groundwork for.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

The long night was 8000 or so years ago. The Dothraki only entered the scene like 500 years ago. Where their ancestors were before that or whether they were also raiders/nomads is a bit vague. I think it was mentioned somewhere that the bones that give the Bone Mountains their names are the remains of the ancestors of the Dothraki, before they started moving west.



Yi-Ti is fantasy China/Japan/India. It's got shitloads of saffron and jade. Large part of Yi-Ti are jungle and it's ruled over by a God-Emperor but his power is almost totally limited to his capital and the hundreds of princes, warlords and generals under him do basically whatever the gently caress they want with their realms.
:spergin:

FreudianSlippers fucked around with this message at 03:10 on Jun 23, 2015

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

The Telltale game is pretty fun but it's railroady as gently caress and although you're supposed to be playing a tiny minor-house that's basically a glorified mountain clan you are constantly rubbing elbows with main characters which undermines the tension a bit because when dealing with those people you know exactly what will happen and that you can't do anything to change that.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

A lot of people thought that because Dany liked taking really hot baths and was not burned in the pyre that all Targaryens were totally immune to fire and some even thought the fact that Jon burns his hand when fighting the wights in Mormont's chambers meant that R+L=J can't be true.

There is however mention of several Targaryens dying in fires and one from chugging wildfire so obviously this isn't the case.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Well a lot of them are worthy of insult.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Yeah, Renly is by far the most likeable and competent Baratheon brother. Robert was good fun but not much of a king. Stannis is kinslaying tyrant and if he would take power half the realm would probably rise up as not to be ruled by a heretic. I mean Renly would almost certainly have ended up as a Tyrrell puppet had he taken the throne but they are probably the most pleasant puppeteers around.


The good die young.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

"Those dudes are all a bunch of corrupt and/or incompetent jerks that probably killed the man that basically raised me and might be conspiring against me as well, better be really polite to them seeing as I'm good at pleasantries and not widely known as a straightforward no nonsense sort of guy who wouldn't know subterfuge if it stabbed him in the face."
-Ned "the Headless Northman" Stark

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Bran is the champion of the Great Other whose true name, which is forbidden and long forgotten, is Hodor. Walder the stable boy somehow knows this and is being used by dark forces to assist Bran. The final battle for Dawn will be fought between Jon and Bran.

It is known.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Jon and Daeny are actually the same person just like Euron and Daario.

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FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

He also complains that the tower of joy flashback doesn't make sense when it's literally a fever dream.

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