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Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

Ague Proof posted:

One day, someone's going to make a killing off A Ballad of Hot and Cold.

A Ditty of Lukewarm and Chilly.

Actually, "Luke Warm and Chilly" sound like the protagonists of a rad 80s buffy cop movie.

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Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.
The Crannogmen are Hobbits. The High Septon doesn't wear shoes. Ergo he is Howland, QTE.



CountFosco posted:

Although I found the Howland Reed theory appealing at first, with time I can see that it's not very credible. I think the reason it came about is due to Howland Reed being so noticeably absent from the book-action, for a character who seems so important to the back-story and is presumably still alive. My suspicion is that Martin kind of forgot about him because he latched the main story on other characters that more appealed to him.
I would love to know what he is up to, and House reed in general (the two kids accompanying Bran aside).

*cough*Benjen*cough*

Oh wait, the High Septon is Benjen!

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

Shimrra Jamaane posted:

So is it safe to say that GRRM is basically George Lucas? Puts out a few great books/movies with the help of very capable editors, buys into his own hype and surrounds himself with yes men, and then produces lazy egotistical bullshit?

The "twist" is that Darth Vader will sit the Iron Throne.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

NutritiousSnack posted:

this was my fan theory, please add Jamie's sword hand as a reminder that he is the perfect monster.

Also, Theon's Johan.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

The Conan-comparison is bullshit, Subotai would have died horribly if Conan was anything like GoT. Probably raped to death.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

counterfeitsaint posted:

The fourth daughter is Darkstar, who will maim Mycella next episode on the way out of Dorne.

Darkst-Arya. New theory:

Arya disguises herself as Darkstar, mutilates Mycella so Mycella has to run around in a bandaged face. Then Arya can take Mycella's place and travel safely back to King's Landing where she will get close enough to Cersei to stab her dead.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

Blind Sally posted:

Stannis leaves his daughter and Melisandre at the Wall, in the book. The implication is that Mel is going to burn her when Stannis isn't looking and probably resurrect Jon Snow in the act.

Of course, we don't know if that'll ever happen since the next book still isn't out.

By burning the daughter of a king, she will would raise a dragon :aaa:

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

No Pants posted:

Aegon's party was on their way to Meereen before Tyrion convinced him that conquering Westeros on his own would earn Dany's respect. I think Varys' plan was for them to get married.

Seeing how that worked out for Quentyn, Aegon dodged quite a bullet there.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

Evil Fluffy posted:

Kevan is also fixing the damage Cersei's been causing and Varys would rather have her ruining everything since she's short-sighted at best and a complete idiot at worst.

Kevan as king's hand to Tommen is the last thing Varys wants because neither are the black hearted monster that Geoffery and Tywin were and Tommen could easily be molded in to a competent ruler by Kevan while there was no way in hell Geoffery was going to be anything but another mad king.

For some reason the idea that Varys' plans are in danger because all the awful people killed each other and only the decent remain is really funny. Good thing Westeros will never run out of awful people.


Knuc U Kinte posted:

This isn't the bad thread, it's the xbox one sucks mega thread for 40 year old retards.

Hey man, I'm barely in my mid-30s.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

reignofevil posted:

Thank god we dodged this bullet when Star Wars got made.

Darkstar, Starkiller and Darkkill walk into a bar...

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.
Wait, Dario has a beard and Euro hasn't, how does that work?

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

Krinkle posted:

Euron has blue lips and I think dany has some kind of beef with people with blue lips? Like if she saw someone with blue lips she would definitely not want to smooch on that person. I think if Dany saw blue lips she would mention it like "hey what's with the blue lips? The last guys I met with blue lips tried to murder me in a hell dimension and then threw a fit when I beat up some ghosts and swore they'd kill me. Are you affiliated with those blue lipped people?"

I see, you're saying Euron as Dario has a blue beard to hide his blue lips?

But maybe it's the other way around and Euron has blue lips from when he dyes his beard blue when dressing up as Dario!

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

HookShot posted:

Doesn't book Daario have blue hair? Close enough.

If I remember correctly he has a blue forked beard with the prongs dyed golden, which the show can gently caress itself for for not adapting.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.
Jaqen = Syrio would only make sense if Jaqen had already heard or Arya before she even left Winterfell. Why on earth would a Faceless Man care to train some rando lord's daughter? Or do the conspiracy theorists suggest that Arya is The Chosen One of the FM and they have a prophecy on her and poo poo?

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

Arcsquad12 posted:

Its been a while since I've read feast and dance, can someone remind me why sam had to travel to braavos on his way to loving oldtown? Isn't old town on the western side of westeros, nowhere near the narrow sea? Wouldn't it have made sense to cast off from the western nights watch castles instead of eastwatch by the sea?

Master Oldguy would have died on the journey. Even harder than he eventually did on the detour.


emanresu tnuocca posted:

But adding Syrio into it doesn't really add that much to it and kinda makes the character of Syrio itself less cool, he died saving Arya while being a badass, why take one character who's had a good ending and unnecessarily make it all sorta meaningless cause it was just this other character in disguise and he didn't actually die.

Yeah, this is how I see it too. I liked Syrio's backstory, trying to spin more out of that looks to me as if people want to out-GRRM GRRM.

Maybe Syrio started out as Syrio but Jaqen raped him to death replaced him to do Things.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

Is Jaqen an ambassador? No. Is Syrio? Yes.

Is he? Where did that get established? He's a former employee of the Bravosi Sealord but I don't remember anything from the books that would put him on the same level of diplomatic standing as, say, Jalabhar Xho. And I'd argue that not even Jalabhar Xho had complete freedom of the castle. As far as covers go Syrio is terrible, because he's too foreign and flamboyant to go unnoticed, and too unimportant to go anywhere he'd want to be.


kcroy posted:

I'm not saying it is ideal, or even a good idea. But the way it is set up, it wouldn't surprise me. Arya's teacher, her only friend, dies offscreen defending her - and right afterwards she meets another person ( the only other bravosi we know ) who also acts as a guardian / teacher. We know that some bravosi are also able to change faces. It isn't a crazy theory.

Jaqen is kind of a terrible spy if he can't change his accent. The Faceless Men are known to impersonate completely different people from all sorts of countries, yet for some reason he picks an identity from the same country? I find that unlikely. Unless the argument is that he does it to win Arya's trust, which just overemphasizes his interest in Arya to a ridiculous degree.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.
The stupidity of the Darkstar character is somewhat diminished if you keep the unreliable narrators involved in mind. I guess Doran's statements about Darkstar are as close to real GRRM-confirmation that this guy is dangerous, but everything we learn about him in Arianne's chapters is to be taken with a grain of salt because Arianne is a dummy. It's like thinking Aurane Waters is the most beautiful man in Westeros because drunken stupid Cersei moons over him for three sentences.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.
I can never not smile at the abbreviation for A Clash of Kings.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.
This is as good a moment as any to say how enjoyable Victarion's attempts at ecumenism were to me. He has been brought up as an Iron Man so he pays the iron price for everything and chucks people into the ocean to drown. But he is also a practical man who has experienced first-hand that R'hllor kind of works, so now he sets the people he drowns on fire. It's pretty adorable to see him create a bridge between religions, and I cannot wait to see him moderate a Religious Peace of Augsburg-type of event where Aeron Greyjoy, Melisandre and the Great Sparrow sit down at a round table.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

jsoh posted:

dont forget he burned 7 boy sex slaves and im pretty sure 3 of them are described as being overtly feminine

Victarion Greyjoy just 'gets' religion.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.
Maybe he died because he was so happy he finally got his crown that his heart simply stopped beating. They're sensitive creatures, dragons.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.
I imagine Ned trying to be polite to the Lannisters would turn out like that one deleted scene from Terminator 2 where the Terminator learns how to smile.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.
The only things I eat are George RR Martin's books. 5 pages a day give me all the nutrition I need.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.
Real-talk, whenever I cook for my son I barely season his food and now I have started eating unseasoned food too and it actually tastes pretty good.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

ZShakespeare posted:

You just founded an apocalypse cult.

The Rapeture is imminent! Rapent, ye sinners!

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

The Ninth Layer posted:

I don't think most of the northern lords know about the Jeyne/Arya switch. Lady Dustin almost certainly does, but that may be it at the actual wedding.

Northerners not at the wedding definitely thought it was Arya getting married. If not for "Ned's little girl" I don't think the Liddles and other mountain clans would have joined Stannis.

It's a tricky situation to peel apart because, like you said, northern lords who suspect Bolton is up to no good would be pressured to go along with the ruse anyway. I just don't think there's enough textual evidence to suggest that the lords were skeptical. Most of them had not known Arya too well and a lot of them would probably take it at face value that "Arya" was finally returned to the North from King's Landing.

This is supported by Roose telling Ramsay to take it easy with torturing Jeyne. If everybody knew that Arya was fake, why would they care about hearing her sobbing every night and seeing fresh bruises on her the next day? Apart from it being horrible, I mean.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

Krinkle posted:

They don't come back to the dwarf woman do they? I read through it twice looking for the smooch but I only read when I'm falling asleep lately so I'm still not convinced I didn't miss it.

The way I remember it she first demands a smooch and some wine and when everybody goes "Ugh gross, lady" she shrugs and says she'll just take the song then.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

Malpais Legate posted:

Someone tried to attribute the "savage giant" being Sweetrobin and the castle being Sansa's snowcastle, but that's stupid and just the Gurm's ~red herring.~

Another theory I've seen speculates that it's about Sansa and Littlefinger because his old family sigil is a giant, or something. Not the Umber one.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

Hogge Wild posted:

well, this is grrm so they could very well be raping his windows

Have you seen the window dressing, that window was asking for it.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.
Or maybe Sansa travels north of the Wall and slays Wun Wun in his snow castle after he revealed himself as the Night King.

Maybe.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.
I adore this thread's optimism that Ian McShane will fare any better than Ciarán Hinds or Alexander Siddig.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

emanresu tnuocca posted:

He went further to say he wants his notes burned iirc.

If we can ignore Kafka's wishes regarding his work after his death, we drat well can ignore Martin's.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

Krinkle posted:

He's the only one who gives a gently caress about old Nan and her stories and they constantly parallel poo poo going on for more interesting characters.

Oh God the show will make Bran into Walt from Lost and the White Walkers happened because Old Nan told Bran about them, calling it!

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

Seraph84 posted:

Bran is totes gonna mindsummon dragons and Nymeria wolf platoon to help defend the realm from Night King's invasion. If i don't get to see children of the forest using other more powerful magic next season / book I'm going to be extremely disappointed.

Oh, I believe this will happen as well. It will be an extremely uplifting moment, carefully designed to make the audience collectively pump their fists and go gently caress Yeah, and then Ramsay will stab Bran and the wolfs will turn on the dragons because they have secretly been working for Roose.

Bolton'ed!

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

Duckbag posted:

For what it's worth, those of use who started this series a little later (don't you dare accuse me of being a show-watcher though) and didn't spend years furiously waiting for Dance think the rest of you are loving insane.

Anyway, gurm feeds off of your pain and will keep publishing weird anthologies and YA fanfiction of his own setting until he's built up enough spite in his black heart to live forever.

I too think that Martin feeds off pain and hate, which means it's this thread's faul that he is so fat.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

Daktari posted:

Were all the ironborn season 6 posters just fake teasing?

We do not know.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

Solice Kirsk posted:

I'm pretty sure The Seven, Old Gods, Rhallor, The Lord of Death, etc. are all gonna be revealed to be like the same one or two gods. If it's revealed at all.

Don't the Faceless Men state as such? That all gods are just facets of the Many-faced God? Or maybe they're just referring to the death-related deities of each pantheon, I don't remember.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

A Time To Chill posted:

I always got a R'hllorism = Islam vibe, at least in terms of its rapid spread.

That would only work if there was a vaguely similar pre-existing religion that R'hllorism then improved.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

computer parts posted:

From a Western perspective yeah but during Islam's initial spread its main competition were pagans/polytheists, not Christians & Jews.

I am partly aware of that, though know way too little about Islam in general. I just wanted to drop a sick burn on Christianity.

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Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

Tezcatlipoca posted:

What about the Drowned God?

Next to R'hllor and the Great Other the Drowned God is the third big player in the Game of Gods (GoG). R'hllor has fire zombies, the Great Other has ice zombies, DG has drowned zombies. Damphair's CPR doesn't actually work, him and his followers are all dead.

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