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Mr. Grumpybones
Apr 18, 2002
"We're falling out of the sky! We're going down! We're a silver gleaming death machine!"

I believe the copy I got must be short some pages as this book lacks an ending. Can someone confirm how many pages the US edition should have?

The copy of AFFC that I ordered 6 years ago had the same problem.

Dirty postman playing tricks, no doubt.

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Mr. Grumpybones
Apr 18, 2002
"We're falling out of the sky! We're going down! We're a silver gleaming death machine!"

withak posted:

I think his face is covered. And it seems like if there were any hint that he was Benjen then either he or Bran would have brought it up at some point.

If I recall correctly, Leaf said Coldhands died a really long time ago. And if Leaf is hundreds of years old I don't think Coldhands could be Benjen since her frame of reference to time is so different.

Unless Leaf was refering a "really long time ago" to mean the time since GoT was first published...

Mr. Grumpybones
Apr 18, 2002
"We're falling out of the sky! We're going down! We're a silver gleaming death machine!"

Caufman posted:

It's subtle, but the way she's holding Oathkeeper suggested to me that she shouted "Sword" and is leading Jamie to Catelyn/his death.

Yes but it's stupid and cheap if you read AFFC six years ago and then spent hours speculating and reading internet forums, etc.

Was the same thing with Arya going "blind" and it's going to be same with Ramsay's letter, Jon's fate, Cersei's trial, Aegon leading the seigge of Storm's End, etc. Grrm's a great storyteller (even with a half written book) but whoever had the smug picture of him with the "Because gently caress you, that's why" caption had it right.

Though if it turns out Manderlay forged the Ramsay letter just to get Jon to come down so they share some delicious pies, you know, that might make it worth it.

Mr. Grumpybones
Apr 18, 2002
"We're falling out of the sky! We're going down! We're a silver gleaming death machine!"

Limp Wristed Limey posted:

In the next book there should be 20 long Darkstar chapters. Whenever Darkstar is not in another POV, any other character should just keep saying "Wheres Darkstar?".

The Darkstar "arc" could be him going from not knowing what to have for dinner to knowing what to have for dinner.

Mr. Grumpybones
Apr 18, 2002
"We're falling out of the sky! We're going down! We're a silver gleaming death machine!"

Aurubin posted:

To be fair, this is one of the few fantasy series I've read that describes the problems of large scale war effectively. Supply lines, food shortages, disease, etc. The fixation on food should come as no surprise considering the author, but dysentery has been the bane of many an army. It's actually appropriate, Danaerys last chapter notwithstanding.

The Prince of Nothing of series by RR Scott Baker has a ton of that. It also has a ton more surprise sex. Hard to fathom, I know.

Mr. Grumpybones
Apr 18, 2002
"We're falling out of the sky! We're going down! We're a silver gleaming death machine!"

They probably use a lamprey-pie based calendar system, where a new year begins every 10,000th pie baked.

Mr. Grumpybones
Apr 18, 2002
"We're falling out of the sky! We're going down! We're a silver gleaming death machine!"

keiran_helcyan posted:

His plan wasn't even that impressive. After AFFC people acted like old man Martell was this super badass for plotting out some elaborate revenge scheme against those who wronged him. When in realty he just sat around stewing on his gouty rear end for 16 years before enacting his great scheme: send your heir through pirate infested lands with minimal protection to offer to marry a Targ that he knows virtually nothing about. And then...something.

Give the old man a break, dude. Making plans is really hard.

Mr. Grumpybones
Apr 18, 2002
"We're falling out of the sky! We're going down! We're a silver gleaming death machine!"

OK so I know this is going to sound far-fetched but I have insider information on the next book. First though I need to tell you how I came by it since this is the internet and we're all skeptics here and why believe some dude fat dude like me.

So here's what happened. The other day with my mom's friend Julie I went to party where she knew the people and I didn't. Julie knew a friend of the host, though I'm not sure how exactly, something to do with her ex's pot dealer or something. Who cares. The important thing is at some point I meet this girl named Laura who described herself as "open minded" like a minute after talking with her and like she flipped a switch I'm totally on, 120%. Also she's a project manager at Intel. Anyway we were talking about the usual poo poo and she then asks me if I watch TV, specifically HBO, and I'm all, "it's not TV; it's HBO" and then regretting it because it's not like HBO is paying me to shill for them and only tools quote ads even if only ironically because 90% of ads are already ironic anyway because otherwise nobody would know to buy Mountain Dew right. But Laura laughs because she's vapid and I say "huh?" and anyway then we're talking about Game of Thrones and she's like "when is the next book George???!" and I'm like "there's not going to be a next book" and she laughs and then peeps out a quite "well, actually..." and then pauses. Anyway I'm prodding her for details but she's not giving them up but I keep prodding and nudging and finally she says her cousin works for George himself. "Doing what exactly" I say and she's all "all the stupid poo poo" and anyway next thing we're in somebody's bedroom that is covered in Dead Kennedy posters (like, new ones, not old posters like from the 80s or whatever) making out and then like doing it doggy style though since I'm nearly 300 pounds and she's a petite 100 max it's more like a hippo doing a badger right? And I'm like "say 'do me in the butt'" and she's like "gross, no way!" and I'm like "c'mon, just say it!" and I can tell she's rolling her eyes though I can't see her face and afterwards I'm like "I thought you were open minded?" and she says "huh?" and then says "fine" and I'm like instantly powered on again. But she rolls her eyes again and says "Noooo not that" and then she tells me she'll tell me three things about the next book but only if I promise not to tell anyone. So I say "I promise" still disappointed that she isn't really that open minded and not really all that powered on anymore. A little on though, maybe like 80%. Anyway here are the three things:

1) There most definitely will be a next book and the show will not "pass" the books. The publisher will force a book out. It may be terrible and unedited like the last two but they've got too much $$$ to say "gently caress it".
2) There will be a new POV character named "Vesse" who is from the desert and works for a mysterious man named "Valter Vight". The mysterious man has this new magical drug that is totally taking over the Seven Kingdoms, like 3 out of 10 people are totally addicted to it and it's called "Vlooveth" (not sure about the spelling). Anyway it's totally wrecking havoc and Margery gets addicted and drowns Ophelia-style. Anyway I guess this POV character Vesse is there to show further deterioration of society blah blah.
3) A peculiarly large portion of the book will be devoted to the further humiliation of Cersei (Laura said 75%) though Cersei won't have her own POV and there are a ton of typos, like half the time Cersei's name is written as "Lena" and that her cousin has to keep doing "Find/replace" commands to fix.

Anyway you heard it from me first and also "open minded" doesn't always mean what you think it it means.

Mr. Grumpybones
Apr 18, 2002
"We're falling out of the sky! We're going down! We're a silver gleaming death machine!"

Same was true for Anne Boleyn

Mr. Grumpybones
Apr 18, 2002
"We're falling out of the sky! We're going down! We're a silver gleaming death machine!"

The sign is Benjen. He warged into it. Not sure what all the stabbing was about though.

Mr. Grumpybones
Apr 18, 2002
"We're falling out of the sky! We're going down! We're a silver gleaming death machine!"

Greyscale

Grey ask ale

Gary, ask for more ale

That is, Bran fucks up Gary Targaryen through some bad ale, causes this disease in another one of his goofy time-flexible vision quests.

Dunno who Gary Targaryen is though.

Mr. Grumpybones
Apr 18, 2002
"We're falling out of the sky! We're going down! We're a silver gleaming death machine!"

azor ahai

a zor, a hai

a sore, a high

absolute fucker

Mr. Grumpybones
Apr 18, 2002
"We're falling out of the sky! We're going down! We're a silver gleaming death machine!"

It's great that the show removed the need to read these books. And this thread removed the need to watch the show. I feel like I'm free and it's great.

Mr. Grumpybones
Apr 18, 2002
"We're falling out of the sky! We're going down! We're a silver gleaming death machine!"

Lycus posted:

All you ever wanted to know about Anus Targaryen.

with license plate ANUSTARG

Mr. Grumpybones
Apr 18, 2002
"We're falling out of the sky! We're going down! We're a silver gleaming death machine!"

bloom posted:

If they delay the show for years and then cancel it it'll become the greatest adaptation of all time.

Now thatís something worth waiting for!

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Mr. Grumpybones
Apr 18, 2002
"We're falling out of the sky! We're going down! We're a silver gleaming death machine!"

I found the last sentence in some dead old fortune tellerís estate sale. The notes say that gurm wrote this first and everything else leads to it:

ďDany, now a dragon larger than any that came before, didnít intend to take the giant molten poo poo on the cheering crowd below her. She merely meant to fart on them.Ē

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