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Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Aww. Now I'm sad. Came back looking for the Bad Thread as an antidote to my friends sperging on how good the book's going to be, and all I find is it's rotting corpse.

Truly, the Gurm's reach knows no limits.

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Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Rootbeer Baron posted:

This is so ridiculous I'm having trouble even believing it. Is Dance like 100% Dany porno/Theon sadism? Also I don't believe the thing about going down on the girl on the wedding night because god drat I don't want to imagine anyone writing that let alone Martin (but if anyone would...)

It's torture porn and pedo bait. These are things GRRM gets off on. How have you gotten this far without realizing it?

It's like not noticing that he brutally murders any character his fans take a liking to just to be edgy.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Solice Kirsk posted:

You're lucky cause this is exactly what is going to happen. I think our only real shot is if the HBO show catches up with the books (only 5 more seasons so definitely before Winds of Winter). That will be a slim chance though since the TV show is good but expensive (like Deadwood) so HBO will pull the plug on it after 3-4 seasons. Possibly next season since Clash was Feast 1.0.

It's pretty much a given that HBO will drop the series before we ever see Dance on-screen. Gurm's creepy fetishes are too inherent to the story at this point to be cut for TV without a major re-write.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

There is no more Bad Thread just now. Only Dany, endlessly drinking and making GBS threads.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Goby posted:

Better yet, he and Dany die. The dragons get killed after being used to defeat the others and all the prophecies and gods turn out to be false because the Maesters and Varys spread them and magic is eliminated from Westeros forever.

This is what would happen if you let Goodkind write the rest of the series.


That said, this sums up what Winds of Winter should be. Just replace Joffrey with Dany.

http://youtu.be/rxLOXUGmRKI

Liquid Communism fucked around with this message at Jul 15, 2011 around 09:51

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

So, what's our bet on the next even minimally likable character to die a pointless and horrible death?

I'm betting on Bran.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Too bad he's not a basketball fan. We could be reading reams of fetid pizza-wafting rants about how the season's being delayed.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Dietrich posted:

Mel Brooks should do a History of the World Part III.

That would really spaz people out.

Or just Spaceballs II.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Factor_VIII posted:

Yeah. I had found it an incredibly boring read. The only reason I ever finished it was that I had taken it with me when I was at a hospital and my choices for passing the time were reading the Silmarillion or staring at the ceiling.

That's kinda the thing with it. Christopher Tolkien apologized for ever publishing it, because it isn't a book, it's a massive stack of worldbuilding notes.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Ambiguatron posted:

Drogo himself is just there to grunt, gently caress Daenerys and later die and send the entire plotline into a meandering death spiral that ends with poo poo sliding upon leaves of grass.

Truth and poetry.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Teim posted:

Terry Goodkind looks like he could beat me up.

As I recall, he's like 5'1".

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

my cat is norris posted:

Mercedes Lackey is not a good read as an adult. I say this as someone who was devoted to the Valdemar series in my youth.

The mercenaries books hold up a lot better than Valdemar, but they're pretty much explicitly just the classic Conan-style hack and slash fantasy for feminists, so you would expect them to.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Sophia posted:

Of course Rothfuss was involved in this poo poo.

Ray Bradbury is loving spinning in his grave.


On the latter, maybe they got him in a low-cognitive function moment. On the former, I have no idea. Seems a little gross for him.

Gaiman's trolling them. His shot's on the preview there too, and it's his absurdly strange intersex Desire character from The Sandman.

Creepy as a wombman should be, and apropos as he's starting a prequel publication to the series soon.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

I swear, if you absolute fuckers kick off some kind of terrible goatse arms race...

Liquid Communism fucked around with this message at Nov 5, 2012 around 05:31

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

I'd rather not feel you. Too much shame.

Creamy, lemon-scented shame.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Cornwind Evil posted:

You know, since most everyone in this thread has already come to the foregone conclusion that this book series will never finish, GRRM will die, his notes will be burned, and the TV Show will be cancelled after adapting the five written books, I must ask, if you were tasked to finish the series, how would you do it?

Jon returns from the dead having seen a true vision of just how useless all their preparations are in the face of the oncoming Winter, and snapping, decides he just wants to watch the world burn. Six months later, Westeros lies in ashes, and Dany finally shows up only to have her throat slit by Arya. The book ends on Jon and Arya laughing in the ruins of Winterfell as the Others pour through the shattered Wall.


Nobody wins, everyone dies, and the world is smothered in darkness and cold forever. This is what these fuckstains of characters deserve.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Urdnot Fire posted:

Well, if by lesbos you mean wombmen...

And if by wombmen you mean Richard Simmons.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Oh, Bad Thread. How I have missed you.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

quote:

"So - when you eliminate just about every character that I care about, then continue to kill anyone with any sense of moral compass with such vengeance so as to punish them for even thinking that principles mattered, allow the wretched and evil to win over and over again and gain more power, and basically remove any and all hope of anything good ever happening (because how can I enjoy a show when every character I liked is now dead,) why is it exactly that I should continue watching?"

Man, it's like watching our own evolution into a bunch of bitter assholes all over again.


Truly, today all men know the gurm.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Junkenstein posted:

They're allowed to do that between seasons, I think. I believe Rarity makes a post describing all the adaptation changes and choices, although some stuff (like The Tower of Joy scene) is off-limits for whatever reason.

I'm sure there is a reason.


I'm sure it's also as loving retarded as GRRM is fat and greasy.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNRbV66Q-wo#t=53s

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

The books are poo poo, and the show is poo poo with the corn picked out.

That's all.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Hiro Protagonist posted:

I read the first book of the series and already got the Mary Sue shivers. From what I hear it does not get any better. The reactions only enforce this.

About ASoIaF, I suppose my question can be boiled down to one simple question I have had trouble forming: if I know the fate of major characters, and will not be able to get as into their stories because of it, is it worth it? Is Martin, like Tolkien, enjoyable for the journey (prose, dialogue, characterization) even when th destination is known?

Do you like food porn and description of light coming through windows? Because outside of whatever bullshit way the Gurm decides to punish any attempt of his characters to act like decent people, that's all the series really has to offer.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Invicta{HOG}, M.D. posted:

I would honestly stop watching it if they killed off Tyrion in a less than heroic, end of the series way.

He's going to be drowned in Mehreen's sewage pit and you know it.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

The erotic novel written by posters in this very thread.

Not me though I had no part!!

Did the sequel ever get finished?

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Kylaer posted:

Consider, for a moment, the thread in which you're asking that question.

That's why I'm asking.

It's deliciously meta.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

davecrazy posted:

I imagine Clegane as Andre the Giant, except except skilled from birth as a soldier and a sociopath.

Yeah, when Andre was younger he was pretty fit and fast on his feet.



It wasn't until his back started going out and he put on a ton of weight (mostly from his drinking habit) that he turned into the lumbering giant people remember from WWF.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Evil Fluffy posted:

Put that in plate mail and have them wielding a zweihander (with one hand) and it'd be pretty terrifying. Hell even guys like Dave Bautista look massive when you meet them in person and Bautista's "only" 6'6" by comparison.

Especially in a medieval world where the average height is like 5'7".

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Fhate posted:

Or they are actually playing it straight. Which would be kind of silly, but, eh, so was Stannis deciding to burn Shireen, so who knows.

I totally forgot about that. How loving dumb is Stannis, anyway? Does he really think his bannermen are going to put someone who'd burn his own daughter as a sacrifice to his god on the throne?

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

davecrazy posted:

Show Jon was at Hardhome, fought an Other, and literally saw the Nights King raising a wight army. Instead of coming back from the dead to face this very real threat he's all gently caress this poo poo, I'm out!

Much like for the readers, it's taken so loving long for the Others to actually do anything that Jon's just forgotten about them.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

davecrazy posted:

Too bad the show runners had a hard on for their old dual wield Ranger D&D character instead of making Dane fight with a big fuckoff great-sword. Of course Ned is supposed to have a big gently caress off great-sword too...but bad TV show is bad. Like why even change those details? Some stunt coordinator thought it would look more bad rear end the way they did it vs the way GRRM wrote it?

Better question. Why did Dane only have one guy with him? Could they not afford enough extras to cast both Gerold and Oswell?

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Fhate posted:

I suspect the reason they didn't have Ned and Arthur Dayne fighting with great swords is likely due to the fact that realistic, metal great swords are quite massive, making them fairly dangerous even when blunt. In order to make them safe for the actors to use, they'd probably have to be so flexible they'd look completely ridiculous or have them never actually clash. I mean, it's certainly possible to accomplish a scene with realistic great sword vs. great sword action, it would just be difficult, time consuming and probably pretty dangerous. They did have the mountain wielding a pretty drat big sword when he fought Oberyn, but banging a spear point against one is probably safer than banging an equally heavy blade against it.

Or they just didn't want to for whatever reason. It's a crying shame, because a duel between Ice and Dawn could have looked spectacular.

They're really not that bad. What they like to call a 'greatsword' would happily stand in for the German longsword, and those are under 5lbs, historically speaking. Even the actual greatswords, the 6 foot long behemoths, are under 8lbs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Umi_HUoLdl0#t=122s

A bit of an example of what we could have seen, that's actual competition, though.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Solice Kirsk posted:

We're still not gonna get Cleganebowl so this season is going to be a terrible disappointment all around.

Not gonna be happy until the Hound punks his zombie bastard brother, and Jaime kills Cersei.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Cavelcade posted:

This episode was very good, even the king's landing stuff. I hope they don't actually kill all the poor, though.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgpa7wEAz7I

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe


I was not expecting the Cleganebowl/puppybowl crossover, but now I want it.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Arcsquad12 posted:

So Ian McShane as the blackfish?

That would actually fit pretty well.

Krinkle posted:

I think not loving his sister anymore was an intregal part of his redemptive arc and it's baffling to have the show say incest til the end, incest forever, a thousand years incest.

Yeah, it's a huge part of Jaime's change of heart that he comes to be unable to loving stand his idiot whore of a sister.

Liquid Communism fucked around with this message at Jun 5, 2016 around 05:02

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

TommyGun85 posted:

he doesnt need legitimizing, all the northern Lords basically said they dont give a poo poo if hes a bastard hes still their Lord.

Honestly, I think they're happier about it this way. The Starks are effectively broken as a house until Sansa gets her poo poo together. I mean, Bran's off being a crippled druid, Arya's too busy stabbing bitches to worry about producing heirs, and Jon's grasped the importance of throwing all of humanity into not being murdered by ice monsters.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

Nah, it's just The Gurm not thinking his poo poo through to the obvious conclusion before going to press.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

I've always wanted a really well researched cookbook about ancient feasts.

Like there's some descriptions in greek history of poo poo like quails filled with grape leaves baked in clay and I'm like "okay, gimme dat recipe"

Cariadoc's Miscellany has some decently researched stuff with more modern cooking instructions lying around, as well as a good article on cooking from medieval sources.

http://www.pbm.com/~lindahl/cariadoc/miscellany.html

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Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


At least we didn't cook the dog.



Fun Shoe

TommyGun85 posted:

Jon being named King in the North is a very different scenario that Cersei being Queen of Westeros or the Sand Snakes ruking Dorne, both of which are absurd and nonsensical.

Cersei declaring herself Queen is one thing. Anyone else agreeing outside of those within her reach to murder is another.

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