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Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Well this is Mk. 6 (7?) of the bad thread. Hopefully it will make it past 45 posts this time. Just seems like ever since the TV show came out everything has gotten worse and worse. Its like the TVIV stupidity has soaked into TBB.

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Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Proposition Joe posted:

Well the threads didn't get bad because of ADWD spoilers, mostly because nothing happens in ADWD.

Well thats not totally true. We know that Bran sacrifices Hodor and the Reeds to get more warg power and he actually meets one of the Children. Thats a pretty big reveal to be honest. The big problem is that his whole thing for the last 6 years was how to get Dany relevant to the story and he managed to get her even further away by the end of ADWD. She is now back in Dothraki territory where she started off loving 16 years ago.

Out of curiosity, how many have actually received the book early? Was it like everyone that ordered it from the German Amazon or was it just a select few? Seems like there were a few in the old bad thread who had just got it, but I haven't seen any of them posting in here yet. Probably out of fear since these threads have been probation bait for the last week.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Rednik posted:

Regardless of whether or not she's in Dothraki territory, she's there riding a full-grown dragon and that's a pretty significant development.


That may be, but she still can't control the thing worth a drat, hence why she's in Dothraki territory again. I know the book isn't going to suck (even Feast was written well, just not as well as the others), but after 10 years of waiting to find out what is going on with these characters it just seems like much ado about nothing. I really can't see how he is going to tie all of this mess up (since he just added ANOTHER Targ to the mix) in two more books. He still needs to:

Get Dany in control of an army and into Westeros
Tie up the loose ends with Tyrion
Resurrect Jon (or make him not die or whatever)
Reveal Jon's heritage (whatever it may be)
Follow up with Maegery
Finish up Jaime/Breinne/Cat
Do whatever with Davos/Rickon
Get Bran into the mix again (his story is going to get really great I think)
Introduce Arya (or not Arya as it seems to finally be now) back into Westeros
Tie things up with Littlefinger/Sansa
Tie the war of the North up
Finish explaining what The Others are and have them finally attack
Tie things up with Aegon
Have the Zombie Gregor/Sandor show down
Resurrect Hodor as the rightful King of Westeros and live happily ever after

Thats a lot of poo poo to get into two books (and there's a bunch of stuff I know I'm forgetting). Especially for a writer that takes entire books to build up to one or two events. This series will never be completed. What we suspected was true, the man has no exit strategy and this series will go on forever with out being completed even if the GRRM out lives us all. By 2019 we will be talking about how he will not be able to tie the series up by the 10th book and Dany still won't be in Westeros.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Who is that meant to warn? The people that came into the spoiler thread? May want to post that in the non-spoiler thread as well since those are the people that would probably be ruined by it.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



PTWP is Jon Snow. But now he's "dead" so the book will have no ending. Does GRRM really think these fake out cliff hangers work? No one thought Arya was really blind. No one thought Brienne was really hung (hur). No one thought Davos really died. He should just stop writting these things and go back to writing about football. Hell he could write a 1000 page book about a fake football season since we're not going to get one this year!

[spoilers]He will totally have the Jets seem like they are going to lose the Super Bowl, but then they will win[/spoilers]

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



I don't know about Jon being dead. I just don't feel it. It would be pretty great if he was gone forever or if Bran wargs into him, but like it has been said before it is a pretty stupid way to get him out of the Night's Watch. But then again having Dany fly away on her Luck Dragon back to the beginning was a dumb way to untie the Meereeneesee Knot©

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



batomys posted:

I just powered through the first 4 books in about 2 weeks, and wow, what a huge disappointment A Feast for Crows was. Here I was thinking that 4 books in we'd finally get some real time with the Night's Watch/Wall and more than a cameo from the Others. Looking forward to the next book though, hopefully it won't have another 500 pages of Brienne's travel journal.

Keep holding your breath on the Others as they still aren't doing poo poo by the end of book five. I think Jon kills one though.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



bigmcgaffney posted:

My amazon ordered shipped, I am filled with a mixture of trepidation and excitement, and a craving for pizza, but not that chicago deep dish poo poo.


The choices you have made with your life, both in the literature you purchase as well as your pizza preference, fill me with a weird combination of hatred and dread. Enjoy your lovely book with your equally lovely pizza.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



I take it you think the book will not be terrible and not full of castrated Theon cunnilingus? Well you are wrong sir. Dead wrong. I was also more upset about a person not enjoying deep dish pizza. That's like... putting beans in chili or ketchup on a hot dog

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Darko posted:


I had to deal with the Dark Tower series wait, so I can kind of sympathize.

Oh god. This too. I should have stopped reading the Dark Tower series after Wolves of the Calla. At least with ASOIAF I know if it finishes (it won't) it will not be such a crappy dick punch of an ending. That stupid loving warning made me angry. Angrier than I have ever been at a book. And the last loving chapter?! I seriously felt like I had wasted my time with that series. Everything after Wizard and Glass I never enjoyed, but I kept going back to it like a battered housewife. I would tell myself it would go back to the way things were. The fantasy cowboy setting I had grown to love with The Gunslinger and The Waste Lands. The characters I had become attached to and empathized with in The Drawing of the Three. But it was not to be.

Oh well, Winds of Winter will never come out and GRRM will spend all his time eating pizza through a straw, writing fan fiction about the NY Jets, not-blogging about how well Winds of Winter is coming along (and then getting upset 8 years from now when people are wondering why it is taking so loving long), and posting about how he loves hanging out with all of the underage actors on the TV show.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



VaultAggie posted:

Do Bran or Samwell have chapters in this book?

Bran kills Hodor and the Reeds for more warg power and to be able to see and speak through the godwoods. Samwell does not have a chapter I don't think.


literallyincredible posted:

To anyone bitching about the book not being good because it doesn't move the plot forward enough, especially in regard to Jon, Dany and Tyrion, explain to me how Clash of Kings is any different. Clash of Kings is 95% setup for later stuff, plus a cool battle with magic napalm.


You'd be hard pressed to find anyone who likes Clash over Swords or Thrones. You know, the books were things actually do happen.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



threeagainstfour posted:

I'd rather the story be left unfinished then have Brandon Sanderson get his milk white vanilla hands all over it.

You're lucky cause this is exactly what is going to happen. I think our only real shot is if the HBO show catches up with the books (only 5 more seasons so definitely before Winds of Winter). That will be a slim chance though since the TV show is good but expensive (like Deadwood) so HBO will pull the plug on it after 3-4 seasons. Possibly next season since Clash was Feast 1.0.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Wow. Lots of book talk going on in here. Almost didn't recognize the place... Anywho, it just doesn't strike me as a ploy Mance would pull. I think he would be much more clever than just sending an angry letter.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



literallyincredible posted:

A 5 hours play of a guy procrastinating about killing his uncle? Who would possibly enjoythat?

Why the hell would you pick Hamlet? (you are talking about Hamlet right?)

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



HeroOfTheRevolution posted:

It's an attachment to an archaic word that has plenty of synonyms and gets recycled every few pages that gets obnoxious. The word jape appears 41 times in the book. Jest appears twice. Gibe once. Joke is completely absent.

I for one am disgusted at the lack of "skylarking."

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Cpt_Obvious posted:

ok cool, because I was considering not finishing this book until later if he died before his chance at redemption.

Edit: Grammar

Don't worry. There is still plenty of time for him to be betrayed and poisoned by Littlefinger while trying to save Sansa.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Contra Calculus posted:

Are Robb and Edmure supposed to be 15-year olds playing Call of Duty or something?

Well, Robb was a 15 year old playing at king. OH SNAP!

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



meanolmrcloud posted:

Someone last page mentioned dany not even reaching westeros. With Victarion and tyrion converging on meereen and aegon already in westeros, the ultimate gurm gently caress-offs of all gurm gently caress-offs would have Vic steal the dragons with the horn and the aide of tyrion and have dany die, leaving her entire arc of supposed/coming conquest be null and void. vic would team up with aegon, who tyrion would urge to loving burn kings landing to the ground.

I would laugh and laugh and it would be the best twist in modern literature.

Where does Bronn work into this story? This is important. Also Sandor has to wind up marrying Littlefinger dressed in drag as a sort of Warner Brothers type spin.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



LastAshenHero posted:

Just finished the book, ready to go WILD again. I agree, the book was absurdly long, hardly moved anything along, threw a goddamned Aegon plot in with (supposedly) only two books to go, and outside of Jon's last chapter, was universally unthreatening and uninteresting. Sigh.

Come now. Theon's chapters were pretty drat good. Aside from that though I would not have felt let down at all if he just wrote up a one page summary of the rest of the book.

-Jon gets stabbed
-Tyrion rides a pig
-Dany shits herself. And is a bad ruler. And criminally stupid. And farther away from Westeros than she has been since book one.

Gad drat. gently caress Dany chapters. My last read though I skipped every single one in ASOS. It made zero difference in the story.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



kcroy posted:

I liked the suggestion that the Mystery Knight might be bloodraven - Lyanna has always made the most sense -

I still don't get this. Why is it that Lyanna makes more sense than Howland? Is it because Rhaegar said he couldn't find him?

edit:
Wait, are we talking about the Mystery Knight or The Knight of the Laughing Tree?

Solice Kirsk fucked around with this message at Jul 27, 2011 around 04:48

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Decius posted:

She was trained in the use of lance and jousting, Howland Reed was reportedly really terrible at it, as he hardly has used a horse before. Also it works as event that raised Rhaegar's interest in her. But either theory seems possible to me.

Lets just split the difference and say that Howland warged into Lyanna. There. Mystery solved!

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Strand posted:

Okay, just finished it then.

First thing through my mind? This cannot and will not ever be filmed.

Been very busy, so been sneaking peaks at the book when I could, so very late to the party, but spoiler tags to be safe..

-Wyman Manderly: Holy poo poo I love this guy. Even though he was a secondary Stark bannerman, he just seemed like one of the more incompetent and stupid ones, I'm happy to have been proved wrong.
-Roose Bolton: My blood has certainly cooled regarding this character since the Red Wedding. Maybe it's because he's just a cold sociopath rather than explicitly trying to gently caress up Robb. Doesn't excuse his crime though.
-Jaime: Ditto, but he's becoming much more of a noble character and showing actual humility, than even Crows suggested.
-Ramsay Snow: Gosh, the more I read about this character, the more nightmare fuel comes out. This guy's (horrific) death can't come soon enough.
-Cersei: One of the most satisfying moments I'd ever read. The bitch had it coming. I especially love how her carefully-laid plans against Margeary just backfired so spectacularly.
-Jon: Oh but he'll live.
-Dany: I can't stand her now. Her holier-than-thou poo poo is really wearing thin. And while I understand her being a naive, well-meaning girl, how many countless lives had been ruined because she stuck her head into Slaver's Bay in the first place? She thinks marrying a greedy pig is so horrible? Because it's so hard to marry someone and live in ridiculous luxury than the thousands of slaves who die horribly on both sides because of her. And then goes on a joyride leaving burnt crisps in the rearview (So long, suckers!). Completely thoughtless girl.
-Tyrion: Oh poor Tyrion, going to hell and still not truly out of it.
-Blooraven:

I thought this was the most fantasy-ish book to date. More supernatural elements than all the others put together. Hard to believe that it started out so simply. Stark vs Lannister.

EDIT: Also agree with some of the comments I've just read. It was overall, better than Crows, but the worst part was that GRRM seems to have no self restraint anymore. Her spergy detail of the most insane poo poo in the Essos chapters bulked up what was already a book with a lot going on. It could have been focussed a bit more into a better book.


We don't use spoiler tags round these parts

And I totally agree with you that this book had the most fantasy in it. I think from here on out the books (which will never come out) will just ramp up the fantasy. I mean eventually we're going to have all out war with the Others and ice spiders and dragons and fire magic right? Right?!

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



MarshallX posted:

Where'd you find this at?

The beach. Obviously.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Day Man posted:

So I don't have to read this whole thread, what's the goon consensus on this one?

I've been away for quite a while, but this one probably ranks above Feast but below Swords. Probably right in the middle of the hive mind is my guess.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Day Man posted:

I'd put it just above Feast, below the others. It feels like he's just dragon his feet.

We use puns round these parts sir.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Ha! Yes. Yes I did. I also think that is why there was a bunch more Dany sex too. But I don't think the show will make it to season 6 or 7 or whatever anyways. Its going to get cancelled after season 3 right after the Red Wedding and TVIV is going to explode. Meanwhile True Blood will be on season 8 and show no signs of stopping.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



McLarenF1 posted:

They won't be Azor Ahai together, Jon will plunge Longclaw into Dany's heart in order to forge Lightbringer like from the original story. Then Dany will be brought back, and they will be king/queen of the wights in the far north, and Aegon will sit the iron throne.

That wouldn't be so bad. Before Jon died I figured they were setting up Arya getting a contract to kill him. Maybe they will have her get a contract to kill Sansa now. vv

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Quantify! posted:

This is one of those silly ideas like "Bran is really serving the evil gods" that really have no basis other than "It would be a horrible thing to happen to the characters and that's what Martin does".

Except he does it in a way that's organic and makes sense.

It wouldn't make much sense for the House of Black and White to send a Stark to kill a Stark, when they could send ANYBODY. Since they can imitate anybody, there's really no reason why it would even have to be Arya. Any Faceless Man could be recruited into the Night's Watch, or just steal the skin of a wildling, and kill Jon Snow. Same thing with Sansa. Steal the mule girl's face, ask Sansa to build a snow castle with you, then slip her a steel kiss. There's really no reason at all for Arya to get any sort of assignment like that. I think it's far more likely that she'll get the job of assassinating someone involved in the "dragon" part of the story, and that will drag her back into the main plot.

I woke up this morning with a brilliant idea that explains how Penny and Pretty the Pig actually fit in with GRRM's overall narrative and develops Tyrion's character in a specific way ... but I haven't written it yet. Something for you guys to look forward to when I have the time!

Yeah, I get that. But that wouldn't be as interesting. And authors of books typically try to be interesting. It could have been a way to shift her from a sympathetic character to an antagonist and totally gently caress with everyone. I think that would be pretty great since we've had antagonists become sympathetic. It'll never happen, but it could still be interesting.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



There's no crown on that Grey Wind head. Just thought I'd point that out.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



So he solved the Meerreenneesee Knot™ by having Dany literally fly away from the whole mess on a dragon? That was the great solution that had to have the last 2 books added because a time skip wouldn't have worked?

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Azure_Horizon posted:

That was not the entire reason the timeskip didn't work. I'd rather have AFFC and ADWD than a whole book of "oh hey this is what happened in the five year interim". Flashbacks are dull as poo poo if they're used to explain what could have just been shown.

Show, not tell.

I still think the time skip could have worked, but then we might not have had Theon's chapters and that would have been a drat shame. I would have been happy with just his and Bran's chapters with a quick two page summary of what everyone else did.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Ross posted:

Even when he was writing books straight with no break (the first three) it was two years between releases. He's stated that he's only written like 100 pages of the next manuscript and won't even start in on it again until the new year. I don't think there's any way we're seeing Book 7 until at least early-2014.

Look at you guys. This is terrible. I'm saying we'll get a new book if the TV show catches up to the books and not a moment before that. So maybe 4 years, and thats a big "if" too since HBO loves cancelling expensive shows.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Azure_Horizon posted:

Many, MANY authors write in a 'gardener' style. It doesn't always shoot them in the foot.

I thought his analogy was like driving somewhere on vacation. You know where you are going but you don't know what you're going to see on the way. The only thing is that most people know what roads they are going to take to get them to their destination instead of driving in first gear through the woods for 11 years.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



my cat is norris posted:



Hahahahahah.

Okay! What gems can YOU find?

I laughed so hard at this thinking it was a cookie jar. Then I realized it was not a cookie jar and wished I was good enough with a kiln and pottery to make Ned cookie jars.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Azure_Horizon posted:

I agree. The only Dany chapter I liked in ADWD was when she flew off on Drogon and left the Meereen cesspool long behind.

And its that kind of careful craftsmanship and plotting that makes it worth waiting 10 years for closure.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

Slander?! I would never stoop so low!

Slander is spoken; when it's written, it's libel.

What would it be in sign language?

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



neongrey posted:

Its circumference is still 3.14 times its diameter, so yes.

Are you implying that all circular foods are pies? Because cookies and pancakes would like to have a word with you.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Sad King Billy posted:

Whilst listening to Storm of Swords I think I heard the most disturbing thing I have ever come across.

Roy Dotrice graphically describing Tyrion's cock. Pretty sure "It was as ugly as the rest of him" would have sufficed?"

But then we wouldn't know it's head was purple and bulbous and it was webbed with veins.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Well its not gonna matter anyways since Jon is totally for realsies dead and not ever coming back.

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Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004



Maybe they'll give him a sexy eye scar or something. They have been playing pretty drat loose with the character descriptions anyways.

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