ASoIaF: A Song of Ice and Fire: George Rail Road Martin

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FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

nwin posted:

So can someone just spoil two things for me?

Do Catelyn and Joffrey ever loving die? I hate Joff because he's a smug prick, and reading any Catelyn chapter makes me hate her even more. I'm halfway through Storm of Swords.

Oh man you couldnt just wait like ten more pages could you

# ¿ Jul 7, 2011 14:12

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# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 23:25

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

Paper Lion posted:

So yeah this ain't TVIV but everyone in here was raging about Brienne being "TV ugly" and not REAL ugly.

welp http://grrm.livejournal.com/227044.html

I don't have a problem with this, she's apparently 6'5" and I have no doubt that she can be uglied up with the right make-up team, plus she's got the wide puppy dog eyes that Catlyn always prattled on about. I'm not sure who else they could have gotten - who did people want to play her, JK Simmons in a wig?

# ¿ Jul 9, 2011 01:01

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

Ray_ posted:

Ramsay cut off Theon's cock and balls

This is so ridiculous I'm having trouble even believing it. Is Dance like 100% Dany porno/Theon sadism? Also I don't believe the thing about going down on the girl on the wedding night because god drat I don't want to imagine anyone writing that let alone Martin (but if anyone would...)

# ¿ Jul 9, 2011 14:49

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

Tony Danza Claus posted:

Sexual abuse of a minor? In a GRRM novel?

Not even that it's abuse but it's just like ugh gurm had to sit there at his little speak'n'say computer and think 'I think I'm gonna cut theon's balls off and then have him eat out a dry twelve year old while there's pus leaking from his fingers and a big old man watches from behind and says SHES TOO DRY THEON WORK HARDER'

like god drat id rather read cersei-jaime tombstone period sex again

# ¿ Jul 9, 2011 15:13

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

whowhatwhere posted:

You forgot a 16 year old queen banging everything that's vaguely attractive.

Are we talking about Dany or Margery, because either one of them could be loving Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and probably Moon Boy for all I know

# ¿ Jul 11, 2011 14:10

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

Pedro De Heredia posted:

What else could this previously quoted passage mean:

It's a weird thing to leave ambiguous, though. I'm no dude but if I was I feel like my POV chapters would be 12 pages of THIS DUDE CUT OFF MY DICK and not mumbling in the back of my cell wondering where a few of my fingers and toes went.

# ¿ Jul 11, 2011 18:31

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

Ray_ posted:

Dude, who the gently caress is the chick in your avatar and what is the screenshot from? She looks really familiar but I can't put my finger on it. Or in it. There, now this post is relevant to the thread subject.

The thing with her eyebrows gets me all hot and bothered like GURM writing Theon torture porn.

It's Sweet Dee from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

On topic, I fully intend to skim or skip all of the Dany chapters because, unlike most people, I never liked her (or Jon Snow for that matter) and I always thought her chapters were the weakest part of the books. Imagine my sadness to find out that Dance was the big book of Dany and Jon

# ¿ Jul 12, 2011 03:41

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

Charlie Mopps I wish that Joffrey's actor would just play Joffrey like he acts in your avatar, because Game of Thrones would be a lot better if Westeros were ruled by a thug-life, weedlord, give-no-gently caress king of style.

But then again wasn't that Robert's MO for like 10 years?

# ¿ Jul 12, 2011 17:20

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

Joffrey cut up a book and threw the pieces at Tyrion which is what everyone should have done to gurm with their copies of Dance.

quote:

Indeed, all Joffrey's courtesy vanished at once when Tyrion presented him with their own gift: a huge old book called A Dance With Dragons, bound in leather and gorgeously illuminated. The king leafed through it with no interest. "And what is this, Uncle?"

"Grand Maester Martin's history of the slavers of the free cities and the sexual escapades of a sixteen year old girl," Sansa's small husband answered.

"A book every king should read, Your Grace," said Ser Kevan.

"My father died before he could read Dance." Joffrey shoved the tome across the table. "If Martin had spent less time writing about football and going to conventions, perhaps we'd have A Dream of Spring by now." He laughed...and when the king laughs, the court laughs with him.

Lord Tywin waited until last to present the king with his own gift: a longsword. King Joffrey looked as if he wanted to kill someone right then and there, he was so excited. "A great sword must have a great name, my lords! What shall I call it?"

The guests were shouting out names for the new blade. Joff dismissed a dozen before he heard one he liked. "Wildcards!" he cried, and then he brought the sword down in a savage two-hand slice on the book that Tyrion had given him. He flicked a chunk of A Dance With Dragons off the table at swordpoint, then slid Wildcards back into its scabbard.

"Your Grace," Ser Garlan Tyrell said. "Perhaps you did not know. In all of Westeros there were but four copies of that book illuminated on Martin's own old rear end computer."

"Now there are three." Joffrey undid his old swordbelt to don his new one. "You and Lady Sansa owe me a better present. This one was dumb as hell."

FormerPoster fucked around with this message at 00:58 on Aug 6, 2011

# ¿ Aug 6, 2011 00:44

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

hampig posted:

Did you just search and replace A Feast For Crows with A Dance With Dragons from the Bad Thread, or is that All New and Original Humor^TM?

Haha did someone post that for Feast in the bad thread too? No it's as original as stealing lines from the book and dubbing in lines about another book can get.

# ¿ Aug 6, 2011 01:15

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

oogyboogs posted:

It was a jape. Words are wind, nuncle.

I actually feel like a huge moron for asking this, but what does "words are wind" mean? Like is it part of some bigger, more famous saying or does he just mean words are bullshit?

Yeah it just means words are no more than air so if you want to show me you're serious about something, stop shooting air out of your mouth and prove you can slam with the best

# ¿ Aug 13, 2011 03:23

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

Paino posted:

Has anyone ever discussed Martin's amputation fetish?

-Tyrion has his nose cut in half
-Jaime loses a hand
-Brienne loses a cheek
-Myrcella loses an ear
-GreatJon has two fingers bit off by Grey Wind.
-Bran loses his legs. I suppose we could make it count.
-Donal Noye has lost an arm
-Theon Greyjoy loses most of his teeth, three fingers, a number of toes. Wow.
-Ilyn Payne doesn't have a tongue anymore
-Davos lost his fingers to Stannis
-Arys Oakheart loses an arm just before dying. Does that count?
-Varys has no balls and dick, as Martin tells us in one of his most morbid descriptions.

It seems to me that in Westeros, even when you don't die, someone will take the liberty of cutting you the gently caress up.

It's less of a fetish and more of a way of making you feel sympathetic towards characters without killing them off.

# ¿ Aug 19, 2011 19:35

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

Calef posted:

Agreed. Infant mortality should also be much higher, we don't hear about Catelyn's other nine children who died before their first nameday.

Probably because no one wants to hear that poo poo after listening to Lysa cry about it.

# ¿ Aug 20, 2011 00:27

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

Oh god if it turned out Jon was the time traveling son of Renly and Loras I would buy these books forever and ever. gently caress the Song of Ice and Fire, you could start calling him the Rainbow Connection.

# ¿ Aug 29, 2011 13:37

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

Ecco the Dolphin posted:

Books in a series are still expected to stand on their own as satisfying. Halves of books aren't.

You get the irony here given that Dance is just half a book, right?

# ¿ Sep 1, 2011 13:19

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

DirtyRobot posted:

* Also, wasn't it partly necessitated by the condensed timeline fiasco in Season 2? That whole thing was a mess. I mean, they handled it as well as they could, but still.

Yeah this is the source of the problem. The events covered in two seasons of Rome run from 54 BC (the death of Caesar's daughter Julia) to 30 BC (death of Cleopatra) - in other words, a span of almost twenty five years. The timeline in the show is crazy hosed up as a function of this, as Vorenus and Pullo don't appear to age at all, yet we see the birth of Vorenus' wife's son and later we see him when he's almost ten. Octavia and Atia also don't age (but Polly Walker did a good job getting fat between seasons), and yet Octavian receives an actor switch like half an episode into the second season. I don't think it was the best choice given how many other actors continued to look the same, but the timeline situation was nothing like what's going on in ASoIaF. Maybe three years have passed from Game to Dance, and if HBO puts out a new season approximately once every 12 to 18 months, they shouldn't be too far behind how you can expect the characters to realistically age. The only character I can imagine them replacing at any point is Bran, but they probably won't because gently caress Bran and his useless story arc.

And yeah this is TVIV now.

# ¿ Sep 4, 2011 20:04

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# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 23:25

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

Most of these are spot on but I disagree with one or two of them.

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

Recap of the last 2 episodes:

Sandor's journey was pointless and now he's moving past the events of AFFC/ADWD. - True, they didn't need to show us any of this.

Arya's journey was pointless and now she's moving past the events of AFFC/ADWD. - Depends what she does next. If she starts doing badass assassin stuff, it'd be weird if we had no context for how she picked it up. It did go on too long though.

Brienne's journey was pointless and now she's moving past the events of AFFC/ADWD. - She got to kill Stannis, which was a pretty big deal for her.

Sansa's journey was pointless and now she's moving past the events of AFFC/ADWD. - True. Sure, she's been traumatized into being a hardass by the Boltons, but she's had more than enough trauma that could have easily been written to be enough to harden her the gently caress up.

Jon's journey was pointless and now he's moving past the events of AFFC/ADWD. - It was boring and predictable, but I don't know if it was pointless. There was some character growth there that he'll need to become 'leader' or whatever, probably.

Dany's journey was pointless and now she's moving past the events of AFFC/ADWD. - True. She literally has not changed one bit since she walked out of the fire in season one. If they had cut away from her and not come back til season 7, we would have missed nothing.

Cersei's journey was pointless and now she's moving past the events of AFFC/ADWD. - True, if only because they seem to have no idea what to do with her now that she's not going down the book route of total insane leadership.

Jaime's journey was pointless and now he's moving past the events of AFFC/ADWD. - True. He went to Dorne and Dorne sucked.

Bran's journey was pointless and now he's moving past the events of AFFC/ADWD. - He's fulfilling his role as a flashback device. If that's what it takes to return to content written pre-Feast, I'm all for it.

Theon's journey was pointless and now he's moving past the events of AFFC/ADWD. - So did he get his balls chopped off, or just his dick? Withholding judgement on his arc until I know for sure.

Dorne's journey was pointless and now they're moving past the events of AFFC/ADWD. - I want to say that a chance to see Lucius Vorenus's hot wife is never pointless, but otoh gently caress Dorne.

# ¿ Jun 6, 2016 15:13

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