Craigslist Crazies: I will pay you in human teeth.

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DayGloOreo: May 2, 2012; Fblthp had always hated crowds.

Splizwarf posted:

This is solid gold.

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/grp/3769057570.html
Here is the original posting if anyone wants to talk to this nutjob.

# ? May 3, 2013 05:01

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 08:16

hyperhazard: Dec 4, 2011; I am the one lascivious
With magic potion niveous

Someone, somewhere, collected 200lbs of guinea pig poop and thought this was normal.

# ? May 5, 2013 15:51

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

# ? May 11, 2013 00:23

Organic Lube User: Apr 15, 2005

hyperhazard posted:

Someone, somewhere, collected 200lbs of guinea pig poop and thought this was normal.

It is pretty normal. Makes great compost.

# ? May 11, 2013 00:28

Edgar Death: Mar 15, 2013

TheTarrasque posted:

It is pretty normal. Makes great compost.

It amuses me that it's free. I imagine somebody was stockpiling guinea pig poo poo in the hope they'd make bank but now they're just desperately trying to get rid of the overflowing bags of poo poo in their house.

# ? May 11, 2013 01:05

LITERALLY A BIRD: Sep 27, 2008; I knew you were trouble
when you flew in

The Craigslist job scene has turned my friend to drink. He forwarded me this example.

# ? May 11, 2013 02:00

NoUU: Mar 8, 2013

She'll forget all about how big of a scumbag I am when she see's my cool new girlfriend.

I think someone should alert the police.

NoUU has a new favorite as of 02:31 on May 11, 2013

# ? May 11, 2013 02:27

Haskell9: Sep 23, 2008; post it live; The Great Twist

The 'J.O (no gay stuff)' ads featuring crystals and trainsets, etc, were a FYAD prank from a few years back.

Content:

# ? May 11, 2013 04:19

lamey_whinehouse: Jul 5, 2007; by Smythe

I have nothing to add in addition to this attachment.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? May 11, 2013 04:52

Captain Foxy: Jun 13, 2007; I love Hitler and Hitler loves me! He's not all bad, Hitler just needs someone to believe in him! Can't you just give Hitler a chance?

Quality Pugamutes now available, APR/APRI/NKC approved breeder. PM for details.

Those are some unsettlingly low standards.

# ? May 11, 2013 07:15

Kimmalah: Nov 14, 2005; Basically just a baby in a trenchcoat.

Captain Foxy posted:

Those are some unsettlingly low standards.

It would make a lot more sense if it was the really old Coca-Cola that had cocaine in the formula. :v:

# ? May 11, 2013 11:49

Saltpowered: Apr 12, 2010; Chief Executive Officer
Awful Industries, LLC

DayGloOreo posted:

Is this Fayetteville NC? This perfectly describes a dude I have seen around my campus...

Fayetteville, AR. Here's a missed connection from yesterday:

Also, people have started using the missed connections section of the Craigslist here to call out people who gave them STDs.

# ? May 12, 2013 06:27

sexpig by night: Sep 8, 2011; by Azathoth

I don't usually pinch loaves in my pants. Im actually really cool.

That's the best line ever written.

# ? May 12, 2013 07:39

PK: Apr 30, 2004; EXFOLIATE! EXFOLIATE! EXFOLIATE!

Canada, home of the royalists. :britain:

# ? May 16, 2013 01:21

Aphtonites: Dec 25, 2012; Sure, Jailbot was broken, but
weren't we all at some point?

quote:

Daddy likes lads (under 30) for fun with no strings attached. Discretion assured and expected. Like young guys, student types and the in-experienced. Like kissing, oral, rimming and more top end for loving!!! Daddy needs stats and pics or no response - need to know your real - and will only send my pics for yours. Daddy needs genuine lads not timewasters please. Can accommodate or travel. Get back and get some action, especially if you look like the photo attached!!!!

Location: Cardiff
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

He attached a picture of someone doing a Goatse to his post :stare:

quote:

Submissive Maid Wanted - mw4w - 27 (Bristol Outskirts)
Hi, we are a professional late 20s couple who are seeking to meet a playmate for some kinky fun. I am the firm, dominant male partner, she is the sweet, slim, beautiful submissive who services my desires.

We seek an attractive, bisexual, submissive female of a similar age (20 - 30) to clean our apartment regularly, and join her in serving me afterward. Once a week you will arrive at our home on the outskirts of Bristol wearing your French maid's uniform under your coat. You will then be collared and put to work vacuuming, dusting, changing bedlinen, tidying and generally making the place nice. Your work should take around 90 minutes.

After you have finished your chores you will spend the rest of the evening catering to my sexual wishes, along with my other toy who will also be wearing her collar. I will leave it to your imagination to paint the picture of how the rest of the evening may unfold, suffice it to say that you will devote yourself to pleasuring me and her in every way I choose. You will have no inhibitions when it comes to eating her out, sucking my cock, loving either of us, performing a striptease, being humiliated, swallowing my cum or anything else I decide to do with you. If you're a good girl you'll get to cum too, but only if you deserve it.

We are not into rough play, pain, tight bondage, blades or piercings, wastes or publicising our activities. Our enjoyment of BDSM is all about sensuality and pleasure, and although you may occasionally receive a slap across the face or a crop across the bottom, if you want me to beat you until you can't sit down then this isn't for you.

We are both clean people, free of diseases and other nastiness, and you must be the same. Don't mind if you drink or smoke as long as your breath is fresh. We hope our relationship with you will develop into a casual but long-term arrangement. We are not swingers, and have no intention of involving another man or swapping partners or anything like that, so to avoid complicated situations we'd prefer it if you're single. Please note that we're serious about the cleaning part too - its not just part of the roleplay! We're not offering payment for the cleaning, but can cover your travel expenses and give you dinner.

If this sounds like something you'd enjoy then please send us a reply. Pictures aren't necessary, as we won't be giving ours out, but please include some sort of physical description and an explanation of your motivations. If you'd like to take it further, we would suggest meeting for a drink first so we can get to know each other and talk things through.

We hope to hear from you soon!

Location: Bristol Outskirts
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Aphtonites has a new favorite as of 01:56 on May 16, 2013

# ? May 16, 2013 01:53

NoUU: Mar 8, 2013

I found this crazy post in the politics section "COMMUNISM IN FULL STRENGTH CAPITALISM ON BRINK OF COLLAPSE"

quote:

11 / 23 / 12
NOW CNN'S PROPAGANDA , IS THAT OUR GENERAL PETRAUS LEAKED CLASSIFIED INFORMATION WITH NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF HACK'S MAKING THESE ASSERTIONS. TRYING TO DEGRADE OUR INTEGRITY AND OUR GENERALS INTEGRITY. IF GENERAL PETRAUS SAID HE DID NOT LEAK ANYTHING , END OF IT...... BUT OF COURSE THESE GYPSIES FROM THE GUTTER / CNN / ZIONIST MAKE US AS AMERICANS OUT TO BE UN AMERICAN . I WILL ALSO BACK UP MY ASSERTION THAT THESE ARE GYPSIES FROM THE GUTTER. .......... YOU CAN TAKE THEM OUT OF THE GUTTER BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE THE GUTTER OUT OF THEM................. WE USE TO RELY ON THE ASSOCIATED PRESS / AP FOR TRUTHFUL UP TO DATE INFORMATION ............ NOW WE HAVE TO WAIT FOR BENJAMIN NATANYAHU / NUT -N- YAHOOT / ISRAEL TO INFORM US WHO OUR ELECTED OFFICIALS ARE. ( NOTICE HOW LONG IT TOOK THE AP TO CONFIRM WHO OUR PRESIDENT WOULD BE ...... BITCHJAMIN NUT- N - YAHOOT .... COULD NOT BELIEVE HE AND HIS COMMUNIST MEDIA DID NOT BRAINWASH ( STUPID ) AMERICANS ................ THEY NEEDED THAT... NAZI / NUT'S APPROVAL TO INFORM AMERICANS. ( SEE LAST STATEMENT AFFIRMING THEY ARE GYPSIES ) ...............................................................................

ALSO ALL THE MONEY YOU ZIONIST HAVE ACCUMULATED FROM TEARING DOWN OUR BUSINESSES / COMPANIES AND OUR DEMOCRATIC FOUNDATION YOU STILL COULD NOT BUY CLASS / INTEGRITY . YOU MAY HAVE MONEY , BUT WE AMERICANS STILL OWN THE ALL MIGHTY AMERICAN DOLLAR . DID YOU READ .......... IN GOD WE TRUST............. YES WE AMERICANS ARE GODS CHILDREN ........ STORM THAT HIT NEW YORK WAS AIMED TO WASH YOU OUT TO THE SEA . BUT GOD DID NOT WANT TO DESTROY ANY OF HIS CHILDREN'S COUNTRY . STORM WAS SPECIFICALLY AIMED AT LOWER MANHATTAN WHERE EVIL DOES THERE DIRTY BUSINESS. ...... SO SO RIGHT, GOD'S STORM CHANGED THE OUTCOME OF ELECTION .

And this is only a small part of it.

NoUU has a new favorite as of 03:55 on May 16, 2013

# ? May 16, 2013 03:17

Mr. Funktastic: Dec 27, 2012; College Slice

Typically you see the usual BBW and middle aged women ads here but this stood out:

# ? May 24, 2013 07:49

sexpig by night: Sep 8, 2011; by Azathoth

I like the idea of walking that maybe, someday, will lead to jogging being 'a health freak'.

# ? May 24, 2013 09:26

DrunkMidget: May 29, 2003; 'Shag'd Wo'bram?" -Borra

From http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/mcy/3882592788.html

# ? Jun 20, 2013 20:16

Backweb: Feb 14, 2009

Jesus Christ that sure is an add... I'm gonna stop reading the forums while I'm at work now. Might wanna throw up some NSFW tags there.

# ? Jun 20, 2013 21:20

cowboythreespeech: Dec 28, 2008

Reminds me of this

Although, the moped one is done way better. I wish all advertising was like that :allears:

# ? Jun 20, 2013 21:56

Ohthehugemanatee: Oct 18, 2005

I can finally give back to this thread.

Sadly, the post in question was flagged for removal so I can't provide a good image of it, but I did print it out for my wife so I've got a camera shot of the print out.

The scratched out image is, as you might guess a fat, middle aged man getting a rimjob from our star.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 00:13

casual poster: Jun 29, 2009; So casual.

Tatum Girlparts posted:

I like the idea of walking that maybe, someday, will lead to jogging being 'a health freak'.

This 'health freak' also enjoys chilling on the couch, staring at the tv (do they turn it on??). That is seriously the funniest part of this ad.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 01:46

Dynastocles: May 29, 2009; "If you'll excuse me, my dinner time is six o'clock. Only gangsters eat at 9 o'clock, after some bootlegging and a hot game of craps."

Free knowledge for $175 an hour? Sign me up.

# ? Aug 13, 2013 21:28

take_it_slow: Jul 7, 2011

# ? Aug 21, 2013 22:51

Super Dan: Jan 26, 2006

# ? Aug 22, 2013 04:24

Buggiezor: Jun 6, 2011; For I am a cat, you see.

Buggiezor has a new favorite as of 05:27 on Aug 22, 2013

# ? Aug 22, 2013 05:21

MizPiz: May 29, 2013; by Athanatos

Who wants to be a part of the next big gaming youtube supergroup?

quote:

Looking to start a YouTube group (South Carolina)
Hi, this is Prandall. I'm a young aspiring filmmaker/youtuber.

Recently, I've been very discouraged because I haven't been able to make the videos I have such a passion for. A year or so ago, my iMac's hard drive crashed resulting in the loss of everything I had worked so hard on. Scripts, footage, movies, music, etc. I was devastated. I later got a Macbook and started from scratch, and continued making videos. Eventually, I got a new hard drive for my iMac but couldn't recover any data from the old one. It was also barebones minimum as far as software goes, no editing software (iMovie) or even music software (Garageband). About a week or so ago my Macbook crashed the exact same way my iMac did. I lost everything... again. Now I'm here with absolutely nothing... No software, no footage, no nothing! My HD camera doesn't even take DV tapes anymore so it's essentially a glorified expensive paper weight.

I refuse to give up on my passion and dreams though, no matter what sets me back. My desire is to make YouTube videos and eventually movies/television shows. I would love to be making a steady income from YouTube like many do. I know of a few that have bought a house from the money they make on YouTube. They don't even have other jobs. I want that! I don't care about the fame, sure it would be nice. I just wanna do what I love doing, and get paid for it. Who doesn't?

Now, here is what I'm looking for. Since I can't make the videos right now, nor can I afford the software and equipment I need. I'm hoping to find like-minded individuals, men or women that have a passion and desire for making videos that I do. We could work together, and produce videos and hopefully get successful and share the profits. I don't mind how many people we have in the group as long as we stick to just a few.

The kind of videos I'm looking to make:
Sketch
Gaming/Let's Play
Short Films
Etc.

We can make anything, those are just examples of what I'm interested in.

My YouTube influences:
http://www.youtube.com/user/OlanRogers
http://www.youtube.com/user/freddiew
http://www.youtube.com/user/jacksfilms
http://www.youtube.com/user/PewDiePie
http://www.youtube.com/user/GameGrumps
http://www.youtube.com/user/balloonshop

I have several others but those will give you an idea.

If you already have software and equipment that would be amazing, since I don't right now. If not, we could all pull together and get what we need.

I don't want this to just be a work-type thing. I want to build a friendship with the rest of the group. The closer we all are the better the videos will be.

I DO NOT WANT anyone fighting for leadership or more fame than anyone else, this will be an equal partnership. If we start fighting then we're gonna fail before we start.

I'm not sure what else to say, but if this seems like something that interests you, please contact me!

Thanks so much!
Prandall

p.s. here's a link to two of my channels
http://www.youtube.com/user/thisisprandall
http://www.youtube.com/user/bitbuds

# ? Sep 4, 2013 00:34

Dr. Clockwork: Sep 9, 2011; I'LL PUT MY SCIENCE IN ALL OF YOU!

Rants and Raves can be some of the best material.

quote:

Tracy the troll

(A giant picture of poop in a toilet goes here, not going to repost that little treat)

Here is a person who sleeps with any1. Herps hpv yeast now aids got that from from sleeping with black men beware of her berlin iceland st
46.

quote:

re inbred in nh where do u think your wife learned to gently caress so good lol (mass)
yup she learned here in good ole nh had more cum dumped in her than a sperm bank got deposits roflmao,that pussy stank been pounded more than a veal cutlet lmao,yup she likes anal to good ole nh boys mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmgood tuna stank from home

It's just like the world's worst forum. What is wrong with these people? I had no idea there were "regular posters" in this thing.

# ? Sep 5, 2013 20:18

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Dr. Clockwork posted:

Rants and Raves can be some of the best material.

It's just like the world's worst forum. What is wrong with these people? I had no idea there were "regular posters" in this thing.

The repetition of "Nadeaus" makes it read like a surreal poem.

# ? Sep 5, 2013 20:55

Backweb: Feb 14, 2009

sweeperbravo posted:

The repetition of "Nadeaus" makes it read like a surreal poem.

I lived a block from a Nadeaus for four years in New Hampshire. I think that image has their name on it more times than I even went there for food. Someone really hates Nadeaus.

# ? Sep 5, 2013 21:21

Dr. Clockwork: Sep 9, 2011; I'LL PUT MY SCIENCE IN ALL OF YOU!

Backweb posted:

I lived a block from a Nadeaus for four years in New Hampshire. I think that image has their name on it more times than I even went there for food. Someone really hates Nadeaus.

The Nadeaus "discussion" goes on for a couple days. Rants and raves is a weird little corner of the internet.

# ? Sep 5, 2013 21:35

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

Mr. Funktastic posted:

Typically you see the usual BBW and middle aged women ads here but this stood out:

She's not very good at math. I mean, if you read it "I'm half lamb, half saluki, half deer, half roadrunner, half dragon, half loris...". I'd also want to ask her what breed of sheep she is? She got pretty specific with the breed of dog there. I guess so that no one confuses her with a pug or something.

DrunkMidget posted:

From http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/mcy/3882592788.html

This is hilarious.

.Edit: The Lost Real Doll ad was still up on Nashville Craigslist last time I looked through lost and found.

Bored has a new favorite as of 19:50 on Sep 6, 2013

# ? Sep 6, 2013 03:26

caramelbread: Jul 29, 2011

Dr. Clockwork posted:

Rants and Raves can be some of the best material.

It's just like the world's worst forum. What is wrong with these people? I had no idea there were "regular posters" in this thing.

Jesus, rants and raves in my area is just racist drivel about immigrants stealing our resources. I had higher hopes for Canada...

# ? Sep 7, 2013 17:39

Astoundingly Ugly Baby: Mar 22, 2006; "...crying bitch cave bitch boy."
- Anonymous Facebook user

I've had this on my iPad for a while now. Hope the dude sold it.

# ? Sep 8, 2013 04:32

Celery Face: Feb 18, 2012

caramelbread posted:

Jesus, rants and raves in my area is just racist drivel about immigrants stealing our resources. I had higher hopes for Canada...

I get that and people going on about how the women in Victoria and Vancouver are "shallow whores." My dad used to read the rants and raves section but stopped because it's just depressing to read. Oh, and there's lot of racism towards Chinese people in the section where I live.

Celery Face has a new favorite as of 06:56 on Sep 8, 2013

# ? Sep 8, 2013 06:45

Evelyn Nesbit: Jul 8, 2012

Robbed, Raped, and Slandered, Near Death, Need a pickup and/or Ride XT - m4m - 30 (big spring)

quote:

Hey my car was confiscated via the crime of Larceny, The police here won't work with any federal government whatsoever, neither were feds responsive when I lived in Lubbock. I am the owner of CALROCK MUSIC & CAUSE RESULT BOOKING/CAUSE RESULT ENTERTAINMENT. I once managed a band into Platinum status from Houston (Now CA).

I've been robbed of every item I own, including physical properties, and music property I've produced (about 10 albums). My life partner is flirting with polygamy and aided and abetted in the larceny of my car, and my commercial leases here in Big Spring. I know I've emailed the FBI about 75 times, and Justice about 15 times, and CIA about 40 times, without response, or help. I also phoned Rick Perry, to no avail, though his bulletin has been on topic.

Information on my case has been sent to the office of Greg Abbott. But the the city police are dishonouring his requests, to protect a white collar criminal and sexual predator. And are in absolute negligence.

I have about 20 or 30 bucks to my name.
I am expecting about 40 more maybe later.
and in two weeks, I will have 500.

Im short of a life partner of 5 years, and FWB and Id been a German Loyalist.

The rest of all being covered up by a group of criminals, mostly christian entertainers, and a duo of pastors ca base, and a duo of young catholic fathers.

Well, I need a ride out of Big Spring, preferably not to shelter.
Best case, a place with musicians, or music instruments, or receptive federal or state government.

I've been robbed of about 700 million of intellectual property, since I've moved to Texas, a 40 Foot Tour Bus, a brand new Ford Fusion, and old luxury SUV, and my Internet Rights with guardianship (in the form of a white collar criminal ghost) I was the guy that created html5 and windows 8. but the white collar criminal then was a Microsoft Partner, all of these men have been able to evade questioning, arrest, or testimony, and reports, and I've been negated from any victim relocation... It is possible that this group of 7 men or so, are after my "romantic" murder. And they are infamous for unpunished sexual assault, and gay marriage legalization in their states (mostly CA & NY).

Hey, If you can come, let me know.
My cellphones were stolen, they are business lines with Sprint.
But if you can come to Big Spring..... picture perfect, we will pnp, drink & smoke excessively or maybe leave TX (anywhere but CA).
Or committ group suicide.
Or record an album (I play guitar and sing, also can play every other instrument)

I am a Christian, these men are comparing me to JESUS CHRIST in the flesh.
My former best friend (Midland Pastor of Baptist Church) is currently intentionally partaking in larceny and trying to orchestrate an Apostolic John "Lake of Fire". I guess was compared to "Republican" Christ of Suburbia. And I produced Homeless Rock Film with Tim Armstrong (Epitaph/Hellcat/Interscope/Warner Bros)...

Yeah Im without a place here in Big Spring, scared to walk, every time i do , I get a group a roman catholic group of men stalking me, and tormenting me and my family, I really don't want to associate with English speaking Africans. And prefer a host that is interested in a second language, such as european language, Im not interested in learning Spanish, unless you have gang ties, or fight for me, regardless of my ethnicity.

I'd optionally a plane ticket to the east coast or europe.
Im linked in to NBC, FOX, and SONY on linkedin.com (but my account was frozen by my stalkers)
My bank account WELLS FARGO has also been frozen with a negative balance.
I got offered a house here, but Im too scared to close it by myself, because I have a stalking ghost.

Hey I can take emails with suggestions, or options.
I can receive voicemails at four three two two one three eight eight two two but I am scared to use the phone, because Im getting nothing but spam,
and I always get stalkers and traffickers when I use my central nervousness for communicatioon.

I DO SMOKE, half a pack a day, or up to one pack. I prefer Marlboro 72, the brand my old friend Thomas Buchanan got me into when he proposed to me for a marriage, I didn't take it initally, because I believed I had a strong heterosexual life! but I am scene emo kid, but im american indian. I was a punk/alternative kid, but I lost my HS best friend, and got stalked with religious crime going into the 12th consecutive year.

I guess my enemies are all either of Rome, White Supremacy, Mexico, and California, or lying policeman, or representatives of their group... Ive reported all of their names, but no one cares, and they're all still romantically stalking me.

My religious denomination of choice is Disciple of Christ!
All of the churches locally, I left voicemails about 10 local churches, and non responded back, religious declaration of potential county of religious emergency, according to the catholic parish and the epicostal diecese.

Its just im getting a lot of sabotaging, by doing this on my own,
wasted gas, police harassment, walking tickets, and animals are drawing near to me, skunks, stray dogs barking, insects, flies, and ants.

Try to email me back now! I have 90 or 120 minutes here.
I am in public place, I can send picture (if you want to try to trick me into giving you an opportunity to give me an Apostolic John Lake of Fire).....
But I am young adult, indian with ancestory from old indian reserve
from when texas was succeeded. A strong heterosexual ancestory!
Im borderline Atheist!!! churches locally have been broken and are angry and unreceptive (all christian churches in city).

Thanks for reading, Have a rad day!
My fans would help if they can, but I think
they can only contact me via event invites, if they are American.
Strangely, Europeans, are still sending me demos, and asking me to sign me
despite the warring california and midland team of stalkers/bullies.

I produced two odessa bands, but I've lost their info,
and I can't trust them.... i produced them in Upland CA.

# ? Sep 14, 2013 06:19

Moon Potato: May 12, 2003

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? Oct 3, 2013 04:33

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

https://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/sub/4102714495.html

I really don't want to spoil it because it's one of the better ads I've seen but I laughed my rear end off when I saw this listing.

# ? Oct 3, 2013 04:44

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 08:16

Railing Kill: Nov 14, 2008; You are the first crack in the sheer face of god. From you it will spread.

Missed Connections is the best part of Craigslist:

# ? Oct 26, 2013 12:35

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > Craigslist Crazies: I will pay you in human teeth.

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