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I am the cat pissed distilled! I started playing D&D with the Basic Boxed set (when it was reprinted in 1983) and in so doing started a D&D group that has withstood the years and is still around today. Having absorbed the idiocy of the Basic set my band of merry murder hobos required stronger meat. I had just bought the AD&D1e Dungeon Masters Guide:  when one of the other players said they'd like to DM. No problem! I had a bunch of other stuff going on so I handed him the books all of my dungeon modules and all my setting notes and what not. So started the juggernaut. The very first party was a miserable bunch of misfits with terrible alignment clashes and a preference for magic items that required a DM roll. Our first thief was left impaled on their own sword after a 'disagreement' during a dungeon delve. A wand of polymorph was gifted to us by the gods of the AD&D1e DM loot tables:  There's some litter box liner right there. And so began an odyssey of presto chango that became a staple and theme of much of our future work. In AD&D1e if you were an elf (or a half orc) being raised from the dead was not an option and at our levels reincarnate was all that was available. So when an elf (or half orc) died we would reincarnate them. Our DM determined that if you passed a system shock survival you came back alive and if you made another roll you could keep playing as a character so long as what you came back as was capable of being a character class. Enter the wand of polymorph. A character who was a multiclassed elf died and was reincarnated as a badger or something worthless and so was polymorphed into an elf. After a perilous and lengthy series of rolls it was determined that they made all the system shocks necessary and also the one regarding maintaining personality and mentality. This was the start of a long and various career of a character who was called Wazzit for short because with each new incarnation they added a syllable to their name. I'd have to dig out their character sheet but I think they came back around six times. Notable polymorphings included a half orc warrior who died and was reincarnated as a hobbit. The player wasn't impressed and kept whining that they needed a polymorph. They in fact became a pain in the arse about it. Further on into the dungeon was an altar. Our Cleric or Mage then did a Stonetell or Legend Lore on the altar and determined that it was dedicated to one of the abysmal demigods and if 666 hobbits were sacrificed upon it it would summon the demigod to the altar. So wrapped up in his own little world of 'halfling not wanting to be' our ex-halforc missed this conversation, but piped up on queue to complain about his reduced status. So our cleric says, "Hop up onto the altar and we can fix all your troubles". Now what goes one way can go the other right? During a dungeon delve we were attacked by a carrion crawler and low on HP and spells the wand of polymorph was brought to bear. The harmless creature selected was halfling. Did it make it's personality and mentality roll? It did not. So it was to all intents and purposes an actual hobbit. We called her Carrie the Crawler and gained a loyal hench-thing. Carrie was eventually killed by a dragon many years later. The player of the Halforc Hobbit form before was a generally nice guy who just didn't really get D&D but passionately wanted to play anyway. After his experience with altars and Halforc warriors he then became dedicated to playing Druids. I think he has played nothing else now for the last thirty years. The main other guys were: Me - The party caller. For much of the later campaign I played a Paladin but earlier on a Bard (Yes an actual AD&D1e bard). Keith - Usually a magic user and a pretty clever guy except when it came to working out the volume of fireballs. Bacchus - Usually a cleric and a remarkable 'outside the box' thinker  Mark - The creator of Wazzit. Phil - Often a thief, always a dark horse. John - Alternate DM and actual katana owner. (There was obviously lots of  and  I didn't really need to say that did I?)So in one of our earliest adventures the party is being caned by various monsters and things are looking grim. It comes down to the druid to save us. After looking at his sheet for an eternity he says "I turn into a tree". This led to another PC (A dwarven warrior) later declaring that if he ever saw a tree in a dungeon he was going to cut the fucker down. That was by way of a preamble that leads us to: How to We had played basically only among our own little crew for a while. The Druid had some other RP friends and so we tried to play with them but they were all capes and mi'lady and stuff and it didn't fit our particular way of doing things. There was another guy who tried to get us to play traveler but we didn't make it past character creation. Our group were a formidable bunch of players with a strong goal focus and a really through grasp of game mechanics. And so it came to pass that an actual D&D convention was coming to our pitiful little burg. We signed up in a flash and one of the main features was a competitive dungeon for prizes! Premade characters spell lists etc. In we jump. At one point an Iron golem threatens the party (All around level 5 if I remember). We don't even hesitate and engage the monster. By the use of a staff of striking (supplied on a sheet) and the spell fire-shield (also premade) along with a bunch of good rolls and tactics down goes the golem. And down goes the DM. Apparently we weren't supposed to do this, it was a shunting engine on the railroad to a clever escape. The DM scurries off and consults the coordinator and it is decided that we can retcon the scene and continue on properly on the rails. The rest of the dungeon was a bit of a let down after our epic struggle with the Iron golem. We were judged as second best and didn't get the grand prize. Underwhelmed by our entrance to Tournament play we held off further competition until CanCon 93. Once again we were lured by the shiny prizes and trophies on offer in a similar set piece play off. We knew that we were in for something 'special' because each character sheet had a full page character portrait of the character. Sheets were distributed and backgrounds read. The set up was one of the players(John) was returning to reclaim his ancestral home. Why this should be a problem wasn't made clear and so we start. Upon entering our comrade's ancestoral abode we are greeted by the start of a very long description of the room. It includes many treasures. The player who is on a mission to recover it all simply says "Don't touch anything it's all mine" we interupt the DM and suggest that if there are any other exits we are going left. There is the sound of several pages of flavour text being turned. And so we go left. The next room is lovingly described.. "MINE!" "We go left" etc. Until we very quickly find our selves in a library. "We search for secret doors". The DM who had become accustomed to our murder hobo stampede asked why we were stopping to search for doors in this room. "Because it's the library"!? And so we found the most secret and important (plotwise) of all secret doors and emerge onto a balcony behind a mysterious figure. They are dressed in a.."I cast reverse gravity" Now in AD&D2.0 Reverse gravity outdoors could put you in orbit or so the ruling went on this occassion. We put the main antagonist in orbit before he could complete his tiresome exposition. "You know you can't get his gear and won't get the exp for it"? "Who cares? Come fellows let us feast at my table as my ancestors did!" Synopsis: Ridiculous high level dungeon was meant to revolve around a single confrontation with a high level opponent who was immediately excised from further involvement. We didn't win that one either, despite finishing over an hour before anyone else 
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Jun 16, 2014 10:32
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The lessons we learnt too well I'm going to write in a broadly correct chronology of stuff. Because we were new to PnP we had to learn all the bad stuff by doing it. As I mentioned the first party basically did all the falling apart over ridiculous alignment bullshit and that dwarf tree line was about all that remains (in my memory) of 'good' stories from it. Obviously we had our first moral and ethical challenges back with the Keep on the Borderland and founded orphanages for captured kobold children (etc). We had our first real TPK not long after when we encountered a Yellow Zombie musk creeper. As all DMs I guess, when you read the books you go 'cool lets have one of those!' and it isn't until afterwards you realise it was a terrible idea. So it was with this monster. A few bad saves and it will destroy a party. Like many of the monsters in the Fiend's Folio it was ridiculously overpowered (OP). It just so happened that in this homebrew dungeon one of the encounters we had failed to get to was a party verses party battle. These guys were also pretty OP and would probably have wiped us also. There was still mull in the bowl and beers in the fridge so we did the rest of the dungeon as the opponent party we never faced. They were, of course, appropriately evil. So began our first (but sadly not last) Evil Campaign™. There are pages written in all the AD&D core books about how and why this is a terrible idea but sometimes you just have to find out for yourself. Lawrence the Lark (Bard mentioned before) was born along with an evil cleric (Bacchus), an illusionist (Robert) and a supporting cast of loons. After making my guy a bard, the hard way, he embarked upon a setting destroying reign of wickedness that involved all of the usual suspect artifacts (Eye and Hand of Vecna) but also the Pipes of the Sewers and the Drums of Panic. In the hands of a normal player these were bad enough. In the hands of a bard whole empires crumbled before us. We would roll up on a fortress/city and those who weren't fleeing from the drums were fighting the rats while illusions of the most hideous things imaginable were assailing them from all sides. We deliberately sought out an old paladin's home and surrounded it with walls of stone then summoned in the rats. The bard's 'charming' song was an appropriately punk 'gently caress on all your mates!' and our cleric was amassing a huge army of followers with an enthusiastic 'convert or die' program. Eventually the only opponents worthy of our powers were each other and so the bard and the illusionist turned on the cleric and his entire evil temple of followers murdering them (mostly) in their beds. Just as well really, it meant we had to start a new campaign. This time the DM knew better than to let us entirely off the moral leash and certainly learnt the hard way about random loot tables and artifacts. What the gently caress Gygax and co were thinking when they allowed evil bards, as player characters, is anyone's guess. Not cat pissy enough? The real bad didn't start till the second Evil Campaign™.
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Jun 18, 2014 03:10
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Lesson the second? Modules and Loot. Never trust a module. Before our first Evil Campaign™ ran off the rails into the abyss our DM learnt many other important lessons. All DMs have to find a way of preventing the Monty Haul effect. AD&D1e actively made the problem worse by ridiculous rules like the one about gaining a level (AD&D1e DM guide p86): "LEVEL OF THE TRAINEE CHARACTER X 1,500=WEEKLY COST DURING STUDY/TRAINING" This, coupled with the rules about treasure and experience (AD&D1e DM guide p85): "Covert all metal and gems and jewelry to a total value in gold pieces. If the relative value of the monster(s) or guardian device fought equals or exceeds that of the party which took the treasure, experience is awarded on a 1 for 1 basis." I have never found an instance of a DM actually using the first rule. If you know of one, that's certainly worthy of this thread. For example take Eric the Cleric. Knowing that we would need 1500 gold to get from level one to level two he wisely began to beg for coin on the street. After many hours he had amassed 1500 gold and by so doing had gained the 1500 experience he needed to get to level two! Having a wisdom of eighteen sure helps sometimes! Now he faces a real dilemma. He needs only 1500 more experience to get to level three but needs 3000 gold to afford the training. Gygax to the rescue! He can choose easier marks for his begging! That way he can get a 2:1 modifier for the lesser challenge and gain MORE gold for every experience point. Yeah I really don't think that was play tested. So we entered the White Plume Mountain. Apart from the decently stupid Whelm, an intelligent LN hammer and the totally bogus Wave, an intelligent Trident that had a whole convert to Poseidon or die thing going on there was Blackrazor... Blackrazor is a ridiculously overpowered sword that does soul sucking and has a built in domination effect that means if you don't feed it souls regularly it makes you do it. What level is it for? According to the cover levels 5 to 10 can enjoy the ridiculous sword of soul sucking. How do you think it would go in the hands of a NE Bard? Yeah about that well. It also transfers the levels and hit points of its victims to the wielder. The DM was utterly aghast at what happened next, partly because of all of the extra maths that was necessary to keep track of a rampaging Bard of infinity levels. That was the initial key to our taking over of the realms immediately adjacent and the Monty Haul end to everything. I can't remember what eventually happened to Blackrazor but it wouldn't have surprised me if a huge disembodied hand hadn't snatched it from my bard's grasp and disappeared with it at some point. In passing the DM also learnt another lesson. When a first level player with an oil flask and a rag witnesses the destructive potential lurking only a few gold away so it was with a 'certain spell'. Our long suffering DM learnt all about a 'certain spell': Transmute Rock to Mud. White Plume Mountain really only 'works' (If you can say that about something so fundamentally broken) due to the architecture. The 'puzzles' rely on the shape of the mountain and of individual rooms. Players Handbook posted:Transmute Rock to Mud (Alteration) Reversible As a fifth level spell a 10th level Druid could have as many as two of these a day. That will be a very bad day for any dungeon. Our team was so adept at casting it that using angles and what not for drainage were a feature of our habitual abuse. It eventually led to our DM designing very different dungeons. On one of the very rare occasions that I did a guest DM spot I was keen to run a module who's name escapes me but involved a magic user with a thing for the magic jar spell and a highly dangerous stone tower. The party made it's way through the surrounding terrain and once within 16" of said tower cast Transmute Rock to Mud causing the top two thirds of the tower to slide off. I tried to recover and strung things out a bit longer but it was game over really. You'd think a high level magic user would have had a better plan. At least they didn't get all the (buried) treasure.
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Jun 19, 2014 02:33
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The Good, the Chaotic and the Inevitable. So coming off our last evil campaign I decided that I would attempt to break type casting and play a straight up and down AD&D1e Paladin. So was born Curdley. Curdley included prayers about bunny rabbits in her day to day routine and started with 1 HP. Other players decided to "cooperate" by rolling a Neutral Magic User (Keith), a Chaotic Neutral cleric (Bacchus), another druid (Dave), and another other druid (Phil). The first adventure went OK and I was able to 'rescue' all the lizardmen children and use party funds to start up an orphanage (etc). I also got a party constitution signed up to and disciplined the mage for various misdemeanors. My halcyon days were not to last. Eventually the cleric obtained a wand of wonder whose command word was 'entropy'. Despite my protestations encounters usually went something like this: Cleric offers a packed bong to creature encountered. When this inevitably led to violence and the paladin was brought to bear the very next thing heard would be 'entropy'. This resulted in several of the normally serious dungeons along the giants/decent to the depths lines including scenes where a stone giant was blinded by butterflys and many instances of a 1/16 size cleric. Another staple feature was the magic user miscalculating volumes and singing the party with every second fireball cast in a confined space. Thingbeing (The mage) or her familiar died to this cause more times than all others put together. The harder I put my foot down in opposition to the use of that accursed wand and the casting of careless fireballs the more I was defied. Time passed and we all got a little more powerful and eventually we did The Lost Caverns of the Tsojcanth. Which was most notable for Daoud's Wondrous Lanthorn, which heals poison and disease to those who bask in its light, and produces spell effects like color spray, hold and flame strike depending on which prisms are used; it also (of course) curses the owner with possessiveness and paranoia. Who better to wield this than our good mage ThingBeing UnbendThinker? gently caress what a mistake. Now instead of just a crazed chaotic cleric with a wand of wonder I now had a highly unreliable magic user with suicidal tendencies and an artifact. Encounters now went like this: Cleric offers a packed bong to creature encountered. When this inevitably led to violence and the paladin was brought to bear the very next thing heard would be 'entropy'. This was followed or joined with 'I spin the lanthorn!' Spinning the lanthorn: "If a gem lens is placed in each opening of the lanthorn, and the lanthorn is then spun, all within 30' of the lanthorn, except its possessor, will be confused, as the spell. Victims within 10' of the lanthorn receive no saving throw. This effect operates at the command of the lanthorn's possessor, as do all other effects. Any combination of four gem lenses will produce this effect." So even relatively benign encounters often ended with a lightly charred confused Paladin standing amid a shower of semiprecious stones. This magic user and cursed items will feature heavily later. Various player deaths lead to the cleric's player (Bacchus) playing a ranger (CG) called Heady Meadows Bong  At last I was rid of that loving wand! Not nearly, one of the first adventures saw the ranger gain possession of a trident that had the same functions (And strangely the same command word). gently caress my elf life.Despite the above we were a highly successful party and continued in our habitual walking around the opposition tactics. We acquired a House of Zebulon at some point and the entire decent to the depths was avoided by having either our druid or our thief sneak into the dungeon with the party in the house. But AD&D1e paladins all go the same way. Our DM was wonderfully adaptive and imaginative and confronted with our particular breed of somehow hyper efficient murder hobos he designed a fabulous dungeon that centered around a magic user who had created a magical flying ship. He used only the spells available to the setting and so it was crafted from permanent walls of force and powered by permanent gusts of wind (etc.). Fighting our way into the ship was an epic adventure. The mage had made constructs that were modeled on the marching hammers from The Wall (Which had only just been released at this time). Obviously this ship was immune to our habitual use of rock to mud and so we had to do it the 'hard' way. Really none of us minded. Of all the dungeons I have ever played this is probably the best. He should publish it. Anyway we eventually found ourselves in the upper reaches of the ship. It was probably nine or ten hours into the play session and it had (due to the effects of alcohol and cannabis) become largely just me and the DM playing with the occasional rallying of otherwise comatose members for brief periods. We are confronted with a mysterious control panel. After various trial and errors it turns out that it is some mechanism for staging gladiatorial fights between fantastic exotic beasts. Since I had 'accidentally' triggered a bunch of fights and attempted to enter the arena but failed via the panel I finally remembered the going through a wall with a portable hole trick. It was at this point that the DM said making the creatures fight each other was effectively an evil act and I was now just a good looking fighter. The ranger was able to atone and regain his status. I was a little crestfallen but we soldiered on. The treasure we hauled in was such that the key to the ship was one full share and the ranger's partner (another ranger but an NPC) got it. This is an important detail. In an adventure not too much later we obtained an iron flask of Tuerny the Merciless that ended up in the Magic User's hands. Not only did it shift their alignment to NE but it contained a Night Hag. This caused many problems along the way but also signaled the DMs starting to use coercive items in an attempt to slow down the hobos from hell (and one nice girl). The druid (Dave) was then possessed at some point in a dungeon and put a geas on the ex paladin to 'Cause the party to not succeed'. We were at the time in some outer planar dimension dungeon and as it involved negotiating physical traps and platforms the party got in the house of Zebulon and had the ex paladin scale the walls etc. I figured that the only way I could fulfill the geas and not harm the party was to destroy the house, with them in it. I threw it from atop a cliff into the rock below. It failed its save. Heartbroken and full of remorse my ex paladin made for the dungeon exit. Inside the house there was pandemonium. After several calls for divine intervention finally a player's deity made the house well. A certain possessed Druid and an evil mage decided to pursue with maximum prejudice. A couple of lucky fireballs later and it was one crispy dead ex paladin lying on the sands of a distant dimension. I was hoping for a resurrection and a chance to explain. Instead I got to meet a Night Hag up close and personal and become the first ever death knight in this campaign setting. Rather than do a re-roll in a mature campaign the DM had me take over Avalon (also a ranger) Heady Meadows Bong's in game partner. After reading up on rangers I came to the following bit of the players handbook. quote:Rangers may own only those goods and treasure which they can carry on their person and/or place upon their mount; all excess must be donated to a worthy communal or institutional cause (but never to another player character). I declared the flying ship my mount. So began the illustrious career of the greediest ranger in the history of ever. As we approached higher levels our scope for encounters expanded and we eventually became involved in global politics due to an evil empire being run out of notEngland. Before we could take on the real power we had to mess with one of their puppets, notSpain. Our merry band determined that the best way to screw them over would be to cause their feudal economy to collapse. Some research led to us determining that the army was supported via the output of a silver mine and the treasury contained an entire nation's wealth in silver ingots. Using our sneak and grab tactics and our flying ship we stole that. All of it. We were having a blast and when that campaign finally came to an end we were ready for the tale I have been avoiding telling: The return to evil - Where we verily sup upon the font of cat piss, may Lolth have mercy on our souls. Cartoon fucked around with this message at 04:00 on Jul 2, 2014 |
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Jul 2, 2014 03:52
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The return of Evil What were we thinking? After the murder hobos in space campaign wound up we started the process of rolling up new 1st level characters in a new setting. I think we had moved into largely 2nd edition at this point and Comeliness was a thing. Being the bunch of rules twisting monsters we where I pondered the use of low comeliness which was described (if I remember rightly) as Awe. People would actually run away from you in fear. That sounded like a pretty good free ability! I think if I am to be 100% honest with myself I harboured some spiteful feelings of vengeance from the fate of my Paladin in the previous campaign. So this time my character was an Evil Gnome Priest of the God of disease, Talona http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talona. That meant I could also wield a dagger. The other players rolled up various somewhat complementary characters of a generally evil bent, well accept for Dave who rolled a Druid. Yes this is the same Dave that always rolled a Druid and has been noted before for his turning into a tree, lame Geas and general worthlessness. Much time was spent explaining to him that in a world filled with heroes and doers of good it was effectively incumbent upon him to assist us in doing evil. How else can the balance be maintained? And do evil we did. We started out as generic murder hobos and killed stuff for money without any real direction but once we had enough power we started thinking in political terms for our scope. Soundly reasoning that if we were to be openly evil it would bring the do-gooders (And tree huggers  ) down on us we began on the fringes of society. This campaign's equivalent of keep on the borderlands was approached and I commenced my convert or die crusade. If you couldn't be bribed or otherwise coerced you were killed. We burned down their churches and built ours on the ruble. Word apparently spread and while we were doing some standard dungeon crawling for loot we returned to find an inconvenient army had retaken our conquests. An army lead by a paladin. A paladin called Guthorman. Narrowly escaping getting our arses handed to us we fled.Some time later and in a different part of the land I (we) recommenced our crusade. Things were going OK and I was becoming a powerful cleric. Every time I built a church though a certain loving paladin and his mates would show up and run me (us) out of town. Guthorman was particularly annoying to me because Paladins are immune to diseases. As our fortunes were being routinely reversed by this fucker my stakes in the party (especially with certain druids) started to plummet. Why should they be doing what I said? Where had it gotten us? Valid and fair concerns all. I sought solace in prayer. This is where the weird started. It's like we were icy pops of cat piss. Cool on first impressions but foul to the core and unworthy of even a small lick. In all our rat summoning evil of the past, the murder, crime and prostitution was all done at a reasonably abstract level. The whole concept of rape hadn't/didn't come up and yet our evil was not found lacking. Talona is a female deity. For some reason our DM decided that having us all summoned to her plane and visited with the temptations of pleasure might keep the flock in line. The various party members were all feted and charmed as was necessary to obtain their ongoing fealty. We are stripped and ritually bathed. As part of my obeisance I am found worthy of a kiss. With no further thought I kiss my very god. Perhaps with no further thought, the DM informs me that I have spontaneously ejaculated. Is this a part of the god's abilities and description? I do not know. Doing my best  I question the mechanics. I was after all, a gnome. She had, apparently picked me up to give me the kiss. I ponder this and point out that I must have just cum on her tits. Apparently this wasn't an issue....Moving right along. We gain in power some more and I foolishly must have expressed my enthusiasm for being high enough level to cast blade barrier soon. The convert or die crusade is back somewhat on the rails as a convenient counter to the inconvenient army was found to be a diseased army of undead. Many of whom had been recently raised during our revival meetings. Wanting to more fully honour my deity I asked that I be visited with obvious sores and pustules to help get my comeliness into even more Awe inspiring areas. The DM is reluctant and appears revolted by my request. Why would I do such a thing? I would suffer other consequences to my abilites, did I want to go through with it? The DM has qualms about some boils... Despite the ongoing success of my army of the pestilent undead, Guthorman still dogged our steps. Every time we left a dungeon bloodied a bunch of his bullies would pull up and try to take advantage of our weakened state. Like a flash it hit me. There was one really 'good' way to screw over a Paladin permanently. All I needed was a way to make Guthorman commit an knowingly evil act, without compulsion. It took me a while but the plan was effectively to have him kill me for a crime that I was in fact innocent of in a hasty enough way that it was this act, and not any of my previous crimes, that provoked it. When I'm feeling kind to myself I am comforted by the thought that it was a make believe rape in a make believe setting in an rpg game. Illusory fake rape did however work and the first thing we did after making Guthorman a fallen paladin was introduce him to a demon lord to make him a death knight. Masters of wit (and cat piss) that we were we would summon him by invoking the cry in the movie Warriors, "Guthorman come out and plaaaay!" Still Dave to the rescue! On the very day of my character gaining enough levels to cast blade barrier I was imprisoned in an artifact by the Druid. Out last and most shameful evil campaign at an end. It would have only lasted long enough for me to engineer the TPK - 1 with blade barriers in any case. What possessed a bunch of mature role players with literally years of non-pissy to go to the font? I really don't know. We haven't been back.
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Jul 8, 2014 04:44
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Well if we're moving onto wargaming: A map will aid understanding  Two of my friends agreed on a particular set up. Late WWII Western front. The Allied player has to get to and hold the 'flag' being the road junction at the top of the map. The German's have to stop them. The river is unfordable and the bridges can't be destroyed by the forces deployed on the map. As by terrain and role the defenders have a much easier go of it that player was given a small fraction of the points the allied player got. The ratio was agreed by both sides and the equipment list likewise. The German player(defender) took a slightly unusual approach and heavily stacked the forest on the left (his right flank) with well concealed, sighted and dug in anti tank guns focusing on lanes of fire that included one or other of the bridges. With a small mobile reserve to account for any strays. Unlike most typical German players he focused on guns and infantry and had no armour what-so-ever. His opponent of course had no idea of his force disposition or composition. What made it fun was the allied player decided to spend almost all his points on infantry and DUKW transports with a small mobile recon force that was meant to be largely bait. He deployed his forces on the left (his left flank) and basically charged to the river and into the forest. Due to the well positioned infantry opposition things actually went pretty badly for him and early on he was starting to lose faith in his clever ruse. What he didn't yet know was that he had accidentally run into the bulk of the defence force and his opponent was now scrambling what ever forces he had available to attempt to stop the imminent disaster. During this conflagration his recon force moved over Bridge B on the right expecting to be annihilated by a similar defence. This was the critical pivot of the match. He waited until (unknown to him) the defending player had repositioned effectively his entire force to deal with threat on the left. The recon unit moved onto the final objective unopposed and the defender resigned because he now couldn't disengage an effective force to dislodge the 'bait' force. DMNPCs I tend to deploy NPCs as necessary to fill gaps but either make them explicitly hencemen under the direct control of a PC or independent 'allied' forces who have entirely their own agendas and motivations. Currently in the AD&D1e campaign I'm running in TG the PCs have recruited allies to help them fight a much more powerful wererat cult. The allied are a sect of paladins who can't be revealed publicly and a people's militia (cover story for a gang of the local theives' guild). When in doubt add Nitro and Glycerine and stir.
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Dec 24, 2014 03:27
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Here's how real nerds do it Although using a rolodex is probably a decent idea. I have a bunch of pre-rolled NPC cards for random people and generate names with a little program I wrote years ago. I should probably update it to roll all the stats as well but 
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Jan 22, 2015 00:13
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I've been running a play by post AD&D1e campaign on these very forums for nearly a year. My players like to rely on low comedy and slapstick. They are: Aello - A human LG fighter who plays as a short tempered shield maiden and is a member of the noble faction. Martha - A dwarven NG fighter who is obsessed with overthrowing the patriarchy. Ciarán - A human Druid who is a rough parody of me in real life. Bolo - A Halfling N Thief who pretends to be a dandy and a fighter. Lyme - An Elven NE Magic User who is a stranger in a xenophobic city state and uses a nom de plume (Amaranth) with the party. Fah Ruité - An Elven CG Ranger who has recently joined replacing Aello who dropped for reasons. After some time the party decided to call themselves the Social Justice Warriors. The setting is a home brew where a large city state has fallen into limited lawlessness due to an abuse of the code of laws (An actual relic that is inscribed with the laws of the city). Despite every effort to avoid just this happening the party find themselves pitted against some rats in their first encounter. This leads them onto the trail of a gang of wererats that are staging a spirited attempt to take over the city. In their very first run in with a suspected wererat, Ciarán is joined by Aello at the door to a cottage that is connected to some rat diggings. The occupant turns out to be a Wererat and upon seeing the royal crest on Aello's armour, assumes wererat form and slays her in one blow. The rest of the (first level) party are now in a dour life and death struggle with an opponent that can only be hit with silvered or magic weapons. Martha grabs one of the few magic crossbow bolts she has and goes at the beast with a makeshift shiv while silver pieces are loaded in slings. The main weapon of effect however was the mage's hawk familiar and a flask of oil. The comedy combat is finalised when the mage herself lights the oil soaked wererat. A lesser party would now be a cautious party. My players are made of sterner stuff. Having interrogated the dead wererat (via a speak with dead from a hireling cleric) a second cottage is indicated. The party approach the cottage. They suss it out carefully, splitting up to do so. Having located no traps on any doors or windows and seeing through windows that it appears unoccupied they enter. Aello searches the interior of the cottage and finds a concealed lever in the fire place. Even as Bolo scream "TRAP!" the lever is pulled. This sets off the trap that collapses the roof of the cottage while setting it on fire. The party suffer no deaths but are significantly charred. Regrouping they investigate a set of external cellar storm doors with paranoid determination. No traps are found but the doors are locked. Bolo fails to pick the lock so Martha goes for the boot and kicks them in, setting off the trap and nearly slaying herself. This turns out to be how the rest of this adventure proceeds. Traps are stumbled into, pits are prat fallen, culminating in a raucous chorus of projectile vomiting as a stinking cloud is charged despite stern advice to the contrary by Lyme. This is but a prelude to the great fort attack of 1847. Having located a group of alleged illegal poachers the party approach by boat. The boat is immediately set on fire by a picket of archers and the more suicidal of the occupants leap overboard to address the menance. The boat, coming under fire from heavy weapons (ballista) on the actual fort makes away from the fort with the mage still on board. The rest of the party despatch the archers, largely non violently, and now have nine captives. Moving closer to the fort but remaining in cover it is seen to fully occupy a cleft between two cliffs and is a solid wooden stockade with ballista towers on either end. By breaking cover Martha discovers that the ballistas are now being loaded with spears that have a vial of knock out gas tied to the tip. Regroup? Cunning plan? Naw! Charge! The forty odd occupants of the fort are amazed to see a single dwarf charge their position. With the stout steel bound wooden gates firmly bolted and propped at least a 12 foot climb awaits our charging hero who is receiving no assistance or encouragement from her companions. Both ballista crew miss but the plethora of archers get three hits on her run in. Martha is now sheltering in the cover of the sheer palisade and while this is defeating the ballista jockeys their numerous mates with bows are under no such constraint. In the second round however the archers, crowding for a shot, miss to a being and Martha manages to lob a lit molotov at the ballista crew to the left. She Succeeds like a WWII marine taking out a bunker with a grenade. Undaunted in the face of sustained bow fire Martha traverses the whole wall and lobs a further molotov at the right hand ballista crew. The standard bow crew try but fail to deter her. The ongoing fracas at the wall attracts even more attention from within and now the officers of the defence are involved. Martha tries another Molotov but this one falls short and catches both her and a tardy Fah Ruité, who has braved a hail of fire to be at the wall with her comrade. While they are clearly not the world's best archers sheer numbers are whittling down our heros reserves of health. At half hit points the plucky dwarf comes up with a cunning plan. To scale the wall she will lodge her battle axe into the stout timbers. Using the battle axe handle as a rung she'll climb up to where she is just another rung (made up this time of her remaining melee weapon, a javelin) away from topping the wall armed with her bare hands (who are fortunate to be named Ruth & Sophia). Not a bad plan. In fact, a terrible plan. Heavily armoured dwarves and impromptu ladders are obviously the thing of legend so once successful and precariously balanced on a battle axe ladder rung what else would you do but attempt to light and throw your fourth molotov: quote:After she leans back to heft the missile the impulse of the release causes her to slip off the step, fall to the ground and wear the grenade to the chest. Self inflicting 7 HP of damage and setting herself on fire. Martha is now on 13 HP. After this triumph a retreat is called and without sustaining any actual fatalities the party (still san mage) reconvene out of line of sight. The enemy bouyed by their victory and slight casualties, despite being down two ballista crew, open the gates and charge. With the benefit of defence the Druid is able to be more effective and soon the foe are defeated. Not before the leader utters his famous last words: "At least I'll die laughing!"
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Mar 21, 2015 05:30
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Guildencrantz posted:Wait, an RPG that caters to people's inner kindness and innocence? That feels... Wrong, somehow. Remember these guys? Cartoon posted:I've been running a play by post AD&D1e campaign on these very forums for nearly a year. The PC then went about their business and it wasn't until the better part of a year had past that the dark sex seeker calling in their part of the deal. Conscious that this was dangerously close to the rim of the font of cat piss no detail was made of the event and the PC could probably have ducked out if they had really wanted to. They did not. What they did do however was immediately contract with our Halfling thief to put a hit out on the guy. Proper research was done into who he actually was (a foundry guild salesperson) where he lived and what his movements were. The thieves contacts basically advised that he could most easily be waylayed on his way home from his favourite drinking establishment and to prevent post mortem detection via an especially egregious spell (Speak With The Dead) the body chucked into one of the many furnaces in the conveniently nearby foundry. Seems clear enough. But now the awesome starts. Bolo decides that it is too difficult to drag a body to a furnace unseen and it would be better to do the deed in the tavern that the guy uses for his elven booty fun time trysts and (you knew this was coming) then burn the place down to hide the evidence. Now this is pretty usual murder hobo behaviour but as part of the cunning plan they then rope Martha into it so they have some muscle on hand in case things go wrong. Further to this they decide to disguise the vengeful elf as another party member (also a female elf) and attempt to get her procured as part of the means of access to the original naughty elfaphile. The dwarf decided that it would be a good idea to go to the tavern disguised (ala Pratchet) as a dwarf by the use of false beard hangers and to loudly proclaim that dwarves were vermin and should be wiped out of the city in the name of one of the Noble houses that have exactly these views about dwarves (There is actually a decent enough reason for doing this that would take too long to properly explain). And so it went down. The elf's disguise doesn't actually fool the smarter of the ruffians but he just assumes that it is part of some sick cosplay type deviant stuff he'd rather not know about and plays along. When he goes to fetch the elfaphile he does point out it is the elf from before but the mark also just thinks about happy fun times rather than a brutal murder plot. Meanwhile the Hobbit of mass destruction has used his extremely OP (AD&D1e) Ring of Invisibility to gain entry to the back room unseen. As the introductions between elf and elfaphile are being made the dwarf makes her presence known and starts besmirching the character of the dwarven race. A paladin who is part of the foundry watch takes immediate umbrage at this and demands the dwarf cease and desist. Having now gained the full attention of the crowded bar room the dwarf in disguise departs. Meanwhile in the back room Mr about to be happy pants unlocks and opens the door to the private suite and ushers his prize inside. While he is shutting the door his weasel familiar notes an odd smell. Too late! the thief strikes from invisibility and ->MISSES<-. Some what uncomprehending the mage casts Blink but his familiar has now eaten a pair of Magic Missiles and himself the spare. Regrouping the thief has a second shot (OP ring) and this time takes the guy out before he can either escape or call for help. Carefully removing only loot that might go unmissed the death squad prepare for their departure and set fire to the room. Waiting until the blaze is well alight they close the door and successfully depart under cover of invisibility. Returning to their usual haunts they ensure their alibis are intact and breath a collective sigh of relief. It isn't too long before news reaches them of an enormous fire in the lower city that has claimed at least nineteen lives. 
Cartoon fucked around with this message at 02:43 on Jul 18, 2015 |
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Jul 18, 2015 02:20
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Betcha Wookie
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Jan 22, 2016 11:12
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Jar Jar Binks goes out the airlock - aka Everyone's a winner.
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Jan 23, 2016 00:01
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J Miracle posted:I know we should just be able to lay out the fact that we clearly have different ideas about what sort of game we want to play but some of the people involved can be mighty touchy and averse to even the barest HINT of interpersonal conflict so I don't see that happening.
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Feb 11, 2016 00:50
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I think the primary problem is that (with d20) it means 5% of the time EVERYBODY 'catastrophically' fails that's pretty much outright stupid. I prefer to consider it a critical fail and blend that with what was happening as well as the character's general competence at what they are attempting. For instance a hardened warrior using their chosen weapon rolling a one means they simply miss spectacularly enough for someone to comment on how out of the usual that was for them. If it made sense or was amusing for some reason dropping a weapon in these circumstances would be on the extreme end of the matrix. I finished up a long running Play by Post game recently and after rereading the wrap up post I thought it might be worth sharing: quote:OK So now that everyone has had the chance to say what they needed to say (etc.) Let's move to the text that rolls while we play the end credits.
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Jun 27, 2016 01:14
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In a fantasy world there is almost never even in the most grognardy of AD&D1e table top buffoonery actual permanent death*. It can and should be used as a plot point for the rest of the party to decide what to do about their companion and embark upon whatever is required to have them restored to life. If they decide to let the character rest in peace then it is incumbent upon the DM to discuss matters with the player of the deceased and work on what happens next. Even a character that was an appalling follower of their chosen deity can be restored by said deity. In fact the worse the level of adherence the better for the story. The God returns them to fly straight THIS TIME OR ELSE! *Outside of Deck of Many Things (And gently caress those with a sack of bricks).
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Aug 29, 2016 01:16
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HiKaizer posted:Also you can't really get any qualifications for GMing and it's difficult to have a portfolio you can easily peruse for such a dynamic and interactive service.
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Oct 21, 2016 01:09
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So much hate to be worked out in this thread. That's why you need me to GM your violence and stresses out. At a mere $30.00 per player per session it's a snap. That's about what you pay for  during a game anyway.
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Oct 21, 2016 05:28
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Nurture your special snowflake and keep us informed. It's for 
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May 23, 2017 01:33
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Weakling! What about our content!? Huh!? You didn't think of that did you? You must suffer for the vicarious pleasure of this forum. Oh well, too late now. Remember for next time.
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May 24, 2017 05:45
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Golden Bee posted:Why would you quote a multi thousand word post, with all the pictures, just to add one word?
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Sep 18, 2017 01:22
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With training I have found that a useful conceptualisation is that, while training, it is like the player is "at work" they still come home at nights and can have meaningful inputs into the campaign. If plot reasons mean that training has to be delayed or interrupted then attaching no penalty to this is also useful. Allowing self training at a reduced efficiency is also a useful conceit. The party has to undertake a long boat voyage to get to McGuffin Beta. While in transits the fighter takes the time to level up. This takes X*2 weeks as opposed to X if they did it at the fighter's guild. If a restriction allows for dramatic game play as players attempt to find a resolution then it's an OK restriction. If it doesn't then streamline it on the fly until it fits. A restriction that spurred one group of players onto exceptional solutions may just bore another. It is in realising this and being flexible that a DM perfects their art.
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Nov 12, 2017 03:52
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JustJeff88 posted:I'm possibly just obtuse, but as much as I am enjoying stories of the Delphi and company I am still baffled why they would, as villains, be particularly bothered by killing a bunch of enemy grunts, many of which who are more machine than man. This is even more odd to me given that it made their mission very simple and allowed them to adopt a better territorial position. Think of it as a way to do character development. Not that the GM in this case isn't stellar but if it was me I'd have the 'consequences' manifest in a bunch of the most reprehensible low life villains with neo nazi sympathies start lionising Click as the most bad rear end dude ever. Then see where this goes.
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Apr 10, 2018 03:34
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Pollyanna posted:If I’m ever in a game like that I will make it my mission to ruin it.
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Jun 20, 2018 02:35
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Rorac posted:Actual player quote from today  While I'm cat piss postin' What about Critical Role? They throw red flags all the time yet still seem OK.
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Aug 30, 2018 02:12
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Fuckin' rogues, man.
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Gort posted:I always thought the way to go with groups like this is to present them with a succession of more valuable and more difficult valuable objects to steal. They like stealing, lean into it. In other words I'm in broad agreement. Cartoon fucked around with this message at 00:39 on Oct 11, 2018 |
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Oct 11, 2018 00:28
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Wow! A whole bunch of great new rpg storie..... 
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Mar 1, 2019 00:27
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Yawgmoth posted:I am enjoying your story and wish I could write half as well as you do.  You may find you are a better writer for it. I've always found your posts to be readable in any case.
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Mar 16, 2019 00:49
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See wasn't so bad after all. Keep them coming.
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Mar 19, 2019 00:24
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Short serialised is how it has always worked in real world publishing.
Cartoon fucked around with this message at 02:22 on Apr 7, 2019 |
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Apr 6, 2019 07:32
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Agrikk posted:Special Projects Branch of the Department of Sanitation Department
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Apr 17, 2019 04:19
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MonsterEnvy posted:My players went through Against the Giants Recently and left the non combatants and child giants alone. The primary quest being to punish the giant leadership for their raids.
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Apr 26, 2019 08:35
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My big bad was at the top of a giant trap and monster laden stone tower. Hello Rock to mud! Cunningly cast at an angle so the whole top of the tower slid off.
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Jul 8, 2019 01:28
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Kung Food posted:I had to stop and think for a moment before posting about whether or not the big titty pixie girl from the G-rated movie for children should get a NSWF tag or not.
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Jul 22, 2019 12:40
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Rorac posted:I mean, insofar as I understand science, like all of that could technically be done. If you had sufficient thrust, you could even escape the gravity well!
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Sep 6, 2019 14:48
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Yawgmoth posted:then how the devil do you say it
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Jan 1, 2020 02:12
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the_steve posted:The Bard player in the game I run has ruined so much poo poo with Heat Metal, it's crazy.
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Jan 19, 2020 03:20
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ConfusedUs posted:That pic is truly the gif that keeps on giving.
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Mar 19, 2020 04:56
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Will be stealing the double bounty for alive as part of my ongoing Murder Hobo curbing policies.
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Apr 27, 2020 01:22
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Tarrasques on a plane.
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May 25, 2020 01:23
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Motherfucker posted:Crossposting from the dnd 5th thread because I kinda missed this one.
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Jul 24, 2020 11:28
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| # ¿ Apr 26, 2024 21:50 |
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Bacon of Hope.
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Aug 1, 2020 09:17
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