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Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


Rule .303 posted:

Well, remember, when you gently caress a bagel, take care lest you become the bagel.

You mean "(...) and when you gently caress a bagel, the bagel fucks you."

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Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


Happy Hat posted:

His, the girth and lenght was hurting the ladies.

Sounds like SOMEone hasn't got the patience or the feel for it and just jumps in banging away like it was something to get over with. But if he has issues with getting condoms that fit well, point him here - http://www.theyfit.co.uk/. It's a godsend.

And by the way, "girth" is one of my favorite words. I just like it. Girth.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


So, after cleaning all the windows, disinfecting the terrazzo in the bathroom and polishing the mirrors, I made a box. It's filled with all the kitchen poo poo I don't use. I see four whisks, two ladles, seven wooden spoons, 2 cutting boards, a grill pan, two colanders, a bamboo steamer, a knife or two, a set of prissy little too-thin porcelain tea cups, tons of unitaskers of different types and a partridge in a pear tree.

I put today's date on the box. Everything that's still in it in 3 months' time will be put to pasture.

It's oddly liberating - I managed to clear out two entire drawers and three cupboard shelves. I strongly recommend it if you are a kitchen gear hoarder like me (although I guess Anoia, Goddess of Things That Get Stuck in Drawers, will be leaving the household soon since there won't be many prayers spoken to her from now on.)

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


bunnielab posted:

Um, there are like millions of jobs that are super loving stressful, this is why it is called "work" and one has to be paid in order to do it. Where are these "everything is chill, just get it done when you can" factories you guys seem to know about?

But can we agree that renumeration should not just be gauged by perceived societal worth (*cough* advertising *cough* bankers *cough*) but also to some extent by the physical strain, the work puts on the body?

I've worked factory jobs - they were lovely and low paying, but they were nowhere near as physically demanding as those reported on in the linked article.

I'm not saying that all labor should be coddled or indeed that unionization is always for the good, but I do find that setting impossible goals for the workers, exploiting temp rules and paying people low wages (and skirting health insurance issues) for jobs with high risk of physical damage is loathsome.

In my opinion, any business owes loyalty not only to its shareholders, but also to the workers who generate the profit for said shareholders - whether they pack poo poo into boxes, sow buttons on polo shirts or design innovative ad campaigns for beer companies.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


Happy Hat posted:

Ok.. seriously!

Some of the words that are used in English texts are something that you guys clearly are sitting around inventing, while drinking bong-water mixed with vodka, and taking the piss on all the foreigners.

This is exacerbating international tension.

Edit: Websters is written by goddamn adolescent school-boys! gently caress!

Edit2: Some of these words are loving unpronouncable..

Just imagine those people trying to learn Danish. It'll put a smile on your fjæs.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


For stock, just use ice cube bags if you don't have enough trays - I know you get them in the US because I have looked and found this http://www.glad.com.au/glad-product...-ice-cube-bags/

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


Ha, the michelin guide is out and Noma, once again, did not get a third star. If I had any doubts that the guide was out of touch and p. much irrelevant, they are gone now.

Dane fucked around with this message at Mar 14, 2012 around 13:59

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


bunnielab posted:

Hey guys please say a little prayer for me, a company I have worked for might be doing some mussel related beer promo party this summer. Being able to sit backstage and gouger on mussels might be actually what is best in life.

I'll pray for your intestinal tract.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


I had mussels on the first day of a week-long Paris vacation, with reservations made at some pretty nice restaurants. My then-girlfriend toured the Louvre and ate great food while I spent my week alternating between hotel tub and hotel toilet, trying to wash off the shame and the vomit.

I'm rather wary about eating mussels at restaurants now.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


pnumoman posted:

looks remarkably like a flesh colored turd

Someone here has problems, either ocular or otherwise.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


I love this forum. I saw 90 posts since last read, skimmed the first few and thought, 'Ah, that explains it, they're talking about titties and sex'. But no, it was dangling participles and bilabials plosives.

This thread is like a box of chocolates, etc etc.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


dino. posted:

At work, we generally do 3 cups of dried chickpeas, soaked and then boiled. To which it's 1 cup of tahini, 1 cup of x.v. olive oil, 3/4 cup lemon juice, 1 1/2 TB salt, 3 TB of minced garlic (not the stuff in the jar; you take a bunch of peeled garlic, and then mince it), and roughly 3/4 cups water. Mind you, this goes in the fuckoff huge food processor, so if yours is less than 14 cups, scale back a bit. It ends up making around 5 lbs of hummus.

To me, that sounds like a lot of tahin (and no cumin?). I guess hummus has about as many variants as chili, though.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


therattle posted:

Did you have oats in it? Oats porridge keeps me full for much longer than toast does.

I've tried this oats-in-smoothies thing, and maybe it's my blender or something, but it never gets smooth enough. If you have lumps in your smoothie, it shoulds be fruit and not grains, so I tend to leave them out.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


I love good restaurant/service stories.

One of my best friends is in New York right now with his girlfriend and his mother, celebrating his mother's 60th birthday. They wanted to eat at The Sunburnt Cow, but when it was closed, a bartender suggested Edi and the Wolf. They went there, loved the food, raved about it to the waiter who pointed out that the man behind them was chef-owner Eduard Frauneder. That led to an evening of talking and drinking beer and wine (on the house) with him and Lisa Cosman and, when the topic of the birthday came up, an insistence that they eat a birthday lunch the next day at German House - on the house - with Edi and a ton of german diplomats.

poo poo like this happens to this guy all the time.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


Drop the Fiskars santoku and get a proper one (or a nakiri/cleaver), those knives are loving dangerous. I had one snap on me at work from cutting, I poo poo you not, a raw sunchoke. Snapped the first 3 centimeters of the blade clean off.

And crazy norwegian man with scary avatar is right, you can never have enough paring knives.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


H^H, I could be interested in that dinner club thing! PM email whatevah me - gone for easter, but I will get back to you.

(and sorry to revisit the knife debacle, but: Kozmonaut - my gripe with the fiskars is simply that their knives - even the "chef" knife, the one I called a santoku - are way too thin and flexy and flimsy)

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


I've never had problems with my hollandaise or béarnaises breaking, but all of a sudden this week, every single one has done so. Aspargus season is starting, so I had to make hollandaise tuesday, but the fucker broke on me. So I bought more for wednesday. The sauce for those broke as well, and then, again, tonight. It's a conspiracy.

I'm angry about butter emulsions.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


Phummus posted:

HappyHat, please tell me all Danish television is as good as this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUZ-e2SkeMI

Sadly, the person above me couldn't be more wrong. 98% of Danish TV is poo poo, with poo poo production values, poo poo writing, poo poo concepts. Dumt & Farligt (Stupid & Dangerous) is pretty fun, though.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


Ah, it hit huffpost, that explains it. I got four facebook messages from US friends asking me if I'd seen it. One of the two idiots in Dumt & Farligt is probably the most experienced stuntman in .dk. I've seen him burn off most of his hair doing a stupid fire stunt once. Looks like he hasn't learned caution in the past 20 years.

food content: I made Heston Blumenthal's Spaghetti Bolognese (from In Search of Perfection) and am thoroughly underwhelmed. Maybe I screwed something up along the way, but it was rather bland.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


mindphlux posted:

yeah, I gotta third this. I have watched all his shows and have his 'heston at home' book, and was a bit disappointed by it. I'm sure he never personally wrote a single one of his recipes - they have to just be scaled down versions of restaurant/test kitchen dishes, which never translates well.

but, the underlying technique behind his dishes is great. like with the bolognese dish, the key take aways (as I remember, it has been a while) were like that he used star anise to boost meaty flavors in his ragu, and a certain type of pasta that clung to the sauce, and well I guess the fact that he actually made a ragu with stock and et cetera. and did he use fish sauce? or maybe I'm confusing his with my own recipe because goddamn fish sauce belongs in every red ragu ever. anyways, detail work like this are really what make his technique.

I remember, I had a friend who made his fish and chips recipe, and was similarly disappointed - and I asked him about it and was like 'so did you use vodka'? "no.", 'ice cold ale?' - "no, it was room temperature" - 'did you make the batter right before you dunked the fish?' "no, about half an hour before" - 'what temperature was the oil' "no idea, didn't measure!".

it's just really the detail that counts.


Yup, fish sauce, star anise, bronze extruded pasta, yadda yadda (no stock in the ragu though according to the recipe). Fairly bland.

When I reheat the leftovers, I'm going to have to spice it up quite a bit - a little frozen stock, some fish sauce, a bit of chili. For someone who talks so much about boosting umami, the recipe was sorely lacking in just that.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


Chef De Cuisinart posted:


And with whole chickens 77c per lb at my local HEB all week, there's a lot more stock to be made!

Prices like that are just obscene.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


I pay around 100 DKK per kilo /~$8 per lb for my chickens. They're tasty, and farmed in a way I can live with. I'm not a fanatic or hugely knowledgable about the mathematics of poultry farming, but even I can see that there's something wrong with chickens costing less than red onions.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


i shoot friendlies posted:



"Hello. Would you like some food?"

"Depends. Is it organic, non GMO, free range, antibiotic free, pesticide free, non-Monsanto perennial seeds, locally sourced, sustainable, cruelty free, dye free, gluten free, HFCS free, and humanely killed?"

"Uhhh...not sure?"

"No thanks. My morality will nourish me."

Mass production and GMO/RoundUp resistant/etc put a lot more food on the plates of people like this. If we outlawed mass production of foodstuffs, the resulting scarcity and price hikes would starve, literally, perhaps billions.

Rich people problems...

Absolute loving bullshit argument.

fakeedit - HH said it better.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


I've had a friday to suit my rock'n'roll lifestyle: assembling IKEA furniture for the pit of despair my girlfriend calls an office. How she's managed to stuff that much poo poo into one 9' by 6' room without rewriting the laws of physics, I'll never know.

Tomorrow, though. Tomorrow, there will be food and drink in large amounts - good thing, too, as I'll be spending sunday enjoying the benefit of a girlfriend with a huge family: yet another family party where I'll be seated at a table with two geriatrics, three little kids and a distant cousin of hers that I have absolutely nothing to talk about with, being served the cheapest catered food available and having to wear a monkey suit and be nice and smile for 7 hours. And I'll be driving since my girlfriend has a shoulder injury, so I can't even get sloshed.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


NosmoKing posted:

In reply to the "industrial food supply is evil "statements that have been going on recently, I would like to inform you people of an interesting development.

As I am an industry insider, I get lots and lots of trade magazines and invitations to trade shows and other events. one such events is a food safety conference that's going on very soon. essentially everyone in the industry will attend this conference. I know I'm going!

Like many large tradeshows, there will be lectures presented. one such lecture is on the topic of sustainability. Who do you guess the lead speaker and presenter is for sustainability in the food industry?

Why, of course it's Smithfield foods!

The same company that has been cited by the EPA for destroying watersheds and poisoning large swaths of land. The same company that has had employees die from being too close to its poo poo lagoons.

Yep they're experts on sustainability, and will teach us all how to do it right!

This industry tradeshow was curated by The Onion.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


Loving Africa Chaps posted:

Has anyone tried to get a table at Noma? How hard was it? I'm managed to get one at the Fat Duck and am expecting that sort of level.

3 month waiting list only, very few seats, all about getting lucky on the day. Right now they probably aren't even answering their phone.

therattle posted:

Don't know. Say fellas, did I mention that I am producing a documentary about Noma and Rene Redzepi with a director who has exclusive access for a year, and will be following Rene and his suppliers through the seasons?

If we don't score a meal at Noma from that I'll be seriously annoyed.

The guys at Noma are (at least used to be) awesome at comping and inviting people in for tasting stuff. I helped a friend of the family deliver som lamb bacon to them a couple of years ago and was tasting stuff for 30 minutes before they shooed me out.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


PXJ800 posted:

That has to be unbearably nerve-wracking. I can't imagine how I would remain composed if one of my girls was going through something like that.

On a different note, you may notice my blue star is gone. Please welcome our new overseer, Happy Abobo. I just couldn't take bart's bullshit anymore, so you can thank him for this change. Like a convicted cop in general population, I'm now at mercy to answer for any abuse-of-power transgressions I may have committed.

Actually, I've just been to wrapped up in life to give the attention this community needs, and with 2 little ones and an upcoming hip replacement surgery it doesn't look like I'll be a major contributor anytime soon.

Couldn't you at least have had the decency to have instituted some draconian measures of some sort, so we'd have something to bitch at you about now that you're fair game?

And I'm so happy to read that, Phummus. Every time I hear of potential brain tumors, my adrenaline spikes wildly and I almost hyperventilate. I've lost a dad, an aunt, two close family friends and a boss to brain tumors in the past 12 years, so hearing a good story makes me incredibly relieved.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


therattle posted:

"I'll pull out before I cum, promise".

Who believes HH only became this way (depraved, filthy) because of GWS? Bueller? Bueller?

<insert sound of me fighting very hard to keep my mouth shut>

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


therattle posted:

And rightly so.

Swedes and Norwegians, yeah. We Danes aren't as depraved as they are.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


Happy, I know the lot you live on isn't huge, but surely there's room to build a mancave for kitchen toys?

"Honey, either I buy it and put it here, or I buy it and put it in a shed in the bottom of the garden and you and our children will never see me again because I'll be busy playing with my toys down there. Do you REALLY want to be responsible for our children growing up without a father?!?!"

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


mindphlux posted:

I will absolutely never utter the words 'allergy' and 'I have a' in the same breath to anyone outside this semi anonymous forum, so much do I hate the whole douchebag dietary restriction thing.

I guess the verdict isn't in, and it could be the liters upon liters of wine I drink daily, but apparently I have some strange form of intestinal swelling and have to get a camera shoved up my butt in a week. awesome. keepin' it classy.

I suggest a live video podcast.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


A very good friend of mine is co-editor of a "erotic magazine for women". You would not BELIEVE the kind of poo poo you can find in her cupboards and what you can do with them at a party.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


Sjurygg posted:

doitdoitdoitdoitdoitttttttt

Which people writes their language in a devanagari-derived script and eats shark? I'm taking my guess on tamil but I'm not really sure.



All Exoscandinavians, kindly ignore the placard in upper right corner.

WHY YOU SHAKESFIST!

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


"Revolver", because it was the first album I heard that made me think "Wow, can you do that with songs? I WANT TO DO THAT!". "Rain Dogs", because I thought I knew what I was in for with Tom Waits after Small Change and the others, and he blew my loving mind - that album turned me on to artists and genres I hadn't even considered. Dexter Gordon's "Our Man in Paris" made me realize that I would never be able to come near that level of musicianship, and so - in a quite positive way - it killed my dream of becoming more than a journeyman musician.

But for stuff that's made me flip my poo poo fairly recently, I'd say
PJ Harvey's - Let England Shake
James Blake - James Blake
Tom Waits - Bad As Me
Elbow - Build A Rocket Boys!
Cloud Nothing - err whatever the gently caress the new one is called

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


Scientastic posted:

Food allergies intolerances: Literally worse than cancer.

Nobody lets you skip the line at Disney World just because you get the running shits if you drink milk. Trust me on this.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


mindphlux posted:

I'd seriously love to, though I think the people I'm traveling with are keen on belgium. I don't know why, but during my entire 2 year stay in germany, denmark remained a great mystery to me. It would have been so simple to just take a train up from Dortmund, but I never did. I mean I guess I was a poor student, but that's not really an excuse.

our travel plans are not even close to being set in stone, I think they just go something like "arrive in frankfurt, train to berlin ...... get drunk ...... rent a car, drive a lot............ somehow arrive back in frankfurt in time for our flight out.

what parts of denmark would you recommend seeing? are you in copenhagen?

H^H and I are in Aarhus, which is a fine town, but imo (as a transplanted Copenhagener) not a patch on Copenhagen - it's actually quite small (I guess it depends on what kind of trip you're looking for, if it's hanging out-eating-drinking or doing the touristy thing and seeing the sights). And as DekeThornton says, it's really easy to do countries for the price of one by jumping a train from Copenhagen central to Malmö.

You can get really really cheap flights from Berlin to CPH, too - or you can get fairly cheap bustickets from Berlin to Aarhus.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


Late to the Emerald City Party, but I'd just like to nominate H^H for the discreet putdown of the year.

Happy Hat posted:

Congratulations on your professional succes, I am happy for you, and it is good to see that you're doing well. I am assuming that you're in HR.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


I'd just like to go on record saying: gently caress YOU, YOU JUNKIE FUCKSTICKS DICKBISCUIT COCKPLOW NO-BRAINED SHITEATING CUNTS.

We (my sister, my cousin and I) have spent pretty much all of our savings fixing up the summer cottage we inherited from our grandparents. Nothing super fancy, but I wanted to upgrade the kitchen so we would have more than two electric coils and a toaster oven to cook on - so I went with a counter-mounted induction rig and a decent oven, a nice porcelain sink, a fairly pricy countertop etc. We also renovated the bathroom.

Some worthless excuse for a human being broke in (smashing the new door and a window) and used a skilsaw to cut out the induction burners and the oven. Not happy with just stealing, they decided to smash up the sinks in both kitchen and bathrooms and broke the cistern for the toilet - so in addition to the damage to door and window, there's now water damage all over. Early estimates for repairs & replacements are in the $12-15k range, what with parts and labour for window, door, plumbing, new floors, new drywall, stove etc.

We have insurance, but my cousin called them today and they said they were experiencing longer than usual processing of claims, so we shouldn't expect to see any money before october. That's the vacations of three families out the loving window, as none of us have the means to finance the repairs and replacements.

rear end. Holes.

Someone do something idiotic to cheer me up, please.

Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


They did the same to the two houses behind us, cutting out anything of value. That's why I call them junkies; what's the fell of the back of a truck price for a $450 oven, a hundred bucks?

We had three different trades in, a guy doing plumbing, some kitchen guys and a carpenter who did the floors and the new door. I mounted the stovetop and the oven myself, so as much as I'd love to blame those guys, I think it's either junkies or one of the gangs of (WARNING RACISM ALERT OKAY) eastern europeans who drive up here in vans, empty summer homes until the vans are full and drive back home to sell it.

What pisses me off the most is the collateral damage. Have to replace the entire countertop, thousands of monies damage to floors because they for some reason thought that us having a toilet and sink was wrong or something.

I don't even know. I'm just so loving angry.

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Dane
Jun 18, 2003

mmm... creamy.


DekeThornton posted:

Just like you would with corresponding cuts of beef. There is nothing strange about horse meat, apart from it often being much cheaper than beef of similar quality. Horse is great.

Yeah, lean horse meat you can use as you would beef or game meats. The fattier cuts are the ones that carry the sweet "horsey" flavours, so those are the only ones you need to put some special thought into. Horse goulash, moussaka, smoked and thinly sliced filet as deli meat, etc.

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