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CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Happy Hat posted:

Just got a new fireplace

I should have replaced the old piece of crap years ago!

foreignfurniture.jpg

Happy Hat, you live in a strange and wonderful land.

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CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Darval posted:

I really did not know women can get nipple hair. Or are you talking about men giving titfucks.

They can.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



I lucked out and had a bunch of ex-military folks for Scout leaders. Our hikes were a bit more brutal than others, but we had ready access to spiffy combat boots, drinks and smokes thanks to the older brothers of the guys in the troop. Whole lotta learning went on while the leaders went off to bed.

I mostly learned that Tang is *not* a substitute for orange juice as a mixer.

I learned that you must pace yourself when combining liquor and tobacco or you'll be sick as hell.

Finally, I learned the lyrics to a half dozen Iron Maiden songs that we'd shout out while hiking.

Good times.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Bart - sounds like you and I had similar Scouting experiences. I got to travel to the vast foreign wilderness of Canada as part of my International Scouting badge and meet cutie pie Canadian girlies and rock out to Rush as we zoomed around with one of the local leader guys. I got to hike Camp Philmont, learn how to construct things, how to be a leader (Brownsea training), what chemicals were most flammable when making bear repellant devices (Off camp spray topped our list), and loads of other odd life skilsl I'd have never gotten through sitting around playing video games.

I had a Mormon leader for a while in Webelos and he was a really awesome guy. He looked like a Norman Rockwell painting of Scouting come to life, was really enthusiastic about working with us and the religion stuff was kept to a bare minimum. He was respectful of other faiths and helped us make a kickass cannon powered by calcium carbide. Hahahah we ruined the sleep of the neighborhood a few times with that thing.

It makes me sad to think that my experiences were the exception rather than the norm. Then again, my dad had a lovely time too - their leader had them do a big fundraiser for new camping gear and then skipped town with the money. The troop disbanded and he never got a chance to get his Eagle.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



mediaphage posted:

THIS IS NOT HOW HEAT WORKS:


Canadian Thermodynamics.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



therattle posted:

How's Canada's space programme,

Courteous!

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Drink and Fight posted:

I got a couch. It's the second most expensive thing I've ever bought (after my car). I feel like a grownup.



Need a bigger couch for that cat.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Happy Hat, you're 5/5 in my book.

Made my first French onion soup tonight thanks to tips from this forum. Oh my lord. Now to tweak and refine and guzzle it forever and ever. Thanks goons!

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



I'm pretty sure the correct etiquette is to show up late wearing sweatpants and a stained wolfshirt along with your buddy and girlfriend that you've never mentioned until now. You need to comment loudly on how it's great that two homos can totally get married and poo poo and aint' that crazy how dem gays are like real people now. If you know any jokes that are simultaneously demeaning to women and people of different ethnicities then you should bust one of those out to break the ice. Since you brought your girlfriend it would be good manners to loudly mention how, "I ain't stickin my dick in no dude but man I wish I had married a dude that didn't bitch about leaving the seat up. Amirite fellas?" Hold your hand up high for a high-five and wait. If it's not answered, turn to your buddy, who has done nothing but sit silently and glower until now and they will "get you back". Your girlfriend should bray with laughter at your witticism.

Dinner is the most important part of the evening and to celebrate it properly you need to ask loudly for ketchup right at the start and then guffaw at your own joke. Comment on the color, texture and appearance of each dish. Anecdotes about not knowing the difference between curry and pig poo poo are most welcome. Please remember that your indoor voice should not change appreciably from your outdoor voice. If people don't hear you, how can they know how funny you are? Glowering friend should mutter something and start eating any bread on the table and only the bread. Girlfriend is advised to ask endless questions about every ingredient in the meal because she might have an allergy to common non-allergens.

I mention this in case you want to be excruciatingly polite but uttering the phrase, "Got anything *good*?" while stirring your meal around on the plate is considered the mark of only the most refined. It's not necessary for having a good time at a meal but you may want to keep it in your repertoire for special occasions.

Finally, the evening will end and you'll leave dino's house. If any alcohol was served earlier it behooves you to drink it as fast as possible so that you may be fully inebriated partway into dinner. Remember that as a guest you have certain, inalienable rights that transcend culture and circumstance. If at any time you don't feel that you are properly being catered to and that each whim is not met with a smile and prompt service it is considered appropriate to inform the host of this lack by commenting to your girlfriend. Indirect comments are the norm for any adult dinner party.

A backhanded compliment on your way out the door is the gracious way to end a dinner with friends. One option, "well, whatever that poo poo was, it was pretty tasty I guess. Good thing Taco Bell is 24-hours, amirite?" Laugh merrily and stagger to your car secure in the knowledge that you have comported yourself with all the dignity and good breeding one could hope for in a modern gentleman.


I hope this helps.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



dino. posted:

possibly some dried apricots, grated ginger, and orange juice. Anyone got any other suggestions on stuff to add to it to bump up the flavour?

Prunes and oranges work very well together. They are hella sweet and strong so you'll want to be careful with them. Plus they'll up your moisture content quite a bit.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



dino. posted:

Mind you, I'm whining /way/ more than I should be, because I can still use any herb, garlic, onions, any vegetable, and any fruit, with no problems. The whole no grains, legumes, peas, or seeds is just making me mildly annoyed, because it's severely limiting what I can offer as specials for folk who are undergoing the Passover thing, because in a vegan restaurant, grains, legumes, and seeds form entire food groups for us. XD
Lordy, that's a hell of a set of restrictions.


"Enjoy your Passover tater tots, folks."

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



pnumoman posted:

Fun video of a dude working in a bakery.

Nothing crazy or shocking, just commercial bread making set to a tune, baked by a guy who likes his job.

This is glorious. The music is fun but watching someone happy at their job is great. Also, gently caress all low-carb diets ever forever and ever. Look at all the breaaaaaaddddd.

It can't possibly be bad for you, it was made with love (and thumping tunes).

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



I found a really awesome way to improve my top ramen!

I save the soy sauce packets from takeout and then empty them into the pot for an authentic oriental flavor!

Hope this helps all you ramen lovers out there!

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



The Macaroni posted:

Yeah, that's what judo was like. Plus some choking.

Heheh, I took a martial arts class from the Perez brothers. Julian, the older one, was tall and handsome and had a rogueish scar down one cheek. Hector was a little fireplug of a man who was a weightlifter and definitely a match for Julian. The best memories I have in that class are when the two of them would square off and start sparring. Once you've got brothers going after each other, ahahah all bets are off.

Good times.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Phummus - I hope your little one gets a clean cardiogram. I'm glad to read it was an abscess rather than something ickier.


Had an impromptu gathering of friends on Saturday and fed them enchiladas made from the pulled pork I smoked the weekend before. They went back for seconds and we had a good time watching one of the pirates movies. It's nice to live in a place where I'm not embarrassed to have people over.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Powdered Toast Man posted:

Oh my god. Parnips, where have you been my entire life? I had no idea.

Parsnip soup is wonderful stuff.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



mindphlux posted:

the guy whose kitchen I've been staging in finally got his award for best chef southeast. hell yeah
Woo! Congratulations!

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



I never realized how basically lame my mom's cooking was until I started cooking for myself. She did fine at making endless meals for my horrible sister and I and I can't fault her for trying new things and us being awful children and demanding the same limited range of crap each time. Still, I thought I didn't like pork chops but now that I've had them cooked properly they are pretty drat tasty.

I've got friends staying in town and we made up grilled pork chops, culcannon and sauerkraut for dinner. The chops were slightly overcooked but not nearly to the point that I remember growing up. These still had some juiciness inside and were full of flavor.

It makes me sad that when marketers try to get me to buy their dumbass soups or prepackaged meals because it's just like mom used to make, I rear back a bit. Ewww, no thanks, I'd rather it be like *I* make it. Besides, they're always showing some golden sunshine-bathed mythical Italian kitchen from fairyland, not the 70's avacado appliances and ugly linoleum I grew up with. Is that Grandmamma Marie Calendar patiently showing her granddaughter how to make delicious frozen meals (just add more salt, dearie)? Where's the shrieking toddlers who are yelling that they want tater tots and hot dogs *again*! Where's the pot of green beans boiling away on the stove so there was technically a vegetable served with the meal? Where's the overcooked and slightly burnt meat product alongside it? WHEN IS TACO NIGHT???

Happy Mother's day, mom. This year, I'll make dinner.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Yawgmoth posted:

I always wanted to make a line of packaged foods whose tag line was "made just like you could make if you stopped being lazy and bought some ingredients instead of cans." Then put a recipe on the package for the same thing you're buying.

Hahah, Modern Surrealist Cuisine -

On a Cream of Mushroom Soup can
"Read the back of the can for a recipe for Cream of Mushroom soup!"

1. Open can
2. Empty contents into pot
3. Heat

For more recipes like this, open your drat eyes.


WroughtIrony - Yeah I like to cook for my parents when I'm home. The main problem is that the fun stuff I want to try out doesn't agree with my dad who has incredibly simple tastes due to his mother's abysmal British cooking. Her idea of how to cook meat was to put the chop or steak onto the pan in some oil. Cook until it curls up at the edge, flip until it curls down again. He's had world class cuisine thanks to his job and traveling and still when he's at home he'd rather have soup and sandwich rather than anything interesting. Oh well. Guess it's taco night again!

therattle - I hope your arm feels better soon. Glad it's not an actual break though it's no fun jamming things up and having to wait for muscles to knit themselves back together.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Happy Hat posted:

....and the second picture of my GIS was this

Ah art. Source of the second oldest lie in the book. "Of course you need to take your clothes off, this is for *art*."

The first oldest being, "just the tip, I promise."

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Happy Hat posted:

Last she hindered me in buying a chamber vacuum sealer (because it was the size of a fridge), which means that now I have to reassert my masculinity.
...
She is completely unreasonable!
I've found that communicating calmly and rationally with your partner seldom works. Instead, you need to lay down the law. It is your right as the man of the house to bluster and bellow.

GOOD LORD WOMAN THIS IS A DEEP FRYER AND AS A MAN I NEED MY FOODS FRIED - DEEPLY! YOU WILL NOT DENY ME THIS DEVICE, NOR WILL YOU DENY ME THE SUCCULENT FLOWER OF YOUR WOMANHOOD FOR I AM A MAN AND I HAVE NEEDS! MY NEEDS ARE FRIED FOOD AND FORNICATION! RAARRGHGHGHGHGH!!!

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Happy Hat posted:

Ahh Danish birthday traditions in the provinces.. They are wholesome family entertainment you can trust.

So the Danes have a South too.

I wanna see some big old ten gallon hats with viking horns on 'em. Howdy Yjäll!

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



pr0k posted:

oh god drat it just loving click
http://youtu.be/MBfYQOSSPqc

Sorry to read about drama but ahahah that video. I'm easily entertained.

Best news of all, my friendly redneck neighbor is looking to make a few extra bucks and offered to mow my lawn. Hell yes you can mow that giant craphole of a lawn! He even got all excited at my mower and took it back to his place for a tuneup and sharpening as part of his all-in-one redneck groundskeeping service. I may have to do some computer work for him as part of general trade of skills but woo hoo, hooray for rednecks.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



mindphlux posted:

a frightened child wandering the dark, forlorn forests of nærøyfjorden : suddenly, twixt the trees, a schlüerpendøngen!!

Next season on "Once Upon a Time".

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004




SYNTAX ERROR - ILLEGAL REFERENCE

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



mindphlux posted:

yeah, after moments like this I generally monologue "COME ON YOU SON OF A BITCH, IS THAT ALL YOU GOT??? LETS SEE WHAT ELSE YOU GOT, YOU TALKIN TO ME.................. ARE YOU NUTS? COME AT ME BROOO" ala http://youtu.be/4TeXWPEVVig?t=3m49s

then I spike my keyboard between my legs like I'm motherfuckin tim tebow and walk the gently caress away



gently caress yeah. Grats on your mighty save of the production db.


Speaking of football, here's a player's last game where he subs in his 5 year old son. I love that the other players get into the spirit of it.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



magnetic posted:

In case you want to buy a t-shirt email fartmagnet at manpies dot com

Please tell me you have this on your business cards. Hahahahha


SubG - you're just mad because I put in a dash of A1 steak sauce and win all the local fat gently caress facestuffer competitions with my amazing burgers.

Face it, old man, these burgers are too Xxxtreme for you!

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Happy Hat posted:

I have just finished off a bottle of recioto with my wife, a wine that is like an experienced concubine at a senior prom, looking upon the nervous girls who're about to lose their maidenheads to fumbling youths with half flasks hidden in the bushes, with a certain air of deep experience, and oozing experience from ever pore, giving an off an aura of raw sexuality and unopposable seductiveness that will lead to bodily harm at best and exhumed bodies at worst.

She (the wine) has tangoed with my olfactory organs, and from there has lodged herself right in my groin, much to my wife's benefit.

What I am saying is two things, one; this is really a good wine, and two; I am happy!

People should drink more recioto!

This is a very happy post.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Mr. Wiggles posted:

Found out on Friday my big dog has spinal degeneration. He's 8.

I'm very sorry for your dog Mr. Wiggles. That's sucky news. Enjoy his company while you can.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Flash Gordon Ramsay posted:

She's officially cancer free for the first time in her life. I feel like I can breathe for the first time in a year.


Congratulations on the outstanding news! Also, dang son, thems some crazy blue eyes on your baby.

I hope all of you parents have healthy babies in this, the new American Year of Independence and Stuff.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Hahahah holy poo poo. Gigantic wall-o-text flood of nastiness from emeraldcity. It's the thread that keeps on giving.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



mindphlux posted:

chattin with ol' mike ruhlman about sous-vide duck confit while he's on vacation at loving midnight like a boss
Niiiiice.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Dino - For me, cooking is a magical fantasyland where I get to experiment and futz around with expensive ingredients as I create new concoctions to fill my fat gullet. I often share these creations with friends and we all have a nice time enjoying the output of my labors over a few beers or some wine.

I am not a mom. I am not responsible for feeding, clothing, bathing, and otherwise maintaining a semblance of humanity to a pack of starving, vicious feral children who like to shriek and throw poo poo around and generally act like monsters for much of the day. I am not responsible for putting three meals on the table every single day of the week and making sure that I don't go over my food budget or buy entirely twinkies for the month or do other catastrophic things. My horrible little poop machines need a balanced mix of proteins and veggies in order to grow up enough that I can shove them out of the house and rest for a bit, but that's decades away. Until then, I have to muddle through with whatever I can put together that is hot, fast and cheap but also isn't entirely made of congealed grease and oh little Timmy cries to the uncaring fates if you feed him mushrooms and darling little Lisa won't eat green beans because "they have fur on them" and my husband just wants steak and potatoes every night because he's totally unadventurous and if I start drinking now I will never ever stop.

That's the environment my mom and her mom and all the women around her learned to cook in - hot, fast, cheap. If you had spent most of your life dicking about with sauces and chopping ingredients and having to make things the slow way can you imagine what a revelation it would be that you could grab a can and slop it into a pot and have a hot meal ready for your family in a few hours? Holy poo poo, it's magic! You might even get to sit down briefly before the babies start howling for feeding time or your toddlers wake up from their naps and try to murder each other. gently caress yes I'm going to ditch my traditional slowass bullshit way of making meals and move right into the land of opportunity. Sign me up!

We're all in a pretty cool place right now - thanks to the Internet we can share the techniques used by our moms (and dads) for making things the slow way with each other so that these skills don't die out. Video recorders are now dirt cheap so getting live video footage of grandma making her special almond roca recipe is a no-brainer. I'm super happy to be learning to cook and getting to do it as a hobby rather than as an (at least) thrice-daily chore.

No disrespect is intended, I'm going by how I grew up and watching the women around me. They were nuts for time savers and shortcut cooking precisely because they already spent a ton of their day in the kitchen. Any way to cut down that time was welcomed.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Walk Away posted:

Oh god having kids doesn't have to be this way. Granted I only have one (almost 5 years old), but we just went to the store this morning and she begged me to buy bok choy and asparagus (I did)! Also when I tell her to do something she usually responds, "Yes mom," and loving does whatever I tell her to. You can choose how you want to raise your kid(s) and ensure that they aren't awful banshees. Plus you can have them in the kitchen with you and pass down your amazing recipes/techniques.

That's awesome! I spent a little time in the kitchen with my mom but usually it was safer for my sister and I to entertain ourselves somewhere outside of that hallowed domain. Unless it was time to lick the beaters, then you better get the hell out of our way because there's icing on them thar beaters and you best step off son.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Happy Hat - I like your reading best of all.


SubG posted:

Yeah, crockpots are cool. I think they're looked down on as not being `serious' culinary gear because crockpot cookbooks tend to be anthologies of crimes against humanity. Committed in eight hours on low or four on high. Especially if they're one of those goddamn spiral-bound things that seem to be produced as if by spontaneous generation whenever you get enough whitebread dottering crones together---church groups, PTA groups, that kind of thing. Rotel and canned cream of mushroom, fair is foul, and foul is fair.

Oh yeah, the Scottish play. I remember that!

"When shall we three meet again?
When four times the cock shall crow,
or twice four times if set to low."

Only registered members can see post attachments!

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Lyssavirus posted:

Holy poo poo you're adorable, dino.

Agreed.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



My cool as heck redneck neighbor just showed up with the first food drop of the summer. She and her husband are retired and love to garden. They warned me upon moving in that they like to come around and drop off the produce to neighbors. Oh no!

Today was that day.

I've got a big grocery bag full of green leaf and romaine lettuce and two cute little Spanish sweet onions. Coming up soon are cucumbers.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Happy Hat posted:

Weird question, perhaps Bart or HA can answer... Is there any maximum on how many pictures there can be in a single post?

I think the upper limit is 20 emoticons per post. The rest stop rendering. As far as picture links? Unlimited except by the max number of characters in a post (50K or something crazy).

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Hahah download a couple Art Bell Coast 2 Coast episodes and learn THE TRUTH about the aliens among us.

I love old time radio so I plunder the 30's and 40's for shows like The Shadow, Sam Spade, Nero Wolfe, Sherlock Holmes and others. It's hard to go wrong with them because the production values are excellent and they tell great stories from the golden age of radio.

For weirder it's always fun to listen to Negativlan's Over the Edge podcast. I especially like the 50's Space and 50's UFO shows they've done in the past. The Puzzling Evidence show is a sister show from the Church of the Subgenius that's also crazy as hell.

Why not dig up the Hour of Slack and get some of that old time new time religion?

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CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Mr. Wiggles posted:

This is the site to go to for the best podcast on earth.
http://joefrank.com/index.php

Oh man I forgot about Joe Frank. A friend of mine dubbed a few of his shows onto longass 120min cassettes back in the day. It's a mix of music and storytelling and entrancing craziness that builds and builds around a central theme. Amazing stuff.

Right on Mr. Wiggles!

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