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Clinton Goes Back In Time, Teams Up With Golden Age Clinton
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Mar 15, 2012 01:52
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Rumsfeld Hosts No-Holds-Barred Martial Arts Tournament At Remote Island Fortress http://www.theonion.com/articles/rumsfeld-hosts-noholdsbarred-martial-arts-tourname,1143/
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Mar 16, 2012 00:13
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Women's Rights? posted:Everything written by Larry Groznic is gold, but my particular favorites: When You Are Ready To Have A Serious Conversation About Green Lantern, You Have My E-Mail Address http://www.theonion.com/articles/when-you-are-ready-to-have-a-serious-conversation,16308/ This one? It exaggerates nothing.
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Mar 17, 2012 15:46
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Totally TWISTED posted:Police: Kidnapped MoveOn.org Staffer's "Please Help" Emails Went Completely Ignored They did a similar one that was something like "Actual Plea For Help From Robert Redford Ignored." Ah, here it is: http://www.theonion.com/articles/actual-urgent-message-from-robert-redford-goes-unh,1760/
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Mar 23, 2012 01:31
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Brother Jonathan posted:I hadn't seen those. The Onion has great articles picking on Apple marketing: That is BRILLIANT.
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Apr 5, 2012 00:49
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clockworx posted:Counterpoint: Awwww, they took out the subheader: "Oh poo poo, Says Humanity"
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Apr 12, 2012 01:39
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Following Ray Bradbury's Death, Thousands Of People Buy Kindle Version Of Book About Demise Of Paper Books
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Jun 7, 2012 17:55
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Take-Charge, Can-Do Guy Makes Horrible Decisions: http://www.theonion.com/articles/takecharge-cando-guy-makes-horrible-decisions,717/
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Jun 15, 2012 22:28
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"My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings! Look on my works ye mighty, and despair!"
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Jun 23, 2012 13:54
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Daniel Tosh Chuckles Through Own Violent Rape
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Jul 12, 2012 22:58
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Well, they certainly are committed to making each episode more disturbing than the one before.
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Aug 23, 2012 23:58
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Good Evening, It's An Honor To Be Used As A Political Prop By My Husband's Campaign
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Sep 5, 2012 04:02
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pangstrom posted:Just went through the whole thread and don't have many that were missed It was the 2002 Congressional election. I remember because I lived in Georgia at the time, where we threw out Vietnam veteran and triple amputee Max Cleland for complete douchebag Saxby Chambliss, and that was exactly how I felt.
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Sep 8, 2012 17:20
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Here's a  one for a change: No-Nonsense Mascot Gets Right Down To Business, Hugs Child
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Sep 23, 2012 15:59
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This is one of my favorite articles. And this is my all-time favorite headline.
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Nov 9, 2012 02:49
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Just a headline: Son Now Also Dead To Everyone Else
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Nov 17, 2012 22:32
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red plastic cup posted:Whoa baby, that Rihanna gal's got the stuff! Wonder if she's lookin' for a tall glass of water to brighten her day? I'd hit it.
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Nov 27, 2012 02:03
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Foster Mom Doesn't Pick Least Favorites
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Jan 3, 2013 04:36
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Amused to Death posted:What would you most associate with Alabama? There's a Family Feud joke here somewhere.
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Feb 8, 2013 03:20
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“At one point, I turned around and saw Ron Howard, with this wild look in his eyes, strangling Lauren Bacall,” Brooks continued. “He was covered in blood and daring people to come at him. It’s an image I’ll never forget.”
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Feb 25, 2013 03:36
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Yeah, I get the impression one of the writers there does all of his work at 3 AM, with an open bottle of gin next to his mousepad.
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Feb 27, 2013 17:39
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U.S. Out Of My Uterus vs. We Must Deploy Troops To Jessica Linden's Uterus Immediately
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Mar 5, 2013 00:34
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Mescal posted:Am I mistaken or is this German sentence structure (with two exceptions)? More or less. Anglo-Saxon and German are pretty close, linguistically.
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Mar 5, 2013 23:43
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Zugzwang posted:The "babies are stupid" story was in "The Onion's Finest News Reporting", which was one of their first books, if not their first book altogether. I can understand why they pulled that "bear rapes man" story somebody posted above, but this one was pretty good satire. I think they got rid of a lot of pre-2000 articles a while ago. I don't know why, but I do know that I haven't been able to find "Area Bassist Fellated" since at least 2007.
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Mar 27, 2013 00:11
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Fourth-Graders' Button-Making-Machine Privileges Suspended Indefinitely
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Mar 27, 2013 12:26
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Alpha3KV posted:Malicious Focus Group Convinces Marketers Cinnamon Mountain Dew Is The Next Big Thing One day, this will be the new "gently caress Everything, We're Doing Five Blades".
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May 9, 2013 01:49
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New Pumpkin Spice Channel To Offer Fall-Themed Hardcore Pornography
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Oct 10, 2013 20:59
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RIP Worm.
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Oct 17, 2013 18:13
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Lord of Boners posted:Report: 92% Of Divorced Parents Get Back Together If Children Ask Enough Times On a similar note: Siblings Patiently Waiting For Day They'll Be Close To Each Other
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Nov 19, 2013 01:59
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Evil Mastermind posted:Area Man Has Far Greater Knowledge Of Marvel Universe Than Own Family Tree Definitely me. Edit: Okay, this is bullshit, everyone knows Diamond Lil became Diamondback YEARS AGO.
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Mar 22, 2014 12:42
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My fiancee's brother was at Fort Hood last week after serving a year in Afghanistan. He's fine, but jeez.
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Apr 9, 2014 14:33
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I could swear that's from Pet Sematery.
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Jun 3, 2014 01:59
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I feel like that could be the title of an actual David Wong article.
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Jan 7, 2015 14:36
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Motorcyclist Salvaged For Parts
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Jul 11, 2015 01:39
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NoEyedSquareGuy posted:New SeaWorld Show Just Elephant Drowning In Large Tank Of Water With No Explanation Sad Kevin's magnum opus.
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Aug 20, 2015 18:49
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My Grandma actually did die this year. I'm not saying it's not funny, but drat. 
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Dec 10, 2015 18:44
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I really hope you were being sarcastic there.
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Mar 4, 2016 02:43
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Just so y'all know, there's a collection of Kelly cartoons coming out in September: http://www.amazon.com/Kelly-Cartoonist-America-Turns-N/dp/1631406841
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May 19, 2016 00:57
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zoux posted:Some of my favorite Onion jokes are just the headline/photo ones: Clinton Goes Back In Time, Teams Up With Golden Age Clinton
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Jun 15, 2016 01:02
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calandryll posted:I'm going to miss ol' Diamond Joe. So say we all.
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Oct 19, 2016 00:17
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