PYF The Onion story

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SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

THE CAKE IS IN CHARGE NOW. THE CAKE IS IN CHARGE NOW. THE CAKE IS IN CHARGE NOW. THE CAKE IS YOUR LOOOOOOORD!

I'm actually 36 in a few months, so the third song should come in handy!

Edit: Beaten!

# ¿ Mar 30, 2015 10:45

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# ¿ Apr 18, 2024 02:57

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

Owlkill posted:

How Much Of A Procrastinator Are you?

Worth it just for the phrase "Zuckerberg's Famous Distraction"

I fully expected the joke to be that you are not a true procrastinator if you finish the quiz.

# ¿ May 7, 2015 17:55

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

6 Times Tobey Maguire Had A Public Meltdown Because Nobody Would Call Him �Tugboat Maguire�

# ¿ May 29, 2015 17:26

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

Broenheim posted:

World's Top Scientists Ponder: What If The Whole Universe Is, Like, One Huge Atom?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One-electron_universe

As usual, reality is ahead of satire.

# ¿ Jun 24, 2015 13:19

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

People react to the first 10 minutes of "Up"

# ¿ Jul 2, 2015 19:23

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

He's Palestinian. She's Israeli. Both Of Them Incorrectly Summarize The Movie 'Blade'

This was linked at the end of the deaf woman protagonist video, and I can't believe it hasn't been posted yet.

# ¿ Sep 2, 2015 20:08

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

Heartwarming: This Sick Kid Decided To Use His Last Breaths To Blow Up Gerard Butler�s Air Mattress

# ¿ Sep 7, 2015 21:53

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

Talking To Your Child About The WTC Attack

They should make an updated version of this...

# ¿ Nov 15, 2015 13:45

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

Life Jackets Issued To All Americans For Some Reason

An old classic. Maybe I am the only one who finds this hilarious, but the punch-line gets me every time. I want to read a book set in the implied future setting of this article.

# ¿ Jan 27, 2016 09:27

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kinpjDK4Yp0

Beautiful: This Video Shows Why We Need Diversity In Hollywood.

# ¿ Apr 1, 2016 20:15

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

http://www.spagmag.org/issue-63/you-are-an-online-clickbait-satirist-can-you-hack-it-in-the-if-world/

The latest issue of SPAG actually has a long article about the ClickVentures.

# ¿ Apr 12, 2016 10:08

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

Who's loving: Isaac and Doris

The deadpan "they are all loving very very hard", when talking about their kids, gets me every time.

# ¿ Apr 14, 2016 09:48

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

Progress: The USDA Is Adding Rosa Parks To The Food Pyramid

# ¿ May 25, 2016 11:44

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

7 Easy, Delicious Vegetarian Meals That Thomas Jefferson And Neil Armstrong Make Together In Hell

# ¿ Jun 28, 2016 13:07

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CfBLaREGYo

I've been rewatching old Onion shows, and Dr. Good is really underrated. Dr. Tanas is a great character, and The Perfect Human lives up to the hype.

# ¿ Jul 21, 2016 20:55

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

This Church Choir�s Rendition Of �Christ Cometh To My House And Eats All Of My Food� Is Absolutely Stunning

# ¿ Jan 4, 2017 22:50

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

Doing It His Way: Sean Spicer Just Referred To Reporters As �Contestants� And Told Them They�re On Something Called �The Spice Of Life�

# ¿ Feb 17, 2017 14:26

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

The 5 Hottest Guys In The Handmaid�s Tale You Didn�t Even Notice Because That�s Not What It�s About Jesus Christ

# ¿ May 17, 2017 22:30

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

How Well Do You Know 'The Hobbett'?

# ¿ Sep 23, 2017 07:22

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

6 Ways Tom Petty Needs To Step His poo poo Up Now That Prince Is Gone

R.I.P.

# ¿ Oct 3, 2017 07:36

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qip9wSaBs98

It even became an olympic sport, just like he said it would

# ¿ Nov 10, 2017 13:34

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

https://twitter.com/Reductress/status/961258264355856388

# ¿ Feb 9, 2018 20:22

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

Report: Make It Stop

# ¿ Feb 9, 2018 20:32

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8Rzy9cWlFU

Listening to the Tigerwing Chronicles really is quite soothing.

# ¿ May 28, 2018 21:06

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

�We Must Protect The Pure Aryan Bloodline,� Says Child After 9 Minutes Of Unsupervised Facebook Access

# ¿ Jun 15, 2018 19:44

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

https://www.theonion.com/fbi-can-t-bring-themselves-to-bust-guy-torrenting-every-1819575277

Flashback to a more innocent time, where this is what Robert Mueller was doing. (I found this while googling for a way to watch all four seasons of Picket Fences).

# ¿ Jul 14, 2018 18:15

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1020344331499012096

Peter Rosenthal is a national treasure.

# ¿ Jul 20, 2018 20:35

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

https://www.theonion.com/the-onions-tips-for-getting-a-good-nights-sleep-1819595635

Tigerwing Chronicles is from the latter half of this video.

SimonChris has a new favorite as of 07:37 on Sep 23, 2018

# ¿ Sep 23, 2018 07:34

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

https://twitter.com/ClickHole/status/1055157222987218944
https://twitter.com/ClickHole/status/1055213698074189825

# ¿ Oct 25, 2018 13:36

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

Review: �Red Dead Redemption 2� Delivers With A Beautifully Rendered World, But Stumbles As An Immersive Experience Due To Its Smooth Jazz Soundtrack

# ¿ Nov 16, 2018 08:36

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1087800624090091520

# ¿ Jan 24, 2019 14:06

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

https://www.clickhole.com/foodies-rejoice-this-chef-make-a-hamburger-1832468254 posted:

Who would�ve thought about the hamburger unless a chef make it? That�s precisely what this chef make�a hamburger that was burger to the bone, and nothing but! The chef (no name) give it all the right stuff a hamburger require to be make: The shape (mound), the smell (hamburger), the distance (near!). Foodie, did you honestly not believe hamburger could be done? Well, it looks like this chef make a hamburger out of food...and fool out of you!

https://www.clickhole.com/foodies-rejoice-this-chef-make-a-hamburger-1832468254

# ¿ Feb 16, 2019 14:57

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

https://twitter.com/ClickHole/status/1108760178911035392

# ¿ Mar 22, 2019 15:29

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kinpjDK4Yp0

The Matrix just turned 20, so this seems like a good time to repost this

# ¿ Mar 30, 2019 15:15

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

https://twitter.com/PatriotHole/status/1115687616857477123

# ¿ Apr 10, 2019 10:58

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1129110232389562373

This just feels good to read.

# ¿ May 16, 2019 20:57

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

zoux posted:

https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1156557389430185985

TheOnion posted:

At press time, officials at nearby Memorial Hospital confirmed that, in addition, a dozen adult males died in the fire, all of them loving fathers who had gone out to the store several years earlier and were just on their way back home with big presents for their children when they saw the fire and tried to save the trapped dogs.

# ¿ Jul 31, 2019 15:26

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1164231208466812928

# ¿ Aug 22, 2019 08:17

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

https://twitter.com/ClickHole/status/1167512352717250560

I like it when they just go completely surreal.

# ¿ Aug 31, 2019 08:39

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# ¿ Apr 18, 2024 02:57

SimonChris: Apr 24, 2008; The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.; Grimey Drawer

https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1184816865434132481

# ¿ Oct 17, 2019 14:06

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