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This was fantastic, especially if you've ever watched one of the Daily Show videos that ends with him chuckling awkwardly.
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# ¿ Aug 8, 2012 20:04 |
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# ¿ Mar 28, 2024 12:00 |
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These Paul Ryan ones have been great. Your Republican Friend To Explain Why Paul Ryan Is Great Choice
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# ¿ Aug 16, 2012 22:29 |
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Oh no what happened this morning?
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# ¿ Aug 24, 2012 16:12 |
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Glitterbomber posted:Shooting in front of the Empire State building. Just read about it. Jesus Christ. End non-funny article derail I guess.
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# ¿ Aug 24, 2012 16:40 |
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Mad_Lion posted:The problem is, their subtle satire keeps coming true. In order to stay ahead of the game, they have to be increasingly extreme: I call that and raise you GOP Convention To Feature Strong Lineup Of Conservative Women Listeners.
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# ¿ Aug 29, 2012 02:23 |
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Oh this is fantastic. Libertarian Reluctantly Calls Fire Department quote:CHEYENNE, WY—After attempting to contain a living-room blaze started by a cigarette, card-carrying Libertarian Trent Jacobs reluctantly called the Cheyenne Fire Department Monday. "Although the community would do better to rely on an efficient, free-market fire-fighting service, the fact is that expensive, unnecessary public fire departments do exist," Jacobs said. "Also, my house was burning down." Jacobs did not offer to pay firefighters for their service.
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# ¿ Aug 29, 2012 15:50 |
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ultrafilter posted:This is awesome: Here Are All Of My Opinions Either they're good or I'm a generic white male.
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# ¿ Sep 4, 2012 19:40 |
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Farmdizzle posted:23. Delta Air Lines is the worst. Well I could make the argument that United ekes out the win for factually worst.
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# ¿ Sep 5, 2012 16:02 |
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I'm torn between Public Access and CBS, myself.
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# ¿ Sep 11, 2012 18:59 |
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Shimrra Jamaane posted:Was it Bush 1 that literally said in a speech that he would never apologize for any action by America?
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# ¿ Sep 13, 2012 20:44 |
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A modern Romney classic: Romney Stares Uncomprehendingly At $1 Bill
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# ¿ Sep 19, 2012 18:24 |
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Dr Christmas posted:http://www.theonion.com/articles/gallup-poll-rural-whites-prefer-ahmadinejad-to-oba,29677/
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# ¿ Oct 3, 2012 02:27 |
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This is the best.
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# ¿ Nov 15, 2012 18:21 |
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NASA Completes 52-Year Mission To Find, Kill Godquote:Over the years, officials told reporters, God had proved to be an elusive and formidable foe. In 1986, He destroyed the Challenger shuttle, killing all seven crew members, including Christa McAuliffe, a special operative who had been given orders to seduce and then strangle God with garrote wire. The Lord subsequently blew up the Columbia Destroyer Shuttle on reentry in 2003, and several times sabotaged the Hubble Space Telescope, a large piece of surveillance equipment launched into orbit in 1990 to monitor His activities. jojoinnit has a new favorite as of 04:13 on Nov 28, 2012 |
# ¿ Nov 28, 2012 04:09 |
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I don't even bother with the sad ones. I don't read The Onion to get depressed.
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# ¿ Dec 12, 2012 23:45 |
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An old favourite: New Heart Device Allows Cheney To Experience Love quote:"The vice president broke free from the straps that secured him to the bed and lurched at me as he customarily does following a heart procedure," said Reiner. "But instead of trying to strangle me, he wrapped his arms around me in a hug." quote:Attending a Monday evening GOP fundraiser at the Washington Convention Center, Cheney was accompanied by David Gillian, 6, a young boy he had previously crippled, and by a small fawn who had followed him to the event.
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# ¿ Dec 20, 2012 14:03 |
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Jerry Manderbilt posted:America Ends Love Affair With McKayla Maroney After Finding Out She’s 16 "I swear I totally thought she was 18". Don't over think it
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# ¿ Dec 30, 2012 02:44 |
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Shimrra Jamaane posted:Where does the Onion get their photos for their articles? Do they use stock images or do they take specific photos for each thing? I'm curious because I wonder whether the girl in articles like this know what their photo will forever be associated with. Can't find where I read it but they take the pictures themselves and they generally use regular people who either have interesting faces (American Voices) or good generic faces that can be photoshopped for different articles.
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# ¿ Dec 30, 2012 16:22 |
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Baron von Eevl posted:I know that's what they did for the American Voices section, but I'm assuming most shots like this from the above Jessica Milly article are stock photos. Yup, looks about right: http://www.istockphoto.com/stock-photo-16661633-high-school-cute-schoolgirl-in-hallway.php
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# ¿ Dec 30, 2012 16:33 |
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Dr_Amazing posted:Fugitive Doctor Accuses Devlin MacGregor Of Fraud Looks like they imagining a movie plot played out in reality. Or just that episode of Lie to Me.
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# ¿ Jan 4, 2013 21:45 |
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Bradley Cooper Racks Up Staggering One Oscar Nominations “This huge haul absolutely demolishes Cooper’s previous personal best of no nominations in 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, and 2004.” Cooper’s big morning comes on the heels of the actor announcing he would be starring in the upcoming half-film, The Hangover Part III.
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# ¿ Jan 11, 2013 03:45 |
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Michael Phelps Apologizes To Nation After Tasting Subway For First Time
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# ¿ Jan 25, 2013 20:58 |
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Was this series popular? Historical Archives: Citizens Are Now Free to Practise Any Form Of Protestantism They Want quote:In their infinite Wisdom and Compassion, the Founders of our Young Republic have seen fit to bestow upon we Americans, the Wise and Enlightened Sons of the Re-Formation, the Religious Freedom to practise with out re-percussion, any of the number of austere and unbending Denominations, of PROTESTANTISM that We might choose in the Service of Honouring JESUS CHRIST, our One Lord and Saviour. Be you Anglican, Baptist, Anabaptist, Puritan, or even Pietist, then worry not in regard to having weighty Stones of sharp points cast upon your Person, or your Land salted and your Mule burnt to the ground as is done to the hooked-nose JEW, and allay your fears of being beat'n about the Head and Boddie, covered in Quick-lime, Tarr, and Ground-Glass, and driven into the Sea, as is the much deserv'd Lot of the wicked PAPIST. Also: Historical Archives: New York Threatened By O'er-Crowding As Population Climbs To Twelve Thousands Historical Archives: Alexander Hamilton Challenges Nation To A Duel jojoinnit has a new favorite as of 02:28 on Jan 29, 2013 |
# ¿ Jan 29, 2013 02:15 |
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The Onion Freely And Happily Gives Its Employees' Passwords To Chinaquote:Here are 10 more names and passwords of Onion employees:
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# ¿ Feb 1, 2013 04:46 |
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Finally, a quote that uses the picture to the fullest.
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# ¿ Feb 1, 2013 21:15 |
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In lighter news, annoyed designer-writer is at it again! Website Humiliating Itself
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# ¿ Feb 14, 2013 00:43 |
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The House Of B Must Continue By Smoove B, Love Man quote:I've considered taking my nephew under my wing and fashioning him an all-white suit made of the finest silks, taking him to my personal stylist, Ed, and beginning to teach him the ways of Smoove, but even at the age of 8, I can tell the boy has no game.
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# ¿ Mar 12, 2013 18:54 |
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On a lighter note: If I Could Have Any Superpower, It'd Definitely Be Invisibility by Superman quote:Can you imagine what it's like to fly over a crowd of people and not have a single one of them look up and point at you? What could be more amazing than that?
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# ¿ Mar 12, 2013 21:10 |
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Obamas in Israel: 'This Is A Pointless Trip,' Obama Says While Shaking Hands With Netanyahu Obama Sarcastically Asks How Israel Afforded Such A Great Missile Defense System Obama, Rachel Goldstein Really Hitting It Off On Group Trip To Israel
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# ¿ Mar 21, 2013 20:32 |
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Senior Woodchuck posted:I think they got rid of a lot of pre-2000 articles a while ago. I don't know why, but I do know that I haven't been able to find "Area Bassist Fellated" since at least 2007. I just saw it linked under the 'More' section from the Eric Bana article: http://www.theonion.com/audio/area-bassist-fellated,30733/
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# ¿ Mar 29, 2013 02:55 |
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That might be the best obit I've ever read.
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# ¿ Apr 4, 2013 23:13 |
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This one reads a bit like Philip K Dick: Residents Of Indiana Join Together To Form Collective Consciousness quote:"There are no more mothers or fathers or brothers or sisters," said the single consciousness, an identical smile on the face of each of its human components. "Indiana is mother and father and brother and sister. There is only Indiana."
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# ¿ Apr 8, 2013 21:50 |
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Fast-Talking Computer Hacker Just Has To Break Through Encryption Shield Before Uploading Nano-Virusquote:The efficiently executed hacking reportedly began at approximately 6:45 p.m. when Cipher, wearing a tight-fitting black hooded sweatshirt, skintight jeans, and black Converse with no laces, inserted a flash drive into his laptop’s USB port and said “Let the games begin” as an upload bar materialized on the screen.
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# ¿ Apr 25, 2013 04:32 |
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First time I've seen a spelling error from The Onion. quote:and then penetraed the wall of the White House Blue Room
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# ¿ Apr 26, 2013 19:09 |
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Dzhokar Tsarnaev Finally Moves Off Campus
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# ¿ Apr 30, 2013 04:22 |
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pkticker posted:Obama Explains How They Get All Those Cars on the Back of One of Those Trucks Totally read that in Obamas voice too. Best speech yet.
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# ¿ May 2, 2013 19:52 |
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Looks like someone had to fly spirit recently FAA Report: Spirit Airlines Is The loving Worst
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# ¿ May 10, 2013 23:36 |
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Handsome Ralph posted:Not sure why I found this as funny as I did. Because its loving hilarious I'd imagine.
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# ¿ May 14, 2013 21:59 |
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We really are the best of all possible people.SpiderHyphenMan posted:Sponsored Content Pretty loving Awesome jojoinnit has a new favorite as of 05:15 on May 18, 2013 |
# ¿ May 18, 2013 05:08 |
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# ¿ Mar 28, 2024 12:00 |
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‘Grand Theft Auto V’ Missions To Focus Largely On Tutoring, Community Outreach Dont forget the final line.
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# ¿ May 21, 2013 01:20 |