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Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


This is going to be great. The fact that you've already got a form for dwarf requests instead of cluttering the thread is a good omen. :allears:

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Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.



Lego Dwarf Fabio, stabbing bitches, saving babies.

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


Bad Munki posted:

I don't want to tell you flat out, but I will say there are fewer than two werecarps on the map. :haw:

Fewer than two using human math or dwarf math? Because dwarves are notoriously bad at counting...

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


You could have a child and a pet at half the cost!

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


Well being a fishery worker is good training for getting to join the military. Knife goes in, guts come out. :chef:

I notice that I'm in my late 60s, how old do dwarves hypothetically live to if they don't get ripped in half by a werewolf werehyena or drown in a mud puddle while getting a drink? Are they fantasy dwarves that live into their hundreds or more on the human age range?

Either way, I probably won't live long enough for it to be an issue. Going to die the way every dwarf should: completely tanked and fighting the never-ending armies of darkness.

Oh, and does the fact that my dwarf has poor spatial awareness mean he gets a penalty to his fighting skills? Seems like that might hurt in a swordfight. :ohdear:

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


Thanks, everybody who answered my questions.

Looks like I'm going to be a poor knockoff of Zatoichi. Except instead of being a blind swordsman, I'll be a swordsman who has perfect vision but no idea what the gently caress is going on around him. Fair trade! :hist101:

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.



Journal Entry 1, Journey.

The nobles in the mountainhomes think me mad for my preparations, they believe the stories of the murder-carp to be only myth. But I know better. The carp will come for us if we do not take the fight to them first, and so I train. I've wandered into the surrounding hills as often as my tolerance for nature will allow to practice my fishing, and with it my fish butchery. By the banks of many streams and lakes I have dragged the aquatic fiends to land and split them with my blade in plain view of the others. We must send a message to these finned foes that we are watching, and we are ready.

I train with sword and shield, rod and lure, so that I might save my fellow dwarves from the threat they refuse to see. I have heard tales of a new settlement being built known as Bronzestabbed. Built near a flowing stream and evil murk, I fear it may be near the very heart of our adversary's holdings. Bringing only my family, the only others I trust with my sacred duty, we travel to this new place in hopes that they can be made to understand the danger we all face. If they will not listen, then at least we will be close to the enemy's home.

You will taste no more dwarf blood, you carp bastards. Only steel.

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


Tax Refund posted:

I'm a very long way from being dorfed... but today I literally got to strike the earth, with a pickaxe, to start construction on a project. Sadly, it's not a megaproject -- just helping some friends dig a foundation for a small building in their yard -- but I felt really dwarfy nonetheless.

They just told you it was for a small building. You're going to show up in a week and be amazed at their giant magma pump flooding their yard.

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


Artificer posted:

Psychic....or psycho?

Looking like a dwarven M. Bison, so it could very well be Pyscho Power.

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


Psalmanazar posted:

Dwarves are a lot like australians when you get down to it. A bunch of ripped manly dudes with facial hair, an extreme love of alcohol and violence and living in an inredibly dangerous environment.

And they both have their babies eaten by vicious dog creatures.

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


It is said that he whittled the spoon he carries himself. From a larger wooden spoon.

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


Have we managed to scrounge up a sword for my dwarf yet, or am I still putting in training hours at the Dwarf-owned Osaka Seafood Concern?

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


OhCrap posted:

OhCrap Mountainmist: "Zaodai Patrols proudly with +bronze short sword+. Zaodai is Skilled in sword."



Stabbin' Bad Weasels. Not just a pretentious prog-rock group anymore!

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


OhCrap posted:

Why does Murk not do Bad Fish?

All fish are Bad Fish. Heed heed! Stab bad fish in their tiny faces!

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


Good to see the parents stop by. Especially when their stats suggest they were good at kicking rear end, just like me and i poo poo trains. :black101:

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


Lord_Ventnor posted:

He's the best son a dwarf could ask for!

There is more than one son in that family. :saddowns:

I'm just too rolly-poly to catch up to any of the fights before they're over.

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


Where do I keep going that I never end up in any of the battles? Am I just loving off, having space dwarf adventures on my own and never listening to the orders to mobilize?

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


OhCrap posted:

No, you're in the chase, just lagging behind. I'd guess you took the time to actually equip yourself. I saw at least one dwarf heading to fill his waterskin before doing anything.

Then I will continue to think of my dwarf as just being too fat to keep up. Something will eventually stumble within his range and them BAM, he'll charge waddle into action!

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


OhCrap posted:

But Zaodai is too slow and Goblin will escape.
:negative:

I'm just... uh... saving my strength for fighting the murder carp. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.



Journal Entry Two, Loss

I've been here nearly a year now, and the Great Enemy has made no move to darken our shores. Still I wait, I know they are coming. Overseer OhCrap comes to me periodically, screaming of enemies in the fields, and across the river only to find that they are kobolds, goblins, and other such rubbish. I make little attempt to join the fight. It could be a feint to pull our militia out of position! Brother is here, he can stop such petty threats, the exercise is good for him after his bout with Giant Cave Spider venom. Even now he fights lizardmen in the caves below us for sport. Father even planned to join him.

But now, all I hear from the caves is screaming, and not the screaming of Lizardmen. This cannot be good. Father and Brother should be able to take on any number of Lizardmen, what has happened? I am loathe to abandon my watch over the Great Enemy, but I must check on Father and Brother! Perhaps Overseer is correct, and I have ignored the small threats for too long.

No more.

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


Holy poo poo, going through that combat log, my dwarf must have been pissed. When he got to that lizard man, he cut off its arms and legs, and then got his sword lodged in the "upper leg" (which I picture to include the groinal region) and just gored the poo poo out of the lizardman while a hammerdwarf beat him soundly about the head and chest. :stare:

Vengeance for Brother and Father. :hist101:

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


How the gently caress did I get convicted of a murder where nobody saw it happen, and nobody even knew it occurred for a week after the fact?

This is the greatest injustice in all of recorded dwarven history!

Also, pretty sure this is the end of our family line. I can't recall many people survive a prison sentence without either dying of thirst or being slowly taken apart by random hammerings for jobs you can't do because you're chained to a wall.

Sorry family. :saddowns:

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


Zapdos posted:

I manually convicted you as I had established before that it was known you beat him up. I honestly don't know how Asehujiko's body went unnoticed for so long. There were at least ten dwarves in view of the room at the time of the murder.
But don't worry! Your sentence is only more than half a year, you have no crafting skills and the jail is right in the main entrance!


So I really am being held down by The Man? I knew it! I might have to pay the Overseer a visit when I get out of jail. Just to make sure you're sleeping soundly. :colbert:

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


Lord_Ventnor posted:

And Zaodai! What did I tell you about murdering someone when there are witnesses around? :argh:

There were no witnesses, Father. I was imprisoned with no evidence or trial by the Overseer. My only crime is not killing the corruption at its source.

There is still time to rectify that mistake, once I break out of prison. (Or my sentence runs out, but this is one of those corrupt southern prisons where your sentence keeps getting extended so they can make you fight in an underground arena.)

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


Asehujiko posted:

200 odd days for murder? What kind of sentence is that?

Mark my words Zaodai, I'll haunt you for a long time to come :argh:

A bullshit one. I have an alibi and everything. At the time I was allegedly punching your skull through your brain, I was building an elborate tomb for my poor slain family members. Family members that wouldn't have died if not for the general neglect and disdain from the racist classist nobility!

And now after that tomb has been completed, do the bodies of Father and Brother get interred there? No. They are left to rot in a cave.

Who is the real soulless, skull punching monster here? Not me.

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


Loden Taylor posted:

Deaths in the caverns, murder in the dormitory; HOW CAN I WRITE HAPPY, IDYLLIC MUSIC WHEN THIS PLACE IS A CORPSE FACTORY?

Write it from the perspective of a necromancer. Or Khorne.

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


Zapdos posted:

I would really like to know.

You'll find out soon enough. :unsmigghh:

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


OhCrap posted:

Dang. I wish I hadn't just abandoned my effort to sketch Zaodai with my new tablet.

I managed a neat face, just couldn't do the body. It would've been perfect for that sign :D

You could do just a bust instead of a full body shot. I wouldn't mind seeing what my dwarf looks like prior to his stint in the metagame penalty box.

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


OhCrap posted:

I'll see what I can come up with next time I'm tinkering

:neckbeard:

I'm sure it will be a Good Drawing.

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


I hope my dwarf maintains his sanity long enough to serve his time, go get his armor and weapons to take his place back in the malitia, and then unleash all that pent up crazy against the enemies of the fortress (internal or external either one).

Hang in there, dwarf-me!

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


OhCrap posted:

Disappointed that Zaodai didn't get placed where I was hoping. Especially with Nude Whipping Sheriff around. Oh well.

Maybe he's saving that for the real criminals. :smugdog:

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


I always end up being your posterchild for mental illness, Leperflesh.

Funny how that works out. :v:

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


The descriptions don't always match how your dwarf will end up acting. My dwarf, on paper, is pretty much the opposite of me.

Then he threw a tantrum and became the gooniest gently caress in the fortress.

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


Herr Zwiebel posted:

No, it makes it easier if you have a monitor smaller than the image x rez and just want to scroll down through the page. Please keep using timg.

It doesn't make that judgement very well though. None of the images in the last update would have caused problems on my crappy work monitor and they all got shrunk down to thumbnail size so I have to click them.

It's not that hard to use good judgement when applying the timg tag instead of just slapping it on everything.

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


I only monitor the thread to see who hasn't posted in awhile, so I can crush their skulls in their sleep.

:unsmigghh:

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


SirPenguin posted:

This counts as a confession, right? Punishment retroactively justified.

Hey, if my dwarf is going to take the prison sentence for murders I commit in real life, that would be more than a fair trade. :v:

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


Bad Munki posted:

All you shield-hand dwarmocrat rock nuts are gonna be really upset when Zaodai gets freed right out the front gate during a siege. :black101:

OhCrap has already portrayed me as having been taken by "The Rage", so this wouldn't be entirely unexpected.

Just go full Blood Angel, put me in my own unit with the most destructive weapons and armor we've got and send me to cleave skulls in the name of The Emperor all Dwarfkind.

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


TildeATH posted:

I forget, are you the dead baby or the mauled-but-still-living baby?

He's the mauled but still living baby. John Charity Spring is the dead baby. My poor nephew(?).

Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


quote:


Who could have ever foreseen this occurrence?

"Zaodai, in the past" posted:

Also, pretty sure this is the end of our family line. I can't recall many people survive a prison sentence without either dying of thirst or being slowly taken apart by random hammerings for jobs you can't do because you're chained to a wall.

Sorry family. :saddowns:

Oh, right.

Well that was a profoundly unsatisfying way to die. Getting dicked over by a metagaming overseer.

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Zaodai
May 23, 2009

Death before dishonor?
Your terms are accepted.


Leperflesh, I specifically said that it wasn't a matter of my death not being heroic.

It's the fact that I was manually convicted based on evidence that nobody in the game itself had, and then left to die. That's stupid. If I had murdered a dwarf and been caught, well that's game mechanics. But I didn't. My conviction cited loving combat logs as the evidence.

"Whelp, God told me you did it and now you died of thirst. Not my fault!:iamafag:" is something you should drat well be able to hold an overseer accountable for. It wasn't even metagaming for the sake of the narrative. There was no purpose to it.

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