Benny the Snake posted:

I do try my best to frame my action scenes and setpeices in the frame of actions and reactions: a-b-a-b-a-b, repeat until end.

Benny the Snake posted:

I look like I obviously don't know what I'm talking about. Any tips on how to mitigate that?

RedTonic posted:

Generally when people say an action scene is good, I think it means that they can actually follow what's happening (more or less). They're able to imagine it. Less about dynamics, more about clarity. That's strictly anecdotal, since I'm not psychic, and comes from my own experiences in giving/receiving critique on action scenes.

Screaming Idiot posted:

Can somebody suggest a good action scene? While the advice here is good, I'd like to see a few examples so I can see where I'm loving up.

Screaming Idiot posted:

Can somebody suggest a good action scene? While the advice here is good, I'd like to see a few examples so I can see where I'm loving up.

Helsing posted:

Robert E. Howard is really good at writing fast paced and dynamic prose. Pretty much any collection of his stories will have numerous examples of action scenes - both of the man vs man and the man vs nature variety - infinitely better than anything contemporary pulp fictions writers can produce.

Howard's a very pulpy writer but 80 years after his death I don't think he's been surpassed when it comes to over the top action. Its like If Friedrich Nietzsche became a dime store novelist instead of a crzy shut in / philosopher. If you want an example of how to make your writing viscerally exciting I don't think you could do better.

Evil neo-Nazis are chasing our heroes down a river in helicopters and boats posted:

Doogie ducked under the dashboard. "drat choppers!" he yelled. "Let's see how you like this!"

And with that he yanked his steering yoke hard to the left.

The Goose banked sharply - the tip of its pontoonless left wing touching the surface again - cutting across the path of the surviving Rigid Raider!

The [Nazi] skipper of the Rigid Raider didn't react fast enough.

Like a missile shooting up into the sky, the Rigid Raider lifted completely out of the water as it rushed up the steeply slanted wings of the seaplane!

The assault boat rushed up the reinforced wings of the Goose, its exposed silver hull screeching loudly as it shot along the seaplane's heavily banked wings, using them as a ramp, and then - shoom! - the Rigid Raider launched itself off the end of the right-hand wing and out into the air beyond where it smashed into the canopy of the Mosquito helicopter that was hovering in front of the sharply turned Goose!

The Mosquito lurched backward - reeling like a boxer punched square in the nose - as the Rigid Raider plowed into its bubble at incredible speed. Its canopy shattered in an instant and a split second later, the whole helicopter exploded into an enormous billowing fireball.

[...]

"Eat that, you Nazi bastards," [Doogie] said softly.

quote:

Space was full of darting, flashing, madly warring ships. The three Black superdreadnoughts leaped forward as one. Their massed batteries of beams, precisely synchronized and aimed, lashed out at the nearest Patrol super heavy, the Boise. Under the vicious power of that beautifully-timed thrust that warship’s first, second, and third screens, her very wall-shield, flared through the spectrum and into the black. Her Chief Pilot, however, was fast—very fast—and he had a fraction of a second in which to work. Thus, practically in the instant of her wall-shield’s failure, she went free; and while she was holed badly and put out of action, she was not blown out of space. In fact, it was learned later that she lost only forty men.

Screaming Idiot posted:

Thanks, these are all really good. I noticed that a lot of great action scenes really on short, staccato statements -- a sort of machinegun rhythm.

How do all of you feel about onomatopoeia? I think it's cheesy shorthand for actual description, but Matthew Reilly seemed to use it well enough.

quote:

"Eat that, you Nazi bastards," [Doogie] said softly.

a synopsis of Matthew Reilly's first novel posted:

The story focuses on Dr. Stephen Swain, a radiologist, who manages to fight off two gang members despite having no combat experience. While at home, Swain and his daughter Holly are teleported into the New York City Library. A mysterious alien named Selexin explains that Swain has been chosen to represent humans in a contest called the Presidian. The rules are simple: seven different intelligent beings are teleported into a place such as the Library, and must fight to the death. The last being standing must then find the teleporter that will take them out of the labyrinth. However, an animal called the Karanadon will also be in the labyrinth. The Karanadon was teleported into the Labyrinth a day before the contestants and has already killed Ryan, a security guard at the library. Swain has been chosen to represent Earth because of his natural fighting abilities, as demonstrated in the gang fight.

quote:

Having survived, the group tries to regroup in the lobby, but see Bellos and another contestant, called the Konda. Just as the Konda is about to kill Bellos, hunting animals called hoodayas, or hoods, attack and kill the Konda.

Screaming Idiot posted:

Really? That's a relief, considering I didn't want to seem ungrateful for someone's reply.

And yeah, onomatopoeia makes me roll my eyes. Does anyone use it well?

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

Followup:

Screaming Idiot posted:

And yeah, onomatopoeia makes me roll my eyes.

This Thread with Screaming Idiot trailing behind posted:

The Magic of Recluce by L. E. Modesitt posted:

"Lerris! Young...man,...get...yourself...back...here...now!"
I definitely did not want to return to the carpentry, but there was no escape.
"Coming, Uncle Sardit."
He stood at the doorway, a frown on his face. The frown was common, but the yelling had not been. My guts twisted. What could I have done?
"Come here."
He thrust a wide-fingered hand at the inlaid table top on the work bench.
"Look at that. Closely." His voice was so low it rumbled.
I looked, but obviously did not see what he wanted me to see.
"Do you see that?"
I shook my head. "See what?"
"Look at the clamps."
Bending over, I followed his finger. The clamps were as I had placed them earlier, the smooth side, as he had taught me, matching the grain of the dark loden wood.
"With the grain of the wood..."
"Lerris...can't you see? This end is biting into the wood. And here...the pressure has moved the border out of position...."

The Magic Engineer by L. E. Modesitt posted:

The smith shakes his head. "Go on. Let me finish. I'll send Kadara for you when it's time."
Dorrin swallows and turns, walking toward the open double doors designed to funnel the cool air through the smith. Behind him, the smith extracts another rod of iron from the bin and and lifts it over the furnace.
The redhead holds his narrow lips tightly so they almost turn white. He has persuaded his father to let him spend time with Hegl, and if Hegl will not have him...
[...two boring paragraphs...]
Out of habit, he checks the others, even the rosemary in the diet upper stone garden. With a shake of his head that displaces not a strand of his tight-curled and wiry red hair, he straightens.
"I wondered why my spices have grown so true this year." A gray-haired and stocky woman stands by the washstones.
"Your pardon," offers Dorrin.
"My gain, you mean, if you have even a fraction of the skill of your mother." She smiles. "Why are you out here?"
"Wandering thoughts," confesses the youth. "I thought about the wrong thing and turned an unfinished ingot into black steel. Hell was less than pleased."
"He would not be," affirms the smith's wife. "But he will find some use for it, if only to demonstrate the strength of his work."
Dorrin shakes his head.
"Kadara will not be back from the Temple until later...She has afternoon classes."
"I know. I'm going home until Hegl needs me." The read-haired youth turns and walks down the flagged path toward the stone paved street.
Behind him, the smith's wife shakes her head for an instant before looking at the herb garden.

Megazver posted:

Watch Justified. See how all the suspense scenes are mostly them talking, then like five seconds of action at most. Learn from it.

Megazver posted:

Watch Justified. See how all the suspense scenes are mostly them talking, then like five seconds of action at most. Learn from it.

RedTonic posted:

I'm toxxing myself to have the second draft of this 102k mess done by March 31st as well. A normal person should be able to edit in that time, right? Ugh, this means I've got two threads.

PoshAlligator posted:

Just starting to dig out my 50k NaNo draft and it's pretty daunting.

Somehow it seems that there's hardly anything in these 50k word, even though it has a beginning middle and end. But at the same time I don't want to just cram stuff in and make it fell too dense.

It has 5 acts structurally so really it should be manageable to get into shape. Theoretically anyway...