- Smasher Dynamo
- Oct 16, 2008
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Eternal Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."
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Super-League XXXI, Week 25: Death
Pungry's Big Adventure, Part Twenty-Five posted:
ALPHA et al
A. Network! It's important for small firms to network! > Mock frankenfreak with puppets! > Flee! > Help TFLlama get to the bottom of this Riddle Joker nonsense! > Roll eyes at strange tropes in Japanese video games! > Interrogate DannoMack, using all available means! > TFLlama is right! We can go no farther! > Play video games instead of making this update longer! > Continue playing Tales of Arise! > A. Keep playing video games! > IGNORE ALL! > Apply for Pro Hac Vice admission!
There was no time to study for a bar exam! The foxes would have to apply for pro hac vice admission!
But that was not as easy as simply typing up the paperwork. No, as was the case in many jurisdictions, in order for such a motion to be proper, the foxes would have the find a member of the Evermark Bar to support the motion.
Making more worse, the foxes could only think of one such person in the vicinity, and it was not a person inclined to do frankenfreak any favors. More to the point, they were certainly not inclined to side with frankenfreak against the Marquis of Evermark. But there were no other options.
Tybalt batted around the ball, watching it dance to and fro and he hit it with his forepaws. Intellectually, he knew that there the ball only appeared to be alive, that it was not truly prey, and yet, as he watched it move, it seemed so much like a mouse or rat, some tiny animal that veered back and forth, trying to evade Tybalt's claws. In that sense, Tybalt found playing with the ball to be incredibly satisfying. What he did not find satisfying, or, more accurately, what he knew would not be satisfying, was talking with the foxes and frankenfreak, who he could hear approaching. "What?" Tybalt said, focusing on playing with the ball.
"We need your help." frankenfreak said.
"But I'm so busy!" Tybalt said. "I have to make sure that someone is playing with this ball! It's incredibly important. If the ball is left to its own devices, every universe might end."
"Really?" frankenfreak said, alarmed.
"Sure. We don't know that won't happen. And we'd better not risk it." Tybalt said, pawing at the ball once again. "Could be dangerous."
"I need an attorney." frankenfreak said.
"I think the foxes count as one attorney if you add them together." Tybalt said. The foxes didn't care for the way he had said that, even if it was an accurate assessment. "So, there you go."
"I need an attorney licensed in Evermark to get him in." frankenfreak said.
Tybalt stopped for a second and looked at frankenfreak, "Is this about the Marquis' lawsuit?"
"Yes." frankenfreak admitted.
"I'm definitely not going to cross him on that one." Tybalt said. "If he wants someone dead, I'm not going to, as they say, get between the dragon and his wrath."
The foxes rolled their eyes. That was a line originally spoken by the title character in King Lear, and was said in the context of showing the king's lack of perspective and wisdom regarding his relationships with the loyal members of his court. "What if I were to tell you that habeasdorkus has come onto the case as counsel for the Plaintiff."
"drat it." There were few things that could motivate Tybalt, Prince of Cats, to help frankenfreak, but that happened to be one of them. "Then I guess we're doing this."
"Motion to Admit [i posted:Pro Hac Vice[/i]"]
IN THE HIGH COURT OF EVERMARK
ASSIZE OF FALL - LINTON
THE MARQUIS OF EVERMARK,
Plaintiff
v.
FRANKENFREAK,
Defendant
Comes now THREE FENNEC FOXES, movant herein, and represents the following:
1. Movant resides in the Super-League.
2. Movant is an attorney and a member of the law firm of Foxes & Associates, LLC.
3. Movant has been retained personally or as a member of the above named law firm by FRANKENFREAK to provide legal representation in connection with the above-captioned matter now pending before the above-named court in the Marquisiate of Evermark.
4. Since Super-League XXIX, movant has been, and presently is, a member of good standing of the Bar of the highest court of the Super-League, where movant regularly practices law.
5. Movant presently is not subject to any disbarment proceedings.
6. Movant presently is not subject to any suspension proceedings.
7. Movant never has been subject to any disbarment proceedings.
8. Movant never has been subject to any suspension proceedings.
9. Movant never has had any certificate or privilege to appear and practice before any administrative body suspended or revoked.
11. Movant, either by resignation, withdrawal, or otherwise, never has terminated or attempted to terminate movant's office as an attorney in order to avoid administrative, disciplinary, disbarment, or suspension proceedings.
12. Local counsel or record associate with applicant in this matter is TYBALT, PRINCE OF CATS.
13. Movant agrees to comply with the provisions of the Evermark Rules of Professional Conduct, and movant consents to the jurisdiction of the courts and disciplinary boards of the Marquisiate of Evermark.
14. Movant respectfully requests to be admitted to practice in the above named court or administrative agency for this cause only.
Dated this 25th Week of Super-League XXXI
/s/Three Fennec Foxes
I, THREE FENNEC FOXES, do hereby swear or affirm under penalty of perjury that I am the applicant in the above-styled matter; that I have read the foregoing application and know the contents thereof, and that the contents are true of my own knowledge, except as to those matters stated on information and belief, and that as to those matters I believe them to be true.
/s/Three Fennec Foxes
I hereby consent, as local counsel of record, to the association of movant in this cause pursuant to Rule VII of the Rules Governing Admissition to the Evermark Bar.
Dated this 25th Week of Super-League XXXI
/s/Tybalt, Prince of Cats
NOTICE OF HEARING
This motion for admission is set for hearing by the Marquis on the 25th Week of Super-League XXXI
/s/Tybalt, Prince of Cats
TO BE CONTINUED IN TIMELINE PI!
PI
B. Turn the radio on his nightstand to 86.7 KKIX: The Thunder > Buy a new radio! A better radio! > Attempt to listen to the HulkaChannel! > McFreeze has been dead for five year! > WAIT! There is a logical inconsistency here! > Buy a glove to cover his metal hand! > ALL OF THE COLORS! > Play video games! > Zero Time Dilemma! > Push both buttons! > NO! > Pungry will simply choose to no longer need an atmosphere to live! > A scrivener! > Go to the knife-boxing fight! > Respect the sanctity of knife-boxing! > Encourage Storg to believe in himself! > Feel very sad about getting Storg killed and accomplishing nothing. > Allow Storg's body to be reclaimed by nature! > Use his smarts to make frankenfreak love the Pi timeline, and thus make the Marquis not want to kill frankenfreak! > Wasn't the manifest Super-League supposed to be planning to kill everyone? Shouldn't Pungry do something about that?
"Let's get this over with." The Marquis said, sitting in his chambers. "What is it you want, Tybalt?"
"I want to have the foxes here admitted pro hac vice for the purposes of defending frankenfreak." Tybalt said.
"Why?" The Marquis asked.
"Because I have a soul." Tybalt said, "And because I have a soul, I can't just sit by and watch something good happen to habaesdorkus. I have to at least help a little."
"Yes, everyone does seem to have a bone to pick with this habeasdorkus." The Marquis said. "Very well, the foxes may represent frankenfreak in this matter. Now, then, to trial!"
****
The foxes stared over at habeasdorkus, who was setting out some papers on the table on the other side of the courtroom. They did not know what habeasdorkus' game was, but it was almost certainly not good for anyone or anything except habeasdorkus.
The foxes' puzzling was interrupted by the Marquis of Evermark, who took a seat on the bench. The foxes raised their paws to object. "What is this?" The Marquis asked.
"I think they're trying to say something." frankenfreak said. "But, as they are foxes, they can't speak."
The Marquis was unimpressed. "We're in a generic fantasy world. I can just use a spell." He pointed his fingers at the foxes. "There, is that better."
"Y-yes?" The foxes nervously said. "Wait, we can talk?" That would at least make things go a little more smoothly. The foxes looked around the room at the various people. "Not that there is a single person in this room we want to have a conversation with." They said, bitterly. "That said, your honor, I don't think it's appropriate for you to be the judge in a case where you are also the plaintiff."
"Nonsense." The Marquis waved them off. "I'm the judge in my official function as the Marquis of Evermark, but I'm only the plaintiff in my personal role of Roderic, who just happens to be the Marquis of Evermark."
"We see." The foxes took a moment to discuss a new strategy. "In that case, your honor, Defendant moves for a substitution of judge as a matter of right. As you know, we need not state a basis for such a motion, and one has not previously been filed in this matter."
"Any objection, counsel?" The Marquis turned to habeasdorkus.
"I do object. The foxes have already tested the waters, even if you haven't made a formal, substantive ruling on any matter yet. At this point, it's judge-shopping, and that should not be allowed." habeasdorkus said.
"Agreed. Motion denied." The Marquis answered."Are there any other preliminary matters?"
"Your honor, I've filed a motion in limine." habeasdorkus said, tendering a copy to both the judge and the foxes. "I would like to bar all evidence not previously disclosed during discovery, and also to bar frankenfreak from breathing during trial. I believe that the prejudicial harm caused by him unfairly depriving others in this courtroom of oxygen far outweighs any probative value from him remaining alive."
"Your response, counsel?" The Marquis looked at the foxes.
"We don't believe there was discovery in this case. We certainly never received any discovery requests." The foxes said. "But, and, either way, as far as we know, I'm not sure that there are any written exhibits that we would be looking to introduce anyway. I think both sides agree on what was said, the only issue is whether frankenfreak deserves to die for it."
"He definitely does." The Marquis said. "Any other pre-trial matters."
"Yes." The foxes said, "I want any evidence regarding any other German owners in the Super-League excluded."
habeasdorkus gave an angry grunt, "That's not reasonable. If I were to introduce that sort of evidence, I would have a good-faith basis for doing so."
"No, you just want to remind everyone about TheMcD's many anime-related crimes." The foxes knew habeasdorkus well enough to see the likely avenue of attack.
"I think the trier of fact has the right to consider that frankenfreak lives in close geographic proximity to known anime monster TheMcD." habeasdorkus said. "It is my contention that proximity to an anime monster is what drove frankenfreak to his criminal acts."
"Your honor." The foxes started, "No. TheMcD is not on trial here, frankenfreak is on trial. If habeasdorkus is using a proximity argument, wouldn't that mean that every German is evil?"
"Can you name one non-evil German?" habeasdorkus asked.
"Jurgen Klopp doesn't seem that evil." The foxes answered.
"He kills kittens." habeasdorkus said. "Probably. Can you prove he doesn't?"
"I don't know how you'd begin to prove that. Put him in a room full of kittens and then see what happens?" The foxes asked.
"That sounds like a great idea, if you want to see a room full of dead kittens." habeasdorkus answered. "But maybe that is what you want."
"Why would I want that?" The foxes asked.
"Because I think you also kill kittens for fun." habeasdorkus said. "It's not uncommon among foxes."
"It is uncommon among Fennec foxes." The foxes argued. "We're not much bigger than kittens, plus, we live in the desert, where there aren't a lot of kittens."
Pungry, who had been sitting on a bench watching the entire time, suddenly remembered something. "Wait a minute! The Super-League has manifested itself and plans to destroy every timeline!" He announced.
"You weren't in any timeline where you met the manifest Super-League, so you don't know that." habeasdorkus said dismissively. "Now, back the kitten issue-"
Before habeasdorkus could continue, the Super-League, still using DannoMack's body as a host, materialized. "The time has come for you all to die!" It said, as energy crackled forth from its body.
"Okay, fine, now you would know about the evil Super-League, or whatever." habeasdorkus said.
What will Pungry do?
A. Defeat the Super-League through cunning!
B. Defeat the Super-League through brute force!
C. Defeat the Super-League through dancing! Come on! It's clearly all been leading to this!
XI
The greatest therapy will be the season ending.
RHO
B. Acquire a pet kitten > Attempt to defuse tensions with an emotional dance > Dance a dance of grief > Prove them all wrong with the GREATEST DANCE! > Let's try dancing just one more time! To be sure! > Clearly, the problem is your shoes. Acquire better shoes! > Stop for lunch! > Smasher Dynamo, do you take me for a fool? Do you think I do not understand the game we are playing? You know drat well what the answer is. You know drat well what the answer has always been! Pungry will get gyros! > French fries! > Did you remember to order a drink? Order a drink! > DRINK THE VAULT! > Trust Imaginos! > No! > Don't trust habeasdorkus! > I WILL NEVER TRUST HABEASDORKUS! HE IS THE LORD OF LIES! > HOW MANY TIMES MUST I SAY NO?! > ESCAPE!
-. Network! It's important for small firms to network! > Mock frankenfreak with puppets! > Flee! > Help TFLlama get to the bottom of this Riddle Joker nonsense! > Roll eyes at strange tropes in Japanese video games! > Try and restore DannoMack's sanity, to get this information! > Go to the Tim Horton's behind them! > Get coffee. It may not be a real Tim Horton's, but there must be coffee somewhere, right? > Continue searching for coffee! > Return to the real world (remember, they were in a sensory deprivation tank), and save the day! > ECTO COOLER! > gently caress IT, MIX THEM ALL TOGETHER!
Pungry made the final adjustments, and then looked on with wonder and what he had wrought. "ECTO COOLER HAS COME!" He said excitedly, "The drink of drinks!"
"That's great." TFLlama said. "Now, what is the next part of this plan?"
"The next phase is your death." Pander appeared in a flash of light. "All Pungries must die!"
"But I'm one of 'all Pungries'!" Pungry said, genuinely distraught. "And I would prefer not to die!"
"One of your counterparts tried to shoot me! And for what? All I did was turn one timeline into a dystopian hellscape where all mankind has become nothing more than cogs in my corporate empire, without any real agency or hopes for the future. Is that so wrong?" Pander asked.
"Yes." TFLlama said. "That is wrong."
"But when Jeff Bezos does it, then it's fine?" Pander was unconvinced.
"No, it's still wrong." TFLlama said.
"Well, regardless, I'm here to kill this Pungry as well. And before things get stupid, let me just point out that the last four Pungries that attempted to dance their way out of their problems ended up dead." Pander drew a revolver. "I chose this gun because it makes me look cool."
"It doesn't really make you look that cool." TFLlama protested.
Pander pointed the gun at TFLlama, "Are you quite sure about that?"
"I retract my earlier comment." TFLlama said, putting his hands in the air.
"Now wait, Pander." Pungry poured a glass of Ecto Cooler, "Did you know that, right now, the Super-League is in grave danger? The Super-League itself has manifested in physical form, and even now is plotting to destroy itself rather than continue to exist!"
"I'm aware." Pander said. "The Super-League may want to die, but it will only die on my terms, after I have conquered the Macho Men, and not a second before. Any alliance I may have with the Super-League is premised on that understanding."
"Maybe." Pungry said, "But if the Super-League does succeed in destroying itself, and everyone inside it, then it doesn't really have to worry about not living up to its promises."
Pander turned the idea over in his mind, "I have control of the situation."
"Are you familiar with Ecto Cooler, Pander?" Pungry stared at a glass of the neon green concoction.
"Of course." He said. "What of it? Like most things from that time period, it's best left forgotten."
"They say that Ecto Cooler can cleanse a man of any sin!" Pungry insisted, "It is no coincidence that these current bad times we live in all have taken place in an era mostly devoid of Ecto Cooler."
"I think any reasonable person would say that the problems of today had their origins in a time when Ecto Cooler was still being sold." Pander said.
"I believe that the manifested Super-League has only one weakness." Pungry said. "And that is that it is ultimately that it is bound to DannoMack. If we can sever that connection, we can force the Super-League away from the physical plane. We have to give DannoMack some sort of power to fight back against the Super-League, something that he loves, something that he wants. I personally don't know that much about DannoMack. I know that he loves Riddle Joker, but we don't have any Riddle Joker to give him, and I don't think that would be good to do anyway. I know that he loves the Toronto Maple Leafs, but it's impossible for them to give him anything worth living for. But he is a man in his 30s and/or 40s, and he lived in North America. Ecto Cooler, that is something that will let him fight back against the power of the Super-League, and save his soul."
"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard." Pander said, "Although..."
What will Pander do?
A. Lead Pungry to his death and maintain alliance with the Super-League!
B. Betray Super-League in hopes of material gain!
C. Let things play out, and then emerge like the glorious vulture of destiny!
Games of the Week
Pash, you had one job: save me from having to gently caress around with the banners. YOU HAD ONE JOB!
See, Pash, DannoMack did his job! And that's even after he underwent a super-lobotomy! (We told him that it was to remove his appendix, but that was just a cover.)
The 'thropes didn't start well, but they ended up winning their division in a walk. Neat!
We could argue about where the Crows would be but for New Hoss but, the reality is, the true value of New Hoss is in times like this, when he's single-handedly going to drag the Crows kicking and screaming into the playoffs.
Team Statistics
Standings
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Sep 24, 2021 00:29
