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Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


The Triumvirate has convened and come to a verdict.

After long hours of ruminating on the reams of drivel we were forced to read, we have made our decision.



budgieinspector, PM me with recommendations for prompt and rules for Week III. They better be loving good.

Stuporstar will now be leaving her judge's seat, to be occupied by budgieinspector. Sitting Here rejoins the unfortunate masses, and Nautatrol Rx will again raise his iron scepter.

My scoring breakdown is as follows. I used a similar system as Stuporstar did last time, but I feel that numbers are a very arbitrary way to grade things, so I decided to go for something a little more meaningful.

Boob Marley
The X Zone

A lovely new artist on a comic book I used to like for misspelling “bouillabaisse”
Too much salt in New England clam chowder for bad editing – “image a baby doll submerged” etc
Two or three Sour Patch Kids for making me feel the darkness and despair in the cave
Someone else eating the last piece of apple pie for overwriting a story when you only had 500 words to do it and not getting anywhere in the end
The smell of chocolate for having “boob” in your handle
Total: Eating the Veggie Omelet MRE and not having a choice because I’m in Ranger School

Tempura Wizard
The Flavor of Fish

A baby’s first laughter for having an awesome handle (thunderdome, bitches)
Missing the nail and smashing my finger with a framing hammer for saying “I did creative writing in school” and then (in the same 24 hours) saying “I’ve never done any creative writing before”
Taking a container of hummus out of the fridge, preparing to eat it with carrots, and realizing it’s gone bad for the title making me think about going down on unclean vagina
The shade of a tree on a hot day for generally pulling off the dystopian feel without being ham-fisted
A razor-sharp chef’s knife for creating an utterly awful pig of an antagonist with just a few lines
The feeling of warm rain for the line “the sound of warm rain” (take that Boob Marley)
Total: A decent sandwich on a train in Germany

Noah
Diary of Bootstrapping the Apocalypse

Getting “Most Headshots” in MW3 for capturing the elusive “chicklit factor”
A decent spiral pass for the line “If I do get picked I hope he isn’t a grotty little mutant, ugh, wouldn’t that just be the worst?”
A ripe grape tomato for the Al Capp reference
Smelling someone else’s broccoli farts for setting a story in the US but using the word “mum”
Having to take a dump but nowhere to take it for not making the story as interesting as it could have been
Total: Buying Valen the Outcast and generally enjoying it while also realizing Matteo Scalera is not as quite good as I thought he was, but maybe it’s the colorist's fault

Nautatrol Rx
Dystopian Chick, Lit

A rare ribeye a few minutes off the gril for the title just being the prompt with a comma inserted
Beating a mission in Ghost Recon Future Soldier on the first try on Elite for the “mirror on the page” twist ending
Not being able to shower for a 11-day field exercise for writing a story solely to be a smug shitlord who I hate IRL
A deer tick attached to the top of my buttcrack (whatifIgetLymedisease ) for being a smug shitlord who I hate IRL
Total: A mediocre handjob in her ’97 Escort with only one working door

Wrageowrapper (Runner-up)
Greed, Pay, Love

A pair of Zubaz in the gym for the obvious Clockwork Orange homage that still works
Really good falafel for the Gas-Powered-Potato-Cannon, calling back to Thunderdome Week I
A soggy taco shell at Taco Bell (where I was forced to eat by majority rule) for stacking your references too high with the Judge Dredd knock-off
A cockroach crawling under the bathroom door while I’m sitting upon the pot for not using enough commas
Caramel, surprisingly, inside a truffle for the word “crackabugga”
Total: A nice steak dinner with two of my friends and one other dude who everybody else likes but I really don’t

HiddenGecko
New Stock

Hearing “Lonely Boy” by The Black Keys come on the radio for having the balls to write a story with a loving robot protagonist
Wishing that it was “Goodbye Babylon” instead but knowing only El Camino gets playtime for it still being a goddamn robot protagonist
That pleasant but also unpleasant feeling when you’re about to take a huge dump for writing a creepy-rear end story that I still kind of enjoyed
Total: Being on a nice weekend trip and realizing my fingernails are too long and I don’t have a nail clipper

sebmojo
50 Shades of Ash

Two mosquito bites in two different hard-to-scratch places for making a Fifty Shades of Gray reference in the title but not capitalizing on it enough
Finding Way-2-Sour blowpops at a random gas station on NY Rte 79 for intentionally writing a lovely chick-lit story
A goddamn rooster who just won’t shut up early on Saturday morning for not living up to your full potential with this poo poo, writing a lovely chick-lit story but not making it lovely enough for me to like it or making it actually good
Total: Cutting salame cacciatoro with a lovely serrated knife

T-Bone
one way to find out.

A turtle sundae for making the first female president an evil awful bitch 'cause that's funny
A goddamn fly in the room that I just can’t kill and don’t have a swatter for making her Republican since we know the Liberal Media would never let that happen
A container of mixed nuts with too many peanuts and not enough Brazil nuts and cashews for using the tired “hot powerful chick seduces nerd” thing
Unrealistic gunplay in a movie I thought was gonna be good for this story not being dystopian at all, unless I’m a retard which clearly I’m not
Total: Sitting next to a really loving fat dude on an airplane

budgieinspector (WINNER!)
Sincerely, “Enturbulated in Ronopolis”

A bottle of Samuel Smith’s Oatmeal Stout for knowing everything about Scientology
An itchy butthole for knowing everything about Scientology
The feeling of warm water on my balls for the effective use of “I work so hard to remain upstat” at the beginning and end of the story
Sand in my socks because I didn’t know it was about Scientology, which is clearly your fault
Total: Pretty good sex while kinda drunk so it’s not as good as it could’ve been, but still good, and we both want to have breakfast together in the morning

Found Sound
Percussion-cap Blues

Freshly-laundered bedsheets for knowing what a percussion cap is
Squirrels loving around with nuts on the roof all day for using such an obsolete munitions technology in a presumably-future dystopia
A good day on the CQC range for pulling off the dystopian feel
Chafing in my inner thighs from a 12-mile ruck march for this story not being chick-lit really at all
Total: Taking a few good licks of a Perry's Peanut Butter Cup cone before accidentally dropping it in gravel

areyoucontagious
Clone Love

Shooting 39 out of 40 (don’t worry about that little guy) on an M4 qual range for writing a motherfucking dystopian clone soap opera with polyandry
Having to clean my M4 to the white-glove standard even though we’ll be shooting again next week for writing a motherfucking dystopian clone soap opera with polyandry instead of chick-lit like the goddamn prompt said to
Total: A nice weekend camping trip, turning sour when I realize I have the loving chiggers in both my arms

Fanky Malloons
The Executive Suite
Having to eat someone’s mom’s lovely cooking with a smile on my face for writing a female surprise sex-revenge story instead of dystopian chick-lit
The dessert being surprisingly good for it being a decent story all the same
Total: Taking a long run in the rain

Bad Seafood
Cynthia

Splitting wood with a dull maul and no sharpener around for who the gently caress died smiling and why was it the right choice and what the gently caress?
Having to pack two duffel bags and a rucksack for the field next week and I just want to get loving drunk for the stereotypical nagging mother and this not really being chick-lit and the story generally just making me scratch my head but not really in a good way
Eating a decent granola bar for the story at least being readable and dystopian
Total: Not having any clean underwear

Canadian Surf Club
The Department of Female Affairs

Being forced to watch an episode of Always Sunny in Philadelphia for telling me you had fun when I don’t give no fucks about your fun
A margarita with El Espolon for making me laugh and writing about petty meangirls running some sort of dystopian future society and vying for the attention of some wrinkled old rich gently caress
Overcooked strip steak for not really pushing the dystopian theme
Total: Meeting an attractive, cool girl at a bar who’s clearly into me but she has a boyfriend and Lady GaGa is playing on the jukebox

SurreptitiousMuffin (Runner-up)
the world is broken and i am meat

The fantastic handling of my BMW for a very strange and awesome title
Taking her to 155 mph on the Autobahn for a what the gently caress but very cool story
Having to fill up with Premium at a gas station off-post and paying European prices for this not really being chick-lit at all
Total: Laying out on the beach in Tel Aviv for a few hours reading Popular Science, later on realizing I should have applied more sunscreen and now have a mild burn

Jonked
The More Things Change…

Some awful parent’s bratty kid pissing me off in the supermarket for asking for bonus points
lovely airline food for claiming Nautatrol’s avatar is better than mine
A fresh chopped avocado dressed with lime juice, crushed red pepper, and salt for turning around the ‘50s predicament of women and making it funny
Getting flicked in the back of the ear for using the dumb “et’s tha FUTURE an peepl have NUMBERS stead a names naow!” thing which pisses me off
Total: Driving extremely fast on the Autobahn with a friend in the front seat who whines like an old lady about how awesomely fast I drive

BirdOfPlay
“A Harrowing Escape”

Dropping a weight on my toe for what the gently caress this is creepy and oh god
Total: Having to lick twenty envelopes in a row and getting three or four paper cuts on my tongue

slothmonster (Runner-Up)
The Shoe Sale At The End Of The Earth

Knocking out four reps of 265 on the bench for making fun of that whole “OMG he/she so did not!” thing so effectively
Playing a drunken round of MW3 to determine if I should’ve driven back from the bar or not (I shouldn’t have) for spelling out “sooo”
A cold that just won’t go away for doing that dumb “person off-camera clicks back the hammer of a semi-auto pistol even when it’s just an unnecessary extra step” thing
Having to mow the lawn for the nonsensical concept of “leather fatigues”
The feeling of another dude’s nose breaking under my forehead for the final line being “Bitches Leave”
Total: Petting a cat in front of a fire on a rainy day

Dr. Kloctopussy
Observation Squad Dropout

That cute sounds puppies make for the “$600 heels” and so on intro
Cold organic 2-percent milk for pulling off the chick-lit thing
Getting paint on one of my favorite t-shirts for using the term “blow-out” to mean some woman hairstyle when I only know it as the haircut of Long Island guidos
Only drinking half a Laphroaig, neat, before spilling it out of drunken clumsiness for just not wowing me with the story
Total: Too much bacon in m’cobb salad

Honey Badger
Confessions of a Chopaholic

Watching Manningham make a really awesome reception for legit dystopian feel and brutal survivalist cannibal violence
Hearing a Justin Bieber song for not writing chick-lit AT ALL and just shoehorning in a dumb “diamonds are a girl’s best friend” no-effort joke in a story that’s not comedy at all
Total: Getting into a really brutal bar-brawl but having “friends” break it up


Capntastic (LOSER!)
Tagged for Love, 467 words.

Putting way too much Blair’s Ultra Death in taco meat and having fireshits for three days for including your word count in your title like a loving amateur
Seeing the benefits of a high-fiber diet in my toilet for the good dystopia word “wheatlike”
Getting a prostate exam for an Army physical even though you’re under 30 for naming the manager “Cincinattus” which is a dumb name if there isn’t any meaning to it
Smelling the poo poo-pond at Khandahar Airfield for writing a dumb story about a broad being scared of a green rat (why the gently caress is it green?) and getting saved by CINCINATTUS and trying to pass it off as “dystopian chick-lit”
Stepping in dogshit for having a stupid flashing gif rainbow avatar
Total: A long car ride in someone else’s van that smells like spoiled milk with the heat on full blast even though it’s not even that cold outside


SC Bracer
Alone

A bottle of gross “Italian” salad dressing for being a chick and not being able to chick-lit
A dirty napkin stuck to my shoe for the term “porta-phone” since all phones are portable now and your story is presumably in the future
Pretty good chicken curry with raita for creating a dystopia where fashion reigns supreme and the Gucci mall has men with guns in front of it
The curry isn’t spicy enough for not really being chick-lit and not being dystopian enough
Total: Having chapped lips but there’s a stick of Burt’s Bees in my pocket


Bodnoirbabe
The Colors of Revolution

Trying to light a fire but the loving wind keeps blowing out the match for overusing adverbs and using “it’s” where you should have used “its”
A good hour of heavy lifting for doing yet another fashion-related dystopia but making it a decent story anyway
Wasps flying around my head when I’m trying to nail down shingles for not being dystopian enough
Total: Eating a decent breakfast but knowing work is gonna suck in an hour

Autumncomet
The Captain

A really ugly beige couch for jumping on the Bracer Bandwagon and claiming “chick lit is ” despite also being a chick
Digging a hole for a concrete piling by hand in stony ground for just throwing chocolate into a pirate story to try to fulfill the chick-lit requirement
Sitting on the toilet after a nice big fiber-dump and thinking there’s no more toilet paper, but then turning around and seeing a whole ’nother roll on the tank for making your not-chick-lit and only vaguely dystopian pirate story interesting enough that I want to read more
Total: Smelling roses in a parlor and then suddenly catching the whiff of something not-so-fresh

bigmcgaffney
The Beauty of Progress

A perfectly-mixed protein shake for writing an interesting eugenics dystopia story, with at least the flavor of chick-lit
Having to take an especially smelly load of household garbage to the dump for not going far enough with the chick-lit part and not being over-the-top enough
Total: Eating a nice fresh oyster but there’s sand on it and now it’s in my teeth and the girl I’m eating dinner with is actually kind of unpleasant but still attractive

Black Griffon
Death and the City

Ordering a martini and realizing the bartender used well vodka for what the gently caress is this even about?
The musty smell of an old house with the windows closed for years for using the oldschool conceit of identifying characters by profession rather than name but not actually doing anything with it
Dried-out fish at a mediocre restaurant for this story being about a journey but the story goes nowhere
A bottle of Blair’s Salsa Del Muerte for a good visual sense
Total: Being coerced into watching a 3D children’s film instead of Total Recall

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Canadian Surf Club
Feb 15, 2008

Word.


Honey Badger posted:

Chick lit was definitely a rough prompt.


Thunderdome should consist of only the roughest, meanest, rusty sawbladeist of prompts there is so this was a good one. It revealed a person's true character.

And congrats to the winner I hope you die

Capntastic
Jan 13, 2005

A dog begins eating a dusty old coil of rope but there's a nail in it.

Fallen Rib

You can't have a Randian superman without an illogical weak female, aspersions of sexism aside. I won't blame the prompt for my so called failure, and I will simply use my current position of weakness to redouble my efforts and seize the moral victory.

Stuporstar
May 5, 2008

Where do fists come from?


Capntastic posted:

You can't have a Randian superman without an illogical weak female, aspersions of sexism aside. I won't blame the prompt for my so called failure, and I will simply use my current position of weakness to redouble my efforts and seize the moral victory.

I was looking for Randian superwomen, yo. Serves you right for taking that phrase so literally (rather than the figurative "man" as in "mankind" which includes women) while completely forgetting about the chicklit part. This is your prize:



I'll think up the text later when my head stops throbbing. Also, we're changing it up. I'm stepping down this week and Martello's staying in charge because I'd rather get loving high on triptans and space out for a week. I'll post my results whenever I make them more coherent than, "Arrrghfuckinblaaaaaah."

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


You're all so awful you broke her.

Boob Marley
Nov 1, 2011

Flesh for Fantasy


We survived Thunderdome!
...but at what cost?

Farewell, Capntastic.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk

Think I dodged a bullet in that last one.

I will make sure to do a full training/gearing-up montage before I touch the keyboard next time.

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


I updated my post at the top of the page with my scoring breakdown. I think the criteria and points system I used will be a lot more helpful for everyone and hopefully you guys will know what I'm looking for in Week III.

HiddenGecko
Apr 15, 2007

You think I'm really going
to read this shit?


Hopefully in the next round you can give our scores as dirty limericks.

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

I got it wrong. Look, I'm well aware I got it wrong and uh, I got it wrong.


If I ever win, I promise to write all my judge commentaries in blank verse (or haiku, if appropriate).

Jonked
Feb 15, 2005

by exmarx


quote:

A fresh chopped avocado dressed with lime juice, crushed red pepper, and salt
gonna ignore all your other criticism and focus only on the positive!~

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

Oh god I can feel the arcane winds passing from my body.....BLLAAAARRGH *shrinks down to mortal size, pocked and cratered skin returns to its supple, youthful glow*

Nautatrol, you are a more worthy wielder of this penis scepter than I.

To the newly anointed victor....I'm excited for the next prompt. Thunderdome rules

Stuporstar
May 5, 2008

Where do fists come from?


Most of you fail this round for not getting the distinction between chick lit and romance. Chick lit is not some 50 Shades of Grey garbage all about goose-honking over a hunka hunka man. It's all about the wimminz. Sure it's pink and pulpy, but many of you are so "eww girl cooties" you couldn't be bothered to come up with strong female characters. I don't think you've been paying attention:



Boob Marley
The X-Zone

What the hell is this even about? 500 word limit doesn't mean ramble on and go bleargh gently caress it at the end. You were second in the running for The Loser for this.
Also, this doesn't count as chick lit because she didn't squee over those dresses.

Tempura Wizard
The Flavor of Fish

When will my prince come?
Bzzzzt. Shift is over. Time to go back to the salt mines, loser.

Noah
Diary of Bootstrapping the Apocalypse

gently caress you, mom, I made this burlap sack dress myself. Shut up about the pool tarp = awesome.
Bonus points for "Reverse-Sadie-Hawkins Blood Pairing." Lil' Abner, gently caress yeah.

nautatrol
Dystopian Chick, Lit

Couldn't finish the story in 500 words. Ha ha.
Otherwise, not terrible.

Wrageowrapper
Greed, Pay, Love

Other than cribbing A Clockwork Orange and Judge Dredd wholesale in bits, your setting is cool.
Also, I'll forgive you for mixing up the chick lit/romance poo poo because this story made me laugh.

Hidden Gecko
New Stock

Your protagonist is not even a real woman. Also, electricity doesn't count as girl power. Points for doing it from the sex bot's pov though.

sebmojo
50 Shades of Ash

Your male character is doing all the talking, and all she can respond with is smiling weakly. Weakly.
If Martello wasn't pulling for you, I'd give you an Illegit Chicklit avatar.

T-bone
one way to find out

"I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last woman on the planet."
Oh, really?
Dun dun DUN …
Good stuff, man.

budgieinspector
Sincerely, "Enturbulated in Ronopolis"

Scientologist run state is legit scary.
Also, your strong female character is legit scary.
I have a feeling next week's prompt is going to be legit scary.

Found Sound
Percussion-cap Blues

drat, it's so hard when you hit the glass ceiling after the apocalypse.
Bonus points for actually passing the Bechdel test, but it just squeaks by.

areyoucontagious
Clone Love

The clone setting is neat, but your female character is super weak. Jane Austin's characters had more balls than this and she lived in the Victorian era.

Fanky Maloons
The Executive's Suite

Oh look, it's Thelma and fuckin Louise in a "future" that pretty much resembles the 50s. I guess that's close enough to a dystopia. Not bad.

Bad Seafood
Cynthia

Ouch, man. This is loving depressing. A real dystopia.
“Just don’t let him be some idiot.”
“…Keep your expectations reasonable, Cynthia.”
Bonus points for at least that much levity, because goddamn.

Canadian Surf Club
The Department of Female Affairs

This is like some dark satire where the Patriarchy looms above, making women catfight using the bureaucracy as their claws. I don't know whether to laugh or

SurreptitiousMuffin
the world is broken and i am meat




This was loving amazing.
I slotted you for winner for this, even though it barely meets the criteria, but BudgieInspector's was in my top three and the other judges liked it better.

Jonked
The More Things Change...

Reverse feminism. Ok then. This is legit hosed, but it's funny.

BirdOfPlay
"A Harrowing Escape"

Your female protagonist is so loving weak she needs a man to tell her what to think, but is all confused because some other men already told her what to think. Super creepy, dude.

slothmonster
"The Shoe Sale At The End Of The Earth"

gently caress yes, amazons of the shoe department.

Dr. Kloctopussy
Observation Squad Dropout

Tell me honestly, did you shove that hilarious brand name bullshit in there before or after I posted my story? Either way, good show.
Bonus points for making her miss her old life, giving her more motivation to fail at her new career than just being a cardboard cut-out falling for a dude.

Honey Badger
Confessions of a Chopaholic

Ewww, too much man meat. This reminds me of my uncle, who used to go hunting up in the Yukon to bag a moose, forcing his family to eat nothing but moose meat for months on end until my cousin was so sick of meat she became a vegetarian.

Capntastic
Tagged for Love

What the gently caress is this straight out of the 50s bullshit.

SC Bracer
Alone

Yes, real life in a cubicle is a dystopia. I get it.

Bodnoirbabe
The Colors of Revolution

I tell ya, I did the same thing in the army before women had regulation underwear.
Liked this overall, but needs work.

Autumncomet
The Captain

Hmm, strong female character present, but something puts me off about this.
Wait, I know what's wrong with this picture: TOO MANY DICKS ON THE DANCE FLOOR.

bigmcgaffney
The Beauty of Progress

I'm on the fence about this one. It seems to meet the criteria, but it's written so badly I can't be bothered to form an opinion about it other than bleargh, super bad dialogue.

Black Griffon
Death and the City

Yes, we all get that Sex in the City 2 was so terrible it's a joke, but you really didn't put in enough effort to make it funny.

Dr. Kloctopussy
Apr 22, 2003


Stuporstar posted:


Dr. Kloctopussy
Observation Squad Dropout

Tell me honestly, did you shove that hilarious brand name bullshit in there before or after I posted my story? Either way, good show.
Bonus points for making her miss her old life, giving her more motivation to fail at her new career than just being a cardboard cut-out falling for a dude.

Before you posted your story, but after I read the first chapter of The Devil Wears Prada to figure out what the hell chick lit is. When you posted yours and I saw the handbags I freaked a little and avoided reading it until I finished mine.

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

I got it wrong. Look, I'm well aware I got it wrong and uh, I got it wrong.


Stuporstar posted:

SurreptitiousMuffin
the world is broken and i am meat




This was loving amazing.
I slotted you for winner for this, even though it barely meets the criteria, but BudgieInspector's was in my top three and the other judges liked it better.
aaw shucks. It was one of those cases where I set out to make something pretty sounding and weird, and the rest magically happened on its own.

Can I go back and edit the typos out now the round's over?

areyoucontagious
Jun 13, 2007

Hell is other people.


I have to admit, I have real problems with women protagonists. They are always either super weak or super aggressive ( like in an overcompensating way). I can never just write normal women. I blame the misogyny inherent in society.

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

aaw shucks. It was one of those cases where I set out to make something pretty sounding and weird, and the rest magically happened on its own.

Can I go back and edit the typos out now the round's over?

Yeah.


areyoucontagious posted:

I have to admit, I have real problems with women protagonists. They are always either super weak or super aggressive ( like in
an overcompensating way). I can never just write normal women. I blame the misogyny inherent in society.

I blame you.

Mecca-Benghazi
Mar 31, 2012



Martello posted:

A really ugly beige couch for jumping on the Bracer Bandwagon and claiming “chick lit is ” despite also being a chick
Digging a hole for a concrete piling by hand in stony ground for just throwing chocolate into a pirate story to try to fulfill the chick-lit requirement
Sitting on the toilet after a nice big fiber-dump and thinking there’s no more toilet paper, but then turning around and seeing a whole ’nother roll on the tank for making your not-chick-lit and only vaguely dystopian pirate story interesting enough that I want to read more
Total: Smelling roses in a parlor and then suddenly catching the whiff of something not-so-fresh

Stuporstar posted:

Hmm, strong female character present, but something puts me off about this.
Wait, I know what's wrong with this picture: TOO MANY DICKS ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Thanks guys (in the gender-neutral usage). Guess I'm still having some issues nailing prompts, but at least my story was better this time around. I kind of want to get the backstory down, write the full story, polish it up, and make a thread in CC.

I'm still a bit confused about the 'chick lit' genre, despite being a woman. I thought chick lit was humorous fiction about women dealing with issues in their lives?

Stuporstar
May 5, 2008

Where do fists come from?


Autumncomet posted:

I'm still a bit confused about the 'chick lit' genre, despite being a woman. I thought chick lit was humorous fiction about women dealing with issues in their lives?

You're not wrong there, just missing something. Chick lit is the lighter, pulpier bratty little sister of women's lit. Much of it is shallow and terrible, which is why the genre has cooties. It's not romance though. More often it involves dumping douchebags because Girl Powah.

You failed this round because you pretty much wrote a straight up pirate story with a lone female protagonist. If you'd filled out your cast with more women, for example had another woman kick her in the stomach instead of a dude, or another female crew member to talk to, it would have met my criteria. One woman in a sea of dicks is not chick lit—she must interact with other women to make the genre cut (lots of people failed here though). Though you did have the douchebag dumping part down.

Bodnoirbabe
Apr 30, 2007

And it's funny how I imagined that I could win this win-less fight.


Hooray I didn't lose! This was super fun and I'm glad you let me participate even if I did sign up late. I can't wait to see what Week III brings!

Is it just me or did some of the stories seem more apocalyptic rather than dystopic? I had a totally different story but scraped it when I figured it was too much A and not B.

areyoucontagious posted:

I have to admit, I have real problems with women protagonists. They are always either super weak or super aggressive ( like in an overcompensating way). I can never just write normal women. I blame the misogyny inherent in society.

It's easy. Just think of a man and take away reason and accountability!

Stuporstar
May 5, 2008

Where do fists come from?


Bodnoirbabe posted:

It's easy. Just think of a man and take away reason and accountability!

Don't forget to mention her boobs every paragraph!

Mecca-Benghazi
Mar 31, 2012



Stuporstar posted:

You're not wrong there, just missing something. Chick lit is the lighter, pulpier bratty little sister of women's lit. Much of it is shallow and terrible, which is why the genre has cooties. It's not romance though. More often it involves dumping douchebags because Girl Powah.

You failed this round because you pretty much wrote a straight up pirate story with a lone female protagonist. If you'd filled out your cast with more women, for example had another woman kick her in the stomach instead of a dude, or another female crew member to talk to, it would have met my criteria. One woman in a sea of dicks is not chick litshe must interact with other women to make the genre cut (lots of people failed here though). Though you did have the douchebag dumping part down.
Thanks for that explanation. I'd just like to point out that Lan is a woman's name and therefore the quartermaster was also female, but I guess it's not obvious if you're not Vietnamese. vv

Oh well. I just have to do better next time.

Canadian Surf Club
Feb 15, 2008

Word.


All I can say is yes, your initial impression was on, but I still I went for the cliches and hated myself for it. As I said earlier I'm not too familiar with chick-lit so the nuances people are highlighting here now are a great primer.

Stuporstar
May 5, 2008

Where do fists come from?


Autumncomet posted:

Thanks for that explanation. I'd just like to point out that Lan is a woman's name and therefore the quartermaster was also female, but I guess it's not obvious if you're not Vietnamese. vv

Oh well. I just have to do better next time.

Well, drat. I didn't catch that at all.

I'm not revising my crit through because I fuckin love that song.

Black Griffon
Mar 12, 2005

Now, in the quantum moment before the closure, when all become one. One moment left. One point of space and time. I know who you are.

You are destiny.


Bodnoirbabe posted:

Is it just me or did some of the stories seem more apocalyptic rather than dystopic? I had a totally different story but scraped it when I figured it was too much A and not B.

I definitely hosed up here. I spent way less time than I should on my story anyway, but seeing as this was the first week of school, I was spending most of my time getting drunk and awkwardly flirting with college girls. If that's not an excuse you can all go gently caress yourselves.

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


Black Griffon posted:

I was spending most of my time getting drunk and awkwardly flirting with college girls. If that's not an excuse you can all go gently caress yourselves.

Stop doing it awkwardly and it'll be a better excuse.

I do, however, approve of "you can all go gently caress yourselves."

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk

Black Griffon posted:

I definitely hosed up here. I spent way less time than I should on my story anyway, but seeing as this was the first week of school, I was spending most of my time getting drunk and awkwardly flirting with college girls. If that's not an excuse you can all go gently caress yourselves.

THERE ARE NO EXCUSES IN THE THUNDERDOME.

(Quick-cut montage of sebmojo hitting punching ball while shouting out character beats, speed-reading Strunk and White and typing increasingly long words. Intercut with multicoloured pens slammed into a bandolier, keyboard jack being jammed into ipad, wordcount shooting up as he types feverishly, trainer holding ticking stopwatch. Stopwatch hits zero in time with final 80's powerchord and he holds his hands high, smash cut to black.)

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

I got it wrong. Look, I'm well aware I got it wrong and uh, I got it wrong.


Edits done to make it nicer.

e: I referenced Fringe in there and only just noticed it myself. Weird.

Also you guys are getting good at writing things short and sweet you should check out the Daily Poetry Thread because I crit everything that gets posted.

Stuporstar
May 5, 2008

Where do fists come from?


Yeah, these short word counts are really forcing people to wring the stale water out of their prose.

Says the person almost 100 words over the word count this round.

Jonked
Feb 15, 2005

by exmarx


I don't know about anybody else, but the prompts that force me outside my comfort zone combined with the small word counts really put the flaws in my writing on display. I hope it'll make me a better writer, but at the very least I know where I suck.

(A woman in a society that looks down on having kids, represented by her mother, is hella incoherent and if I had more space I probably would have made it her boss or something, I don't know)
(Also it's not reverse feminist, it's feminism in a setting where gender roles have been reversed )

bigmcgaffney
Apr 19, 2009


I agree with the crits, I wanted to go more over the top but I was already over wordcount and had to trim stuff. I guess I should have just removed all the psuedo-Randian dialogue since it was so terrible.

But there is no room for regret in the Thunderdome so gently caress everyone this is a goddamn competition more serious than all that boring poo poo with the Architect in the Matrix Reloaded or whatever.

BirdOfPlay
Feb 19, 2012

THUNDERDOME LOSER

Martello posted:

BirdOfPlay
“A Harrowing Escape”

Dropping a weight on my toe for what the gently caress this is creepy and oh god
Total: Having to lick twenty envelopes in a row and getting three or four paper cuts on my tongue

Stuporstar posted:

Most of you fail this round for not getting the distinction between chick lit and romance. Chick lit is not some 50 Shades of Grey garbage all about goose-honking over a hunka hunka man. It's all about the wimminz. Sure it's pink and pulpy, but many of you are so "eww girl cooties" you couldn't be bothered to come up with strong female characters. I don't think you've been paying attention:
BirdOfPlay
"A Harrowing Escape"

Your female protagonist is so loving weak she needs a man to tell her what to think, but is all confused because some other men already told her what to think. Super creepy, dude.

The story is utter poo poo as presented and I really don't even have a full handle on what it was/is in my mind. My lame excuse is to a patently contrived meaning of the genre being "dystopian chick lit."

I read it as being the chick lit genre as if written by an author in a dystopian society. Since dystopian societies have no need for "useless" art, all stories are, thus, meant to be parables/fables telling the citizens how they should act. The society itself would be misogynistic at its core.

Even so, I missed that mark and the fact that it y'all (as my audience) didn't read it that way is a mark against me, not the audience. As always, long live the Thunderdome.

Even though I probably won't be doing it this week cause I need to do an entry for August's fiction contest.

FAKE EDIT: Actually, screw what I just said. The Thunderdome doesn't care and neither do I.

budgieinspector
Mar 24, 2006

According to my research,
these would appear to be
Budgerigars.



Stuporstar posted:

SurreptitiousMuffin
the world is broken and i am meat




This was loving amazing.
I slotted you for winner for this, even though it barely meets the criteria, but BudgieInspector's was in my top three and the other judges liked it better.

Seriously. Mind-blowing imagery and jokes? I was positive that the Muffin would take this round.

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


budgieinspector posted:

Seriously. Mind-blowing imagery and jokes? I was positive that the Muffin would take this round.

Stop careposting, yer a judge now and you need to keep up appearances. We execute those who show weakness.

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


Double-posting for IMPORTANCE

WEEK III RULES

Okay, so you guys mostly sucked at doing woman-stories, big-time. So now we make it harder.

Check Your Cis Privilege in Swaziland

Noir detective stories set in off-the-beaten-path locales, on this planet. Mild cyberpunk allowed, nothing too crazy. Except for sebmojo, no cyberpunk for you. No able-bodied straight male Caucasian American characters are allowed anywhere in the story. All characters must come from one or more specific groups which are underrepresented in literature. If the writer chooses to write about a straight white American guy in a wheelchair, the experience of being chair-bound better come through authentically. Points accrue the further away you get from your own cultural group, which you must specify for full points. Extra points for "recombocultural" protagonists.

Because I'm feeling soft this week, wordcunt is ~1500, but shorter is always good.

For even more "extra points," you can do a dramatic reading of another contestant's piece. Deadline is the same for everything, so if the other goon's thing is what you want to read and there's ten minutes left, well you better be good at using Audacity and have fast upload speeds to Tindeck. Vocaroo is allowed. If you want to lose.

Deadline for entry is Nine O'Clock in the Evening, five hours behind Greenwich Mean Time, on the Twenty-Second of August, the Year of Our Lord Two-Thousand and Twelve. Deadline for submissions is Two O'Clock in the Morning, before the Sun Rises, in that same Time Zone, on the Twenty-Fifth of August, in that same blessed year.

Remember that 0200 on Saturday is basically Friday night. I explain this because of dummies who couldn't figure that out last time.

It always seems impossible until its done. - Nelson Mandela

Get to writing, jerkies.

Contestants:
Bad Seafood
toanoradian
Wrageowrapper
Sitting here
Jonked
SurreptitiousMuffin
Capntastic
HiddenGecko
Black Griffon
Chairchucker
Bodnoirbabe
areyoucontagious
Autumncomet
Canadian Surf Club
Radioactive Bears
sebmojo
bigmcgaffney
Noah
Fanky Malloons (dramatic reading only)
Genetic Toaster
Hat Thoughts
As Nero Danced
Seldom Posts
Honey Badger
kangaroojunk

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


I am also surprised Muffin didn't take this.

Stuporstar posted:

Bad Seafood
Cynthia

Ouch, man. This is loving depressing. A real dystopia.
“Just don’t let him be some idiot.”
“…Keep your expectations reasonable, Cynthia.”
Bonus points for at least that much levity, because goddamn.

toanoradian
May 30, 2011

The happiest waffligator


>STOP NOW
Yes, I should stop now. There are times for everything and now is the time to stop. However, I couldn’t stop at one ear bud. I picked another one from my box and began caressing her canal once more. This time, however, paranoia was beside me all along and the experience wasn’t as satisfying. Still, I now have two dirty buds, enough to get me through the night.

#

She approached me after she finished her exam. “You are good,” she said.

“Good in what?”

“You cleaned my ear that one night, didn’t you?”

I dropped whatever it is I was holding. I looked at her. “You…noticed?”

She looked at my eyes and laughed. “I woke up just as you finished doing it. I had no idea how to react, so I’ll let you go. But then, when I resumed studying, my head felt clearer! I then cleaned both my ears and would you believe it, I never felt more focused in my life!”

“Uh, yeah, I learned it from…my friends. Too much ear wax is bad for you.”

“She tapped me on the shoulder. “Well, as thanks, what do you want? Ask me anything.”

My heart beat rapidly. After a few seconds the question “can I clean your ears again” escaped my lips.

END

This path ends in 1050 words. I seem to have mistaken 'hateful' for 'creepy'.

Wrageowrapper
Apr 30, 2009

DRINK! ARSE! FECKIN CHRISTMAS!

I'm in. I may need therapy at the end, but that's OK because the THUNDERDOME is worth every electric shock to the hippocampus.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

I ended up being really busy this week and haven't had a second to do a scoring writeup like I wanted. I just wanted to add that Surreptitiousmuffin and Wrageowrapper were also close picks for me.

But see, if we starve you of victory now it tastes so much sweeter later.

I also forgot to congratulate budgieinspector. Try not to go mad with power. It can really take hold of you.

Martello, count me in to participate this week. I dunno if it's bad form cause I just got to judge, but I'm really enjoying the prompts and practice. Plus procrastinating on my piece for the August contest.

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Jonked
Feb 15, 2005

by exmarx


It's going to be so fun in a year to do a 'Best of Thunderdome' post. Count me in too.

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