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Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


My favorite was Primoman's entry.

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Bodnoirbabe
Apr 30, 2007

And it's funny how I imagined that I could win this win-less fight.


Well, I didn't lose. I will chuck that as a win. Also, I poo poo Venus De Milos.

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


Good thing Martello's stepping down this week.

I can't imagine anyone surviving him and Sebmojo running the cabal at the same time.

Dodged a bullet.

Stuporstar
May 5, 2008

Where do fists come from?


Bad Seafood posted:

Good thing Martello's stepping down this week.

I can't imagine anyone surviving him and Sebmojo running the cabal at the same time.

Dodged a bullet.

Nah, it would just be cyberpunk with a side-order of cyberpunk. And I would demand DEVO references.

Think about what you could have had in an alternate dimension. Now I'm sad, and it's all your fault, you awful awful people. I'm going back to my mountain.

Chairchucker
Nov 14, 2006

The man was stunningly well dressed. He had a smart looking jacket, and a really neat looking cape, the lining of which was shimmering and sparkling in more than Oriental splendour, which is a great deal of splendour indeed, just ask Kipling.

Awww man, and I've had this avatar so long.

PS: still waiting on the comments on the readings.

Erik Shawn-Bohner posted:


Chairchucker - "I Still Get Paid, Right?"

He said "Dame." What a perfect metaphor for the kyriarchy: a gross little white-man Napoleon barking slurs against a real minority, women, and greedily rubbing his tiny, filth-covered paws while he cracks the whip against the back of the unfortunate "low-class" workers of color while shuffling papers and taking all the credit, unabashedly, for their labors in acquiring him more wealth over the death of others. God, I could only be more mad if this was made into a video game.

Judgment: I hate small hands.


A lot of anti-dwarf bias evident here. I am shocked!

HiddenGecko
Apr 15, 2007

You think I'm really going
to read this shit?





budgieinspector
Mar 24, 2006

According to my research,
these would appear to be
Budgerigars.



Am compiling my notes and grading according to the time-tested method of assigning arbitrary point values to smilies and then representing the total as a fruit, vegetable, or tuber. I expect to have these ready tonight.

areyoucontagious
Jun 13, 2007

Hell is other people.


Where's my new prompt, dammit?

dreadmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

areyoucontagious posted:

Where's my new prompt, dammit?

Prompts are coming in a few hours. And just for that you're getting a special one, son.

Things been gettin' lax round here. Soft. Weak.

We aimin' to fix that.

HiddenGecko
Apr 15, 2007

You think I'm really going
to read this shit?


*OFFICIAL THUNDERDOME WEEK IV COMPETITION*

Come one come all to this weeks show in the Thunderdome. I'm stepping in for Stuporstar this week. Compared to her I'm politely critical, politely brutal, and always brutally honest about how much I think your work sucks. I was impressed last week and I want to keep that gravy train running. So aim to please me, because my standards for "good" are not attainable by were ordinary writers. So do your best or I'll be putting you down HARD.

PROMPT: "last man on the moon" Interpret that phrase anyway you like with the following no-wiggle-room caveats. 1. You are not allowed to break any rules of physics in your story, NONE. I'll fact check everything so don't try to pass anything off. 2. It must be EXACTLY 1000 WORDS no more, no less, immediate DQ if you deviate by a single word. I can check accurately so don't round when you give me the word count. 3.You gotta set it on a moon.
EXTRA CREDIT:Do it in the style of stanislaw lem

You must declare your intention to compete by 7PM EST by tommorow, Tuesday. Your entries are due no later than 7PM EST Sunday
Because areyoucontagious was so eager to get started his entry will be due this Friday by 7pm EST

Fanfic will NOT be considered. Use your own imagination not someone else's. You also get to spend next week in the penalty box if you break this one!

Let the slaughter begin

Capntastic
Jan 13, 2005

A dog begins eating a dusty old coil of rope but there's a nail in it.

Fallen Rib

I'm in.

HiddenGecko
Apr 15, 2007

You think I'm really going
to read this shit?


You saw nothing.

toanoradian
May 30, 2011

The happiest waffligator


I will once again attempt to be the winner in Thunderdome. What other option are there?

HiddenGecko
Apr 15, 2007

You think I'm really going
to read this shit?


Outside the Thunderdome there is only despair. Thunderdome will be your home, Thunderdome will be your grave.

Noah
May 31, 2011

Come at me baby bitch


Is title excluded from word count?

dreadmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

HiddenGecko posted:

EXTRA CREDIT:Do it in the style of stanislaw lem

In the style of Italo Calvino is also acceptable. Possibly compulsory, I haven't decided yet. And nor will I until I have my Judgeblades in my hands, ready for the flensing.

Any mewling piffle about 'oh I didn't quite hit the word count teehee' or 'well it's got robots so that's sort of like stanislaw lem' or even 'the moon is a metaphor in this story don't you see' will be met with the ULTIMATE FEROCITY they deserve.

dreadmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

Noah posted:

Is title excluded from word count?

The title is made of words, yes? Then it is part of the word count.

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


Hyphenated words count as if they were separated. Ex: Flim-flam is two words, not one.

areyoucontagious
Jun 13, 2007

Hell is other people.


Of course I'm in. Bring it

Radioactive Bears
Jun 27, 2012

Creatures of horrid visage and disposition.


I am in.

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

I got it wrong. Look, I'm well aware I got it wrong and uh, I got it wrong.


How will the style of David Foster Wallace be met?

BirdOfPlay
Feb 19, 2012

THUNDERDOME LOSER

Screw it, I'm in. And I'm not sure who Stanislaw Lem was, I thought he was one of the brothers that wrote Roadside Picnic (was Arduy and Boris Strugatsky) but turns out Solaris was one of his so I was close in that Tarkovsky made a film adaptation.

To the Thunderdome!

dreadmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

How will the style of David Foster Wallace be met?

Unless it is awesome, it will be met with fire and steel.

That kind of applies to everything though.

The only styles that count for credit are Lem or Calvino, everything else is between you and your feeble 'god'.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

Ready to flagellate myself in the church of Thunderdome once again.

HiddenGecko
Apr 15, 2007

You think I'm really going
to read this shit?


Sitting Here posted:

Ready to flagellate myself in the church of Thunderdome once again.

Flagellate all you want. Blood is weak. Words are power.

Wrageowrapper
Apr 30, 2009

DRINK! ARSE! FECKIN CHRISTMAS!

I SUPPOSE I can give this a go. I may even end up writing something sensible. I doubt it but you never know.

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


Erik Shawn-Bohner posted:

Hyphenated words count as if they were separated. Ex: Flim-flam is two words, not one.

Using the Scrivener Law, I see.

This will be incredible. I expect everyone to fail miserably. If I can take a break from writing about lesbians tribbing, licking, and slaying each other in cyberpunk Israel, or rear end in a top hat PIs looking for japanese anime swords in cyberpunk Hoboken, I might throw something down.

Something about a heavily-cybered security consultant from the backwoods of Pennsylvania having sex with the debutante daughter of a Scottish nude model and a Welsh venture capital tycoon while investigating the Welshman's suspicious death in a cyberpunk colony on the Moon.

Which will be auto-DQ'd, of course.

Stuporstar
May 5, 2008

Where do fists come from?


Orders from on high tell me there will be no more free lunches when it comes to avatars. Seems you've been enjoying your losertars too much, so now all you losers get one. What that is, you'll find out when the hammer comes down.

Black Griffon
Mar 12, 2005

Now, in the quantum moment before the closure, when all become one. One moment left. One point of space and time. I know who you are.

You are destiny.


So in! Time to read some Lem and Calvino!

Jonked
Feb 15, 2005

by exmarx


That's one hell of a prompt, but no guts no glory. Maybe this time I can escape the confining world of mediocrity.

kangaroojunk
Aug 17, 2012

THUNDERDOME LOSER

Pain is love.

I am in.

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


I think this is the part where Stockholm Syndrome settles in.

I'm game.

budgieinspector
Mar 24, 2006

According to my research,
these would appear to be
Budgerigars.



If anyone gives a poo poo, now that the next round's been announced, here are your scores (have to multi-post, due to smiley-limits):

Bodnoirbabe -- "Control Within"
Setting: Inside someone's head
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: Depending on how you define "main character", either (demon) or (transgendered, lesbian, Otherkin)

for being the first contestant to finish.
for not running spell-check before submitting. ("emptyness", "prefered", "adonis", "immedietly", "I wont get a job ")
because I think it's meant to be humorous.
because I'm not entirely certain.
for "Calisto swiped his claws across Esphaerel's neck, opening a large cut." A "large cut" is what you get when your hand slips while slicing a tomato. You're talking about the sort of damage that a "muscular" jaguar-creature can inflict on an exposed throat. Use words that convey severity.
for name-dropping Dashiell Hammett in the first sentence, then completely abandoning the noir portion of the prompt.
for being "Bodnoirbabe" and not noir-ing the everloving poo poo out of this.

FINAL SCORE: lima beans


Chairchucker -- "I Still Get Paid, Right?"
Setting: An office
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: vertically-challenged, either asexual or gay

for ignoring the "off-the-beaten-path" prompt.
for using 618 words to tell a joke about a midget and a blind African-American ("jive turkey" leads me to believe that the character is supposed to be American... and stuck in the '70s) psychopath who run a detective agency.

FINAL SCORE: durian


areyoucontagious -- "Heart of Darkness"
Setting: Johannesburg, Soth Africa
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: Bhaca(?) -- the last name's Bhaca, but he refers to Xhosa as his "native language" and makes no mention of the isiBhaca dialect.

for having all of your South African characters living in South Africa pay for everything in euros. Except for the "gold coin" in the first scene, which I suspect is meant to be real gold, as both the 5-rand and euro coins are bi-metallic.
for "Most people ‘lost’ in Africa met untimely deaths, usually at the hands of unscrupulous criminals." (A) As opposed to the principled criminals who kill people? (B) Really? You have a source to back this up?
for "They are worth millions, but he refused to listen. He would have sold them to this stupid jeweler for a pittance." -- The entire story is predicated upon an amaXhosa(?) man not knowing that diamonds can be worth a lot of money, and being so determined to sell them for the cost of a pack of chewing gum that he ignores any attempt at independent appraisal?

FINAL SCORE: Brussels sprouts


Wrageowrapper -- "Special Forces: The Case Of Nia'Tufus Head"
Setting: Tarawa, Kiribati
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: mentally-challenged, women, Micronesian (I-Kiribati) (?)

for choosing the most "off-the-beaten-path" location this week.
for creating a character with Down's who makes more sense than 90% of people on the internet. Who do you think you are, William Faulkner?
for not doing your research. Everyone knows that all people with Down's live in a penned-in Dutch metropolis.

FINAL SCORE: a suggestively-shaped turnip


Seldom Posts -- "Gin and Blood"
Setting: Johannesburg, South Africa
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: transgendered gay male, African

for so much gender-bending that I'm still not sure who has what genetalia
for building an intricate plot of double-crosses on top of a scene where the main character is close enough to smell booze on a "corpse", but can't be bothered to check for a pulse... or even notice that the body's breathing.

FINAL SCORE: water chestnuts


As Nero Danced -- "No Coming Back"
Setting: Georgetown, Guyana
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: gay male of African descent, disabled

for making the lead character an "ethnic outsider" in his own country.
for having such a character deck a cop at a murder scene and still be able to walk afterwards. Unless you have a source to back up your depiction of Guyana cops as the least coplike cops to ever cop?

FINAL SCORE: cauliflower

budgieinspector
Mar 24, 2006

According to my research,
these would appear to be
Budgerigars.



HiddenGecko -- "The Cave Bear and the Lion"
Setting: Prehistory
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: Caveman,

for cavemen
for loquacious cavemen. “My people! A great tragedy has befallen us, the younger son of Lim was murdered,” Gasps and angry yells followed, “he was killed for the selfish reason of bringing me alone into the forest so your only recourse would be to appoint Lim’s family in my stead when I didn’t return!”
for leading me to expect Der to produce a top hat and monocle and invent agriculture. Disappointed.

FINAL SCORE: teosinte


Bad Seafood -- "Brittle Butterfly"
Setting: Afghanistan
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: Afghan, Muslim, female, transvestite (but only for practical reasons)

for butterfly bombs
Gonna need a or a to tell me whether an Afghan street urchin would be quoting the Quran in Arabic, or whether the Pashto or Dari translations are used instead.
for collateral damage.

FINAL SCORE: grape leaves


kangaroojunk -- "After the Promise"
Setting: Haiti (?) or Martinique (?)
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: female, insect

for coming up with a story that reminded me of the Anansi tales.
for doing so when the prompt was for noir.

FINAL SCORE: roasted corn in hell


Honey Badger -- "Ghost"
Setting: Phnom Penh, Cambodia
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: bi-racial (Cambodian & African), gay (?)

for writing the first chapter of a promising cyberpunk story.
for only writing the first chapter of a promising cyberpunk story.

FINAL SCORE: bamboo shoots


sebmojo -- "Lion, in the rain."
Setting: Bangkok, Thailand
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: Thai, female (short)

for making your main character a chipper little street urchin, and somehow pulling it off.
for writing an actual story with a beginning, middle, and end (unlike that cocktease, Honey Badger)

FINAL SCORE: sweet papaya


Canadian Surf Club -- "Inuition"
Setting: The frozen wastes of Up There
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: Inuit

for Inuit crime stories
for deus ex machina wilderness chicks who can patch up a harpooned man lickety-split and get him on his feet and running in time for the finale.

FINAL SCORE: beets


Noah -- "Pineapple Fields"
Setting: Hawai'i (Kawaii?)
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: Hawaiian

for Hawaiian slang
for pre-WWII Hawaiian slang that sounds pretty much like modern Hawaiian slang. You got a source?

FINAL SCORE: taro

budgieinspector
Mar 24, 2006

According to my research,
these would appear to be
Budgerigars.



SurreptitiousMuffin -- "Bring-your-daughter-to-work day"
Setting: San Juan, Puerto Rico
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: Puerto Rican, gay(?)

because I honestly can't tell if you used the feminine "loca" to signify that he's calling Paulo a "crazy bitch".
because I honestly can't tell if I'm missing shitloads of subtext in the dialogue, or if I'm trying to add subtext where there isn't supposed to be any.
because I have no loving idea what Sonia saw in the cemetery.
for the dramatic reading.

FINAL SCORE: a can with no label. Could be peaches, could be spinach.


Sitting Here -- "Charity Case"
Setting: Colorado Springs, CO
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: disabled

for choosing the Hard Luck Harry path, rather than the straight-up cop/criminal/P.I. one.
because, with an entire planet to choose from, you picked Colorado Springs.
-- do my eyes deceive me, or is the dealer a cisgendered, able-bodied, hetero, white American male?

FINAL SCORE: hominy


Jonked -- "Cracolândia"
Setting: Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: Brazilian

for the local flavor.
for being pretty much what's on the label: drugs and violence.
for wasting an opportunity to push your boundaries a bit. Because you know what's more badass than a favela gun-for-hire? A transvestite favela gun-for-hire in full Carnaval regalia.

FINAL SCORE: tapioca


Autumncomet -- "A Newer Generation"
Setting: Kyrgyzstan
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: Kyrgyz, female

+ because loving Kyrgyzstan
for women who love women eloping to Vegas.
for "Why did you tell Albina’s father she would come back when she had obviously never been here?" Was it obvious? I missed the Miss Marple-ing.

FINAL SCORE: fried garlic


Capntastic -- "Cardboard Wings"
Setting: Dayton loving Ohio
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: African-American, female

for Dayton. The whole goddamn world to choose from, he picks Dayton.
for not bothering with noir.
for not one line of dialogue, not a fleck of action, just a lecture from a white guy on the topic of "It must suck to be a poor black woman."

FINAL SCORE: raw potato


toanoradian -- "Cord"
Setting: Java
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: Javanese, shaman

for shamanic sleuthing.
because I can't properly berate you for switching verb tense, since your English is a thousand times better than my Bahasa.
for the dramatic reading

FINAL SCORE: jackfruit

budgieinspector
Mar 24, 2006

According to my research,
these would appear to be
Budgerigars.



bigmcgaffney -- "Lionel Messi’s Righteous Left Foot"
Setting: Argentina (?)
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: Argentine, disabled, gay

for burning a bull alive instead of just asking for a date.
for weird burned-animal description. Is there some reason that a fried bull doesn't just smell like steak?
because, if the bovine is blackened to the bone, what the hell are the maggots eating?
for South American international prejudice.

FINAL SCORE: broccoli


Black Griffon -- "The Girl and the Sordid Pictures"
Setting: Kapala, Uganda
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: disembodied brain, asexual... which I guess comes naturally to disembodied brains.

for Ugandan cyberpunk.
for even considering making your female lead another goddamn Otherkin.
for killing a roomful of dudes over naughty pictures.
for the dramatic reading.

FINAL SCORE: ligonberry

toanoradian
May 30, 2011

The happiest waffligator


budgieinspector posted:

toanoradian -- "Cord"
because I can't properly berate you for switching verb tense, since your English is a thousand times better than my Bahasa.

Goddammit this is a constant problem! I keep switching tenses. Until I fix this problem I will not have a chance at that beautiful throne...

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

I got it wrong. Look, I'm well aware I got it wrong and uh, I got it wrong.


budgieinspector posted:

SurreptitiousMuffin -- "Bring-your-daughter-to-work day"
Setting: San Juan, Puerto Rico
Under-represented group(s) to which the main character belongs: Puerto Rican, gay(?)

because I honestly can't tell if you used the feminine "loca" to signify that he's calling Paulo a "crazy bitch".
because I honestly can't tell if I'm missing shitloads of subtext in the dialogue, or if I'm trying to add subtext where there isn't supposed to be any.
because I have no loving idea what Sonia saw in the cemetery.
for the dramatic reading.

FINAL SCORE: a can with no label. Could be peaches, could be spinach.
Wait, that's actually right? Yeah, I was trying to imply they were gay by using the feminine ending but my only source of that being a thing is wikipedia.

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


Love the series of reviews, budgie. Good work.

On the topic of Afghans and quotations/common phrases relating to Islam in Bad Seafood's story, speaking in Arabic is on the money. Some Afghan men were sentenced to 20 years in prison for translations that did not include the Arabic alongside the other languages, so keeping the original text--along with knowing it--is considered very important.

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budgieinspector
Mar 24, 2006

According to my research,
these would appear to be
Budgerigars.



SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

Wait, that's actually right? Yeah, I was trying to imply they were gay by using the feminine ending but my only source of that being a thing is wikipedia.

I'll leave that to Martello's P.R. pals to say, but you don't really hear it in Mexican Spanish. At least, not with the folks I know. I can't properly say what the "rules" are within the gay community -- whether they have an equivalent of the quintessentially-queeny "girlfriend", or whether Latin machismo inherent in the language rules out the gender modification. It might not sound right to me, but my Spanish is piss-poor.

Erik Shawn-Bohner posted:

On the topic of Afghans and quotations/common phrases relating to Islam in Bad Seafood's story, speaking in Arabic is on the money. Some Afghan men were sentenced to 20 years in prison for translations that did not include the Arabic alongside the other languages, so keeping the original text--along with knowing it--is considered very important.

Good to know; thanks for chiming in -- I was scratching my head over that, as I've run across a few stories set in Afghanistan written by people who've never been there, which have the locals speaking speaking exclusively in Arabic. I knew that wasn't what Bad Seafood was going for, so I'm glad to hear that it's correct as-is.

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