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 RESULTS POSTThe prompt may have been more rigid than usual, but at its core was a simple idea - to see how all of you wrote a little bit of raw, unfiltered character interaction, shorn of all your various gimmicks and without much room to exploit tired cliches for "a chance meeting." As expected, a lot of you either locked up and dashed out something boilerplate or tried to substitute swagger for good writing, but the standouts made their mark. The winner, by more or less unanimous consent, is V For Vegas. Well done you, for managing to innovate within the prompt's guidelines, with your language strong and compelling throughout. It says something that a hallucination who never spoke a single quoted line of dialogue was more interesting than half the other characters submitted. I'm not sure what it says, but it's being said. The loser is dromer, whose obvious oversights in the prose ("porpose" isn't even a word, for Christ's sake) and perfunctory character interaction suggests that the scant positive qualities of your piece were more or less accidental. Extra points lost for trying to gently caress with the prompt in a plainly obvious, zero-effort way. You didn't care about writing it, most of us didn't care for reading it, get back in the elevator and wait for someone to cut the cable. The loserwinner tradition has been retired, so V gets the next judge seat. You have fun with it; my obligation to this merry-go-round is fulfilled. PEACE OUT
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Dec 4, 2012 04:53
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 09:38 |
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V for Vegas send me a PM or an email immediately. It'll be you, me, and Erik Shawn-Bohner judging this coming week.
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Dec 4, 2012 04:54
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Martello posted:V for Vegas send me a PM or an email immediately. It'll be you, me, and Erik Shawn-Bohner judging this coming week. Boy, did you ever gently caress up your timing edit: you ninja-editing son of a bitch
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Dec 4, 2012 04:55
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Oxxidation posted:Boy, did you ever gently caress up your timing lol i type like 100 wpm suck it bitch
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Dec 4, 2012 04:58
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What, no crit for my bonus video entry? 
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Dec 4, 2012 08:50
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My crits took into account BONUS CHICKENCHEESE ASSESSMENTS because food is delicious (please remember to lift after eating). Etherwind Bad News I found that you have put a lot of thought into creating the story, but unfortunately the same amount of thought had not been used in writing it itself. It may also be that you have been overthinking in how to write within the constraints of the rules set out . Either way, there is a lack of focus resulting from a misplaced priority in using the wordcount on what reads like incidental dialogue – the actual meat and potatoes of the entry should be the story. I get that Urgos is a little off, but I just could not grasp what his delusions were. I also don’t understand why Sophie asked whether the government is out to get him as if egging him. Truth be told at one point I thought she was trying to recruit him as part of the board of directors of a government-linked corporation, which somehow caused people to lose limbs. Cluck A sandwich based on the promotional material prepared by William Blake and Hieronymus Bosch. Its menu item is Guilt. The Saddest Rhino Conversations DEPRESSING DRECK KILL THIS MAN The Disgraced SWAMP-ROT ENVELOPED BETWEEN DEAD MOSS V For Vegas A Madman’s Diary (YOUR TITLE SUCKS BY THE WAY) This was fun. My favourite part is IV with the confusion in time and the girl disappearing. I also like the fact that despite the girl probably having a strong story (having seen death) the guy just pooh-poohed her and made her drink horrible tea. On another note I don’t get why picking the yinnest tealeaves harmonise things. Harmony is supposed to be both yin and yang in balance. Get your Chinese pseudoscience right. Untitled Poem Open faced sandwich of Mongolian chicken barbecued in pork lard, adorned with buffalo grass and store brand cheddar. sentientcarbon Ashes I enjoyed this, but would prefer more ambiguity to the apocalypse, such as removing the explanation that the girl turned to ash due to the “disease” so it can be left for the reader to decide if it was his feeble mind creating it (which was emphasized so many times in that unfortunate “tell not show” way). No entry! A CHICKENCHEESE-LESS LIFE IS ONE WITHOUT PURPOSE Stuporstar Apartment 803 Overall I enjoyed the pacing and the dialogue, and everyone loves an unsolved paranormal mystery. The only thing is that the rule says “the girl is not supposed to be there”, and it seems like the man was the one instead. (Revised after watching of video entry) Wait, why didn't your story feature a puppy? And why did they not break into song and dance? This created false expectations and was just hype after all. A lesson is learnt about the evils of marketing and advertising. Chickencheese in Calgary An all-American sub but less loud and less well-done, with wasabi-infused maple syrup. Except instead of wasabi it's corpses. Rare meat for all. Zack_Gochuck On the House I was dumbfounded by why a nervous crying man would use terms like “on the house” and “our little secret”. I think the girl could also be a bit more threatening as Chuck turned into a sobbing mess too unrealistically. Also that girl broke his tv into two and left? Rude. No entry! AN IMPENETRABLE BAGUETTE WHICH EXISTS ONLY AS A BLACKHOLE Benagain Thief This was marred by punctuation issues and paragraphing errors, and the dialogue, especially the longer monologues (“You could turn violent anytime…” and “No, no, you don’t have to protest…”) come off as stilted and unnatural. The shifting of power between the parties would have benefited from stronger execution. No entry! Even worse, lots of comments on others' chickencheese! You cannot create a chickencheese with words around it, you big silly. Jonked California I like the way the characters bonded, and the information being relayed just enough but not overwhelming to let us know a bit of their histories. I also thought the way you flouted the “no reminder of other people” rule to reveal more about their characters was very clever. Yours and V for Vegas's entry tied for me as favourites. Chickencheese, a work in progress, part 1 Dat some Bánh mì even the Devil would say yeah dat some good poo poo dromer Close Door Button Is the guy homeless? Why is his home an elevator? This reads like an unfinished revenge fantasy against super-liberal Buddhist vegans where you have copped out from writing the confrontation, so not only is there no revenge, there is no villain. By the way I am Buddhist so I’m not sure what to think. No entry! SHALL HE BE TAUGHT TO DESIRE THE CHICKENCHEESE (THE ABSENCE SAYS NO) EchoClan No entry! BOO THIS MAN No entry! BOOOOOOOO SaviourX music and laughter Love the idea, hate the presentation. I’m not sure why you chose to use only dialogue instead of prose, and since you mentioned this was heavily influenced by an old radio station, it probably would be better if you wrote it as a radio play script instead. Because of the way you presented it, there’re odd expositional dialogues and an oddly-placed time skip. Not a fan. Treachery, Soft Cheese, and Kiwis Jellied eel paninis which only the crazies from Bristol would eat but at a really nice mountain with short people Jeza The Pale Fandango There’s a very twilight zone feel to the story, and although I thought the atmosphere seems a little too thick the description of the woman was chilling, which is a good thing. I quite like this in fact and your prediction became true so congrats. Pictures of a strange cutting board Tastes like a million words.
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Dec 4, 2012 09:35
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Alright buckle up chucklefucks. This next week is going to be a hell of a ride.
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Dec 4, 2012 13:30
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On a non-judgy wudgy note I just sought out what a "primoman story" was and oh my god
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Dec 4, 2012 14:18
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To be fair, mine was intentionally bizarre to set up the punchline. I was trying to "Pilk's Madhouse" it. I find that poo poo hilarious. Primoman jacks off to his stories. I do agree with you looking back, though. I think the girl could have been much more threatening. It would have come off better if she was more visceral than sexual.
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Dec 4, 2012 14:50
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It's too quiet in here. Let's hear some loving noise. This month is going to grueling for those that participate, but you're going to come out a better writer for sticking with it. If you're not in this month, you're going to regret it. We got real big plans for you. Remember the last time I said that? It was loving awesome, so don't miss out.
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Dec 4, 2012 19:23
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I have more or less finished the project I was working on and said 'I'll be back soon' too many times and need to bust out of my comfort zone so I hereby toxx that I will enter every round of the Thunderdome until the new year.
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Dec 4, 2012 21:39
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Peel posted:I have more or less finished the project I was working on and said 'I'll be back soon' too many times and need to bust out of my comfort zone so I hereby toxx that I will enter every round of the Thunderdome until the new year. Well, at least one of you panty-wastes (re: vaginal discharge) has a loving pair swinging. What about the rest of you clowns? Let's see some loving new year toxxes. Or are you scared the mean people on the internet might make fun of you, abloo bloo 
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Dec 4, 2012 21:43
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 TWO MEN ENTER, ONE MAN LEAVETime to put the thunderdome back into this Thunderdome. We are talking about one on one, no holds barred grudge matches where the enemy is not the judge (although we are not on your side) but your fellow Thunderdomers. Sign up starts now, and lasts 24 HOURS ONLY. Once you have signed up, you will be matched up with another competitor and given a prompt. Each pairing will have a different prompt. Pairings may be random or may be seeded. Who knows?YOU MUST SUBMIT YOUR ENTRY BETWEEN 24 AND 48 HOURS AFTER THE PROMPT IS GIVEN. WORD LIMIT 800. I know you are all retarded and cannot even read a clock so to make it simple for you here are the times. Sign up starts: NOW Sign up ends: 5 December 2012 - 1pm California, 4pm New York, 10pm Stockholm. Round one entries open: 6 December 2012 - 1pm California, 4pm New York, 10pm Stockholm. Round one entries close: 7 December 2012 - 1pm California, 4pm New York, 10pm Stockholm. After the first round, the winners will proceed to the Battle Royale where they will have another 48 HOURS to compete for the:  WINNER OF ALL WINNERS The losers of the first round will proceed to the Battle Royale with Chickencheese where they will attempt to avoid the ignominy of being declared the:  LOSER OF ALL LOSERS Some general guidelines (not so much guidelines as goddamn Commandments Written In Stone): Action. I want these stories, no matter the prompt, to have some movement, some weight, some kinetic bloody energy. Write a story with two people standing in a room talking to each other and I will knock you down to losertown for seven generations. There is a ZERO TOLERANCE policy to cliché, idioms, stock characters/ expressions etc. If you can't be bothered writing a few hundred words of original prose, why the gently caress should I be bothered reading it? Thunderdome begins NOW. The following have chosen to spin the wheel: SurreptitiousMuffin Benagain Peel Sitting Here Rose Wreck Greatbacon Capntastic Zack_Gochuck Velyoukai Tender Child Loins sentientcarbon Jeza Bear Sleuth Noah The Saddest Rhino Etherwind Seldom Posts Jonked Erik Shawn-Bohner Fanky Malloons Bad Seafood sebmojo Found Sound AutoSnakes Canadian Surf Club Ronnie_Long
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Dec 4, 2012 22:41
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Oh I am so loving in. Pair me with Shorn Boner. I want to taste his blood.
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Dec 4, 2012 22:44
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I long for combat.
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Dec 4, 2012 22:48
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I stand ready.
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Dec 4, 2012 22:56
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V for Vegas, your creepy story made my doodling muscle twitch. I hope no one minds if I post another illustration. Also I am in for this poo poo, I've been waiting for full body contact Thunderdome for like 15 weeks. Bloooooood.
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Dec 4, 2012 23:04
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I'm in. Hey are we allowed to ask what a wold is yet? I'm not sure about this setting. \/\/ Awesome, I kept derailing onto "woad" and I knew that couldn't be right.
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Dec 4, 2012 23:06
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Rose Wreck posted:Hey are we allowed to ask what a wold is yet? I'm not sure about this setting. It's also probably a typo.
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Dec 4, 2012 23:08
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Fresh meat, right here.
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Dec 4, 2012 23:13
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I'm in and oiling up my keyboard.
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Dec 4, 2012 23:14
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The Saddest Rhino posted:dromer After thinking about it I think I can distill why my train-wreck of a story happened. 1. I couldn't think of any alternative. Normally I write a lot sooner before the deadline, but for some reason or another I couldn't think of an effective way to answer the prompt. I knew that typing out some generic schlock would probably not end in losing, but you don't learn that way. The "trapped with a Tumblr warrior" was the only idea I had that had any sort of substance to it. 2. Subject Area The issue with making Tumblr SJW jokes is that some of the causes that they tend to champion are, in fact, pretty good causes. The issue is that if you villify the person, readers tend to project that on the causes as well. The specific reason I made her Buddhist because Buddhism is the religion I see most often abused (aside from the Bible thumpers) or misunderstood by pseudo-intellectuals. 3.  I was really tired on Sunday, and since I didn't have any other alternative story, I decided to go with the one I had. I fell into the trap of lazy writing, and that path only leads to alienation for both writer and reader. Anyway, sorry if I hit too close to home with my story. I wasn't trying to criticize your religion or your ideas, but rather the militant attitude that Tumblr warriors often have. Getting the story's metaphor across is a pretty big issue I have, and I'm trying to improve it. Also, tomorrow is Krampus Day, the unofficial Thunderdome Christmastime holiday. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmu6L2KzKXQ
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Dec 4, 2012 23:14
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I yam in.
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Dec 4, 2012 23:25
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I'm interested again. Let's have a good, clean massacre.
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Dec 4, 2012 23:25
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I'm in.
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Dec 4, 2012 23:30
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Wanna see dat prompt. I'm in.
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Dec 4, 2012 23:49
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I am in. The head to head duel looks like it could be good stuff.
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Dec 4, 2012 23:55
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This is going to be the biggest round yet, isn't it? (in.)
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Dec 4, 2012 23:59
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I'll throw in.
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Dec 5, 2012 00:46
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What's this I hear? Is it the sound of Christmas bells? Nope. It's the sound of iron balls slapping together as everyone fights to get out of the gate. Right now we got a clinking melody. I need more singups. I need a concert.
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Dec 5, 2012 01:10
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In for this one lets kill things.dromer posted:
Nah, I don't have a problem with you making her Buddhist. i used to gimmick post with short stories when the PYF social justice warrior thread was still on, so I knew where you were going. It's more that you have created a strawman as the villain, and it felt way too close to the reddit way of writing rage comics ("herp derp I got attacked by some evil WOMAN and her VIEWS and I used my amazing atheist powers to defeat her but actually I just cowered in fear passive aggressively"). I think if you wrote the confrontation and subverted expectations by having them reach a middle ground or something it would have been better.
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Dec 5, 2012 01:26
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You can add my castrato to the chorus.
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Dec 5, 2012 01:26
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Erik Shawn-Bohner posted:What's this I hear? Is it the sound of Christmas bells?
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Dec 5, 2012 01:36
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Benagain posted:I long for combat. nice starcraft reference zealots own tbqh
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Dec 5, 2012 01:55
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"You wanna piece of me, boy?" I'm in for this.
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Dec 5, 2012 02:21
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The man who fears war and squats opposing My words for stour, hath no blood of crimson But is fit only to rot in womanly peace Far from where worth's won and swords clash For the death of such sluts I go rejoicing Yea, I fill all the air with my music. (I'm in)
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Dec 5, 2012 02:26
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SurreptitiousMuffin posted:Why aren't you in? Don't be a pussy, fight me. Ok, you and me are paired now. P.S. I'm also judging our match.
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Dec 5, 2012 03:00
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Erik Shawn-Bohner posted:Ok, you and me are paired now.
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Dec 5, 2012 03:17
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Prompts will be delivered at the end of sign up. Right now I have at least 12 to write up. If there is an odd number of
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Dec 5, 2012 03:33
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 09:38 |
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With all the work due before the holidays, and my, heh, real writing, I gotta say nope. Re Crits: Yeahhhh, taking chances erry day. I like dialogue, but am terrible at scripts. Whaddyado. Probably could have use identifiers and the like but I think that would be more wooden. Ta.
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Dec 5, 2012 03:34
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