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Fanky Malloons
Aug 21, 2010

Is your social worker inside that horse?


V for Vegas posted:

Confirmed winners in the first round -

Fanky Malloons


Thanks! I'm actually surprised, because for some reason I found that really difficult to write, and therefore assumed that that meant it was terrible.

Nevertheless:

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V for Vegas
Aug 31, 2004

THUNDERDOME LOSER

ROUND TWO

One of the best flash fiction authors was, of course, Donald Barthelme. I first read about his stuff a while ago in George Saunder's book - the Braindead Megaphone where Saunders dissects Barthelme's story - The School. Saunders of course is a great writer himself, who has written a bunch of funny short stories, like Comm Comm

Given this week's stories have, for the most part, been pretty grim (honourable exception being LordVonEarlDuke ), for the Battle Royale with Chicken and the Battle Royale with Cheese here is your assignment:

Write a humourous satirical story. 500 words. The losers have to incorporate 'cheese' into their story. The winners have to incorporate 'chicken'. It can be central or tangential to the story.No other rules. (Etherwind, if you make a post asking what 'no other rules means' so help me God...).

You have 48 hours from NOW (that's Sunday midnight eastern, Sunday 9pm western, god knows when European)

Bear Sleuth
Jul 17, 2011



quote:

Bear Sleuth v Fanky Malloons Fanky Malloons.

I loved 'The Thing' premise. And Bear Sleuth you lost me with 'shall' as an article of clothing??

Obviously 'shawl' and I'm mortified that I missed it during my edits.

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


Since the other two are obviously bums who have no jobs, I'm posting this without comments til I get some time. Or never, whichever happens sooner.

SurreptitiousMuffin v Erik Shawn-Bohner

SurreptitiousMuffin

Sitting Here v Etherwind

Sitting Here

Jonked v Jeza

Jonked

Capntastic v Zack_Gochuck

Zack_Gochuck

Bad Seafood v Tender Child Loins

Tender Child Loins

The Saddest Rhino v sebmojo

sebmojo

AutoSnakes v Ronnie_Long

Ronnie_Long (win by forfeit)

Benagain v Noah

Noah

Velyoukai v sentientcarbon

sentientcarbon

Found Sound v Seldom Posts

Seldom Posts

Canadian Surf Club v Rose Wreck

Canadian Surf Club

Peel v Greatbacon

Greatbacon

Bear Sleuth v Fanky Malloons

Fanky Malloons

LordVonEarlDuke v Martello

LordVonEarlDuke (I was DQ'd otherwise i'd have one bitch )

I'll edit in the rest so my judge post isn't so far down the page from the others.

Etherwind
Apr 22, 2008
Probation
Can't post for 2123 days!


Soiled Meat

Well, gently caress. Congratulations.

Anyway,

V for Vegas posted:

500 words. ... No other rules. (Etherwind, if you make a post asking what 'no other rules means' so help me God...).

No worries man, I'm not that dumb.





...By the way: is it 500 words minimum, or maximum?

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


Etherwind posted:

Well, gently caress. Congratulations.

Anyway,


No worries man, I'm not that dumb.





...By the way: is it 500 words minimum, or maximum?

: Watch out, Graham!

Capntastic
Jan 13, 2005

A dog begins eating a dusty old coil of rope but there's a nail in it.

Fallen Rib

Congrats ZG you cretin. I hope you're happy!!

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F64wDQJLWMQ

Etherwind, you've been bitten by a POISONOUS snake.

As such, your ability to act has been compromised, and you must accomplish your entry in only 400 words. Exactly. Including the title.

Etherwind
Apr 22, 2008
Probation
Can't post for 2123 days!


Soiled Meat

Nope! I'm not going to compound my dumb joke with your dumber ideas. You'll get a 500-or-so word entry.

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


Etherwind posted:

Nope! I'm not going to compound my dumb joke with your dumber ideas. You'll get a 500-or-so word entry.

Let me look into my crystal ball and see what I see in your near future:



Looks about right.

Etherwind
Apr 22, 2008
Probation
Can't post for 2123 days!


Soiled Meat

Man, please, go ahead and buy me the custom title now: save me having to deal with your bullshit. I'm still writing the entry.

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


You realize we make the rules in this thread, that's like kinda the whole point, right?

More importantly, sebmojo and sentientcarbon are now confirmed winners with my judgment matching ESBs on both those stories.

Etherwind
Apr 22, 2008
Probation
Can't post for 2123 days!


Soiled Meat

Yeah. If you don't like what I submit, you can call me the loser and move on.

LordVonEarlDuke
Jun 24, 2011



It's gettin' pretty hostile here in the Thunderdome. Let's all take a step back then take two steps forward and kick each other in the head.

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


LordVonEarlDuke posted:

It's gettin' pretty hostile here in the Thunderdome. Let's all take a step back then take two steps forward and kick each other in the head.

bitch

LordVonEarlDuke
Jun 24, 2011



losersaywhat

e: cool new av

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW



Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


LordVonEarlDuke
Jun 24, 2011



Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


LordVonEarlDuke posted:

losersaywhat

e: cool new av

I also have a cool new gf irl.

your mom lol

LordVonEarlDuke
Jun 24, 2011



mrs vonearlduke is a saint

e: the patron saint of MAD ORAL

Stuporstar
May 5, 2008

Where do fists come from?


In celebration of the first round, I'm getting drunk for alla you. Don't forget to wake aunty up when the next round's over.

Also:

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

I got it wrong. Look, I'm well aware I got it wrong and uh, I got it wrong.


Etherwind posted:

Well, gently caress. Congratulations.
Putting you up against Sitting Here is kind of like throwing a middle-aged woman at a rhino. If I didn't know better, I'd say they were setting you up to fall there. Solid entry anyway. Keep hacking at it.

Yeah, I'm being soft. Anyone who has a problem with that speak up then get on your knees, because my dick's going in your eye socket.

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

Putting you up against Sitting Here is kind of like throwing a middle-aged woman at a rhino. If I didn't know better, I'd say they were setting you up to fall there. Solid entry anyway. Keep hacking at it.

Yeah, I'm being soft. Anyone who has a problem with that speak up then get on your knees, because my dick's going in your eye socket.

Please post in this thread thanks in advance

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

I got it wrong. Look, I'm well aware I got it wrong and uh, I got it wrong.


Martello posted:

Please post in this thread thanks in advance
It must be hard to talk so big with my dick in your mouth.

Stuporstar
May 5, 2008

Where do fists come from?


Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW



The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

I could hear the roots of loneliness creeping through me when the world was hushed at four o'clock in the morning


SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

Putting you up against Sitting Here is kind of like throwing a middle-aged woman at a rhino.

Sebmojo was a very tough middle-aged woman.

I just got back so I'm going to do what is asked of me re: baguettes.

Noah
May 31, 2011

Come at me baby bitch


Martello posted:

Hey guys, did you know I like to post in FYAD? Because I do. Let me tell you more about how I like to post in FYAD. FYAD guys.

Chairchucker
Nov 14, 2006

The man was stunningly well dressed. He had a smart looking jacket, and a really neat looking cape, the lining of which was shimmering and sparkling in more than Oriental splendour, which is a great deal of splendour indeed, just ask Kipling.

Whoa, Martello posts in FYAD? Can I... can I touch you, Martello?

With my mouth?

Peel
Dec 3, 2007



Satire? Nasty.

Congrats GB, I don't think mine quite held together so not a big surprise.

Rose Wreck
Jun 15, 2012


V for Vegas posted:

Sorry Rose Wreck, I know that the Nails may not be your thing, but just reading the occasional cameo of an album cover in the story was kind of jarring when reading it.

I went after the spirit of the thing! If I lost I lost, but that was a thematic story with one woman unable to break out of the corrupt throes of the recording industry (unlike the later band) with song titles sprinkled in and at least one reference to the artist's playing style.

And some other stuff because what is an ouvre anyway, is that like a window?

Congrats CSC.

[e: Also I literally set it in the industrial underground, I hope someone caught that.]

Bear Sleuth
Jul 17, 2011



If it's not too much trouble could I get a little more feedback on my story? I won't get better if I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Not a full critique or anything, just a couple lines about why it didn't work (aside from that typo) would be much apprciated. Thanks.

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW



Velyoukai
Mar 4, 2011


I hate Suits. All of them.


You did well to best me, sentientcarbon. Now you just have to watch out for the legitimate monsters you're up against instead of an old man-avatar.

Greatbacon
Apr 9, 2012

conquistador wuz heer



Peel posted:

Satire? Nasty.

Congrats GB, I don't think mine quite held together so not a big surprise.

Well thank you. I did enjoy the fact that your story managed to stay true to the prompt and undermine it at the same time. Good luck with your satirical cheese.

Jeza
Feb 13, 2011

The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.


'Grats Jonked, my last second botch-job of a story deservedly lost. Good luck in flaying the other winners and bring me back a skin cape.


EDIT: I DON'T EVEN READ THE RULES SO I'M AN IDIOT.

Peel
Dec 3, 2007



Prompts with pictures had a 1000 word minimum, not an 800 word maximum.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...9#post410269558

(minimum word counts are the devil)

Jeza
Feb 13, 2011

The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.


Peel posted:

Prompts with pictures had a 1000 word minimum, not an 800 word maximum.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...9#post410269558

(minimum word counts are the devil)

That makes me a moron. Revising.

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Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


Jeza, you're right about one thing though, people like LORDVONEARLDUKE shouldn't have won because they grossly exceeded the word stinkyhole. Dukey-boy had the fortune of going against a judge who wasn't going to move on to the finals anyway.

And he wrote a drat good story.

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