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SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010


Who is this stone cold fox?



Why, it's Jane Austen, 19th century romance novel author extraordinaire! Which brings us to our first not-really-a-rule-rule.

The next poem posted should be about Jane Austen, or one of her novels.

It's completely optional. I'm just saying, it would be cool.

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Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


"Oh, I'm not a poet, and I'm not sure if I'll be any good at this."



Sign up already you pantywaists!

Debbie Metallica
Jun 7, 2001



Way to choose a poetry prompt on a week when I'm probably too busy to enter

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


Y Kant Ozma Post posted:

Way to choose a poetry prompt on a week when I'm probably too busy to enter

Probably? That leaves a nice gap for peer pressure. And annoying PMs. Just use those as motivators.

Black Griffon
Mar 12, 2005


Y Kant Ozma Post posted:

Way to choose a poetry prompt on a week when I'm probably too busy to enter

Probably is not a word what are you talking about.

Neither is too or busy.

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


Y Kant Ozma Post posted:

Way to choose a poetry prompt on a week when I'm probably too busy to enter

Way to about it.

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


Martello posted:

Way to about it.

Way to not sign up for it yourself, Army-boy. If you can post, you can poem.

Debbie Metallica
Jun 7, 2001



Martello posted:

Way to about it.

Oh you want to start some poo poo

I'll write something so terrible you'll all wish you'd never known me

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


Erik Shawn-Bohner posted:

Way to not sign up for it yourself, Army-boy. If you can post, you can poem.

I'm gwanna. Shut up I'm trying to do goblet squats.

Y Kant Ozma Post posted:

Oh you want to start some poo poo

I'll write something so terrible you'll all wish you'd never known me

I already wish that. Your move.

Debbie Metallica
Jun 7, 2001



I thought this was a supportive environment. Wow. What a bunch of dicks. Well, I'm out of here.

Fanky Malloons
Aug 21, 2010

Is your social worker inside that horse?


Y Kant Ozma Post posted:

I thought this was a supportive environment.

This is the Thunderdome, not the Love Shack. All future complaints about this round must be presented in iambic pentameter.

Martello, you have to write your poem while doing goblet squats. I'll know if you don't.

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010


Martello posted:

Way to about it.
If your next post don't involve signing up, I'm drafting you.

toanoradian
May 30, 2011


Fanky Malloons posted:

All future complaints about this round must be presented in iambic pentameter.

God gently caress poo poo drat flippety bastard dumbass
gently caress me, this 'metre' business fries my brain!
Constraint is good, but this is more stifling
SurreptitiousMuffin, you poopyhead
Just like Fanky Malloons and Bad Seafood

(not my submission)

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010


toanoradian posted:

God gently caress poo poo drat flippety bastard dumbass
gently caress me, this 'metre' business fries my brain!
Constraint is good, but this is more stifling
SurreptitiousMuffin, you poopyhead
Just like Fanky Malloons and Bad Seafood

(not my submission)
Oh c'mon. It's babby's first meter.

Also:

All flash rules are rules-but-not-rules. You don't have to do them but there may be consequences.

Also Ozma, if you're enthusiastic about writing poetry then you're a leg up on like, half the other inmates. If you've written before, there's no way you can lose.

Debbie Metallica
Jun 7, 2001



I'll loving do it OK but goddammit

I also just really hate writing in iambic pentameter. I'm a wimp. I write prose poetry, OK? OK? THAT'S MY DEEP DARK SECRET

toanoradian
May 30, 2011


SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

Oh c'mon. It's babby's first meter.



A question about the deadline. By 'midnight' you mean 00:00, the time it shifted to the next 'day', yes? Just making sure.

VV Right. Thanks.

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


Stop making jokes ya'll. This contest is very serious and important.

I wrote something to help you guys remember what this is all about:

The Thunderdome is the cool place to hang out. You can find most of the cool people there. In the Thunderdome you can just chill and do whatever and totally relax. "Take it easy" is the Thunderdome motto, for example, that's how laid back it is there. Show up if you want to have a good time. Another good reason to show up is if you want to hang out with friends.

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010


toanoradian posted:



A question about the deadline. By 'midnight' you mean 00:00, the time it shifted to the next 'day', yes? Just making sure.
Deadline for admission is about two hours away, deadline for entry is exactly 48 hours after that. Does that help?

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

If your next post don't involve signing up, I'm drafting you.

Just like the Army irl, I already volunteered so I can't be drafted.

I did it in this post:

Martello posted:

I'm gwanna. Shut up I'm trying to do goblet squats.

And as Her Fankness instructed I shall thumb it out while performing Intelligent Telephone Goblet Squats.

Fanky Malloons
Aug 21, 2010

Is your social worker inside that horse?


Martello posted:

And as Her Fankness instructed I shall thumb it out while performing Intelligent Telephone Goblet Squats.

Pics or it didn't happen

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010


Admission closes in five minutes. Funf minuten. Cinque franceminutes.

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010


Aaaaaaand that's it.

The great wrought-iron doors scream closed, trapping the prey inside. The crowd roars for blood. In two days, one will walk out victor and the rest will be lucky to walk. Long live Thunderdome.

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


toanoradian posted:

God gently caress poo poo drat flippety bastard dumbass
gently caress me, this 'metre' business fries my brain!
Constraint is good, but this is more stifling
SurreptitiousMuffin, you poopyhead
Just like Fanky Malloons and Bad Seafood

(not my submission)
It weren't no thing for Toan'
To type a gripe he'd honed.
The judges he cursed,
"This contest's the worst!"
In language not his own.

Henceforth all complaints will be subject to limerick response.

You have been warned.

Jon Joe
Oct 19, 2011

GUESS WHO'S LYING


Grimey Drawer

I thought to throw my hat into the ring.
I was too late, I am super sad now.
The hat is large, far too large for my head.
Purple monkeys sit on the top, laughing.
Ribbon tails from the brim, winding around.
A smelly flower centers on the front.
This is, so sadly, no entry, I'm late.

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


Jon Joe posted:

I'm late.

That's what she said.

That's also why I have to cut a check every month.

Fanky Malloons
Aug 21, 2010

Is your social worker inside that horse?


Jon Joe posted:

I thought to throw my hat into the ring.
I was too late, I am super sad now.
The hat is large, far too large for my head.
Purple monkeys sit on the top, laughing.
Ribbon tails from the brim, winding around.
A smelly flower centers on the front.
This is, so sadly, no entry, I'm late.

I will allow it, but your entry better be awesome, or I'll cut you







(from the competition)

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


I just had a deep thought guys. What if Robert Ludlum's character, instead of Jason Bourne, was named Jason White. That'd make a difference.

bigmcgaffney
Apr 19, 2009


Erik Shawn-Bohner posted:

I just had a deep thought guys. What if Robert Ludlum's character, instead of Jason Bourne, was named Jason White. That'd make a difference.

Whoa. My mind is blown. Gonna have to pour a drink and recover from this.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk



Erik Shawn-Bohner posted:

I just had a deep thought guys. What if Robert Ludlum's character, instead of Jason Bourne, was named Jason White. That'd make a difference.

You could call his secret organisation 'FRONTSTORM' instead of Treadstone.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk



Bold secret agent Zeta Alpha clings
one-handed to the lofty palace wall,
his mission clear; yet perilous in kind.

For in the room above, the Empress rests:
(Tyrannical Mechanical! And cruel,
beyond the scope of any heart to bear!)
upon her head there sits the Crown of Rule,*
(*Ed. Note: a golden cage of tiny birds)
and locked therein, around a robin’s claw,
the microfilm to bring the Empire down!

Our hero dangles for a single breath
then pulls himself atop the golden sill
beyond the balustrade. He brandishes
his laser ray, all gleaming black and live
with ancient fire, and swings its questing muzzle
round the room. He sees no danger; only
green and purple globes of floating light
that faintly ‘luminate the moonless night.

And thus, catfooted, Zeta takes a step
upon the inlaid gold and marble floor.
No brash alarum’s sound disturbs the air
so, quicker now, he pads towards his goal.

But ho! He stops, dismayed at what he sees.
The fabled Crown of Rule, the target of
his fearful quest, still sits upon the head
of she who rules! Deactivated
for the evening, there the cyborg stands,
the priceless cage upon her head all full
of feathered flight! Undaunted Zeta Alpha
aims his trusty gun, and with a silent
prayer lets forth a careful blast of light.

A tiny flash, a jet of flame and one
among the parliament is slain. A tiny
harbinger, perhaps, of those
to come when revolution lights the stars?

Our hero grimly nods, extracts a long toothed
caliper from deep within his secret
suit and pulls it to its maximum
extent, his eyes upon the felléd bird.
A moment’s further work, he thinks, then off
and out to vict’ry with his hard won prize!

But as he reaches out with folding claw,
the Empress’ eyes light up! A hellish flame
burns in their Stygian extent and from
her steel jaws a deaf’ning eerie wail!
Agent Zeta scrabbles for his gun
but fingers numb’d by audit’ry assault
find little purchase and his shot goes wild.

Robot guards burst in, their brazen arms
held high and tie him fast, his struggles booting
naught. The Empress fixes Zeta Alpha
with imperious eye; “A bold attempt
my little human pet, but no more will
I let you roam unchecked. Guards! Remit
him to the dungeon to await his fate!”

Many years have passed since then; and now
our hero hops and tweets, a prisoner of
the very cage from which he would have freed
the human race. His mind beats every night
against the confines of the little wren
Whose body it has been implanted in.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk



(ps the Empress is called Jane Austen)

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


Reported for triple-posting and lying about Jane Austen.

pipes!
Jul 10, 2001


Nap Ghost

Jane Austen is a waste of dead trees

Bear Sleuth
Jul 17, 2011



Come now, that's not true. She invented zombies!

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


pipes! posted:

Jane Austen is a waste of dead trees

Truth.

*hides the gasoline can and walks away slowly*

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


So that's Jane Austin.

Were any of you aware in his not-youth Kurt Vonnegut filmed a road movie through the Great American Mindscape? It was a lot smaller back then. Still is.



Along the way he played a bit part in several amateur poems yet to be written. I would very much like to see some of those poems now.

The next three submissions should feature a clearly Kurt Vonnegut, or someone like him, in an entirely incidental appearance.

Of course, you needn't do that, but what have you to lose?

kangaroojunk
Aug 17, 2012

THUNDERDOME LOSER

gently caress mother nature.

gently caress the eastern seaboard for being in the way of a mother loving storm that delayed my mother loving plane for half a day.

gently caress Phoenix. You suck. gently caress you.

gently caress Newark. Even the stewardess felt sorry for me.

gently caress New Jersey Transit for not operating between 3 and 5 am.

gently caress the LIRR for making me wait another drat hour and a half. I hope the guy with the chest pains is okay, but gently caress those bums fighting. gently caress bum fighting; it's not as awesome as it sounds.

gently caress poetry because, because gently caress poetry. I don't wear a dress. (unless mistress makes me) I mean, gently caress poetry, man. And I don't wear a dress, ever.

gently caress journeys. You can't bring your favorite knife on a plane, dammit.

This ain't no belly aching or whining. This is Jesus flipping tables at the temple righteous fury.

And gently caress it. I'm in.

Jon Joe
Oct 19, 2011

GUESS WHO'S LYING


Grimey Drawer

Innocent (321)

I cry and she kisses my cheek gently.
"Hold still, you want to look nice for the news."
She says as she puts my jacket on me.
My tie is too tight, it is hard to breath.
My eyes are wide, I'm tired and hungry.
She notices my exhaustion and says,

"Toughen up, you can sleep soon, just not now."
Her hand slams against my cheek and I scream.
I pray that she keeps her promise to me.
I grab the hat she gives me, it's heavy.
Her lips curl up and she whistles to me,

"Remember, distract all of them, or else."
The hat hurts my neck, but I must wear it.
A knife will meet my throat if I do not.
A threat like that makes me do what she says.
The entire situation is hosed up.

"We're here, now get out and do your damned job."
Time is weird, when did I get in a car?
People shuffle about, I'll distract them.
People will not notice her theft at all.
Time is ticking down, I must act right now.

"Everyone, please pay attention to me!"
All eyes shift to me, now I must act well.
Reciting the works of Kurt Vonnegut,
Reciting the works of William Shakespeare,
All people are impressed by my talent.

"Hey, you're not bad! But why the odd outfit?"
Someone in the audience questions me.
Then I see a boy, watching the woman.
Then I know he'll die, so I run to him.
Someone tries to stop me, but I run past.

"Boy, get away from there, it is not safe!"
His big eyes remind me of my young self.
When I was innocent, long before this.
When I knew not how evil was evil.
His feet look to run off, but I grab him.

"Why did you grab me? Why does your hat tick?"
I cry and realize my hat is a bomb.

Debbie Metallica
Jun 7, 2001



pipes! posted:

Jane Austen is a waste of dead trees

ohmygodholyshit pipes I hate you

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Debbie Metallica
Jun 7, 2001



"Jane Austen was a privileged woman who wrote frivolous social satire/romance novels"

---a thing lots of dudes say and feel cool about saying because it's fun to diminish the work of female authors as long as you throw in something about the Brontes still being OK


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