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gently caress it, I'm in. Thought I'd have the story down as well but it looks like I'll need a little more time.
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Nov 3, 2012 03:54
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Actually I'll say thank you for this new wordcount, for it made me get rid of some stuff I considered filler at the start. On the other hand, not sure if I understand this whole buildup>climax>denouement thing with this space. Anyway, here's a piece of flash fiction I've entitled The Wrong Warzone, clocking in at 911 words. ----------------- “HOLY poo poo!” Kevin shouted almost reflexively as he dived over Lindsay's body and tried to feel for some sign of life in her body. He was interrupted by another loud pop as a tracer round streaked above him into the nearby drywall. The shooter was getting closer. Keep moving! The loud techno music continued pounding throughout the lazer arena, the heavy bass in the music synching up with Kevin's heart as it pounded harder and harder in his chest. Where were the staff? The guards? Had that madman killed them too? What the hell was going on? Figure it out later, just get to the exit! Kevin ran, not caring about the sounds his footsteps made as the banged on the wooden floorboards and occasionally clanged on the metal grating. Two more loud pops punctuated the music, or maybe Kevin had just imagined them. It didn't matter. He had to find some way to deal with the shooter. He threw open the hidden door against the wall, and jumped inside, closing the door behind him. It wasn't the exit, but a janitorial closet judging by all the cleaning supplies inside. Someone banged on the door to the closet as Kevin thought quickly on how to turn around the situation. Why wasn't the guy firing his gun? Was he out of ammo, or maybe he just wanted Kevin to suffer more, knowing that his own death was knocking on the other side of that door? With some newfound resolve, he grabbed a broom handle and broke half of it against the wall with his strength. It was a primitive sharpened stick, but it would work. He heard the click as the evil shooter outside began turning the doorknob, and then he kicked the door out just as the man began to pull it open. The force of the kick combined with the element of surprise sent him falling backward. Kevin leaped out of the closet and stomped on the attacker's face. “YOU BASTARD!” Kevin shouted out a stream of curses as he stabbed him in the neck, retracted the stick, and then stabbed him again. “YOU rear end in a top hat! YOU MURDERER! WHY! WHY DID YOU DO IT? WHY?” The man could only gurgle a response as Kevin dropped the blood-tipped stick on his dying body. “KEVIN!” Kevin turned to see an unhurt Lindsay screaming at him as the music stopped and the lights turned on. He smiled at her as he breathed a sigh of relief. “I did it, Lindsay. I got the murderer.” “What murderer? You stabbed a janitor in the throat!” “He had a gun, Lindsay! A gun and no laser tag pack!” “What gun? Do you see a gun on him?” Lindsay shook her head as she started heading towards the exit. “I should've known this was a mistake to bring you here...” “Lindsay, wait!” Kevin ran after her as she dashed out the door, while Lindsay began dialing a number on her cell phone. “Calm down, we can talk things out! I'm a hero! I saved lives over there!” He stopped as he saw that look in her eyes, that pleading look that he had seen in real life and every night in his dreams for the past several months. “You need help, Kevin. Let me help you.” “Help? What kind of help is this? Snitching on me to the brass, huh?” Lindsay began choking up as Kevin could swear he saw tears fall from her eyes, as she floated higher in the air. “Kevin...you have to snap out of it...” “Just following orders! Just one of the good guys! This is what you wanted isn't it? ISN'T IT!” “Kevin...” Another popping sound rang Kevin's ears as he flipped a table on its side and dove behind it, taking Lindsay with him, her eyes closed. Somewhere in the room a young child was crying as he was banging on an arcade machine in the lobby. A few parents and staff were already scattering out of the way or hiding out in other rooms. Kevin stayed behind cover. No telling where the enemy was coming from. The enemy that had already claimed his girl... No wait, she's alive, isn't she? Kevin looked at the body of Lindsay as she lay unmoving on the floor with her eyes closed. Oh c'mon, she's unconscious at best. Why did I strangle her? She was going to sell you out, they'd take you back to the hospital and you'd never get out again, right? Kevin continued arguing with himself as he stayed behind the overturned table, looking for any signs of movement. Too many civilians in the kill zone, had to be careful not to accidentally kill any of them. Just wait until the enemy showed up. It would be a simple mission, right? Oh god, what am I doing here? What have I done? Sirens rang outside the building 10 minutes later, and shortly after that the police stormed inside in heavy armor. He didn't get the chance to fight back before they immediately shocked him with a taser upon entering. “GET UP AND STOP RESISTING ARREST!” One of them shouted before Kevin felt the taser shock him again. In between taser-induced convulsions, Kevin couldn't stop asking himself that same question as he saw Lindsay's face, and the faces of those young ones from a warzone so long ago. What have I done?
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Nov 3, 2012 22:36
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The true masters of horror are The Judges, for it is we who await their judgment upon whether or not we are worthy of a custom avatar or a less custom avatar (or just an honorable mention, really). The suspense, the terror of having one's writing examined underneath a microscope of criticism, it is almost too much for one to bear! Oh! Bring forth the fainting couch, for I feel an oncoming case of the vapors!
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Nov 5, 2012 21:07
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Thanks for the damning with faint praise, noble Judges. I will endeavor to make this one suck less.
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Nov 7, 2012 00:04
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Hopefully this one is less terrible than before, and with 5 minutes to spare! Brain Scoop, word oval office of 647 ------------------ The doctors stared in horror as Felix walked gingerly towards the center of the room. He could not even be bothered to disguise himself, wearing the same clothes he had on from the street. “Who the heck are you?” One of the doctors exclaimed. “How did you get in here, this is a restricted area!” “Yeah well the drone upstairs gave me access to this room, so I guess I'm allowed to be here.” Felix glanced around the room, as if he was there for other reasons than repaying his current debt. “I just thought I'd borrow a few things, you know, some scalpels, some drugs, maybe even that brain you've got there?” “loving junkies, there's always one of them in a crowd.” A second doctor muttered under his breath. The first one made a move towards a panic button built in to the back wall. “Don't worry, C-Sec will take good care of you.” “Sorry, I don't have time to chat with The Man right now.” Felix turned off his natural eyesight for a moment and opened his mouth as he tossed up a firefly. The improvised flashbang exploded in midair, blinding the doctors long enough for him to run past them, grab the brain in a box and run out. Felix turned his sight back on just as he began looking for the emergency stairs. Had to reach them before the company decided to lock everything down. Just as he reached the door for the emergency stairs, an alarm rang out across the hall. He got inside before the doors locked up simultaneously. That would give him another few seconds. The doors would only lock from the outside, or so he hoped. Felix just repeated that he had to keep moving, get to the parking garage before C-Sec decided to arrive with some kind of search team. One minute and a few flights of stairs later, the door opened, and Felix immediately found himself staring at the blank faceplate of a C-Sec helmeted goon. Before he could react, the goon grabbed him by the throat with one hand and slammed him against the wall. Felix's vision flickered for a moment, then returned with weird metallic sparkles at the sides as the goon began choking the air out of him with a very strong grip. Felix internally cursed his luck. He was about to die, or be thrown into a black hole for however long C-Sec felt like imprisoning him, all because he just had to get some actual evidence to back up his claim for this one article. Because that one crazy fan had set up on a dare. Because said fan disappeared after getting him into this mess. Whatever the reason, this was probably the end. Suddenly, the goon loosened his grip but didn't let go of Felix's throat as he gestured wildly behind with his free arm, as if trying to pull something out from his neck. Then he fell backward, taking Felix down with him. Luckily the goon's heavily-armored body prevented Felix from smashing face-first into concrete, but he was still unable to fully break free from the grip. “Thanks for the help, Mister Obituary Writer.” A scratchy, yet feminine voice sounded from Felix's left. “Looks like we're even now.” She freed the box containing the brain from Felix's hands. “And now you owe me one.” She continued as she cut off the goon's thumb with her knife, earning a groan from Felix. Gasping in lungfuls of what passed for fresh air down here, he nodded in thanks. “Don't worry Felix, when I need another favor, I'll send you a message.” Felix brushed himself off and took a second to recover, then hopped in the car as the woman disappeared with the case. For the first time in his life, he was beginning to reconsider this line of work.
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Nov 9, 2012 21:57
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Aw poo poo, suddenly I'm feeling better about the chickencheese than the story. Still gonna try to do both though.
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Nov 15, 2012 16:39
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quote:But I dunno what happened to the actual chickencheese thread? Moved to Automotive Insanity because FORUM DRAMA started creeping in. edit: bah! Martello beat me on that one! edit2: actual loving content! 299 words wrapped up in a simple title of Bifocals while I've got caffeine running through my veins! Enjoy while I still think this is worthy of thunderdomain! --------------- "Hold steady, men!" Il Capitano bellowed out as he saw the faces of his four strongest men, each grabbing hold of a strong chain holding the large beast down. The large beast continued to snarl and thrash at empty air, struggling to break free of its bonds. "I do hope this plan of yours will work, Dottore, else we may have to put the creature down for good." Il Dottore sniffled out of habit before responding in a high-pitched voice "I am glad that you did not resort to such hasty measures, capitano. Trust me, this will indeed work." Slowly turning to his right, Il Dottore raised a bony hand and gestured to his assistant Stelio. Stelio nodded and began steering the metal arm forward, making sure to position the specs just so they would fall where they were needed. The constant thrashing of the beast was not helping matters, but Stelio was confident he could pull this off. He had to, for his life depended on it, as well as that of the creature. When he was certain the specs were in the correct position, he pushed the button on his controller to release the specs. The large bifocals fell straight down, and wrapped themselves around the monster's face. Il Capitano ordered his men to release their grip on the chains. The beast continued thrashing, but slowly calmed down as it could finally read the message. Then it stopped moving aggressively. In a deep, guttural voice, it slowly spoke the word printed on the side of the metal arm in front of him. "Amico." The beast dragged out the syllable very slowly as it took stock of its surroundings. "The shadows have departed from my eyes. Thank you for repairing my vision. What do you ask in return?"
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Nov 15, 2012 21:42
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My endeavor of chickencheese lacked proper stuff, should have gone shopping Haiku usually is cheap kind of poetry. Mogami-gawa.
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Nov 18, 2012 04:27
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| # ¿ Apr 23, 2024 16:04 |
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Oh dear lord why do We keep fighting in haiku? Enjoy chickencheese!
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Nov 20, 2012 00:38
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