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Black Griffon posted:
You're not the boss of me 
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Nov 16, 2012 06:10
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Jeza posted:But my essay... Essays are for chumps. Your internet cred is way more important
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Nov 17, 2012 01:51
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Jeza posted:I'm a maverick, a loose cannon! That's how we roll in the 'Dome. Rules? What are those? I WILL FIGHT YOU. 
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Nov 17, 2012 19:46
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Black Griffon posted:Thunder in the dome I didn't mean it But fine, you're forcing my hand I will break your knees!
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Nov 17, 2012 20:01
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Martello posted:
Martello's a bum Sitting Here is a drunkard Fanky is awesome
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Nov 18, 2012 19:04
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Bear Sleuth posted:It's been a whole day Cool your jets, losers It's Sitting Here's turf this week You want mutiny? Martello's the boss Much as it pains me to say I should kill them both.
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Nov 19, 2012 16:15
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Congratulations winnerloser and loserwinner! Unfortunately, unless one of you has the ability to tranfser in-depth knowledge of muscle origins, insertions, and actions into my brain in time for my lab exam tomorrow, you're going to have to wait at least 24 hours until you get critiques from this former judge 
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Nov 20, 2012 23:33
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sebmojo posted:One that's in Ireland, where the only holidays are Guinness Thursday and Christmas? Canada, bitches, Thanksgiving was in October  Though me and my beer nerd friends are having an American-themed beer night in your dubious honour. Also, Noah, can we edit our pieces and tart them up extra nice first?
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Nov 21, 2012 02:23
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Noah posted:If you would like to, for sure. The effort is mainly to sit down in with InDesign and Illustrator and make the layout and design really nice. The text is just bingo-bango plop it in. Well, considering I was just told by a friend of mine that I ought to submit things for publication like, ever, I am down with you including one of mine for sure (I'm pretty sure I won on two separate occasions?)
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Nov 21, 2012 02:45
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sebmojo posted:Fanky M i thought you were irish for some reason is that untrue It's not entirely untrue - my mum's family are Irish as feck, and I grew up in England  Though how you would know that I don't know 
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Nov 21, 2012 03:12
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Martello posted:I knew you were Canadian because you use some dumb Commonwealth spelling and refer to "school" as "University" and I knew you were in Canada Thank you, Sherlock, but I was referring more to my Irish heritage, which I don't believe I have ever mentioned on these fine forums. Admit it, you just want to be my internet boyfried (get in line  )
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Nov 21, 2012 14:47
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The Saddest Rhino posted:Are we still getting some crits for the last Thunderdome cause I'm not entering till that happens Thanks for reminding me! I'm going to eat first though and you can't stop me
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Nov 22, 2012 01:48
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Sorry for the delay, peons, I was distracted by an unfortunate phonecall. The Saddest Rhino - Good News I didn't like the reference to that kid from Toddlers & Tiaras. I feel like this type of story is somewhat timeless, and so to explicitly date it in that way is a mistake - it pulled me out of the story. I also disapprove of you repeating "Venus's rear end in a top hat" in so short a space. Also, I know it was a short word count, but I would rather you had cut words elsewhere, so that these: "Said there was contact, was “just wonderful.” She asked to gather at the meeting room" could be full sentences. WHR 49.5 - Walls I'm not sure of the perpective here - whose point of view are we supposed to be seeing things from? That penultimate paragraph about the punching is also confusing - I think it should be "like holes punched", not "like holes punching", and then isn't it the walls rising, not the punches? I do actually like the feel of this piece though, and think it might work better as a free verse poem, if you're into that kind of thing. Kleptobot - bifocals I liked the idea behind the this one, but there were a few semantic errors that could stand to be corrected, and you could probably even make it tihter by cutting a few things here and there, like the Dottore's flowery sentences. Most egregious of your faults: "...holding the large beast down. The large beast continued..." BARF.  V for Vegas - Day Shift I really liked the voice in this piece, but trying to figure out the action itself was a bit confusing - I can't figure out where they're supposed to be working or going or whatever, which is offputting. Also the clown rape at the end is probably unecessary. LordVonEarlDuke - The Bear I'm a sucker for the trickster and Native mythology in general, and not only did you go with that, you did a great job too. Bravo! Noah - Revolution Liz is a LIZard, oh ho ho. I think I would have liked this better if you had gone the dick route and had John shoot her then say she was one of the good ones - it seems like that would have fit his personality better. Swinemaster - Undercover I feel like this being present tense was almost too much to deal with along with the majority of the story being told through conversation. I did like the story itself though. dromer - King of the Roost So, do the chickens know you're there to kill them, or to give them food? Because you make it sound like they know you're there to feed them, so they line up at the trough, which isn't really stupid at all. Also I thought the ending was a bit cheap. Black Griffon - 2012 I loved the awesome epicness of this - I have a totaly boner for the way you describe things and set scenes - but it all kind of falls apart at the end. It's not clear enough why Emily shoots Victoria and how/why that fixes things. Jeza - Unsaid TENSE SWITCH, BOO THIS MAN. This was way too esoteric for me, and the fourth-wall breaking question at the end made it seem kind of self-satisifed and smug. Do not want. Bear Sleuth - Dinosaurus Hex I that feel you should have used a more well-known dinosaur. I like dinosaurs, and I still wasn't sure if a Balaur bondoc was real or something from D&D. I think that part of the humour comes from imagining this big, scary looking dinosaur goopily rampaging around the lab, and I really don't know what a Balaur looks like. Let's face it, everyone is going to imagine a velociraptor or T-rex anyway, so you might as well go with that in the first place. Sebmojo - Geosynchronous This was really good, and so sad at the end, but it was ruined for me by the mere fact that Nate used the word "Okies." in an actual conversation. Ughhh. Cdn Surf Club - Men who steal This is another one that suffered from the problem of not being clear enough about what was happening at the end. The significance of the dude's blueness and what it has to do with anything is lost on us because theres no foreshadowing or explanation of any kind. Theres a lot of stuff in here you could lose in order to make room for the required exposition. Capntastic - Meet cute future This was, for the most part, really difficult to follow because of the nonspecific pronouns. I actually really like where you started to go at the end and would have liked for you to get to that point faster and then take it further. Dr. Klocktopussy - Knives in his Eyes I loved this title, and was a little bit disappointed that the story itself wasn't more intense. You hit all the right marks with the fairytale genre/sterotype, but I wish you had put a different spin on it somehow, or taken it somewhere really dark, like the oldschool fairy tales used to do. Chairchucker - Indeed I liked what you did here. You made your habit of having weird jokes in your stories work, because you carried it through and then made it surprising at the end instead of just going for the cheap gag. It was acually one of my favourites this week.
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Nov 22, 2012 04:17
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The Saddest Rhino posted:Fanky Malloon I just saw the comic your avatar is taken from and drat) People kept linking me to it on my Facebook because I wrote a huge research paper last year about human-bee interactions and now apparently I am a queen bee. sebmojo posted:Well... he was a bit of a doof? I didn't really get a sense that he was any doofier than the average space dude. Maybe I was thrown off by the highfalutin diary he was reading. Either way, I disapprove of anyone saying the word "Okies" out loud, ever, fictional or not
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Nov 22, 2012 05:46
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Noah posted:I feel like I'm missing something from my writing that's going to keep it from getting better. I would like to achieve better results, but there's something extra that I am lacking. Does any judge, winner or other writer noticed anything from my entries that I seem to misstep on? I think you have the same problem that a lot of people seem to have when they first start writing (or all the time, in some cases), and it basically boils down to you not giving the reader enough credit - like you're too worried they wont understand what youre trying to say. This makes you hold back and do a lot of explaining within the text of the story, and doesn't leave a lot of room for telling the story itself. Try looking at other people's work with a critical eye. What do they do that you like, or don't like? What can you learn from say, the way Black Griffon paints a picture with words, or how Martello sets a story against a military backdrop without including a police report on the minutiae of military procedure. For example, to take the quote sebmojo used, I would have written this: quote:Darcy braced against the wall, slumping a little as Doris encroached upon her. Shattering wood resounded through the hall as splinters flew everywhere. Doris crumpled as Lucy bashed her with a dining room chair. The silver candlestick rolled away from Doris as she lay on the floor, her heart pounding harder and harder. Her breath began to resemble a fish out of water and her face began to flush. like this: Darcy braced against the wall, shrinking from her mother as she approached. There was a crack of shattering wood and Doris stumbled as Lucy hit her from behind with a dining room chair. Splinters flew as Lucy swung the chair again, this time sending Doris to the floor where she lay red-faced and gasping, her mouth opening and closing soundlessly. The basic information is the same, but a lot of extra stuff is cut out and the action flows more smoothly without trying to hold the reader's hand.
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Nov 22, 2012 15:48
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Jonked posted:Well, I'm not going to win NaNo, might as well get back on the weekly grind instead. Plus you've only got seven competitors? Like, seriously? Did the collective non-gendered metaphorical balls fall off of CC? It's nearing the end of the semester, so some of us studenty types are swamped with papers about neoliberalism and material culture and poo poo. BARF.
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Nov 24, 2012 00:19
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sebmojo posted:Though I'm itching to red-pen V for Vegas' French. Itching. Only if you do it en francias
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Nov 26, 2012 02:13
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SaviourX posted:Qu'est ce que c'est? Francias? Quoi? Qu'est ce que tu dit? Vous etes comme un cochon anglais avec votre bouche plein de gras. Mon Dieu, how rude <  >(It's true, this is me irl  )
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Nov 26, 2012 15:25
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Speaking of the winnerloser trend, I hereby
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Nov 27, 2012 04:14
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Etherwind posted:Regards my word limit questions... well, are there any answers? IN the Thunderdome, the correct answer to anyone saying "You can/cannot do X" is  Do whatever, deal with the consequences PS I have plans for conceptual Chickencheese because I don't know what a Battle Hymn entails and I don't care to find out. 
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Nov 28, 2012 15:47
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Chairchucker posted:Just wondering, is losertars still a thing that's happening? Because I'm pretty sure there are some losers in dire need of losertars here in this dome. If you have the money and the inclination GO HOG WILD.
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Nov 30, 2012 14:55
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sentientcarbon posted:Are we not allowed to edit even for little technical stuff like that? I copy-pasted my story in from MS Word and it screwed up the paragraph breaks, so I edited those in without even really thinking there might be a rule against it That's what the preview post button is for, you muppet 
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Dec 2, 2012 19:22
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I'm currently writing a paper about the practice of taking skulls as trophies during the Pacific conflict, so I'm feeling pretty hardcore. GIVE ME A PARTNER SO I CAN STRIP THE FLESH FROM THEIR FACE AND USE THEIR MANDIBLE AS A BOOT SPUR.
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Dec 5, 2012 03:42
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Bear Sleuth posted:Fanky I asked some people the best way to trash talk you and they said to just link the Glee version of Gagnnam Style so here you go. Well, now that I know it's Glee I'm not even going to pretend I clicked on it. ROOKIE MISTAKE you scurvy, ursine dog.
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Dec 5, 2012 22:54
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Sitting Here posted:sitting here more like making GBS threads here right I also like writing, but it usually has too many words. I hate words.
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Dec 5, 2012 23:03
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Bear Sleuth posted:Fanky your story is going to be so bad people aren't even going to want to read it any more. They will probably hold their noses like they smelt something that smells bad. This is because your story will be so bad that it will remind them of a bad smell. I am 100% serious about this. I'm going to dig out your eyeballs with a rusty spoon and then eat them. And then poo poo in your mouth. You see if I don't.
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Dec 6, 2012 02:07
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Bear Sleuth posted:Rusty spoon eyeball dig is such a cliche. You should probably avoid cliches if you want to write a story that doesn't smell bad FYI. OBVIOUSLY I am getting them all out of my system now. Jerk
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Dec 6, 2012 02:40
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removed
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Dec 7, 2012 21:49
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Chairchucker posted:Fast judging = probably still bad judging actually.
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Dec 8, 2012 05:00
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V for Vegas posted:Confirmed winners in the first round - Thanks! I'm actually surprised, because for some reason I found that really difficult to write, and therefore assumed that that meant it was terrible. Nevertheless: 
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Dec 8, 2012 06:09
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Etherwind posted:Honestly Sitting Here I'm going to do 500 words because the idea I've got is a) good and b) won't work in 400 words, and if I've learned anything from my first go round it's "Write what you think will work and take the words you need to do it." Since I'm here for the writing... yeah. What's the point of even joining in if you're not going to rise to the ??
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Dec 8, 2012 23:53
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Capntastic posted:Yeah, someone telling Etherwind to not do what he wants like a loving berzerker raging on a pad of paper with a bloody fingerbone he pulled out of some vanquished foe is missing the wholesome statement he's making entirely. Well he could at least try and be more hardcore about it ()
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Dec 9, 2012 00:25
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Oops, writing a paper and almost forgot about this. Herp derp how do I satire? Henhouse 497 words “Oh poo poo, the media’s here, quick, do I have anything on my face? Teeth?” “All clear, Sir.” “Thank Christ.” Senator Russet gives his chops one last swipe with his pocket square before shoving it into his assistant’s hands and striding out in front of the cameras. Wave. Smile. Nod. He stands at the podium and raises his hand for silence. The crowd immediately begins firing questions at him instead. Smile. Nod. Idiots. “Are the allegations about your genome true?” “Why won’t you release your genetic data?” Russet grinds his teeth and waits. Smile. Where’s that drat goddamn assistant with the lights? The squawking dies down to a hooting murmur as the lights dim just enough to lengthen the shadows in the corners. Smile. Open hands. Friendly gesture. Nod. “Well, chooks, as you all know, our genetic data is proprietary information.” Chuckle. Let the birds think they’re in on the joke. Smile. “But in truth, I have to confess, though I was raised by hens, and grew up in hen society, I am, in fact, a fox.” Pause. Sombre face. Hang head a little. Not too much. The birds gasp as one, magnificent, genetically enhanced breasts heaving. Russet presses his lips together to keep from salivating. “How can we trust a carnivore to look after our best interests?” someone shrieks. Look slightly shamefaced. Hold head high. Then smile. Smile. Smile. “Friends, I shared a nest box with brother when he was covered in down, and I with fur. I helped raise my sister from an egg, protected my bird and herbivore friends from high school carnivores, and lived my entire life as a model hen citizen. I am 99 percent hen! One of you in every way except my DNA strain!” Pound fist on podium. Look serious. Put hand on heart. “I believe in the hen ethos of looking out for your roost-mates, of hen helping hen, and I swear to you, chooks, I want only the best for you. My genome might be fox, but my heart is a hen!” He grins that dazzling grin at the birds and practically feels them swoon. A pause, and then they erupt into applause as he knew they would. Smile. Nod. Wave. Bask in their approval. As the press conference winds down his assistant appears by his side again. “Nice job with the lights.” He murmurs. “You’re welcome,” she responds with a decidedly foxy smirk as she leads him away from the cameras, “we’d better get going, you said you had dinner plans.” “Actually“ Russet coughs. Coughs again. Clears his throat.“Would you like-“ Coughs violently. Again. Coughs a soft, downy feather into his hand. “Um. Hm.” The assistant, eyes wide, quickly presses a fresh pocket square into his palm, on top of the feather. “Here. You were saying?” Russet stuffs the silk and the feather into his pocket. Grins. “Would you join me for dinner?” The assistant grins back. Definitely foxy. “Of course.” "Excellent. How do you feel about chicken?"
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Dec 10, 2012 05:56
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V for Vegas posted:Fanky Malloons Well, that's what I get for leaving until 11pm to start writing. I wanted to do the henhouse line but couldn't figure out where to put it at the time. I am a failure  I also wasn't sure if it ended up being satire, or just dumb....and I'm still not sure. Being funny is hard
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Dec 10, 2012 15:11
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Tender Child Loins posted:Hope it's not too late to sign up for the next rodeo? Not at all! We love it when new people jump in with both feet. (so we can cut them off)
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Dec 11, 2012 03:04
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V for Vegas posted:
 Yay! I was beginning to think your runner-up streak would never end, man. Clearly you were just playing the long game THE WHOLE TIME.
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Dec 11, 2012 04:58
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WINNER OF ALL WINNERS
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Not entering this week because I'm going to be too busy writing my human anatomy final and then being drunk for an as-yet undetermined number of days.
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Dec 13, 2012 02:38
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Chairchucker posted:...crap Really though, I don't know if your losertar can get any more shameful at this point, so you're probably still good.
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Dec 15, 2012 19:54
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gredgie posted:Pros: I have a crown. That's the spirit. Wear that poo poo crown with pride, son.
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Dec 16, 2012 21:26
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Rose Wreck posted:If I need to search out an editor I will. But they're not entries so I won't keep discussing them here. You don't need to find an editor, you need to learn to self-edit. The only way to improve is to learn what works and what doesn't, and to recognize it in your own writing. Then once you've edited as much as you think you can, you let other people have a crack at it to catch things you missed or make you cut the little things you couldn't bear to take out the first time.
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Dec 17, 2012 00:03
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