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Fanky Malloons
Aug 21, 2010

Is your social worker inside that horse?

Both of my fellow judges, Hidden Gecko and Erik Shawn Banana-Hammock, seem to be MIA, therefore I am going to give them until after I eat and shower to respond to my PMs of Judgement, after which I will just judge this bitch all by myself. Stand by. :colbert:


Fanky Malloons
Aug 21, 2010

Is your social worker inside that horse?


Submissions have been read, judgement has been passed, and in this, the final battle of the Thunderdome's current thread, sebmojo has been crowned king once again. Congratulations to you, sir.

Runners up/honourable mentions go to swaziloo, who wrote a really tight piece that was my other top pick, and toanoradian for making a truly valiant effort and producing a pretty nice piece in spite of all the stupid rules we gave him.

I would also like to mention Noah, as this week he was a true Thunderdome challenger, writing 3 pieces on top of his Thunderdome entry, and not even bitching a little bit when Hidden Gecko gave him a punishment prompt. Go you.

For the most part, you all did pretty good (I GUESS), and I am well pleased with how this prompt turned out.

Now, on to the losers :argh:

Zack_Gochuck gets that dubious honour this week, by unanimous decision for somehow failing to follow both my prompt and his own and submitting a low-effort, barely disguised Twilight parody. Wtf dude?

Dishonourable mention goes to Bad Seafood for horrible punctuation neglect that basically made his piece unreadable. Stream of consciousness does not mean that you don't have to use commas, fool.

I did make short comments on everybody's submissions as I went through them, so I will post those up shortly unless someone tells me not to.

Fanky Malloons
Aug 21, 2010

Is your social worker inside that horse?

Martello posted:

Um, I did that too. :colbert: Totes 'ffended.

Yeah but yours sucked and Noah's was decent, sooooo :colbert:


Magical realist free verse
Good: imagery, alliteration
Less Good: cadence/rhythm, enjambement, spacing
Adherence to self-inflicted prompt: You didn't officially make one, but it was a pretty good step outside your usual oeuvre

Beezle Bug:
First person noir romance
Good: voice, descriptive language
Less Good: Isn't the protagonist usually supposed to be in the thick of the action in noir?
Adherence to self-inflicted prompt: Romance not romantic enough, noir not noir enough

Future second person children's lit
Good: Pulled off second person really well
Less Good: purple dragon, pink unicorn, barf
Adherence to self-inflicted prompt: Admirable, though I'm not feeling the actual prompt much here
(Ps: learn to accept critiques more graciously kthx)

Upbeat lite historical romance feat. plovers
Good: Characterization, dialogue
Less Good: flowery prose (=/= historical), line break etiquette
Adherence to self-inflicted prompt: Lite, check. Romance, check. Plovers, check. Historical?

Symptomless Coma:
Horror with a believably unlikeable protagonist.
Good: Neat idea, protagonist isn't a caricature
Less Good: Clumsy language and confusing action. Needless wasting of words.
Adherence to self-inflicted prompt: Poor execution of a good idea. Horror not horrifying enough, unlikeable protagonist not unlikeable enough.

Not-scifi, not-fantasy tween fiction that is self-contained.
Good: Pacing, story arc, characters
Less Good: Inconsistent voice for the POV (i.e. Kevin)
Adherence to self-inflicted prompt: Marvellous.

Teen supernatural semi-erotica romance story. No werewolves, no vampires (per FM)
Good: Amusing, obeyed flash rule
Less Good: Utter failure to follow both my prompt, and your own.
Adherence to self-inflicted prompt: Fail. Twilight parody =/= what you said you were going to do :argh:

Funny, no fantasy or altered states.
Good: Lol dickbong
Less Good: I think there was room to make it funnier
Adherence to self-inflicted prompt: Barely squeaking by on the altered states clause (by your own admission), but otherwise good

Bad Seafood:
Steam of consciousness sword and sorcery
Good: Gets the action across quite well, despite its flaws
Less Good: Stream of consciousness doesn't negate the use of proper punctuation.
Adherence to self-inflicted prompt: You sure did the thing you said you would do.

Contemporary lit featuring an albatross (per HiddenGecko).
Good: Story arc, creepy birds, illustration!
Less Good: Nobody would ever call an albatross "Little Guy", those fuckers are huge.
Adherence to self-inflicted prompt: It was inflicted upon you, and you made a noble effort, well done, sir.

Narrative poetry.
Good: Clear narrative, poetic description of a worn-out sofa bed
Less Good: Rhythm and punctuation - spacing/pauses need work, have you tried reading this out loud?
Adherence to self-inflicted prompt: A valiant effort, which I applaud

twinkle cave:
Good: In theory
Less Good: Takes way too long to get to the point
Adherence to self-inflicted prompt: Not really very horrifying.

Dark sensual realistic romantic erotica. With a secretary bird that must not die, and crushing poverty, and a religious crutch (per HG and FM)
Good: Setting, sex-scene
Less Good: Stupid grammatical errors, weak ending
Adherence to self-inflicted prompt: You hit all the marks, including the flash rules, and it wasn't terrible, bravo.

A dialogue-driven story
Good: Naturalistic dialogue, focus on a small moment rather than a wider story
Less Good: She's in clothing, yet the manager moves her to clothing?
Adherence to self-inflicted prompt: 100%

Kitchen sink romantic comedy/drama.
Good: Characters, dialogue
Less Good: You should maybe stick to one POV in such a short story?
Adherence to self-inflicted prompt:Verily!

Sci-fi. In short paragraphs.
Good: Interesting presentation, good sci-fi mood
Less Good: Not distinguishing between thought, speech, and narration is confusing
Adherence to self-inflicted prompt: Very sci-fi. That first paragraph is still pretty long though.

Fanky Malloons
Aug 21, 2010

Is your social worker inside that horse?


Personally, I say can the macho poo poo

Why do all the new people say this? That is the best part of the thread, and I won't hear otherwise. :colbert: