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budgieinspector posted:Seriously. Mind-blowing imagery and jokes? I was positive that the Muffin would take this round. Stop careposting, yer a judge now and you need to keep up appearances. We execute those who show weakness. 
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Aug 20, 2012 06:36
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Double-posting for  IMPORTANCEWEEK III RULES Okay, so you guys mostly sucked at doing woman-stories, big-time. So now we make it harder. Check Your Cis Privilege in Swaziland Noir detective stories set in off-the-beaten-path locales, on this planet. Mild cyberpunk allowed, nothing too crazy. Except for sebmojo, no cyberpunk for you. No able-bodied straight male Caucasian American characters are allowed anywhere in the story. All characters must come from one or more specific groups which are underrepresented in literature. If the writer chooses to write about a straight white American guy in a wheelchair, the experience of being chair-bound better come through authentically. Points accrue the further away you get from your own cultural group, which you must specify for full points. Extra points for "recombocultural" protagonists. Because I'm feeling soft this week, wordcunt is ~1500, but shorter is always good. For even more "extra points," you can do a dramatic reading of another contestant's piece. Deadline is the same for everything, so if the other goon's thing is what you want to read and there's ten minutes left, well you better be good at using Audacity and have fast upload speeds to Tindeck. Vocaroo is allowed. If you want to lose. Deadline for entry is Nine O'Clock in the Evening, five hours behind Greenwich Mean Time, on the Twenty-Second of August, the Year of Our Lord Two-Thousand and Twelve. Deadline for submissions is Two O'Clock in the Morning, before the Sun Rises, in that same Time Zone, on the Twenty-Fifth of August, in that same blessed year.  Remember that 0200 on Saturday is basically Friday night. I explain this because of dummies who couldn't figure that out last time.  It always seems impossible until its done. - Nelson Mandela Get to writing, jerkies. Contestants: Bad Seafood toanoradian Wrageowrapper Sitting here Jonked SurreptitiousMuffin Capntastic HiddenGecko Black Griffon Chairchucker Bodnoirbabe areyoucontagious Autumncomet Canadian Surf Club Radioactive Bears sebmojo bigmcgaffney Noah Fanky Malloons (dramatic reading only) Genetic Toaster Hat Thoughts As Nero Danced Seldom Posts Honey Badger kangaroojunk
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Aug 20, 2012 06:50
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Sitting Here posted:Martello, count me in to participate this week. I dunno if it's bad form cause I just got to judge, but I'm really enjoying the prompts and practice. Plus procrastinating on my piece for the August contest. The only bad form in Thunderdome is being a loving pansy who's scared to write, so yer good. Genetic Toaster posted:Count me in if applications are still open. Love me some noir. If you actually read the Week III rules post, you'd see that applications are open until 22 2100 EST AUG 2012  So yer also good.
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Aug 21, 2012 04:40
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 Nine and a half hours until entry closes! Enter by 2130 EST tonight. Submissions deadline is still 25 0200 EST AUG 2012.
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Aug 22, 2012 16:56
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Yer good. And that's it for entries. Let's see some submissions.
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Aug 23, 2012 01:57
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SurreptitiousMuffin posted:By the by, Puerto Rican swearing is amazing. They've got that poo poo down to an art. It's so  when foreigners discover our Puerto Ricans.I'm gonna have the two Puerto Rican officers I work with read your story, and if even one foul word is out of place, automatic -50 points.
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Aug 24, 2012 01:43
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Radioactive Bears posted:I waited until the last minute to begin writing, and ended up with something too personal to post. I suppose that is what happens when you don't do things early. This is the worst thing. There should be nothing "too personal." I'm very upset.  Jonked posted:OH! Yeah, I forgot to mention. I am a straight, white, male, upper-middle class America who lives in a Northern state and has never been to Brazil or a favela Have you played Modern Warfare 2? If so you pretty much have been in a favela.
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Aug 25, 2012 06:10
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SurreptitiousMuffin posted:By my count, there's about an hour left and we're still waiting on the following: What are you, a judge now? Yer lucky it's the weekend and I won't be calling the Puerto Ricans just to determine how awful your slang is. But yeah, those dudes are hosed up big time if they don't post in the next forty minutes. And Radioactive Bears is basically the gimp riding the motorcycle dude right now. sebmojo posted:Max Payne 3 also. That too. I haven't bought that game yet. I'm too busy playing Ghost Recon Future Soldier.
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Aug 25, 2012 06:26
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As Nero Danced posted:
+5 points for that. Maybe even +10. Okay, so in an unfathomable gesture of generosity, I'm going to give the delinquent writers a grace period until whenever I wake up tomorrow. The forums were down earlier, and I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt that they live in a time zone where being awake right now would be very inconvenient.
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Aug 25, 2012 07:08
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Okay, so I've been up since 1200 EST, and nobody else has posted anything. Genetic Toaster and Hat Thoughts failed miserably. Then again, so did I. I was going to post my piece in here but it's already almost 2000 words and I'm not cutting it. I'm giving it some more time and work and I'm going to use it as my entry in the August CC Fiction contest because I never bothered to write my original idea for that. And, back to THUNDERDOME talk. Submissions are officially closed, three and a half hours ago. Erik Shawn-Bohner, budgieinspector, and I will begin reviewing the literary spew and make our judgments. May the God/Goddess have mercy on your immortal double souls.
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Aug 25, 2012 20:33
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Aug 27, 2012 02:38
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Is it my fault I love soppressata? 
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Aug 27, 2012 03:42
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Well done, sebmojo! For the record, "Gin and Blood" by Seldom Posts was my favorite, with "Lion, in the rain" a close second. However, the gaping plot hole at the beginning of "Gin and Blood" knocked it down a few pegs. How can you smell gin on a corpse but can't tell it's not really a corpse?  I finally finished my entry. It weighs in at a butch 6100 words, so I posted it in the August Creative Fiction Extravagoonza instead. I had originally wanted to call it "Lezzies in Jewland," but I thought that might not be prudent and titled it "Babes, Bulldykes, & Bullets" instead.
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Aug 27, 2012 05:23
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Erik Shawn-Bohner posted:Hyphenated words count as if they were separated. Ex: Flim-flam is two words, not one. Using the Scrivener Law, I see. This will be incredible. I expect everyone to fail miserably. If I can take a break from writing about lesbians tribbing, licking, and slaying each other in cyberpunk Israel, or rear end in a top hat PIs looking for japanese anime swords in cyberpunk Hoboken, I might throw something down. Something about a heavily-cybered security consultant from the backwoods of Pennsylvania having sex with the debutante daughter of a Scottish nude model and a Welsh venture capital tycoon while investigating the Welshman's suspicious death in a cyberpunk colony on the Moon. Which will be auto-DQ'd, of course.
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Aug 28, 2012 01:43
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budgieinspector posted:
This has been kinda answered already, but - Pashto and Dari translations are almost nonexistent, and the average Afghan does not read Arabic. It's like Medieval Europe where the clergy are some of the few who can read the holy book and thus control all interpretation and dissemination of the state religion. Likelyhood of a street urchin reading Arabic is almost nil. Remembering quotes taught in a madrassa, maybe.
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Aug 28, 2012 12:16
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Week IV posted:sebmojo, HiddenGecko, and Erik Shawn-Bohner running wild around here with me out of the judges seat.
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Aug 30, 2012 14:08
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Aug 30, 2012 20:45
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TANE (tane)
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Sep 3, 2012 03:58
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toanoradian posted:i hope you're okay Erik Shawn-Bohner He'll never be okay.
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Sep 4, 2012 14:39
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You guys took forever. You're loving lucky you posted just before I got home from work, because otherwise As it is I may have to transition my rage to the Week V contestants. Toanaradian, PM me immediately with rule ideas for Week V.
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Sep 4, 2012 23:45
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Thunderdome Week V This week, the judges are myself, Stuporstar, areyoucontagious, and toanoradian. Both temps are lucky I wasn't on the triumvirate for Week IV, as I would have DQ'd them for not using initial capitals or spaces (in areyoucontagious' case) in their handles. Remember, this is Thunderdome. Fucksticks, this week the prompt is to write a not-awful loving story that involves Gary Numan's goddamn life, motherfucking lifestyle, the themes and structure of his cuntlicking music, or based on one of his cocksucking songs specifically. Except the loving song "Cars." You can't write about that one, at all, because all of you filthy cunts have heard it so it makes it too loving easy. IN ADDITION to but not DIRECTLY RELATED to Gary Numan, you must also write the lovely loving story about being trapped, somewhere. It doesn't have to be a specific physical place, but it can be. It could be a space station, a 50-gallon drum being slowly filled with gasoline, the protagonist's head, another character's head, or whatever stupid bullshit thing you want the character to be trapped in. Have fun writing the goddamn story, you miserable loving bloodrags. Word count is ~1000. Don't push it. Deadline for entry is Thursday, 6 2100 EST SEP 2012. Deadline for submissions is Saturday, 8 2100 EST SEP 2012. I have spoken. Time counts and keeps countin', and we knows now finding the trick of what's been and lost ain't no easy ride. But that's our trek, we gotta' travel it. And there ain't nobody knows where it's gonna' lead. Contestants: sebmojo - "Halo" SurreptitiousMuffin - "The Dream Police" Black Griffon - "Complex" budgieinspector - "Are 'Friends' Electric?" Wrageowrapper - "We Are Glass" Jonked - "Music for Chameleons" Sitting Here - "I die: you die" Dr. Kloctopussy - "My Shadow in Vain" Chairchucker - "Sister Surprise" Capntastic - "We Have a Technical" Baudolino - "Bombers" Seldom Posts - Summat about Gary Numan having secks with Margaret Thacher or whatever and also  HiddenGecko - "Berserker" TequilaJesus - "Down in the Park" swaziloo - "Replicas" kangaroojunk - "You Are My Vision" Nyarai  - "The Fall"Fanky Malloons - "Metal"  Benegain - "Stormtroopers in Drag"
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Sep 5, 2012 02:57
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Stuporstar posted:Just to clarify, you don't have to write about Gary Numan being trapped somewhere. Goddamnit, Martello, learn how to construct a damned sentence. I didn't realize I had to break things down to kindergarten level just so the contestants can wrap their tiny shriveled brains around a simple concept. I'll try again. Fucksticks, this week the prompt is to write a not-awful loving story that involves Gary Numan's goddamn life, motherfucking lifestyle, the themes and structure of his cuntlicking music, or based on one of his cocksucking songs specifically. Except the loving song "Cars." You can't write about that one, at all, because all of you filthy cunts have heard it so it makes it too loving easy. IN ADDITION to but not DIRECTLY RELATED to Gary Numan, you must also write the lovely loving story about being trapped, somewhere. It doesn't have to be a specific physical place, but it can be. It could be a space station, a 50-gallon drum being slowly filled with gasoline, the protagonist's head, another character's head, or whatever stupid bullshit thing you want the character to be trapped in. Have fun writing the goddamn story, you miserable loving bloodrags. Is that loving clear enough now?
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Sep 5, 2012 03:14
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SurreptitiousMuffin posted:I thought we were talking about Randy Newman I smell weakness. It smells like fresh-baked baklava.
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Sep 5, 2012 03:48
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I approve of your username.
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Sep 5, 2012 23:26
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Capntastic posted:I love technicals! So do these guys.  Are you a terrorist? 
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Sep 6, 2012 02:34
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toanoradian posted:These past two weeks the judges had been lazy in their administration. Don't they know that this is unacceptable? I am different. I will pay close attention to you, my dear babies. Funny, I feel like I've seen something like this already. Martello posted:
Oh yeah, there it is. Also, I just found out that Fanky Malloons is a chick who shaves her domepiece and lifts heavy weights. That makes the even more appropriate.
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Sep 6, 2012 16:22
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"Rankize" ain't a real word. But yeah, write those stories, peons!
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Sep 7, 2012 03:51
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Chairchucker, maybe you should make a nice little list of the things you do understand and then we can go from there.
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Sep 7, 2012 14:32
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That being the case, I expect something even more amazing than usual.
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Sep 7, 2012 19:38
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If we pick you for loser, will you please change your handle back to Duchess Gummybuns? I saw an old thread recently where the OP was BANNED by Duchess Gummybuns and I was all for about two hours.Actually, I recommend you change your name to that regardless of what happens in the Thunderdome.
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Sep 8, 2012 13:07
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One hour left! I'm on 24-hour duty until 0900 tomorrow so I'm ANGRY and I'll be reading the recent pieces angry and in my uniform. So they better all be good and make me feel happy.
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Sep 9, 2012 01:00
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Submissions are closed as of 8 minutes ago. Now, fucksticks, stew while the judges decide your fate.
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Sep 9, 2012 02:08
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Good morning, motherfuckers. I did a sick interval run workout, hit the weights for an hour, signed out of 24-hour duty, and came home to make breakfast. Scrambled eggs, bacon, and leftover polenta fried in the bacon fat, all washed down with organic Peruvian coffee. I'm ready to gently caress some poo poo up. Because this is Thunderdome and the rules are never the same, I also will be posting my opinion of each piece before the winner/loser announcement is made. Expect that news later today, once that lazy Canadian broad rouses herself from painkiller-addled sleep, and the two new bloods crawl out of whatever soiled sleeping sacks they remit their sweaty, sun-starved bodies into each night. My own remarks on each story will be up within the next few hours.
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Sep 9, 2012 15:53
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I read each story with the associated song playing. Elbow, Backfist, Strike by kangaroojunk Easily the most metal title since Thunderdome began. I love the hard-hitting martial arts - your significant real-world training and experience in multiple disciplines really shows through here. I did a piece on writing combat and fight scenes in the Fiction Advice thread, and this piece is a great example of how blow-by-blow martial arts can actually work. I can really feel and see each strike, although I'm not schooled enough to identify exactly which styles Mark is using. I'm guessing at least Wing Chun, only because I know that's your favorite. Backfists are popular in both Tae Kwon Do and Karate, so maybe that too, although I also know you're not a fan of either of those. You still need some work on your word choice, syntax, and some other craft issues. But this is a solid story. Unlike the other judges, I have the unfair advantage of knowing where this story comes from, and that makes me like it more. I can feel Mark's insane, almost casual rage. The device of the news report to frame the rest of the story also works well. Like I said, you need to tighten up your actual art of writing, though. I'll give you a line-by-line of this later. You made good use of the song and the prompt. The violence of the story works with the violence of the song, and the lyrics you pulled as subtitles were perfect. Everyone being trapped in the office with Mark was also a good twist on the prompt. My final issue is as follows: Why do you suck at using chopsticks so bad? It's not right when a Sicilian is better at wielding the 'sticks than an Asian man. I don't care if you Filipino jungle-folk are used to eating with your hands. You're Asian, therefore chopsticks. Overall: Pancetta The last bombardment by Baudolino I dislike your usage of "whoee," almost as much as the exclamation point at the end. You used the prompt well. I liked where and how you inserted the lyrics. The odd, upbeat tempo of the song matched the same feeling in your story. WWII stories are pretty overdone at this point, but you pulled something new out of the era. Anthony's reflections on Mr. Ashwood's reaction to the truth of the Dresden bombing is interesting - my fellow US Army soldiers and I often feel the same way about Iraq and Afghanistan, though I like to think we never did anything quite that bad in the two sandboxes. The visual of the "human river" is good, and none of it was confusing. I also learned from your story that Germany has had a U-Bahn for longer than I would have thought. I still hate that place after living there for three years though. Your editing skills need serious help. The typographical errors are many and atrocious. You have unnecessary spaces before or after punctuation marks, or no space at all when it's needed. You need to learn to use commas, because you don't use them when you should. Don't believe the lies of the resident aging Kiwi cyborg - he only wishes to mislead the younger contestants to make his own offerings look better. Also, you hosed up with "the flak guns won't scratch us." That's not true. Those German eighty-eights were loving brutal on airplanes, and even pretty good as makeshift ground artillery and tank-killers. The Allied bombers would avoid FLak kills by flying outside their effective ceiling. Always do your research for anything in a story, but since I'm an active-duty soldier and a military history buff, you better have your military poo poo squared away for future Thunderdome offerings. Overall: Schinkenspeck Brain Chemicals by Benagain Sometimes I wish I did a lot of drugs so I could more properly understand these trippy-rear end stories some of you guys submit to Thunderdome. Instead I must substitute being stinking drunk. This one also makes good use of the song. Star Wars Stormtroopers wearing dresses was exactly what I thought of from the title of the song. Somehow you were also able to recall the lyrics using the words in the story without actually cutting and pasting any lines from the song verbatim. I also liked the repetition of the theme at the end. I can't come up with any major issues with this story, so I'm going to use bullshit criteria because I rule and I can. Not enough violence. After warming up with insane Deadly Hands of Kung-Fu in Office Space meets the beginning of that awful Wanted disaster, and moving on to gleeful Dresden bombing and little girls being trampled to death in Berlin, some loving neckbeard lying on a bed high as a kite and agonizing over his tutu and plastic armor outfit was a major letdown. I also find your avatar disconcerting. Those two motherfuckers better stop looking at me like that before I kick their cartoon teeth in.  Oh yeah, and he also isn't really very "trapped." Overall: Bresaola Complex by Black Griffon What the gently caress is this? It's like some kind of whacked-out Snow Crash rip-off. I appreciate the Google Glasses product placement, but I just have no clue what's actually going on here. I mean, I can't really tell what the point of the story is, and furthermore I'm having a hard time picturing the action. He's in a little mini-copter or some such, and he crashed into a Subway? Is he horribly injured? He has glass in his lung but he seems calm. Is this like Paolo Bacigalupi's awesome short, "The People of Sand and Slag," where humans are super-evolved to the point where they're close to indestructible? Seriously, what?  I guess he's trapped, though. So at least you got that part right. Overall: Hard Salami of uncertain pedigree, from a grocery store that isn't Wegmans Exile by Duchess Gummybuns This goes from to  in like 5 seconds. It's pretty drat good, especially considering that you only used a measly 315 words. Most other contestants in the past four weeks have had trouble coming up with anything cohesive in 500 or more words. The kid feels real, even though he doesn't utter a word of dialogue. It's true, everyone knows someone who can skip a rock like 40 times. It's a scientific fact, actually.I guess the story more or less captures the morose feel of "Exile," but the connection is tenuous at best. I see you also bought into the elderly Kiwi's lies, which is shameful. Even more shameful is that there was nothing here about anyone being trapped. Finally, this made my cold black heart warm slightly and then feel sad, which is unacceptable! Also, I will continue to hold a grudge against you until you change your handle back to Duchess Gummybuns. Overall: Sudtiroler Speck The Ballad of Puree Tomateaux by budgieinspector I read this while listening to the original Numan version and The Dead Weather's cover simultaneously on YouTube Doubler. Didn't intend for that to be done? Too loving bad. gently caress yes for live cobras in a bag marked as such. gently caress no for not finishing your goddam story. Awesome lines -- "...staring at the Dell like it crashed his party." But anyway, what the gently caress is going on in this story? Is Puree a robot? Is the homemade laptop a robot? Are Puree and the laptop both robots? Are they making the ancient Dell into another robot? Or, in a Blade Runner fan theory twist, is the main character really a robot? Who's a loving robot and are they electric and/or friends? Finish the goddam story and post it here! And there better be some poo poo about being trapped, or you're even more shameful. Overall: Half a strip of reg'lar, not thick-cut or maple-glazed, bacon Gunfarm by Capntastic What's up with capitalizing all the naughty big-boy words? Damned, Bitch, rear end, gently caress, and so on are not Proper Nouns. Capitalizing them makes them jump out more than they should, loving up the pace of the story. Pretty much ruined the whole thing, actually. Good job. I like the line "like a beehive hosed a boombox" but I have no idea what it means. What kind of rocket launcher is this supposed to be? Post a photo immediately. I also like the cool post-apocalyptic or at least dystopian warscape. The idea of Gunfarm is awesome, and the wandering road gangs or whatever coming in to order a nice technical or get their gun oiled up or whatever. But holy poo poo, Bitcoins? Seriously? C'mon dude. How the gently caress are Bitcoins still gonna be around in a dystopian world? I want more, without the capitalized swear words and cocksucking Buttcoins. It's like you had a great idea and then just executed it badly because you suck. The song is longer than the story and I'm not sure how well they go together. But I appreciate that you used my technical combat vehicle interpretation and ran with it. I don't see anything about being "trapped." gently caress, people, read the whole rules post. Overall: Oscar Meyer Bologna, the kind all these dumb pale-whites pronounce "baloney" Sister Surprise by Chairchucker Your lack of understanding of pretty much anything ever in all time and all the world counts against you right off the bat. Just so you know. Another story where I have no loving clue what's going on. It's another post-apocalyptic setting, I believe, which automatically makes me like it better, but you're not making good use of it. The "creatures" are a very weak plot device at best, a meaningless distraction at worse. What's up with this Gladys broad and her nun habit? I don't get it. This could maybe be good but it isn't right now. It just cuts off, there's no ending. Not in a good way. Also, I don't see the Monster Blood except that the "creatures" have green blood or summat. And where's the "trapped" part? Not seeing it. Overall: Bridgefield Peperoni Dr. Kloctopussy THE SHADOWTHIEF I disapprove of ALLCAPS titles. I approve of the weird, mystical quality to this story. It's pretty sad, and I like that. The tone of the song doesn't really go with the story, but the content definitely fits the song title. The idea of shadows being sapient, and people kidnapping them against their will, is very cool and works very well. Finally, that completely random little piece you posted today was amazing. Casting me as an emotionally abusive spouse/boyfriend who eats rare sirloin (should be NY Strip though) made me . Are you single? And a girl? Cuz we can make that little story a reality, baby.Overall: Bacon The Sound of Metal by Fanky Malloons If I hadn't looked at your TFLC log and knew that I could bench press you while you're bench-pressing your max lift, I'd be terrified of you. As it is I simply give a Boushh-like head nod to your Boba Fett out of respect for your "gently caress you," threats of spine-snapping, weight-lifting, and so on. Except in this case you're really a broad disguised as Boba Fett, and I'm actually a heavy-smoking alien dude for real. Kinda like one a them gender-swaps the weird Japanese cartoon anime fans are always doing on deviantArt. "Metal" is my least favorite song so far. It's much more 80's than the rest, in a bad way. However I will not allow that to affect my judgment. Probably not at least. ...and your story is...holy poo poo Metal as gently caress! Mother of god, this Marta woman must really hate Mallory! She put him in the loving Bronze Bull. Serious loving business, there. Points for excellent knowledge of ancient torture devices. Your literal interpretation of the trapped prompt worked very well.But seriously, how loving awful is Mallory or how psychopathic and evil is Marta? Seems bronze-bulling a fellow is pretty over-the-top for run-a-the-mill sexism. Overall: Really loving spicy venison jerky (deer meat, since you British fucks call anything venison apparently) Do You Wanna Come With Me Now? by HiddenGecko Huh. This is a loving story, indeed. Is the dude a super-evolved human? I like the tone and the fuckoff cosmic sci-fi setting. The story goes almost perfectly with the song, using the lyrics and just the general tempo and sound of it. I feel like you probably wrote this while listening to "Berserker." It's interesting that Numan's whacky, 80's sci-fi thing has really bled into most of these stories. This one most of all I think. Kos being trapped in his own insane psyche and the comet is good use of the prompt. Overall: Soppressata Me! I Disconnect From You! by Noah This is loving rough, man. Cracked out cyborg baby matrix poo poo. I like it. I want to know more. Who and what is Mama, and why is she doing this? Is she birthing these little fucks or are they clones? Why do they die outside the building? Where are the rest of the humans? loving nuts. This poo poo needs illustrations. Overall: Coppa Lies in a Box by Nyarai Holy poo poo, I didn't expect no-poo poo women's lit for this week. This reads like a combination of what I imagine a decent Lifetime movie would be like and that awesome short, "The Yellow Wallpaper" by Charlotte Perkins Gilman. This is pretty loving depressing, and good that way. The awful emotional and physical abuse really shows through without you having to show it actually happen. What's the dude's name, though? You say both "Jay" and "Jeremy." Not sure if Jay is supposed to be his nickname, but it just comes off as confusing for me. She certainly is trapped, too, maybe one of the better trapped things Of course there's a cat in this story. I wonder if she was thinking "oh no oh no i am a bad cat" when that monster broke her poor widdle neck? Overall: Pastrami Who has the strength to save us all? by sebmojo You made vidgames into something serious and scary and sad and emotional. Good job you sick gently caress. Overall: Salame al Cacciatore The Sound by Seldom Posts You wrote a story about a crazy 80's synth-musician who scabs at a coal mine just to hear "the sound." Well done. The setting and visuals are evocative and effective. The characters are realistic and relateable. The explosion is big and banging. The trapped part is pretty good too. Overall: Genoa Salami What is Illuminated by Sitting Here This is too abstract for me. The language is interesting and the visuals are good, but it goes nowhere. Back to Pacific Northwest post-apocalyptic fiction, you! Overall: Unidentified ham-type stuff that claims to be "capicolla" pink slip by SurreptitiousMuffin Oh-Em-Gee, you didn't use capitals. gently caress you. However even if the rest of the story sucked, this line redeems all: "you brute, you swine, you backwards dogfucking lovebandit" This is a loving insane goddam story, full of what-the-gently caress and holyshit. I like it. One of these weeks, prolly when I get back from NTC, I'll make you write a story that's about reg'lar people set in the Real world, to see if you can do it. No insanity, no world-bending, no crazy loving sky shattering awesomeness. It'll be like telling me I'm not allowed to write cyberpunk. Overall: Headcheese Replicas by swaziloo Another crazy dystopian thing. This doesn't move me like some of the others did. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but you need to punch it up a little more, put greater feeling into it. I don't know if you're not giving me enough information or if the ambiguity is beneficial. This is just a little too bland for me. Needs more spice, more fire. Some of the emotion is there, but I need more. Overall: Boar's Head Turkey Breast Down, in the Park by Tequila Jesus Man, everyone's writing dystopia around here. I guess it's appropriate for 80's sci-fi music. I like the setting and the visuals, but I'm not feeling the character. He has no motivation besides base survival. Give him more. Also I'd like at least a hint of why the world is now run by our new machine overlords that I, for one, do not welcome. Good use of the song. Overall: Finnochietta A Recipe for Conscious Glass by Wrageowrapper Potatoes are still your best medium. I should have picked you for winner in Week I.  You pulled it off, you made the ingredients in glass interesting and amusing. Well, I think glass is awesome anyway, but interesting to normal people I guess. This is also loving crazy, and you really love anthropomorphizing inanimate objects, don't you? It's not quite good enough, though, the metal loving potato slaying has yet to be topped. Overall: Guanciale
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Sep 9, 2012 23:31
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The elders have convened We have returned from the sacred grove. Our naked bodies are smeared with dried blood of uncertain origin, animal fat, horse dung, and black mud. My arms outstretched, I step forward and raise my spiral-carved staff above the heads of the terrified, slavering masses. On my head is the skull and skin of a wolf, fangs hanging before my pointed brows. Stuporstar stands just to my left, eyelids fluttering, full, bloodstained lips moving in a rapid chant. Her hands hang at her sides, fingers twitching. Her hair is matted with fat and blood, hanging to her mud-caked breasts. Behind us stand toanoradian and areyoucontagious, both with palms together and heads down, muttering each their own different mantra. toanordadian's head is adorned with the skullcap and antlers of a magnificent stag. areyoucontagious wears the ancient skull of a long-dead giant, patterns scribed into the yellowed bone that dare the eye to follow the strange geometry. I say a word, and the masses twitch and shiver. The sound is wrong, almost inaudible, but it reverberates through skulls like a thousand tiny silver hammers. The other elders cease their chanting, all four with heads high and eyes rolled back behind flicking lashes. "We pass judgment," I say, my deep voice booming across the glade. "The champion of this bloodstained soil is Nyarai. But for a parry here, a thrust here, Dr. Kloctopussy or kangaroojunk would take this carven staff. Such is the Thunderdome." The masses cheer as one, voices hoarse with elation, exhaustion, and fear. I wave the staff for silence. My visage turns grim, terrifying, lips pulled back from long canines and large flat incisors. "There is one among us, one who has lost this holy contest. This one man shall be laid upon the altar, and for the second time. His soul shall be given to those who shall not be named." The people fall still, eyes wide and skin crawling. "This man's name..." "...is Chairchucker." The people groan as one, some covering their eyes. Sobs are heard, as well as a few fevered chuckles. I slam the horn-capped point of my staff into the mud, and again silence reigns. "Nyarai, come forth and take the staff. This is Thunderdome. We have spoken."
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Sep 10, 2012 01:14
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You were on thin ice, kiddo, believe me. Bottom three for sure.
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Sep 10, 2012 02:00
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Nyarai, post yer email of choice, and I'll send you one when I see it. Then you can delete it if you don't want it up.
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Sep 10, 2012 02:03
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Got it. I'll send you an email shortly.
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Sep 10, 2012 02:13
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Seriously? How the gently caress did you pull that off? Jill Thompson is awesome.
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Sep 10, 2012 02:21
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Okay, that makes more sense now. And that's a pretty insane rocket launcher thing. So they were building a truck MLRS. Maybe they'd still call it a technical, but we wouldn't. I still think the capitalized swear words have to go, though. They really break up the pace of the story. If you feel inspired, make a separate thread for a more fleshed-out version of this and I'll give you more feedback. Can't get enough post-apocalyptic.
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Sep 10, 2012 02:32
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