tumblr posted:

once my sister got rejected for a job at a web design company that she really wanted to work for so that night she hacked into their website and redirected it to her blog and the next day the CEO called her and hired her on the spot so moral of the story: if at first you don’t succeed, hack their website and make them beg for mercy

effervescible posted:

quote:

I was able to get hard again ( thank you alcohol ) pretty quick

hallo spacedog posted:

Not sure it works that way, buddy.

sharktamer posted:

The worst thing about that tumblr screenshot is the "I LOVE SCIENCE" poo poo. These people post screenshots of explosions and galaxies with huge "SCIENCE RAWKS" captions, despite not giving a poo poo about the (admittedly drier) details. In reality, they don't love science at all, that's the real stdh right there.

hallo spacedog posted:

Not sure it works that way, buddy.

melon cat posted:

The funny thing is any people I know who constantly talk about, "I LOVE SCIENCE/SCIENCE ROCKS!" on their Facebook are usually the biggest slackers/drop-outs I've ever known. I'm really convinced that they keep on spouting it in an attempt to make up for the fact that they actually know very little about science.

Heck, the smartest people I know don't go on harping about "SCIENCE FTW" because they're too busy working on some big, amazing projects.

quote:

These are fun to share, so here you go!

It's just another boring day at work, laying out panties and re-hanging bras and poo poo. Nothin' special happening.

Then this woman, who I swear to GOD, is the Mom from Mean Girls (like, 45, wearing Apple Bottoms, belly with Playboy belly ring hanging out, Juicy track jacket on, lots of fake tanner) and her daughter (probably 15-16) walk up to my counter. The daughter is definitely a nerd: random faded dyed hair, choker, Totoro shirt, faded jeans, Converse. My kind of teenager.

She looks at me and says "My daughter wants to get big girl underwear. She wants some sexy bras and panties like Mommy." The girl and I both look at each other, trying not to laugh, and I can tell the girl is sooo uncomfortable. I tell her we have lots of choices, and she's free to look around.
And then she goes on to pick up some thongs, hold them up to her daughter, and does the same with bras. Her daughter goes "mom..." like "Dude, mom. Stop it." And then she proceeds to yank up her OWN thong, and show it to me. It had once been white, but was covered in fake tanner. "One like this! I want her to match with Mommy!"

And then, as loud as she can, she goes on to tell her daughter "she's never gonna get dick if she doesn't learn to be sexy". This girl is mortified. Everyone in the area is looking at them. So, I approach the two of them, and nicely ask the mother to keep her voice down if she's going to use that kind of language, or I'd have to ask them to leave. She apologizes and laughs, and agrees to be more quiet. The girl looks at me, and mouths "thank you".

But, not ten minutes later, she's right back at it. Loudly talking about how she's too old to be a virgin, and that she needs to get a man. It's incredibly irritating, and both the girl and I are approaching our boiling points. When suddenly:

"MOM, I'M A LESBIAN!" she shouts, and her mom stops. Like a deer in headlights, she drops the bra she was holding, looks at her daughter, looks at me, and then puts her head down and walks out of the department. The girl sighs, and you can tell she's relieved. Meanwhile, the other four or five women in the area quietly clap for her. She follows her mom out of the store. I hope it ended well for her. She was a nice girl. PART 3: http://imgur.com/gallery/5fgoj

bringmyfishback posted:

But how lesbian was she? VERY lesbian?

oldpainless posted:

The most inaccurate part of the whole thing was saying a girl has to be sexy to get dick.

walrusman posted:

Yeah but...drama club dick? Brony convention dick? I would want my daughter to aim for a higher caliber of dick.

quote:

Like A Dog After A Bone
Grocery Store | USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Themed Giveaway

(It’s about half an hour before closing time on a Saturday, which is jokingly referred to by the employees as ‘the creeper hour’ because of all the strange customers we get during that time. However, this night has been relatively slow and weird-free. Customer #1, a man, comes to my line and sets down two cartons of ice cream.)

Me: “How are you today?”

Customer #1: “Fine, thanks. My dog wanted to go for a ride, so I thought I’d reward myself for listening to him.”

(I kind of laugh with the customer and ring through his order. After he pays, he still stands at my register, staring at me.)

Me: “Can I help you with anything else?”

Customer #1: “My dog is a real little dog. It’s probably tearing up my car right now. I can never get him to settle down.”

Me: “Yeah, smaller dogs tend to have more energy.”

Customer #1: “It’s because his parents are siblings.”

Me: “Oh…”

Customer #1: “I had the brother and sister dogs and they got together somehow. Had four puppies. One was born with heart problems and died. I gave two away.”

Me: *trying to not cringe* “Okay…”

Customer #1: “I don’t know how they did it. I don’t know why they did it. Why do brother and sister dogs f***? I caught them once. I couldn’t get the brother dog off his sister. You just never forget those kinds of things.”

Me: “Sir, do you mind just—”

(At this point, a second customer comes to my line. She loudly throws some soup cans on the conveyor belt.)

Customer #2: “Oh, hello, sweetie! How are you tonight?”

(Customer #1 glares at her and moves down a little, but still is at my register and opens his mouth as if to continue talking.)

Customer #2: *loudly* “Boy, I can’t believe how great the sales are this week! Oh, do you mind putting my milk in a bag? I hate to be a bother, but it’s just easier to carry.”

(Customer #1 finally seems to get that he can’t continue talking about his incestuous dogs and actually pouts as he walks away.)

Customer #2: “Actually sweetie, I’m sorry. I’m not done shopping yet. I still need to get a couple more things. You just looked like you needed a way out.”

Me: “Oh, my god, thank you so much. Here, I’ll unload the rest of your things and ring them through while you go get what else you need.”

Customer #2: “But did I hear him right? Did he really say what I think he said? Who even thinks that that’s okay?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t mean to be crass but if you think that’s weird then you don’t want to hear the other stuff people have said to me.”

(She laughs and gets the rest of her groceries. When she pays, she asks for $5 cash back and gives it to me for ‘putting up with the village of idiots.’)

Khazar-khum posted:

jodai posted:

I would guess he heard the term "whiskey dick" and thought it meant something completely different.

oldpainless posted:

The most inaccurate part of the whole thing was saying a girl has to be sexy to get dick.

probably cuck fiction posted:

My girlfriend dropped me off at the gym after I cleaned her kitchen and begged her for a ride. She forgot to pick me up and told me to get the bus since she’s going to see a movie with a “friend” from work. I got kicked off the bus because I didn’t have exact change and decided ‘gently caress it’, I’ll just walk the 4 miles. After jogging for 2 miles I realized I was going in the wrong direction.

I got back to her house 3 hours later and she still wasn’t home. I say down and took off my shoes. I had blisters all over my feet. Drank some water from the garden hose and tried to clean myself up. I layed on the cement next to the house and fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning some tall dude was leaving my girlfriend’s house. He looked down on me and got in his BMW.

My girlfriend wouldn’t let me in since she didn’t want any of my blood in the house. She told me to wait outside and that she would make me some food. I went back to sleep and woke up at about noon, stiff as hell. There was a dog bowl on the porch with some burned scrambled eggs and a piece of white bread. Later she told me that it was the only clean dish she could find and we eventually made up.

One day I overheard her work friend ask “How’s Rover?” a few times, and realized they are talking about me. I want to leave her but I love her so much it hurts.

axolotl farmer posted:

Thinky Whale posted:

Yeah that is some straight-up fetish there.

Conal Cochran posted:

From Tumblr

axolotl farmer posted:

Decrepus posted:

She didn't want his blood in the house? His blisters were so bad that his feet were bloody or something? From a few miles of walking?

Postal Parcel posted:

Spoiler alert: It's a story told from the viewpoint of a literal dog.

FrozenVent posted:

Where do I get one of these kitchen-cleaning dogs?

KiddieGrinder posted:

I wish that DID happen. or at least happened more often.

Explain How! posted:

People quote internet memes in real life all the time.

Lowly posted:

What's STDH about it is that the guy would be saying that stuff to her face. In reality, he would buy her a coffee, chat about whatever and then go bitch to his friends about it make an E/N thread about it.

quote:

Mothers In Disguise
Retail | OH, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(I am shopping to get some polos for my mom and my little brother, who are at a concert. I am a 20-year-old woman; however, my voice makes me sound younger. I also love a particular robot franchise. I am searching the toy aisle for a figure that I don’t have, when I approach another customer in the aisle.)

Customer: *huffs, turns to her husband* “Look at her. Can’t keep them together.”

Me: *looks at her*

Customer: “Yes, I am talking about you! You shouldn’t be having children at your age!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “And how can you afford to spoil your kid? You can’t get a decent job like that!”

Me: *realizing what she is implying* “Actually, I can spoil my kids.” *reaches into my shopping basket to pull out a can of cat treats* “See?”

Customer: *crosses her arms*

Me: “This…” *pulls a buildable figure off the rack* “…is for me.”

Customer: “So immature!”

(I am used to getting criticism for liking the robot franchise, which is aimed at younger boys.)

Me: *shrugs* “So?

(Just then, the woman’s son peers from another aisle.)

Customer’s Son: “Mommy, I can’t find them with the Legos.” *looks at me* “Is that [Character]?”

Me: “Yes, it is!”

Customer’s Son: “That’s the one I want!”

Customer: *turns to face away*

Me: *kneels down to hand it to her son* “Do you have [Other Character]? He goes with [Character].”

Customer’s Son: “Really?”

Me: “Yep! They and [Third Character] make a group known as a trine. They’re best together.”

(The woman’s husband grabs the other character’s box as the woman sulks away.)

Customer’s Son: “Thank you! Sorry Mommy was mean. She said [Franchise] is for little kids and I’m a big boy, but now I know it’s for big girls, too!”

Seth Dracovitch, July 2009 posted:

I've seen people get pounded for that. In a T2 tourney a while back (I think it was shortly after Planar Chaos) we had someone new come into the store who was pretty much the biggest ******* you could possibly think up. Belittles anyone not playing a top eight deck, not playing a deck under $300, pretty much everyone has talked of in this thread wrapped up in one, yeah that kind of guy. We shall call him... Idiotbox.

So this was before our shop got a prerelease, and the shop owner had a playset of the Prerelease Oros, the Avengers as the first place prize along with some amount of packs. As you can imagine I wanted those dragons. It comes down to me, Sarah (close friend of mine), Idiotbox, and some little kid who was new. As luck would have it, I faced the kid and Sarah got Idiotbox. And Sarah is not a nice girl when people talk down to her. I won against the kid 2-0 and felt kinda bad, seeing as he made it to the top four only to get ruined by me. I go over to watch Sarah's match and she is destroying Idiotbox with a monowhite agro deck in their second round. She won round one and he is not happy with that. He just keeps getting worse and worse with the arrogance and insults making Sarah angrier and angrier. She plays Akroma, Angel of Wrath and it hits the board. Two turns later Idiotbox is gone, and he loses it. Throws his deck and her deck across the room. Bad idea. When she punched him, he hit the floor hard and went from flaring red to pale in seconds, someone actually thought she killed him. Nope, he was outcold though. So she picks up her deck, trashes his, and it gets to our final round. Everyone calms down once she starts smiling and alughing in our match again. I ended winning by 1 life in the 3rd match, I got my dragons, gave the kid I beat the some odd amount of packs (I think it was six or eight) for getting to the top four in his first tournament, and we ended up dumping idiotbox in the bed of his truck. He never came in for his cards, nor did he ever come back.

Decrepus posted:

She didn't want his blood in the house? His blisters were so bad that his feet were bloody or something? From a few miles of walking?

Toriori posted:

Especially since he walked home from the gym. He needs better gym shoes.