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Squarely Circle
Jul 28, 2010

things worsen and worsen


Found Gay Beavers in an old phone book once.

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ToyotaThong
Oct 29, 2011


Went to school with a Bear Bryant and a Clint Eastwood.


I've worked with a Sumshine.

Once tipped a stripper who went by the stage-name Jennifer. When I asked about the name she said her real name was Stawberry.

For the longest time in the phone book there was a Chuck Roast.

Von Humboldt
Jan 13, 2009


When I lived in Louisiana, there was a fellow named Jesus Christ Hallelujah. I heard about him from family who met him when he came by the dentist, and I honestly did not believe he existed. Then I saw him on a local truck dealership ad, and there, at the bottom of his picture while he shilled a Ford, was 'Jesus C. Hallelujah'.

gamingCaffeinator
Sep 6, 2010

I shall sing you the song of my people.



that's my name, although I wholeheartedly admit I used to hate it and think it's silly; it doesn't help that my middle name follows the whole hippie-dippy theme. My brothers also bemoan their 'unique' names. All three of us wish our mother had not been the one to name us.

I've known a Spring, two Autumns, two other Summers, and a Winter. Also my best friend when I was about five was named Breeze.

I knew a girl named Shajuana (pronounced Sha-KWAH-nah), and another named Lironica when I was younger.

spite house
Apr 28, 2009



Friend of mine went to college with brothers named Cosmo and Om Buffalo

I myself went to high school with an April Showers. She had NO sense of humor about it.

There's an Olympic-medalist swimmer named Misty Hyman. I get that Hyman is an old-school, dignified family name and all, but you'd think that people named Hyman would know better than to name their children adjectives.

Idiot Kicker
Jun 13, 2007


Giant Isopod posted:

Playing around searching the social security death index a few years back, I found one gentleman named Electric Buttram

My dad knew a guy with that last name, who said it as "boo-TRAM."

Sure...

candywife
Mar 3, 2011


I giggled like an idiot when I saw William Wiener's card at work because he goes by Willy. Willy Wiener.

NO FUCK YOU DAD
Oct 23, 2008

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU


I went to school with a girl called Misty Bates. It wasn't intentional on anyone's part, she'd just bottomed out in the mum-taking-stepdad's-surname sweepstakes. I'm pretty sure she now goes by her middle name.

Cream-of-Plenty
Apr 21, 2010


At Oakland Airport, I heard a guy ask over the intercom, "is there an, uh," and he paused, like he wasn't sure it was real, "Ching Chong Lee present?" Ching Chong Lee.

Like Cpt. Spring Types, I worked in the military with a guy whose last name was Areola.

Donkwich
Feb 28, 2011




Grimey Drawer

ToyotaThong posted:

I've worked with a Sumshine.

Sumshine: When Sunshine doesn't scream 'desperately different' sufficiently.

Cream-of-Plenty posted:

Like Cpt. Spring Types, I worked in the military with a guy whose last name was Areola.

Was he good at storming hills?

Zhaan
Aug 7, 2012

Always like this.


I had to check a kid's ID last week and his surname was Nazi. He just kind of sighed and looked at me when he had to hand the card over. I don't blame him.

Breetai
Nov 6, 2005

Mah spoon is too big!


spite house posted:

There's an Olympic-medalist swimmer named Misty Hyman. I get that Hyman is an old-school, dignified family name and all, but you'd think that people named Hyman would know better than to name their children adjectives.

Her brother Rusty got the worse of it.




I taught English in mainland China for a while, and they choose anglicised names for themselves that range from the unpopular in the West to the completely ridiculous. Every class in the university had a Rainbow or Sunshine, there was a dude who chose Hamburger, and one girl had chosen the unfortunate name of Cowhush. Because it's what the horrible old alcoholic who taught her class used to say to her all the time.

Then I met a hairdresser who was named Viagra. Yes, he knew what it meant in English.



I also occasionally go rock climbing with a dude named Sundance, but he's such a cool gentle hippy type that I think he deserves a free pass.

Wrecking Ball
Jul 16, 2011


Holly Wood
Harry Mann
Apple

And the most masculine name you can have, Manbir. (Man-beer)

Leocadia
Dec 26, 2011


I went to school with a kid named Obiwan Ken Noble.

He was pretty okay with it, even though both his sisters had perfectly normal names.

Informer
Jun 8, 2011


Guy I knew changed his middle name to Turkey Sub.

Could be a walking ad for Subway. Eat Fresh!

I
Aug 4, 2006

by Y Kant Ozma Post


Giant Isopod posted:

Playing around searching the social security death index a few years back, I found one gentleman named Electric Buttram

I can't seem to find site site I was using, but this search confirms his existence
The SSDI seems to be unavailable to search, but if anyone with archives wants to look up the old thread/s, they are a goldmine of stupid names.
My mother worked at a University and came across a Chinese girl named Dung Bitch.
Many Asian students choose to use English names when studying abroad. I worked with a Malaysian girl called Rudeporn, but she went by the name Sun. Another who's name I can't remember went by the name Ice.

eating only apples
Dec 12, 2009

Shall we dance?



I knew a little boy named Indianna-Tiger.

satsui no thankyou
Apr 23, 2011


Ebony Dicks. Poor girl.

everyone wear hats now
Jul 29, 2010



Chewie Papas.

SALT CURES HAM
Jan 3, 2011


Leocadia posted:

I went to school with a kid named Obiwan Ken Noble.

He was pretty okay with it, even though both his sisters had perfectly normal names.

One, that's an amazing pun, and two, he can just go by Ken if "Obiwan" is too weird for him. I don't see the problem here.

ExplodingSquid
Aug 11, 2008



Working in call centers for 8+ years I've come across a lot! I used to had them written down but I've lost it.

One that I can remember though:

Mr Strawberry Darryl
Mr Rudolph Hitler
Mr The Man


The Man was an Asian fellow pronounced Teh.

Oh! I also dated a Hayley Ball middle name Crystal.

ExplodingSquid has a new favorite as of 09:22 on Sep 13, 2012

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010


I knew a man who called Barbara Smith, who married a man called Glenn Dwyre. After the wedding, she insisted everyone call her Barb.

Arsonist Daria
Feb 27, 2011

Requiescat in pace.


ExplodingSquid posted:

Mr Rudolph Hitler
Mr The Man


This thread is for terrible names, there must be a mix-up.

My ex-girlfriend requested I call her Ichigo. She was as white as you imagine.

Felix_Cat
Sep 15, 2008


Girl with the first name of Regret. That's gotta hurt. Also knew someone who was named for the alcoholic drink under the influence of which she was conceived.

Peanut President
Nov 5, 2008





I have some family somewhere who's three kids were named Bric, Brac, and Broc. Bric, Brac, and Broc Dike. Indiana.

My cousin's daughter is named Harley. I asked his wife once where "Harley" comes from and she replied "the motorcycle". I said "you really let him name y'alls daughter Harley like the motorcycle?" and she replied "no I named her that". They have a son now too but I don't think his name is Davidson.

Also I've never met him but there's a famous NASCAR driver named Dick Trickle.

Anais Nun
Apr 21, 2010


A friend of mine works in recruitment and had regular dealings with a hotel manager named Richard (Dick) Bottom. She nearly lost her poo poo completely when he took on a new deputy manager named Balls.

Sad sequel, the hotel - a lovely example of Art Deco architecture - closed and is currently falling into derelict status. I guess between Bottom and Balls it ain't what it used to be.

Scathach
Apr 4, 2011

You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.




I changed my name a few years back. I had to go in front of a judge, and the poor guy's name was Kirby Kongable. I like to think that he was sympathetic to people that wanted a new name.

A friend of mine used to babysit a blacksmith's kids who were named Anvil and Gauge.

A hippy girl I know named her son Ohm-Rin.

Scathach has a new favorite as of 10:36 on Sep 13, 2012

ants on my cum rag
Sep 2, 2011

"Oh God you got the spray gun, DO NOT LOSE IT, you seriously better not screw this up, I'm not kidding"
~~The Battle Hymn of the Contra Tiger Mother~~


These aren't real names but they are english names and these kids will probably use them when they grow older and don't know any better. I work at a foreign language school in China so the parents name their kids all sorts of poo poo that just sounds cool to them:

- Prince
- Dinosaur
- Juicy
- Handsome
- Minirain
- Angle
- Pariah

Arsonist Daria
Feb 27, 2011

Requiescat in pace.


The Worst Muslim posted:

These aren't real names but they are english names and these kids will probably use them when they grow older and don't know any better. I work at a foreign language school in China so the parents name their kids all sorts of poo poo that just sounds cool to them:

- Prince

This is just ridiculous. Everyone knows the correct spelling is "".

Xemloth
Mar 27, 2011

Wait, what?


Abbayagaelle. I also used to work with a guy called Richard Hunter, he was cool though so we only occasionally called him Dick Hunter

Portals
Apr 17, 2012



John Boehner, the current Speaker of the US House of Representatives. I know it's pronounced BAY-NER but no one in my high school Government class much cared about that.

Boing
Jul 12, 2005

trapped in custom title factory, send help

I love it when Asian people choose their own Westernised names, because you know some names but you don't know about their context or how they're going to be perceived, so I work with a dude named Gilbert (which is awesome) and have heard him talking about his roommate Sherlock.

Constipated
Nov 25, 2009

Gotta make that money man its still the same now


Aida
Arian
Ben Breedin
Golda
Tavish

Breetai
Nov 6, 2005

Mah spoon is too big!


Boing posted:

I love it when Asian people choose their own Westernised names, because you know some names but you don't know about their context or how they're going to be perceived, so I work with a dude named Gilbert (which is awesome) and have heard him talking about his roommate Sherlock.

On a similar note; a Singaporean ex-client named Dorkus.

We didn't know her last name, but every time we talked about her we referred to her as Ms Malorkus.

Chupe Raho Aurat
Jun 22, 2011

by Lowtax


At my job in the New Zealand tax department we got all sorts of weird names, i used to keep a list.

Muhammad Muhammad Muhammad
Zoro
Mr Smellie
Mrs Felapenis (Pronounced feel a penis)

and my favorate: Gaye Hoare.

Sizone
Sep 13, 2007

by LadyAmbien


Bich Face (though I don't quite remember the spelling of the last name) and a boy named Fuc. Pretty sure Vietnamese naming conventions are a guerilla warfare tactic. I'd imagine a few decades ago they were all rude French expressions.

Taliaquin
Dec 13, 2009

Turtle flu


Crow_Rodeo posted:

I don't think Xbox live gamer tags count...

I went to High School with a kid named Richard Rash, lovely.
...so did I.

Another girl I went to school with has named one of her many children Jaydann.

Not that I can say much about it. My parents named me after a dog, and no, her name wasn't Indiana.

Chupe Raho Aurat
Jun 22, 2011

by Lowtax


Taliaquin posted:

...so did I.

Another girl I went to school with has named one of her many children Jaydann.

Not that I can say much about it. My parents named me after a dog, and no, her name wasn't Indiana.

Lassie?

funkybottoms
Oct 28, 2010

Funky Bottoms is a land man

I used to have a list of great customer names, but it was on paper and I can't find it. A few that come to mind are Scarlett Cox, Giza Bustahnutt, Bootsie McCracken, and Inta Funk (who was actually a 50ish white woman with a trust fund).

My mother was a NICU nurse and came across a number of good names:

"Ma'am, before you leave the hospital, we need a name to put on the birth certificate."
"Oh, but I did name her"
"Um, it just says 'female' Lastname here, ma'am."
"No, that's my baby's name"
"Female?"
"No, Female (fuh-mall-ee)"
..........................
"Ma'am, are you sure you want to name your baby that? It's going to be really rough on her, and other children are probably going to tease her about it."
"But Diarrhea is such a pretty word!"

My dad was the counselor in a public-housing project elementary school and also encountered hundreds of interesting names. Of course I've forgotten most of them, but I do remember Qalvin (Calvin), multiple variations of Shitawnya, and, at one time, seven girls named Unique, although one was spelled differently: Quniqua. Yeah, you could say that was pronounced... uniquely

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Taeke
Feb 2, 2010



My parents nearly named me Arjen after my grandpa, pronounced pretty much the same way as in the OP. It's not an uncommon Dutch name, and pretty normal around here.

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