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remigious
May 13, 2009

Destruction comes inevitably




Hell Gem

KirbyKhan posted:

Gonna get my kid hooked on Dungeons and Dragons to socialize my child while preventing any teenage pregnancy. Same as I was taught, same as my forefathers.

Stealing this idea! On a serious note, I watched my dad play D&D when I was a kid and always wanted to join. I found a group to play in in high school but of course we grew up and apart. I would love to teach my kid to play someday.

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L0cke17
Nov 29, 2013



KirbyKhan posted:

Gonna get my kid hooked on Dungeons and Dragons to socialize my child while preventing any teenage pregnancy. Same as I was taught, same as my forefathers.

Didn't you hear? D&D is cool now.

Nessa
Dec 15, 2008



remigious posted:

Stealing this idea! On a serious note, I watched my dad play D&D when I was a kid and always wanted to join. I found a group to play in in high school but of course we grew up and apart. I would love to teach my kid to play someday.

My baby already joins us for our online D&D sessions. My husband and I co-DM. Even though we are the ones with an infant, it’s always the other people who are super late or have to go to bed early.

L0cke17
Nov 29, 2013



Nessa posted:

My baby already joins us for our online D&D sessions. My husband and I co-DM. Even though we are the ones with an infant, it’s always the other people who are super late or have to go to bed early.

This has been our experience too.

Big Taint
Oct 19, 2003



LOL if your baby doesn’t keep you to a strict schedule.

Koivunen
Oct 7, 2011

there's definitely no logic
to human behaviour

Thanks for the input re: parenting styles and friendship.

The behaviors that kind of shocked me were mostly how physically mean the older kid was to his little brother, and how little of a reaction (if any) she had in response. I know that siblings fight, but the baby was just doing baby things like crawling around, entertaining himself with toys, standing up using furniture, etc. Then the older kid would randomly kick him in the face, shove him to the floor, repeatedly smash his head in our open baby gate, beat him with toys... and she hardly did anything about it. Me and my husband had stronger reactions, and were the ones saying “don’t hit” or “be gentle” or whatever. Maybe this is a normal boy thing, but I’ve never seen a little kid be so mean before.

He didn’t hit my kid, but he did forcefully rip several toys out of her hands, and ended up throwing stuff all over our house. Like things off the counter and dishes and food and whatnot.

She embraces the philosophy of having “free-range” kids, she even has a crafty sign in her house saying so, but it seems to be like she’s given up on trying to reign in her older kid at all, and she just lets him do what he wants. I have seen her punish him for doing dangerous things, like running into the street, or hitting adults while trying to hurt them, but the second he sees that she’s mad, he starts to melt down, and then she’s giving him cuddles and offering TV or candy or something.

I got some sleep today thanks to my husband taking over on entertaining or kid so I could nap, and I realize that my initial post was a lot more dramatic than how I’m feeling now. Her kid is kind of a terror, but I’m a mom too and I can control the situations I choose to put my kid in.

cailleask
May 6, 2007



Yeah that's not okay - and I say that as someone with a 3.5 year old boy. Mine certainly has a more intense and more physical energy than his sister did at that age, but there's no reason he cannot be redirected or told to be gentle or reminded that other people can feel hurt from his actions.

It won't work without constant reinforcement and repeatition, and it sounds like your friend isn't interested. We cut out people for the same thing, and it became obvious that there were irreconcilable parenting differences right around that age.

nwin
Feb 25, 2002

make's u think


Fallen Rib

Koivunen posted:

Thanks for the input re: parenting styles and friendship.

The behaviors that kind of shocked me were mostly how physically mean the older kid was to his little brother, and how little of a reaction (if any) she had in response. I know that siblings fight, but the baby was just doing baby things like crawling around, entertaining himself with toys, standing up using furniture, etc. Then the older kid would randomly kick him in the face, shove him to the floor, repeatedly smash his head in our open baby gate, beat him with toys... and she hardly did anything about it. Me and my husband had stronger reactions, and were the ones saying “don’t hit” or “be gentle” or whatever. Maybe this is a normal boy thing, but I’ve never seen a little kid be so mean before.

He didn’t hit my kid, but he did forcefully rip several toys out of her hands, and ended up throwing stuff all over our house. Like things off the counter and dishes and food and whatnot.

She embraces the philosophy of having “free-range” kids, she even has a crafty sign in her house saying so, but it seems to be like she’s given up on trying to reign in her older kid at all, and she just lets him do what he wants. I have seen her punish him for doing dangerous things, like running into the street, or hitting adults while trying to hurt them, but the second he sees that she’s mad, he starts to melt down, and then she’s giving him cuddles and offering TV or candy or something.

I got some sleep today thanks to my husband taking over on entertaining or kid so I could nap, and I realize that my initial post was a lot more dramatic than how I’m feeling now. Her kid is kind of a terror, but I’m a mom too and I can control the situations I choose to put my kid in.

Yeah-no. Not ok. I’ve got a 2.5 son and his baby brother comes next month and I definitely won’t be allowing any of that to happen.

Lead out in cuffs
Sep 18, 2012

"That's right. We've evolved."

"I can see that. Cool mutations."



Koivunen posted:

Thanks for the input re: parenting styles and friendship.

The behaviors that kind of shocked me were mostly how physically mean the older kid was to his little brother, and how little of a reaction (if any) she had in response. I know that siblings fight, but the baby was just doing baby things like crawling around, entertaining himself with toys, standing up using furniture, etc. Then the older kid would randomly kick him in the face, shove him to the floor, repeatedly smash his head in our open baby gate, beat him with toys... and she hardly did anything about it. Me and my husband had stronger reactions, and were the ones saying “don’t hit” or “be gentle” or whatever. Maybe this is a normal boy thing, but I’ve never seen a little kid be so mean before.

He didn’t hit my kid, but he did forcefully rip several toys out of her hands, and ended up throwing stuff all over our house. Like things off the counter and dishes and food and whatnot.

She embraces the philosophy of having “free-range” kids, she even has a crafty sign in her house saying so, but it seems to be like she’s given up on trying to reign in her older kid at all, and she just lets him do what he wants. I have seen her punish him for doing dangerous things, like running into the street, or hitting adults while trying to hurt them, but the second he sees that she’s mad, he starts to melt down, and then she’s giving him cuddles and offering TV or candy or something.

I got some sleep today thanks to my husband taking over on entertaining or kid so I could nap, and I realize that my initial post was a lot more dramatic than how I’m feeling now. Her kid is kind of a terror, but I’m a mom too and I can control the situations I choose to put my kid in.

Yeah my partner and I know a lot of hippy types, and it's a recurring problem where people (generally not people we're close to) want to be so "free-range" that they never provide their kids with boundaries. Kids that age get anxious when they have completely free rein, and start acting out (like this kid). And (going by some of the kids we've seen) they can end up with a lot of behavioral and mental health issues later on.

Like, sure it's good to be "free-range" in the sense of fostering independence and not being a helicopter parent, but kids also need structure to backstop that.

(And yeah, if I were in your position, I'd be keeping my kid away from that kid too.)


External Organs posted:

I remember a friend of mine holding her less than one year old over the toilet trying to make the magic happen.

It might be a thing, idk. I don't have that kind of time..

Oh yeah, it's a thing. We've been loosely following "elimination communication", where you start offering kids the toilet or potty pretty early, and start trying to get communication going with them over that. Our kid was peeing/pooing on the change table a lot, so we started offering him the potty at two months. He really took to it, and if you put him on the potty he will fairly reliably at least try to go. So now we offer it every time we change him, and try to watch for his cues. Maybe half his pee and most of his poo goes in the potty, and we'll sometimes even get dry diapers. He's 5.5 months.

We have friends who also did this, and had their daughter fully potty trained at 18 months.



Hadlock posted:

I don't think our baby has ever woke up from deep sleep due to every day noises. I guess if we dropped a pot or pans in the kitchen and then screamed really loud she might wake up

Our living room big screen tv is bolted to the same wall that is shared with the crib in the nursery, and we made zero changes to our tv and wine schedule/volume and the baby just sleeps right through everything

We have one of those hatch rest baby white noise generators and I'll put that on if our also-fully-vaccinated close friends come over for the evening or whatever

The more noise you make around them, the better

Lol our kid came home from hospital just in time for Halloween weekend, in the last year when fireworks were still legal in our city. So for two of his first outside the womb he got to experience an accurate auditory simulation of being in a warzone. Since then he's been generally pretty chill about loud noises.

Super Slash
Feb 20, 2006

You rang ?

Koivunen posted:

Then the older kid would randomly kick him in the face, shove him to the floor, repeatedly smash his head in our open baby gate, beat him with toys... and she hardly did anything about it.
That's a no from me dawg, like major no.

Between our 4 and 1 year old, if the older one pushes around or otherwise gets too rowdy with the little one he gets disciplined WAY away before escalating anything described here.
Like if he's hassling the little one he'll be told to leave him along and play something else, and we'll just move them apart if it continues... one time he pushed him into into a toy playpen thing we've got and thankfully didn't hurt his head, but the older one was in a poo poo LOAD of trouble from doing such a thing.

life is killing me
Oct 28, 2007



Yeah kicking and hitting a baby sibling is not normal boy behavior. Our 2.9yo’s baby sister is due like, Monday (inducing) and from about 1-2mo preggo we’ve been teaching him how to be gentle with babies and prepping him for his baby sister. We got him a baby doll and he walks around holding her, rocking her, and feeding her and telling us, “we gentle with baby sister.”

He’s a high-energy kid himself and can be challenging at times (like this morning when we said it’s toy cleanup time and he brought out his giant foam blocks and dumped them put while looking me right in the eye after being told explicitly not to do that, and got a time-out for it) but he’s generally a good-natured boy, and the rest we nurture good behaviors and reward them.

BadSamaritan
May 2, 2008

crumb by crumb in this big black forest



Our 2 year old really likes trying to pull the baby’s pacifier out so she can sweetly and helpfully put it back in. We’re shutting it down, but man, toddlers are tough even when they mean well.

Ben Nevis
Jan 20, 2011


Yeah, we try some free range stuff, but that's some bullshit there. So is "Boys just hit people." Neither of our kids, boy or girl, just hits people. They're kids, so naturally they've tried at some point but that's gotta be shut down.

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life is killing me
Oct 28, 2007



Hitting is a thing toddlers in general do, and when they start to do it it’s not necessarily out of malice, it’s just a way of expressing themselves when they don’t know how else to do it. It should definitely be quashed lest they learn that hitting is okay, but I basically ignored it when it started and didn’t react. Now we are more intentional about reminding him not to hit—even though I can count on one hand the number of times he’s hit either one of us in the past year and a half.

But I hate the stereotype of “boys do this” and “girls do this.” If one looks closely, toddlers have lots of behaviors they have in common and those having nothing to do with their biological sex as far as I can tell. Like if someone tells me, “my toddler hit a friend at school,” unless they identified it, I wouldn’t be able to pick out and go, “Oh that must have been a boy/girl that did that.”

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