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space uncle
Sep 17, 2006

"I don’t care if Biden beats Trump. I’m not offloading responsibility. If enough people feel similar to me, such as the large population of Muslim people in Dearborn, Michigan. Then he won’t"


More anecdote for the person trying to collect sibling data-

I have one bio sibling who is 2 years apart from me and we are very close. I loved having them as a sibling growing up and now.

My parents split up and each had their own blended families with lots of step siblings of largely varying ages. I was never as close to them and am still not particularly close to any step siblings.

My wife has a sibling that’s 15 years older, which is such a large gap that they were never close. She’s actually much closer personally and in age to his kid and her nephew.

We’re torn - I definitely agree with the folks describing the feeling of “barely holding on.” We also had lots of health complications from birth that I’ve bitched about previously in the thread and swore off bio kids from now on. We may still adopt another kid but it seems overwhelming.

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Koivunen
Oct 7, 2011

there's definitely no logic
to human behaviour
My husband and I were both only children. He didn’t mind it, had lots of neighborhood friends to hang out with. I hated it and always wished I hat a sibling (still do). I didn’t like being the center of attention, and I didn’t get to hang out with friends much, so I was super lonely. As an adult I wish I had some person who understands what being raised by my parents was like, and when they do weird things now it would be so nice to call up a sibling and be like “Hey guess what mom did” or whatever.

I want that for my kid. Even if they aren’t best of friends, I want for them to have someone who they can call if stuff ever happens in our family, good or bad. And when we get older, it would be nice to not put so much responsibility on one person when it comes to aging and dying and dealing with all that stuff.

If they turn out to be super close, that will just be the icing on the cake. We’ve got a two year old girl and are expecting a boy in June, so we will see if it all works out.

BonoMan
Feb 20, 2002

Jade Ear Joe

Koivunen posted:

My husband and I were both only children. He didn’t mind it, had lots of neighborhood friends to hang out with. I hated it and always wished I hat a sibling (still do). I didn’t like being the center of attention, and I didn’t get to hang out with friends much, so I was super lonely. As an adult I wish I had some person who understands what being raised by my parents was like, and when they do weird things now it would be so nice to call up a sibling and be like “Hey guess what mom did” or whatever.

I want that for my kid. Even if they aren’t best of friends, I want for them to have someone who they can call if stuff ever happens in our family, good or bad. And when we get older, it would be nice to not put so much responsibility on one person when it comes to aging and dying and dealing with all that stuff.

If they turn out to be super close, that will just be the icing on the cake. We’ve got a two year old girl and are expecting a boy in June, so we will see if it all works out.

Yeah this is exactly why we did it. Not because being raised as an only child is bad or whatever... just that the closeness of siblings (that even don't get along) is something unique. I came from a family of five (lol gently caress that tho how the hell did my mom do it?!?!?) and I loved having siblings even at our worst times.

boquiabierta posted:



e: anyone have any advice for making it easier to give the kiddo medication? he's 14 months and having his first ear infection, and having to give liquid amoxicillin plus tylenol plus anti-tussive meds through a syringe every few hours .. well, we're lucky if most of it ends up down his throat. seriously, anyone got a trick for making a screaming, writhing almost-toddler chill out a bit to take their meds?


No real advice here to make them calm down. They won't. Just try to get the syringe in the back cheek part. Don't go directly into the mouth throat. The side works best. Also at 14 months... might you be able to mix it with something?

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

Have someone restrain, get the syringe to the back of the cheek and do a little bit at a time. Blow on their face forcing them to swallow after each small syringe. This is the only time I'm this forceful with my kids because it's a medical issue. Thankfully my second isn't as resistant to medicine as my first was.

BonoMan
Feb 20, 2002

Jade Ear Joe

Alterian posted:

Have someone restrain, get the syringe to the back of the cheek and do a little bit at a time. Blow on their face forcing them to swallow after each small syringe. This is the only time I'm this forceful with my kids because it's a medical issue. Thankfully my second isn't as resistant to medicine as my first was.

Oh yeah forgot the blow on their face part. That poo poo works like a charm.

edit: Also ear infections suck. We had 3 severe infections before 6 months with our latest. Got tubes put in at 9 months which was a GODSEND. Ear infections immediately stopped. Now at 21 months they're about to be out. A little early, but not early enough to bother putting them back in. So now I expect those little feverish fuckers to come roaring back.

External Organs
Mar 3, 2006

One time i prank called a bear buildin workshop and said I wanted my mamaws ashes put in a teddy from where she loved them things so well... The woman on the phone did not skip a beat. She just said, "Brang her on down here. We've did it before."
Just wanted to say thanks to all the extremely thoughtful responses regarding the more kids / siblings / only child stuff. The decision is still a ways off and I'm not sure why I'm thinking about it so much- probably because I feel like we are hitting the groove of our current routine.

VorpalBunny
May 1, 2009

Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog
I just wandered back in this thread to share that I just caught my 7-year old son pantsless, rubbing his penis while watching Pokemon videos on Youtube. That was unexpected.

Parenting is fun!

PerniciousKnid
Sep 13, 2006

VorpalBunny posted:

I just wandered back in this thread to share that I just caught my 7-year old son pantsless, rubbing his penis while watching Pokemon videos on Youtube. That was unexpected.

Parenting is fun!

Stupid sexy Squirtle.

femcastra
Apr 25, 2008

If you want him,
come and knit him!
My 3 year old is starting to weaponise her farts. Waits until she’s on our laps or we’re scrubbing her in the tub and lets rip. To be clear too, those farts are like hot garbage.

KirbyKhan
Mar 20, 2009



Soiled Meat

VorpalBunny posted:

I just wandered back in this thread to share that I just caught my 7-year old son pantsless, rubbing his penis while watching Pokemon videos on Youtube. That was unexpected.

Parenting is fun!

Team Rocket is blasting off agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiin~

majestic12
Sep 2, 2003

Pete likes coffee

External Organs posted:

Just wanted to say thanks to all the extremely thoughtful responses regarding the more kids / siblings / only child stuff. The decision is still a ways off and I'm not sure why I'm thinking about it so much- probably because I feel like we are hitting the groove of our current routine.

I feel like you’ll be able to feel what’s best for your family. We wanted kids within 2-3 years together, and our 3.5 year old is super loving and gentle with her baby sister and the baby is very into her too, and of course we’re happy about that. But there’s no guarantee that’ll continue forever. We wanted at least two kids because (a bit morbidly) we felt they should still be able to have some close family after we’re gone. Of course there’s no guarantees there either. We kinda sorta maybe would one day like a third child but almost certainly not have a third pregnancy.

I’m friendly with my two siblings but not super duper close; we had a good relationship growing up, just haven’t kept in very close touch. My wife is pretty close with her one sibling and it’s been good for them to call weekly

VorpalBunny
May 1, 2009

Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog
Oh hey, sibling chat! I was an only child, in a very dysfunctional family, so it was a sad lonely childhood. As a result, I am very independent which can be useful. But I swore if I had kids, I would have at least 2. My husband was youngest of 2, his brother is an older stick-in-the-mud so most of his childhood was spent playing with the neighbors who were similar in age. They are still good friends today.

We decided to start for kids at 30, my husband established a career and we stumbled into a stupid cheap house. I quit my career, had the first kid, then after about 1 year tried for the second and get pregnant right away. They are ~2 years apart. Then we decided to try fostering and ended up adopting the first infant placed with us. We tried fostering again, and adopted the next infant placed with us. The house is now full, and at the right time of year they are all "2 years apart" (10, 8, 6, 4). 2 boys, 2 girls.

The kids are very loud, it is a loving chaos and they all hate/love each other. The oldest and the youngest have a great bond, and the middle kids are best friends & worst enemies sometimes in the same day. The pandemic has largely been tolerable because they all have each other to hang out with, but it has also been very difficult at times because the only escape my husband and I have is when they are all in bed and we often find ourselves in the vicious cycle of staying up way too late to decompress and then the kids are up at dawn and we are overtired and the chaos begins again.

I hope they all stay friends as they get older. I hope we can have the family get togethers later in life that I always dreamed of as a kid. I'm trying to enjoy every moment that I can, even when it's really loving stressful around here.

Tom Smykowski
Jan 27, 2005

What the hell is wrong with you people?
9 month old just managed to get a hold off an old diaper and goddamn that little dude can get poo poo everywhere fast

Joey Steel
Jul 24, 2019
Oh yeah, sibling chat. Before my wife and I ever got serious, we both mentioned in passing that we'd like a family of "have one, adopt one", and so far we're on track with having one, and I think we'll start the process of adopting a child when she finishes residency and our kid is ~2-3 years old. The infancy and 'gently caress your sleep' phase is not for us as a couple. Neither of us are nice when down too much sleep.

Due to some disturbing statistics of foster life I read about that I don't want to get into, I'm pushing for adopting a girl. Happily my wife is onboard with it.

I grew up with an older brother I'm close with (though we don't chat so much) and a younger sister I have refused to talk to for the past two years now, since she has refused to apologize for calling my wife a venereal diseased, physically abusive cheater (she is none of those things). She is not a very nice person, and I worry about her two daughters sometimes.

My wife is an only child with only her mother, but she has a couple of "found family" sisters that she grew up with.

So yeah, YMMY when it comes to siblings being close :v:

Joey Steel fucked around with this message at 14:01 on Mar 31, 2021

killer crane
Dec 30, 2006

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019

Sibling chat: my wife wanted at least two, I wanted no more than two, so our whole 5/10/50 year plan involved two kids.

Then her second pregnancy ended up being twins, and now we have three kids, and the twin's first year and a half were excruciating, and our life plan is a big shrug (which is getting better, but those first two years were survival mode).

My wife says we're a cautionary tale to those who can't decide if they want more kids.

All that to say: sometimes planning for kids just doesn't work out.

His Divine Shadow
Aug 7, 2000

I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do.
Wondering if my kids are too eager to hug other people. They rushed up and gave a friend a hug at preschool, didn't ask and kinda surprised him. Not sure that's a big deal since they are kids and kids do stuff like that to each other. But then I heard from my SO that one of them also did the same to the same kids mom later in the day when she camer to pick him up. She was apparently a bit taken aback by it.

I need to figure out a way to get them to understand it's not OK all the time to initiate physical contact withot asking.

L0cke17
Nov 29, 2013

Need advice on getting 10mo to drink water.

Doctor said he should be drinking ~50/50 water to juice and milk. Kiddo will maybe drink it in 30/70 ratios most days but just sits there thirsty demanding drinks but then refusing water when we offer that.

How do I get him to drink more without just ignoring his "I'm thirsty" signs til he gets thirsty enough to drink water. Doing that usually is a 1 way trip to tantrum town.

sheri
Dec 30, 2002

You just gotta wait until he's thirsty enough for water. If he says he's thirsty then offer him water or formula or breast milk or whatever and if he refuses he refuses.

Tantrum town is going to be around for a while and a lot of the time you just have to deal with the rage and move on.

life is killing me
Oct 28, 2007

Yeah tantrums have to work themselves out, trying to quell them actually makes them worse in my experience. Gotta do your best to ignore for now, and when kiddo is older you can teach them how to calm themselves down actively too.

But if you try to force something on your kid they don’t want you’re gonna have a bad time and it’s a great way to bring about a tantrum. At least three things I can think of off the top of my head you literally can’t force an infant or toddler to do: eat, drink, sleep. If they don’t wanna do any one of those things, no amount of effort toward that will get them to do it until they want to.

Eggnogium
Jun 1, 2010

Never give an inch! Hnnnghhhhhh!

L0cke17 posted:

Need advice on getting 10mo to drink water.

Doctor said he should be drinking ~50/50 water to juice and milk. Kiddo will maybe drink it in 30/70 ratios most days but just sits there thirsty demanding drinks but then refusing water when we offer that.

How do I get him to drink more without just ignoring his "I'm thirsty" signs til he gets thirsty enough to drink water. Doing that usually is a 1 way trip to tantrum town.

If you really have to quickly change the ratio you could try weaning off bottles? At 12 months my kid was drinking 24 oz of formula a day even though onesheet from doctor’s office said he should be down to 16 (our doctor didn’t really care though and said 24 was fine for now). For the next month we weaned him off bottles and onto sippy cups for milk and while that involved some tantrums for sure it also shifted his milk intake down and water intake up as he wasn’t idly drinking milk as a tasty pacifier.

Hippie Hedgehog
Feb 19, 2007

Ever cuddled a hedgehog?

L0cke17 posted:

Need advice on getting 10mo to drink water.

Doctor said he should be drinking ~50/50 water to juice and milk. Kiddo will maybe drink it in 30/70 ratios most days but just sits there thirsty demanding drinks but then refusing water when we offer that.

How do I get him to drink more without just ignoring his "I'm thirsty" signs til he gets thirsty enough to drink water. Doing that usually is a 1 way trip to tantrum town.

I'm surprised the doctor suggested giving juice at all. All sweet drinks including fruit juice are discouraged for kids, where I'm at. The argument being it has no nourishment value (just calories) and heavy on the sugar and acids, ie bad for both the teeth and for forming sweet-tooth habits.

Nothing wrong with offering milk (regular cow's milk, I assume?) as a drink though. On the one hand, it's a bit of a trade-off because they might eat less solids if they have milk with meals. On the other hand, the milk is more balanced in nourishment in itself so they won't starve.

BTW, if you think your 10-month old can throw a tantrum, you've got another thing coming in about 8-10 months... Step up your game! ;)

L0cke17
Nov 29, 2013

Hippie Hedgehog posted:

I'm surprised the doctor suggested giving juice at all. All sweet drinks including fruit juice are discouraged for kids, where I'm at. The argument being it has no nourishment value (just calories) and heavy on the sugar and acids, ie bad for both the teeth and for forming sweet-tooth habits.

Nothing wrong with offering milk (regular cow's milk, I assume?) as a drink though. On the one hand, it's a bit of a trade-off because they might eat less solids if they have milk with meals. On the other hand, the milk is more balanced in nourishment in itself so they won't starve.

BTW, if you think your 10-month old can throw a tantrum, you've got another thing coming in about 8-10 months... Step up your game! ;)

He's supposed to drink 4-8oz of apple juice a day because he's prone to constipation. Doctor said it was the least invasive thing to do for it in our case.

wizzardstaff
Apr 6, 2018

Zorch! Splat! Pow!
Spring is here and it's great! Our yard is big and beautiful and the kid loves to run around in the warm weather. She's getting tons of exercise and fresh air and she's so happy.

Spring is here and it stinks! The big, beautiful yard is much more appealing than naps, dinner, or anything else in the house...but not more appealing than a tantrum at the suggestion she come inside.

femcastra
Apr 25, 2008

If you want him,
come and knit him!

L0cke17 posted:

He's supposed to drink 4-8oz of apple juice a day because he's prone to constipation. Doctor said it was the least invasive thing to do for it in our case.

Maybe a smoothie made with pear juice, berries and coconut cream? Both pear juice and coconut cream are natural laxatives and it might be a bit more pleasant for the kid.

KirbyKhan
Mar 20, 2009



Soiled Meat
You must steel your soul for the tantrum and surpress your own rage while not giving your child a hint of exasperation, for shows of weakness encourage tantrums as a tool for getting what the child wants. Basically channel your Christian Bale from Equilibrium.

But here I am with a newborn who doesn't really cry yet. Worst he does so far is fret and it's pretty cool.

KirbyKhan fucked around with this message at 01:24 on Apr 1, 2021

majestic12
Sep 2, 2003

Pete likes coffee

KirbyKhan posted:

You must steel your soul for the tantrum and surprises your own rage while not giving your child a hint of exasperation, for shows of weakness encourage tantrums as a tool for getting what the child wants. Basically channel your Christian Bale from Equilibrium.

But here I am with a newborn who doesn't really cry yet. Worst he does so far is fret and it's pretty cool.

It’s the fuckin truth. We describe it as adding energy to a hurricane. Just have to ride it out.

External Organs
Mar 3, 2006

One time i prank called a bear buildin workshop and said I wanted my mamaws ashes put in a teddy from where she loved them things so well... The woman on the phone did not skip a beat. She just said, "Brang her on down here. We've did it before."
My 11 month old learned to spin around while standing up today, so that was cute. So far she's a zoolander though and can only turn right.

She will probably use it as a tantrum move someday.

Dobbs_Head
May 8, 2008

nano nano nano

Re: tantrums

The thing I found that works with my kiddo and tantrums is to be calm, do deep meditative breathing while saying “breath in, breath out”, and ask her questions about what she wants.

The breathing and questions are super powerful with her. The deep breathing worked when she was really young too. It’s at the point now that if she’s upset, she’ll usually want to breath with me to calm down.

I find that if I repeat back what she wants and ask her to confirm that I heard her right really calms her down. I don’t always give her what she wants, but I think by making her feel heard it takes some of the righteous anger away.

She’s not even 2, but she definitely understands some really complex explanations and is visibly comforted by getting them.

life is killing me
Oct 28, 2007

That doesn’t work with our kid—you try to say anything he just screams over you. We’ve taken to ignoring the tantrum and eventually he cools off and it’s like it never happened. He’s notorious for having one after he wakes up from his nap for some reason, I’ve still no idea why but he is a giant crankbutt when he wakes from nap time and if you even go in all sunny and cheery to talk to him and offer him a snack or whatever he just melts the gently caress down.

He knows how to calm himself but when he’s really in the throes he just refuses to, and when he’s semi-calm he will finally do it. Even then he’s a hair trigger for a bit. We typically will reassure him that we still love him and then redirect from there, but during the actual tantrum there is no redirection or anything that is possible.

We will not even begin to negotiate during or after a tantrum, but if he calms himself like a big boy we praise him for it

femcastra
Apr 25, 2008

If you want him,
come and knit him!
Yeah peak tantrum so far for us has been 2.5 to 3. I thought I knew what a tantrum was at 18 months until that hit.

For us, hunger and fatigue exacerbate everything.

It does get better.

life is killing me
Oct 28, 2007

femcastra posted:

Yeah peak tantrum so far for us has been 2.5 to 3. I thought I knew what a tantrum was at 18 months until that hit.

For us, hunger and fatigue exacerbate everything.

It does get better.

Can confirm—tantrums at 18mo are blips on the radar compared to 2.5-3

Hadlock
Nov 9, 2004

What happens at 2.5-3 that causes the peak? Just frustration with life and that they don't have total control over everything? That they understand they have limits?

femcastra
Apr 25, 2008

If you want him,
come and knit him!

Hadlock posted:

What happens at 2.5-3 that causes the peak? Just frustration with life and that they don't have total control over everything? That they understand they have limits?

Dunno. My theory is issues with self regulation - lots of big emotions and no idea what to do with them. Also an awareness that they have some autonomy and so when things go outside of their choices, there’s push back.

For us it’s important to recognise the emotions as valid, it’s really real for her, even if it’s ridiculous to us. V hard in the heat of the moment though and it’s often easier after the big blowup.

calandryll
Apr 25, 2003

Ask me where I do my best drinking!



Pillbug
We are in that peak time right now. I would assume that it is pretty much all you said in addition to having a good grasp of language but the inability to articulate. Luckily, we haven't had too many major tantrums.

KirbyKhan
Mar 20, 2009



Soiled Meat
Baby Monitor Poll:

Assuming you have some baby monitoring video apparatus: When you lay your child down to bed, do you move the camera to face your child or do you move your child's head to face the camera?

Vorkosigan
Mar 28, 2012


Usually position the baby, camera stays where it is.

Andos El Pantos
May 7, 2004
Our camera is mounted on the wall pointed straight down into the crib for a birds eye view at all times.

davebo
Nov 15, 2006

Parallel lines do meet, but they do it incognito
College Slice

Andos El Pantos posted:

mounted on the wall

Same here. Not sure what good pointing camera at one side or the other would do. Do your babies not end up shifting into every direction at all four corners of the crib throughout the night?

life is killing me
Oct 28, 2007

I just kind of thought everyone mounted theirs on the wall. It’s a necessity when the kiddos become mobile because it will get messed with

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Andos El Pantos
May 7, 2004
It does get a little creepy sometimes when he's tired but still barely awake and lays on his back staring directly into the camera with the ultra bright eyes that nightvision gives people.

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