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There was a machine that let humans communicate with cats and I found out mine was really upset that I'd had her spayed. I agreed to be a surrogate mother for her and ended up giving birth to kittens all over the place while attempting to go about my everyday life like there weren't hundreds of kittens coming out of me.
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Nov 21, 2012 12:10
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The city in New Zealand where I live was damaged by earthquakes so the government replaced the most severely damaged part with the contiguous United States. I had to drive all the way across it to get home from work. I got lost almost immediately, while looking for a petrol station in California. I got out of my car because I thought it might be easier to find one on foot and a woman grabbed me and dragged me into a building. She wanted me to record a statement saying the video of her crying over her young son's disappearance was totally not faked, but in the video it was obvious she was dripping the tears onto her face from an eyedropper and the snot coming from her nose was just green pieces of paper she'd stuck up there. I agreed to record the statement anyway because she was probably a murderer and I didn't want to die but I tried to put in a secret message saying I was lying by overemphasising certain syllables. She kept noticing and making me start again.
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Feb 1, 2013 09:08
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All of the toilets at work were being fixed, so I went into the kitchen and started pissing in the sink. The CEO walked in on me and I thought I was going to get fired but it turned out he'd come into the kitchen to piss in the sink too.
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Apr 28, 2013 03:02
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