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This is less a dumb story and more a range story, considering that's what we're talking about. There's still a lot of dumb involved, but it was a group effort. Our basic platoon had just switched over to MOS training at Ft. Sill. The gun bunnies were mostly done with their round identification/loading procedures/whatever-the-gently caress-13Bs-do-in-basic, while we were getting fairly balls deep into land nav. On this exciting day, we were to undergo most of our U.S. Weapons qualifications (e.g. "Take this SAW/AT-4/50/240/203, point it at what I tell you, and hit it"). Now, since we were devoting our time almost exclusively to land nav at this point of OSUT, my prep to these weapons was a quick 10-30 minute brief, followed by, "If you think you are going to gently caress up (and Satan's rear end in a top hat help you if you think about loving up), we will fix your issues pron-gently caress-to." Fortunately for the 13B's, their AIT portion of training had shifted into sitting in the drill pads and disassembling/reassembling all serviceable crew-served weapons. When we would march back from classes, we would regale tales of how super-awesome we were for going to the GUARDFIST or whatever while they twiddled with their dicks and wasted time. As such, the 13B's had advantage for the U.S. Weapons qual. Outstanding. I can see absolutely nothing wrong with this plan of handing heavy caliber weapons to teenagers after less than an hour of talking about it. For the most part, there wasn't too much hassle. 240 was essentially a SAW; AT-4 has a poo poo-ton of safety locks on it, but aiming isn't too difficult (even as a lefty); and the 203 was enjoyable to shoot. Side story: when I was in the firing line for the 203, a dude in my squad didn't know about the leaf sights for the 203. He decided that the standard iron sights for the rifle were much more preferable. He was able to shoot off a round to about 20 meters, look puzzled as to why his shot was so incredulously short of the target, and then eat dirt after a brown hat toppled him. I shift over to the MK19 range. The wait line was pretty long, even though they were running about 5 of them mounted either on turrets or tripods, so we were told to line up nut to butt and read our smart books. I poured over the MK19, because I didn't want to get dead or get anyone else dead from shooting that fucker. Especially considering or awesome briefings. Fortunately for me, one of my platoon's drill sergeants was running the lane I was in, so at least he knew my face in case it vaporized before him. I sat down on a tripod mounted MK19 and looked downrange of majestic Ft. Sill's brushland. "Do you see a target out there to hit?" "No, Drill Sergeant." (This was true, we were aligned about click from the base of a hill with fuckall between us and the crest of said hill) "Okay, just wait and shoot at someone else's splashes, we'll just exercise concentrated fire." I did as told, and about 2 bursts in, my worst fears came to realize. The motherfucker jammed. Thankfully, I had just slammed my brain with what to do, so I did the standard poo poo: moved weapon to safe, opened it up, dicked around with the feeder, tried to see if there were any visible jams, but there were loving none. I brushed off the links, closed the cover, and tried the charing handle. That fucker was stuck. Fuckity-poo poo. Now I needed to get more in depth on this thing and poke around on grenade rounds somewhere in this thing. Yay. Obviously the drill sergeant was staring at me and the growing lane behind me, so I got a "Whatthefuckisgoingon,private?" I told him the MK19 was jammed, and I was trying to clear it to the best of my abilities. "Motherfucker, MOVE!" He sat down, tried the charging handle about five times, each more aggressively and angrily than the last, and began clearing the weapon. After a few minutes of dicking with it, he pulled out a bent clearing rod to force out a round stuck somewhere between the bolt assembly and the barrel. Round pops out, he moves out, I move in. Now, before I fire, he's kneeling next to the MK19, making sure I follow every thing he says. He's positioned with one hand on the end of the barrel and one hand on top of the tray. "Close the tray." Done. (He moved that hand onto his knee at this point) "Rack the charging handle." Done. "Move the weapon from safe to fire." On it, boss. (Mind you, his hand is still on the end of the barrel at this point). "Watch for your targets, and engage." Hesitation in those types of situations are warranted. A blubbering, "B-b-but Drill Sergeant, your hand is in a dangerous area, and having me squeeze this trigger exponentially increases the chances your nickname is 'Lefty.'" Repeat ad nauseam. Not me, man. I was in loving robot mode, the loving listen-obey zone. I knew that the next step after moving your selector to "fire" is start shootin', so I pulled the trigger right after he said "targets." About two rounds came out before his hand was off the barrel and onto me. He was supremely pissed, but he didn't say a word to me because he knew I had done exactly what he told me to. I was the rear end in a top hat for almost upending one of his arms, but he was the one to tell me to do so. So he didn't yell. He just stared at me, hands on my shoulders and chest, veins on his neck and face becoming increasingly large. "Get off my loving lane." Done and done, I don't think I've ever unassed as fast as that, up to and including the time I got caught a drill sergeant's boot to the kevlar for sleeping on our 24 hour FTX. Tbh, our platoon was the absolute loving worst with grenade safety. Almost had one guy lose some fingers to the practice grenades. We also had a different drill sergeant jokingly remove the pin to a grenade before handing it out to my battle buddy, only to be unable to place the pin back in. He was told to hold onto the spoon for dear life until he threw it. Our platoon still got the top grenade guidon streamer, so idk.
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Dec 27, 2012 19:36
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Pudgygiant posted:This just happened about an hour ago. I'm a contractor supporting an advisory team in Afghanistan right now. The ANA unit they advise asked for a Harris radio so they can talk to our TOC when they're on patrol. This is a pretty big gently caress-no because they're hugely sensitive items. Of course these are all 1LTs advising ANA COLs and poo poo, so they can't exactly say "gently caress no", so they say "The radios come as part of the M-ATVs", thinking that will kill it. Of course it doesn't, this goddamn retard Afgahn COL says "Oh... can we have a M-ATV then?" If I remember correctly, we were in the same unit during our 2008 deployment. If so, 3/29 was full of mouthbreathers, and I challenge you to compare the two units. I remember being on QRF and needing to do patrols inside our living areas at zero-gently caress-thirty for the explicit purpose of being a nanny and making sure people weren't abusing drugs or whatever. ~*~MEMORIES~*~ (fortunately for me, my top and battery commander were the bee's knees.)
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Jan 9, 2013 16:02
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Pudgygiant posted:I had to archives search but yeah, we were, I forgot about that. Who was Peaches and Cream? I can't remember his name, he did some really special things. Hopefully not you, I'd feel like a dick. But really I'd say him and Schrader would be relatively smart ANA soldiers. You're talking about the dudw who hosed a peach on radio guard, right? I forget his name too, but holy poo poo. He got busted down a rank for going to a pisser followed by the chow hall with his dick still hanging out of his pants. Amazing. The sad thing is that he was in alpha, I was in hhb, and I [I]still[I] know all about his dumb poo poo verbatim and without hyperbole. One time at Carson, dude was hanging out with one of my Joe's (an idiot all by his own right) after being restricted to the battalion area. One of our team leaders caught him climbing in and out of our Joe's window in a ninja suit. Instead of at least bullshitting his way through, he freely admitted to trying to sneak off post. I don't know what happened after that, but I assume that this was one incident out of many to start Operation Risky Business by the CSM. Good times. I have a poo poo ton more stories about that unit, as I stayed in that BDE my entire career.
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Jan 10, 2013 12:44
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IDR posted:And in the Marine Corps we have LAV-25's... LAV-25 > AK-47
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Feb 2, 2013 20:36
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GD_American posted:If anything can be learned from this thread, it's that the military doesn't properly punish stupidity. An MSM will be properly awarded within 6 months for his ACTIONS KEEPING WITH THE FINEST TRADITIONS OF MILITARY SERVICE AND REFLECT DISTINCT CREDIT UPON HIMSELF, GO gently caress YOURSELF BATTALION, AND THE UNITED STATES ARMY. The MSM will finally give him the final push needed to get the coveted E-7. He will then finally be able to take a fresh butter bar under his wing and teach them the ways of the Army. This is how Generals are born. Godspeed, pissranger, godspeed.
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Feb 3, 2013 20:18
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GD_American posted:We were stuck with a Georgian contingent in OIFII. We had a Georgian platoon working on our base in 2008. Dudes were Slavic as gently caress. When they went to our gym, it always smelled like sweaty-boiled beets and cabbage after they were done doing their power lifting routines with those old timey triangle weights and poo poo. When Georgia was invaded, they were hooting and hollering about how much Russian rear end they were going to kick. Meanwhile, we were getting a poo poo ton of reports on how many old loaned-out Abrams and such that the Russians were streamrolling. Out took about 24 hours and a Blackhawk for their side of the base to turn into a ghost town. When they left, our top wondered aloud how many of them would end up in a mass unmarked grave. I spent the rest of the deployment going to a beet-free gym.
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Oct 2, 2013 12:15
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Snowdens Secret posted:
Colorado Springs is fairly inoculated with bullshit military stuff, considering that the Air Force Academy, NORAD, Ft Carson, Peterson AFB, and Schriever AFB are all within spitting distance of each other. The place was teeming with high and rights as well as lovely yellow ribbon bumper stickers. I would assume most people could tell you what an 11B was, but civilians in Colorado Springs could give you the duty description of a 92A3L7 well after a few Fat Tires or Coors light had been pumped into them. But goddamn if being one of the nation's leading OE-254 pilots didn't impress. It was a small prototype fighter aircraft with a large emphasis on enhancing communication abilities on the battlefield. It wasn't on the stealthy side, so you always had to consider SLOCTOP when planning your missions.
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Oct 10, 2013 21:12
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Godholio posted:Most people in Colorado Springs will tell you 11B is a bomber pilot. True, but southern Colorado Springs was an Army slut if there ever was one.
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Oct 10, 2013 22:15
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Affi posted:Why shouldn't you wear contacts? Curious. Because inserts make you look cool.
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Feb 3, 2014 18:34
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over/under that he is an anime fan with his first chance at non-cartoon chick
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Feb 7, 2014 22:18
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Mad Dragon posted:Isn't HF the poo poo they used in Breaking Bad to dissolve bodies? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydrofluoric_acid#Health_and_safety Dat hydrofluoric acid lipid solubility doe. On the opposite spectrum of the atomic size of halides, protonated iodine molecules (i.e. HI) was more than likely used by Walter White to help reduce pseudoephedrine to form an intermediate of methamphetamine.
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Feb 9, 2014 00:59
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Genocide Tendency posted:Rolled it. Every rollover in Iraq would like a word with you on that.
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Jun 12, 2014 16:37
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i'm only disappointed that full and unabated worldwide warfare wasn't on any ballot this year. there oughta be a law...
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Nov 5, 2014 18:12
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"Let's talk about idiots" hey gently caress dumb stick, i'm sure you have a reason for being a buddy fucker and wearing your flip flops to the nearest piss tube, but we have some loving standards here. now follow me to the briefing tent while i give you the latest from higher on safety in theater, and afterwards you can fill sandbags for the chow hall until *my* arms get tired.
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Jan 6, 2015 08:10
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Godholio posted:I can't imagine trying to grab a selfie with one of the TI's at AF OTS. is this b/c the af ti would be the one holding the camera, trying to get everyone to get in frame, and saying "cheese"? b/c lol
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Jan 11, 2015 15:13
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Godholio posted:If it was really that difficult to figure out I can explain thx but I think i'll pass
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Jan 12, 2015 00:01
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for you.
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nobody gives a gently caress about about anyone's test scores in the military unless the test was to see how close the average dumb gently caress can withstand a nuclear blast.
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Feb 22, 2015 20:24
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someone just explained to me what an amibos is. i feel like that can fit this thread theme pretty well.
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Feb 26, 2015 14:49
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MassivelyBuckNegro posted:For the record, the dude that checked you once compared the AF to being in prison and, in the same post, bragged about his TDY to Paris. lmfao multiple levels of lol in this one
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Mar 23, 2015 18:47
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gently caress you if you didn't have the luxury of being out of regs as gently caress going to an improvised shitter and/or shower in a platoon sized jss/cop
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Apr 20, 2015 00:36
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i. loving. love. broken. goons.
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Dec 4, 2015 11:44
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hey hey gently caress you, grover
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Dec 5, 2015 13:54
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MassivelyBuckNegro posted:its weird how this works but if you aren't a shitbag, you dont get hazed. MassivelyBuckNegro posted:we never murdered our shitbirds either. they just spent 5-7 months standing post, watching coc and doing every working party there was. 
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Jan 8, 2016 01:16
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a buncha dumb knuckle dragging milspergs pretending to be lawyers by pulling legal precedent outta they rear end lmfao i guess it fits the theme of the idiots thread, tho.
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Mar 18, 2016 13:56
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proof that ada has always been full of dumb fucks
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Apr 3, 2016 17:26
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