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Thirteen Orphans
Dec 2, 2012

I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist and a theoretical philosopher. But above all, I am a man, a hopelessly inquisitive man, just like you.
I need help with learning how to critique. I've been following this thread, some of the 2012 thread, and PFFA but I know I still suck. I will be taking a poetry class this semester, so hopefully that too will help. In the mean time, could you glance at a small piece I've been working on for a while. I will post crits as I become more confident.


The Cultural Revolution

A civil servant
asks a daoist mystic to
cast the Leader’s lines.
“Look! Bodhidharma has gone
West! The People stole his cave.”

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Thirteen Orphans
Dec 2, 2012

I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist and a theoretical philosopher. But above all, I am a man, a hopelessly inquisitive man, just like you.

Thanks for your comments. I think in addition to what you've said I need to work on audience. No English speaking person gives a crap that I used Japanese syllabic form to call attention to cultural anachronism. Only I do, and I am an audience of 1. I really see what you mean about it just not sounding enough like a poem, I got too stuck on the cerebral and dismissed the sonic.

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