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crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

In general, you shouldn't respond to critiques not only because it shits up the thread, but because it doesn't help you become a better writer. It helps you become a better explainer. If somebody doesn't understand your story, rewrite it. Don't tell them what you were going for, because the next reader won't have that luxury. Obviously sometimes the reader is just being an idiot and you need to tell them that, but keep it short, even if you have unlimited space (like on your GDocs).

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sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

This is a good conversation; take it to Fiction Farm if y'all want to continue it.

Doc Kloc, are me and Sitting Here gonna get judged?

Vv horses held vv

sebmojo fucked around with this message at Oct 26, 2013 around 23:05

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


sebmojo posted:

This is a good conversation; take it to Fiction Farm if y'all want to continue it.

Doc Kloc, are me and Sitting Here gonna get judged?
The Mysterious Mystery Judge of Mysteryô is taking their sweet time. A verdict will probably be reached sometime this weekend. Hold your horses.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

I liked this piece.

Fumblemouse posted:

Fumblemouse vs Mercedes

216 words - crime - no violence - cheerful

Iron

I love being a teacher. Tim has fallen over on the harsh This adjective is perfect. school carpet, and thereís blood on his knee. I love my job. I love the sound of children playing. I love the way they hurt when they fall, when they break the skin. I love the way they let me kiss it better. The taste.

Examine the components of this paragraph for a tutorial in how to create an image space. We have character, repetition, the juxtaposing of jolly and grim-as-gently caress, of general and grittily specific, a diamond-clear voice. Examine particularly the way the final sentence fragment fits with the rhythm of the preceding lines.

Iíve been alone for a while now, and all the parents know itís a sad thing. Vital context. But my work keeps me sane, keeps me involved. shift in perspective from the parents view of him back to his own view of himself And Tim has fallen over. Bless him. I love him. I love his wound. I kiss it, taste the bitter, metallic blood. 'metallic blood' is a great phrase.

Today we learned about Malaysia. Home of Tin, and Islam and Child Slavery 'child slavery' is verging on the too much, but I think it works because it baldly states what has been talked around. We learned the syllabus and Tim met my eyes. I asked a question, and Tim raised his his hand. I donít want to let the class know that he is my favourite, so I let Sarah answer.

Sarah is wrong. Her words like eels. Her curving body so disgusting. two poetically marvellous lines. Tim still has his hand up, stretching. I point to him and he is just about to answer when Sarah pushes hims wheelchair I think this is too much. bloodiphile pedophile teacher is fine, adding cripplephile is unsupported by the rest of the story and pushes it into farce from the side and he cascades to the floorfalls. The harsh <= carpet scrapes his knee.

I kiss it better. Iron.

Edit: this is tight enough that I want to see you fight Noah, king of thunderbrawls. Arrange it.

sebmojo fucked around with this message at Oct 27, 2013 around 11:29

inthesto
May 12, 2010

There is a point where we needed to stop, and we have clearly passed it.

BUT LET'S KEEP GOING AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS!


Rock 'Em, Sock 'Em (813 words)

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Achilles (990 words)

edit: now you can click on it

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at Oct 27, 2013 around 16:10

autism ZX spectrum
Feb 7, 2007



Fun Shoe

Dead Road 6 (999 words)

Quidthulhu
Dec 17, 2003

Stand down, men! It's only smooching!


Get Flush, Get Out (978 words)

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.


Last week's crits are all done.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/...kXrdSgrl20/edit

The Swinemaster
Dec 28, 2005



Is there a way to post to Google Drive anonymously? I don't see any way to share without my actual name being on it.

I think this should work.

The Boy Who Didn't Cry Wolf, ~750 words

https://docs.google.com/document/d/...dit?usp=sharing


The Swinemaster fucked around with this message at Oct 27, 2013 around 22:13

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

The Swinemaster posted:

Is there a way to post to Google Drive anonymously? I don't see any way to share without my actual name being on it.

Create a fake google account?

Zesty Mordant
Jun 7, 2007

hella greenbacks

My offering is complete

Fearless 998 words

https://docs.google.com/document/d/...wsA4newHxg/edit

V for Vegas
Aug 31, 2004

THUNDERDOME LOSER

The Turning of the Wheel - 922

https://docs.google.com/document/d/...dit?usp=sharing

Erogenous Beef
Dec 20, 2006

i know the filthy secrets of your heart


Howdy, y'all. Gather 'round, it's time fer the tale of...

Jim Outlaw and the Return of LED-Eye Dick (998 words, click title for Googledocs)

<nothing to see here>

Erogenous Beef fucked around with this message at Oct 29, 2013 around 11:12

Steriletom
May 11, 2009

My inability to write has angered the ghost of Thunderdome! Beware my example, lest you be haunted.


Written sober, edited drunk. Have fun. At least I got something in for once.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/...dit?usp=sharing

785 words.

Steriletom fucked around with this message at Oct 28, 2013 around 17:48

Echo Cian
Jun 16, 2011



Excision (983 words)

Nikaer Drekin
Oct 11, 2012


Parasite (999 Words)

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

Six-ish more hours for submissions. I will be a little behind on reading due to some lovely IRL personal stuff, but I will be doing comments all tomorrow.

FouRPlaY
May 5, 2010


I am bowing out.

I am also going to think long and hard about my inability to write a thousand word story when I've written longer emails.

J Hume
Apr 23, 2013

What is the best number?


Lupinum (870 words)

Can't wait for the surprise second phase of this Thunderdome!

e: changed link to allow commenting

J Hume fucked around with this message at Oct 28, 2013 around 01:34

Ronnie_Long
Jun 7, 2003

cock of the walk

I was going to say "read it and weep" but then I realized that I would be setting myself up for many cruel comments regarding my writing and its ability to provoke tears. So, instead, presented without comment:

The Raid 995 Words

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





A World Without Me In It
960 Words

Mirthless
Mar 27, 2011


I have to drop. I lost track of time and I think I should probably stay away from Thunderdome until I can prioritize better.

Helsing
Aug 23, 2003

I'M ESCAPING TO THE ONE PLACE THAT HASN'T BEEN CORRUPTED BY CAPITALISM...

SPACE!


More Than You Can Chew

960 words

bald gnome error
Feb 9, 2011


Unfortunately, out as well - I knew I had extensive social commitments this weekend that involved extensive drinking, and had the hubris to think I could still make it work. I'll try to redeem myself soon.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

The Mechanopig's Gift
1000 words

Jeza
Feb 13, 2011

The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.


Give and Take

902 Words

Accretionist
Nov 7, 2012



The Temple
844 Words

dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013



I really need to manage my time better so I can stop always submitting at the last minute.

The Driver

(1000 words)

Noah
May 31, 2011

Come at me baby bitch


I'm not gonna get mine in. Womp womp.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Noah posted:

I'm not gonna get mine in. Womp womp.

This is your first ever failure to submit in 43 submissions.

Jopoho
Feb 17, 2012


The Hanged-Man


969 Words

Dirty Communist
Apr 29, 2010

THUNDERDOME LOSER

Amber Skald (751 words)

https://docs.google.com/document/d/...P3HrwTvdmMNeksA


Judges, you've given me so much advice already, though could you tell me if I've improved since losing the last round? I wrote this one with a main focus on clarity and neatness.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Dirty Communist, your story needs to be opened up to guest viewing.

crabrock fucked around with this message at Oct 28, 2013 around 06:26

Bitchtits McGee
Jul 1, 2011


I'm either an hour and a half late or I'm in with half an hour to spare. Never have gotten the right of it with time zones. Either way, here it is.

Dada (529 words)

owl milk
Jun 28, 2011


My first completed short story, and with almost no time to spare! edit: if the deadline is 12 pdt like I thought...

The Deserters (703 words)

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

Bitchtits McGee posted:

I'm either an hour and a half late or I'm in with half an hour to spare. Never have gotten the right of it with time zones. Either way, here it is.

Dada (529 words)

Judge whim: admitted.

Noah
May 31, 2011

Come at me baby bitch


crabrock posted:

This is your first ever failure to submit in 43 submissions.

Ugh, fine!

The Birthday Gift

1000 words, under the wire.

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


Business Before Pleasure (505 words)

EDIT: Fiddled with the indentation. For some reason everything on the second page was too far over.

Bad Seafood fucked around with this message at Oct 28, 2013 around 08:44

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Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

Submissions closed.

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