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  • Locked thread
Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Five Star
Hawaiian Pidgin - 865

“Your son tink he too good to be one Warrior, ah?”

“Nah, boy,” Kiha said, shaking his head, “Ees not laid at.”

Abraham sank his teeth into his pork sandwich and the sauce ran down his chin like blood. He rapped his fat knuckles on the table top and mumbled something unintelligible through a mouth full of barbecue.

“Ah?” Kiha asked.

“Da kine, braddah. He trying for run from da kine den?”

“Nah,” Kiha said, “Ees jus, you know, he say its one good opportunity.”

“Whatchu tink?”

“Eh…”

Kiha shrugged. Abraham wiped his mouth with the back of his palm.

“He should be one Warrior like us,” Abraham said, “Tink about what dat was like. Our families up in da stands. Everybody cheering and getting nahts. We wen represent out dea for da islands. Me on da line and you running behind me. Senior season, bulleh, you were running for like one tousand yards before dat haole boy wen buss up your knee.”

“And you were in sku until you wen buss up dat haole’s face.”

“Ho, bra, you like beef,” Abraham said as he raised his fists, “Bumbai you get beef!”

Abraham punched the air, recreating the scene on the field, and Kiha laughed. He hadn’t been surprised when he heard that the kid who ended his career had left the stadium without his teeth. Abraham had once swore to Kiha that he would step in front of a bus before he let his runningback get tackled behind the line of scrimmage.

“He like move to da Mainlan,” Kiha said.

“Keiki deez days, braddah. Auwe! I went Big Island one time an’ tot- da’s far enough foh me!

Kiha grinned and nodded in agreement. It was kind of crazy to think about living on another island, right? Let alone the mainland. What was his son thinking? Kiha couldn’t imagine a life without something as simple like L&L barbecue. Or without lau lau. Without shave ice. Without his family. Without his culture. Without…

Aloha.

Kiha watched his friend gulp down soda out of a giant plastic cup and frowned.

Maybe his son didn’t want to end up as one more moke in a cheap diner.

“I’m worried if he leaves he won’t want to come back,” Kiha said softly.

Abraham put his cup down.

“Das it?” his friend asked incredulously, “Da’s da big worry?”

“Yawp.”

Abraham propped his elbow on the table and pushed his shirt sleeve over his shoulder. From his elbow up he was covered in traditional style tattoos. He pointed directly to a small seaturtle that swam amongst inked black waves.

“Chu know why da honu steh so important to da old sailahz?” Abraham said, tracing the shell with his finger, “When peoples were coming across da watah dey never know wea land was. But if you saw one honu, and you could see his face, you knew wea da land steh. Da honu, dey travel all ovah da ocean, yeah? Dey always go from one island to one odda. Dey smart, lai dat. So when dey wen pop up you know wea da face is wea you need for go. Da honu always faces home. ”

Abraham let his sleeve fall and popped the last bit of barbecue into his mouth.

“Your son maybe he lai dat, ah? Sure he want to go over da kine now but guaranz he know in his heart wea his ohana steh.”

Kiha was impressed.

“Deep tots, braddah,” he said.

Abraham shrugged and smiled. When the waitress came by with the check, Kiha waived off his friend’s hand.

“You get em?” Abraham asked, “Can get dessert too den, ah?”

Kiha grinned and they got dessert. And then seconds. After all, this placed had the best haupia this side of the island. Abraham couldn’t stop rubbing his belly as they left.

“Ho, tanks for dinner, braddah,” Abraham said as he licked his fingers, “Dis haupia wen broke da mout!”

“Da best,” Kiha said.

“Guaranz,” Abraham laughed, “Shoots, cuz.”

Kiha threw up a shaka and climbed into his truck. When he got home, the letter of intent his son wanted him to sign was sitting on the kitchen table right where had he left it.

Dear Harold Kilani Kealoha Kuapana Leolani-Donato,
Congratulations, you have been awarded an athletic scholarship to the University of...


Kiha put it back down. He opened the fridge, grabbed a six pack of Primo, and walked out onto the lanai.

He sat.

And he drank.

And he thought.

He heard his son come in. Cook something in the microwave. Watch tv. Shower. Go to bed. Kiha finished his last beer and tossed the crushed can into the garbage. He walked to his son’s room and quietly opened the door. He watched the boy sleep in a bed that was far too small.

He was still so young. Kiha softly tousled his son’s hair. His son slept on unperturbed.

Maybe Abraham was right. Kiha didn’t know. He didn’t know what the future held. He didn’t know where his son would be when the boy emerged from the waters of adolescence.

He just hoped that on that day his son’s head would be facing Oahu.

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God Over Djinn
Jan 17, 2005

onwards and upwards


time's up motherfuckers, submissions are closed. Thanks kindly for submitting to my cruel and vicious whimsy.

So how does this judging thing work?

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002

aka sticklegs



Grimey Drawer

God Over Djinn posted:

time's up motherfuckers, submissions are closed. Thanks kindly for submitting to my cruel and vicious whimsy.

So how does this judging thing work?

jump onto irc or email me crabrock at gmail . does this actually fool anything?

God Over Djinn
Jan 17, 2005

onwards and upwards


I'm on irc, gotta go to bed pretty soon though

oops wrong irc I got it under control now

God Over Djinn fucked around with this message at Dec 16, 2013 around 06:19

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.


Purple Prince posted:

Verbal diarrhea.

What I'm reading is that you think you can do this better than me. Why don't you put your prissy gloves away and brawl me like a [wo]man?

I always love a good fight.

Or you can just go back into obscurity -- not entering in any TD prompts and sitting on the side lines like a sad sack of poo poo. Your choice.

No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


Mercedes posted:

What I'm reading is that you think you can do this better than me. Why don't you put your prissy gloves away and brawl me like a [wo]man?

I always love a good fight.

Or you can just go back into obscurity -- not entering in any TD prompts and sitting on the side lines like a sad sack of poo poo. Your choice.

I'll brawl ya in his place if he doesn't man up

Purple Prince
Aug 20, 2011


Mercedes posted:

What I'm reading is that you think you can do this better than me. Why don't you put your prissy gloves away and brawl me like a [wo]man?

I always love a good fight.

I doubt I can do it better than you, but okay. Thunderbrawl time.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

Thunderbrawl: Mercedes V Purple Prince

Its beginning to feel a lot like Christmas, ya dig? And I want a cheerful tale perfect for the holidays. Here's the thing though, your story is set in the 'hood and Santa doesn't come to the 'hood now does he? Work that out for me.

I'm giving you 750 words and until noon Monday, December 23rd EST to turn 'em in. Go.

God Over Djinn
Jan 17, 2005

onwards and upwards


Thunderdome Seventy-One Results

This week's winner is foutre, who managed to keep language relevant while writing a story that didn't make my teeth hurt. I kept the blood throne warm for ya, buddy, now craft a prompt that'll make me get off my rear end and write.

Loser is Helsing. This wanted to be an interesting story so badly but turned out to be a pile of (post-apocalyptic?) Scottish military without much in the way of characters, setting, or plot.

Crits to follow very soon.

God Over Djinn
Jan 17, 2005

onwards and upwards


crits crits crits crits crits

Mercedes - Untitled

This is a pile of cool and funny ideas. I like the idea of setting an old man's shaggy dog tale in the cyberpunk future (You could've done this a lot better, though). I like the way you used the contrast between Quinn and Jermaine to make it 'about' language. I love the last line, although I might be reading more into it than you intended (also I hope combining that with Quinn's lie about 'hearing his dad calling' was intentional and not a failure of editing).

Unfortunately it is neither a cool nor a funny story because it's hardly a story. What is it like being old in what is apparently the setting of Transmetropolitan? What's it like speaking a stigmatized dialect of English as an old person? Is Quinn's relationship with his grandfather any more complicated than 'vague annoyance'? Why am I reading 800 words of Space Jam fanfiction as narrated to the kid from The Boondocks, instead of something that helps me answer these questions?

It's about language, yeah (although to be a really good dialogue story we'd need to get more about Q and J's relationship than the one-note thing you've got going here). On the other hand, you throw a lot of AAVE-like vocabulary and sight dialect in there without ever really capturing the feel of it. Writing in a dialect is more about structure and sound than about putting the right words in and talking about the right things.

foutre - Nowhere Man and a Valley Girl

This made me laugh and you get hella points for that (see what I did there?). I loved your last line, too, even though it was a bit of a cheap shot and pretty poo poo as far as an actual ending goes.

Val-speak works well with the kind of nihilistic and vacant tone of the whole thing. When you write totally emotionlessly about a teenager who survives a suicide attempt with half of his face blown off and then has to return to his high school, it, like, kind of works as satire. Cool. I also like the idea that your narrator is going to kill herself because she feels empty and emotionless, but is discussing that problem in itself in a totally empty and emotionless way. This is an interesting direction to take things in, and it's a shame that you only touch on it in one line ("I mean, like, those Louboutins I was shopping for?...").

The conversation itself doesn't flow very naturally (maybe because NM's questions/responses are so underspecified that they pass 'hollow' and just become 'confusing'). If we knew they were talking about the girl's planned suicide from the get-go, and then the revelation about her feeling 'empty' came as the pivotal point in a prompted explanation of why she's going to kill herself, that would be great. As it stands, I just get lost, we're skipping from Tom, to some other stuff, to Tom, etc. Her disgust and disdain for what happened to Tom doesn't seem like a great motivation for suicide, either, but the story seems to be saying that this is the main reason.

The use of language is relevant to the plot and tone (this story wouldn't mean the same thing if she was speaking Standard American English at all, which is what I asked for), so good job on that front.

Bitchtits McGee - Bonny Brinna

So, here's the thing. I absolutely loved this, but your other two judges wanted it to lose, so we settled on 'no mention'.

I'm sure they'll thoroughly poo poo on it in their crits, so I'm going to give it some unqualified praise to balance things out. It reminds me strongly of Riddley Walker, both linguistically and tone/setting-wise. Your aesthetic choices make it almost read like a fable, except that the narrator is actually present, which gives it a less scattered and dreamlike passed-down-through-generations feeling than RW (which I'm going to stop comparing it to, now.)

It took some big brass balls to write the entire thing in a dialect that's going to be super foreign to most of your readers, especially when the subject matter is pretty bizarre, too (I gotta admit, it took me a few tries to figure out what warm was.) Fortunately the narrative structure is simple enough that it's readable, and the dialect sounds cool - it's not the most readable thing in the world, but it is consistent. Good job, going for the simple, straightforward love/war tale to complement the exotic style and setting.

You should have gone a little less heavy with the dialect-specific vocabulary (gen, wor), especially when it replaces a very common word - even at the expense of authenticity, because you're probably going to have readers who aren't me who will be really annoyed by having to read this much Geordie instead of reveling in it. Humans can adapt to phonological changes really quickly but weird vocab isn't always something you can just 'work out' like you can with the sounds of language. Also, would've liked to hear something about Brinna earlier in the story. It would have given it a nice tight 'finished' feel to just get a hint of her earlier in the story.

Like I said, though, I loved this. I'm a sucker for the bizarre-and-borderline-incomprehensible, though.

Helsing - The Lord of Skyguard

quote:

Watching men through a scope let’s

ugh.

quote:

Alpha dog owns it’s

augh.

quote:

Sam guessed that his men had learned that Meghan was on his way at about the same time that he’d gotten a message on the comms telling him that his target would be arriving shortly.

Congrats, this sentence made my Universal Grammar do a hard reset. gently caress you. This meant you started on the bottom of the pile, and your storytelling wasn't close to good enough for this to claw its way back to the surface.

You have a cool idea - class/authority-based issues, with a revelation based on language, cause a sniper to walk away from his target. Possibly in The Distant Post-Apocalyptic Future?? but frankly there's not even enough to tell where/when we are until the very, very ending, which sucks. What we get in practice is a lot of bloated crap and very little substance. Who is Lord Skyguard? Why is Eureka Actual trying to sell poor Sam up the river? Why is Sam willing to give up the job that easily? (Maybe if he'd been observing Skyguard for weeks I'd believe that he'd started to empathize with him, but not in six hours). These are all interesting questions, but we only get the barest hint of an answer under the pile of military jargon. It's like there's a cool story here somewhere but you aren't telling it to us, just giving us the barest hints that it might be there.

Also I think you're over the word count.

Use of dialect is also quite nice and accurate while still being pleasant to read, and I appreciate the way you made language key to the plot (as opposed to just the aesthetics, tone, etc. of the story). If you leaned on that a little more heavily there might be a good story in it. As it stands, there's no story in it at all, just a bunch of stuff happening.

Obliterati - The Matter of the Succession

I didn't figure out that this was about time travel until the very end, which means both that I'm totally dense and that there was a satisfying moment at the end when I finally worked it out. Unfortunately that was the only satisfying thing about the ending, because this reads as the beginning to a much longer (and probably mediocre) story. Basically this is a good piece of writing and a good premise but not a good response to the prompt or a good short story (and 1000 words is a really tough word limit, it's long enough to make us expect development but short to do a lot.)

Also, this was the weakest response to the prompt this week. 'Victorian English' is a little bit of a copout but I would've had no problem with that if you'd done something like really playing it up for satire, or shown a significant difference between various characters' use of language, or really pushed the 'language as relevant to the plot' angle hard. You didn't do any of those things, too bad.

Tyrannosaurus - Five Star

For a story that's ostensibly about the guy's understanding of his relationship with his son, we sure don't see a lot of it. Instead we get him eating and having a boring conversation with his friend that's more about their relationship than about his kid, but is weak even on that - there's no development of their relationship, just a couple of old dudes reminiscing about high school. Sure, this is how people actually hold a conversation, but it doesn't make for a great plot, especially on this tight of a word limit. Plot is very 'meh', it makes sense and I get what you're saying, but where it comes close to making a point it immediately passes 'interesting' and takes a sharp left into 'cutesy'. There might be conflict under the surface, but we don't see any of it. The only epiphany or climactic moment is some story about a turtle that sounds like something from one of those kids' books your boring relatives buy you at the history museum. Ugh. Show us Kiha and his kid, or else drop the kid entirely and tell us something powerful about Kiha and Abraham.

You picked a cool dialect, and at moments I definitely feel like you get a handle on the rhythm of the language. This is the only dialect I wasn't at all familiar with before this week, but I like the way these guys sound, and it's consistent - and there's a point to it. Like some other stories this week, you suffer a little from using vocabulary items and references to culturally significant objects as a stand-in for grasping the phonology and syntax (what I keep calling the 'feel') of the dialect, but that's a real nitpick. You could've easily used the way that his son talks (probably differently from these two old Hawaiian dudes!) as some kind of symbolism. It definitely would've been relevant. But we never even hear the kid.

God Over Djinn fucked around with this message at Dec 16, 2013 around 17:47

angel opportunity
Sep 7, 2004

Total Eclipse of the Heart

quote:

Congrats, this sentence made my Universal Grammar do a hard reset.

^^ Best dis I've seen in a while.

Erogenous Beef
Dec 20, 2006

i know the filthy secrets of your heart


TD 71 Crits

gently caress, right, well, I can be glad at least that most of you decided against going with the full-on writing-in-dialect device, because that poo poo makes me want to take a shovel to your face. Unfortunately, you mostly also avoided going with writing a story, where things happen and there is a narrative. We got a lot of "poo poo happened and then two people jabbered about it". gently caress's sake, people.

And since the theme of this week is ridiculous accents, I will issue all verdicts via copy/pasted tweets from Fictional Detective Inspector Tam McGleish of the Strathclyde Police. With perhaps a slight bit of editing.



Helsing - The Lord of Skyguard

Let’s talk about tone. See, when you spit out things like “the Lord of Skyguard”, I immediately start thinking “this guy wrote Skyrim fanfic” and process the rest accordingly, even if you shove "rifle" into the first sentence. Your setting is muddy and I have no idea why I should even give a gently caress.

The real problem here is that you use the first half of your words watching a guy who's watching another guy through a rifle scope, without any context or character surrounding either. Your internal monologue reads like a bad Wikipedia entry, which is curious given that you were supposed to write in Scots. And then the rest of the story is in generic military patter, and I really don't know why I should be caring about Riflesights MacKiltsman or Radio Douchebag or Skyrim Skylord.

There's no hook, no action, no internal conflict that we can see. Riflesights won't fire for a basically justified reason while Radio Doucebag yells at him. Great. Payoff? None.

Verdict: By the way boys and girls, me and Helsing came tae an understanding. I understand he's a fuckin shitebag wae tiny mingin baws who can get tae gently caress, he understands ah'm no kiddin.

Foutre - Nowhere Man and a Valley Girl

Congratulations, you made me want to put a pencil through my eye in the first paragraph! Points for accuracy, then. Points off because I had to read it.

On the up side, we get a lot of character coming through the dialogue, and the cliche of the image-obsessed teenager is darkened nicely by the suicide thing. Thing is, the characterization is so strong simply because you're spitting up a prototype like a wee one spitting up breast-milk after a feeding. For the character to become interesting, you need some nuance, which this story is largely lacking.

I don’t like the dialogue-story framing device, entirely. You’re not using it to maximum effect, as your alternate character is basically just a prompt and a pill dispenser. You could've framed this as a vlog or some poo poo and it wouldn't've mattered.

This is going to win largely because it's halfway comptent at characterization and has one little twist to make it vaguely interesting, the suicide angle, in a very weak week.

Verdict: Ah’m sorry. It was unfair of me tae suggest the majority of Thunderdome folk are fuckin wanks. Every single one of them is. Including me.

Bitchtits McGee - Bonny Brinna

Remember where I said some stinkyhole would go Full Trainspotting? You did. This is entirely incomprehensible. Exhuming the fetid corpse of your "story" from beneath the gibberish you shat out here, you APPARENTLY wrote about a fantasy universe where space ankylosaurs are hunted by deer-carrying Huntermen who try to brain them with pickaxes. It's either a brilliant setup for a twisted pulp or a half-baked piece of daftness. I can hardly tell which because you buried it beneath a bunch of dialect poo poo.

Worse, your language doesn’t actually matter for the story. It doesn’t convey character, it doesn’t add flavor. You could’ve written this in plain English and it would’ve come across just the same. Better, probably.

Anyway, language aside, this just seems to be a fantasy stuff-happens story. A guy goes and fights a beast in the woods. Don't really know or care why, nothing changes. Job done. Snore.

Verdict: Dinny act the Billy Bigbaws when yir just a Sally Sadsacks.

Nubile Hillock - Merry Bikesmas

Sweet bike, son, but as a picture = 1000 words, you’re about 150 over wordcount with this story. Disqualified.

Verdict: Stretch goals: Bike chains tae wrap aroon ma fists. Procuring a deid badger’s arse tae ram down his throat. Marigolds.

Mercedes - Untitled

Eh, I’m not too warm on this. We already know the grandfather got the shoes, so the stealing bit doesn’t do much and really just plays into the stereotype. The interesting parts of a stereotyped character are where they diverge from the stereotype - see my note on this to Foutre, above.

What does Grandpa telling us this story have to do with the surface story, about his grandson? You’ve basically given us a bunch of backstory. There’s no character arc, in either layer, and it’s not a particularly interesting backstory, so you don’t get a pass for that either.

You have a few spots where Grandpa slips into plain old English, by the by. It’s jarring when his Ebonics are so thick elsewhere. Another non-story for the pile this week. Coffee time.

Verdict: If you are in Scotland, remember the most polite and formal way to open a conversation is “Listen cunto”

Obliterati - The Matter of the Succession

You literally opened with a tell sentence. Great.

"my wizened aunt ejaculated.” Do I need to point out all the many reasons why you should NEVER EVER DO THIS AGAIN?

This actually started out somewhat promising. We have a mystery, a letter penned in the recipient’s own hand. Then, between the second and third scenes, it all falls apart. Who the hell is who in which scene? I thought it was all from the POV of Lord Bletchley, but the increasingly frantic mails from Robin, and the Aunt’s dialogue in scene 2, make me think that Bletchley and Robin are the same person.. or … something.

This massive failure in clarity utterly destroys what could’ve been a neat little Victorian mystery. Instead, I don’t know who’s doing what or if this is supposed to be some kind of oddball portrait of a man going insane.

Verdict: ah’v got a small but functional penis, it doesn’t need the attention

Purple Prince - Whining

Nigga please.

Tyrannosaurus - Five Star

So, you wrote this in standard English and back-translated it, didn’t you? You slipped in a few places. Also, your style makes it really hard to follow who’s saying what. When you have a single character performing actions and then saying stuff, keep it in the same paragraph. Both problems illustrated here:

quote:

“I’m worried if he leaves he won’t want to come back,” Kiha said softly. Seems way too grammatical given how you've written up until now.

Abraham put his cup down.

“Das it?” his friend asked incredulously, “Da’s da big worry?”

Who’s speaking in the third paragraph? Logically, it should be Kiha - you broke to a new paragraph, but then Kiha wouldn’t be asking about his own big worries, so it must be Abraham, right? You do this a lot and it makes the story irritating to read. Don’t do that.

For tone and theme, you’re doing pretty well this week. A general father-worries-about-son, rural-versus-city tale transposed onto the Hawaiian natives. Most of my complaints are with your formatting, and that’s easily fixed. I would like it more if you bashed me less in the face with your moral. The big internal monologue right in the middle which is like HERE IS THE FATHER’S MENTAL CONFLICT PLEASE NOTICE ME is jarring and out of tone with the rest of the piece. Try to submerge that more into the dialogue and thoughts and actions expressed between the two old men.

Generally, a competent anguish-of-the-father parenthood tale about a chick leaving the roost. I liked this best this week, better than Foutre's by a hair, but its paint-by-numbers nature keeps it from being a real standout winner. Foutre's gonna take it because it's less cliche, I'm betting.

Verdict: And all the world is arsehole shaped, it’s just for me tae boot its face.

Aye, gently caress this, ahm goin back tae bed.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002

aka sticklegs



Grimey Drawer

Crits!

My crits this week are in the form of .gifs I took from the first season of Burning Love.

Helsing posted:

The Lord of Skyguard


This isn't going to work how you think it will. I didn't think your writing was horrible, but the lead judge hated it so suck it. Also it was pretty boring and the dialect didn't seem to matter at all, so I couldn't really argue for you.


foutre posted:

Nowhere Man and a Valley Girl


You were my second pick because your story was fun to read, even though I think you slipped into "AOL early 90's" speak a few times. I wasn't a fan of your ending, but meh.


Bitchtits McGee posted:

Bonny Brinna - 993 wards

Holy crap. Why? I spent the most time on this entry, and got the least out of it. You made me do work for no reason. UGH. Why does it matter that this guy speaks with this dialect? Why are his internal thoughts spoken in this dialect? Why do you hate your reader? Don't do this!


A bunch of stereotypes and racism. You're pretty much doing paint by numbers here. Like this is what I suspect racist people think the future will be like. You're getting slightly better in that you actually tried to tell a story about two people and their relationship, but you still have somebody beating a kid unconscious with a cane and tons of slurs.


Obliterati posted:

The Matter of the Succession

Whatever you were going for, it didn't work. I probably owe it to you to go back and read this again, but drat was it boring, I just kind of glazed over every time I tried. Maybe because I hate period pieces?



I liked this the best. I thought you were given lemons and you tried to make lemonade. I liked the cultural background you included, and I don't think this story could have been told with a different dialect/culture and still be the same story. You drive your point home a little too hard. A little bit more subtle and this would be a good piece.

Radioactive Bears
Jun 27, 2012

Creatures of horrid visage and disposition.


I am down to brawl, Bitchtits McGee.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk

Radioactive Bears posted:

I am down to brawl, Bitchtits McGee.

I will judge. 650 words on this quote: "There is no human quality more attractive than the courage of the weak". Do not make it either maudlin or cheesy. Due next Tues, 11.59 PST.

DreamingofRoses
Jun 27, 2013


I should've just focused on writing. Clearly not finishing my prompt did not help my grade at all.


Oh, and this "crabrock" fellow,


You want a go? I'll have a go with you. Bring it. (Won't win, but I'll do it.)

I like your .gif crits.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002

aka sticklegs



Grimey Drawer

DreamingofRoses posted:

Oh, and this "crabrock" fellow,

You want a go? I'll have a go with you. Bring it. (Won't win, but I'll do it.)

'Tis the season.

Kaishai
Nov 3, 2010

Scoffing at modernity.

crabrock posted:

'Tis the season.



Strike a drum Santa and join the chorus!

DreamingofRoses vs. crabrock Seasonal Thunderbrawl: Mermen at Work

I don't know whether either of you is aware, but there's an entire world of glittery mermen out there. Glittery merman ornaments. With professions! They raise all sorts of questions in my mind, such as: what fires are there to fight underwater? What is the point of merman camo? And why in God's name does this dude have a pair of boxers under his tail?

Never mind the mer-stripping, though, because your prompt is to write a story about mermen doing jobs. What those jobs are is up to you, but I expect these stories to take place in the ocean, so you may wish to adjust your premise of a mer-cowboy accordingly.

The 'no fanfic' rule still applies, so refrain from writing about mer-Christian Grey despite the undoubted temptation.

Maximum word count: 1,000 words
Deadline: Wednesday, December 25, 11:59pm US Eastern. Merman ornaments after Christmas are just tacky.

Kaishai fucked around with this message at Dec 17, 2013 around 07:02

Chairchucker
Nov 14, 2006

The man was stunningly well dressed. He had a smart looking jacket, and a really neat looking cape, the lining of which was shimmering and sparkling in more than Oriental splendour, which is a great deal of splendour indeed, just ask Kipling.

Dear Foutre,

Re: our prompt.

Where is it?

Season's greetings etc.

-CC

No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


I challenge leper colon V to a brawl. Lets go bro.

PMush Perfect
Sep 30, 2009

----------------------
|PMush used Shitpost! |
|It's super effective!|
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No Longer Flaky posted:

I challenge leper colon V to a brawl. Lets go bro.
Challenge accepted.

foutre
Sep 4, 2011

RIP ZEEZ


SEVENTY SECOND THUNDERDOME: big as poo poo

I want tall tales -- stories where characters do absurd poo poo without any trouble and the exaggeration is the story. Here's the wikipedia entry describing it further: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tall_tale. However, although tall tales are traditionally funny these can be dark if you want.

FURTHERMORE I want you to gently caress around with time. Maybe your character goes Gilgamesh and wrestles a bull for a couple days, maybe you have a time traveler, maybe some other poo poo happens I just don't want time to go normally.

Genre: Tall tale

Word Count: 1000 words

Deadline: Sign ups: Friday, December 20th, 10 pm EST Submissions: Sunday, December 22nd, 11:59 pm EST

Judges: Me, Mercedes, one lucky human

Contestants

crabrock
Roguelike
God Over Djinn
DreamingofRoses
The Leper Colon V
Bitchtits McGee
Docbeard
Tyrannosaurus
No Longer Flaky
Purple Prince
V for Vegas
Symptomless Coma
sebmojo
Obliterati
Chairchucker
Fumblemouse
Nikaer Drekin
Kaishai
dmboogie

Working on finding his manhood

Sweet_Joke_Nectar

foutre fucked around with this message at Dec 20, 2013 around 03:52

PMush Perfect
Sep 30, 2009

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|PMush used Shitpost! |
|It's super effective!|
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Sure, I'm in on this, too.

Jumping in with both feet.

Obliterati
Nov 13, 2012

Ask me about being the most Magnificent Bastard in EU4 Multiplayer.

I'm in.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk

yeah, in

Edit: delete the self effacing stuff foutre. you are a tdome judge. noone can say poo poo to you.

sebmojo fucked around with this message at Dec 17, 2013 around 09:40

Symptomless Coma
Mar 30, 2007
for shock value

Oh yeah, this sounds fun. Me, me, in.

V for Vegas
Aug 31, 2004

THUNDERDOME LOSER

Yeah I'll do this. It'll remind me of the time I went 155 rounds of TDome with 'mojo in Tangiers back in the 50s.

Purple Prince
Aug 20, 2011


Yeah, I'm in.

No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


I'm in. Tall tales are baller.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

I'm in.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





So very in.

Bitchtits McGee
Jul 1, 2011


Can do, chief.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.


I'll judge. I love me some tall tales. That means don't gently caress up your prompt or I'm gonna [censor] your [censor] until time holds no meaning for you.

Sweet_Joke_Nectar
Jun 7, 2007

THUNDERDOME LOSER

In so hard

PMush Perfect
Sep 30, 2009

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|PMush used Shitpost! |
|It's super effective!|
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Mercedes posted:

I'll judge. I love me some tall tales. That means don't gently caress up your prompt or I'm gonna [censor] your [censor] until time holds no meaning for you.
Well, my current one was turning out more like a folk song, so I guess that's out.

DreamingofRoses
Jun 27, 2013


In for the Thunderdome prompt as well.

God Over Djinn
Jan 17, 2005

onwards and upwards


So in.

Roguelike
Jul 29, 2006

THUNDERDOME LOSER

In.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002

aka sticklegs



Grimey Drawer

this is a fun prompt. in

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Chairchucker
Nov 14, 2006

The man was stunningly well dressed. He had a smart looking jacket, and a really neat looking cape, the lining of which was shimmering and sparkling in more than Oriental splendour, which is a great deal of splendour indeed, just ask Kipling.

That sounds like a thing I would do maybe.

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