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Bachelard Ass
Mar 26, 2009

Penetralium of mystery

This thread is dope and I'll be entering once I'm back from vacation. But just to check, are there any rules against stories in verse a la Autobiography of Red (Anne Carson)? I'll need to review the rules before entering, of course. And even then need some hand holding. Thanks and stay brave.

edit: New page. I know this is a fiction thread but gently caress it here's a link to probably my favorite poem. Consolation prize. You know. http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/20521

Bachelard Ass fucked around with this message at Jun 11, 2013 around 03:22

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Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

It's all a personal preference, really. Most people don't hate the judges THAT much but it's your call.

Bachelard Ass
Mar 26, 2009

Penetralium of mystery

Right on. Thanks bud.

dreadmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

Bachelard rear end posted:

This thread is dope and I'll be entering once I'm back from vacation. But just to check, are there any rules against stories in verse a la Autobiography of Red (Anne Carson)? I'll need to review the rules before entering, of course. And even then need some hand holding. Thanks and stay brave.

edit: New page. I know this is a fiction thread but gently caress it here's a link to probably my favorite poem. Consolation prize. You know. http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/20521

Check back to the beginning of this thread for more dreadful poetry than your eyes will likely be able to bear.

The rules are you read the prompt, then you post your piece, then the judge gives you a humiliating avatar. It's not for chat, though you can always crit someone else's work.

dreadmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

Also, when the judges take too long you tell them to WAKE THE gently caress UP

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

I could hear the roots of loneliness creeping through me when the world was hushed at four o'clock in the morning


Relevant:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBpDO45cJms

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW



You didn't post in the IDR fanfic thread. <>

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

I could hear the roots of loneliness creeping through me when the world was hushed at four o'clock in the morning


I had a pretty rough weekend but the long and short of it is that we just only got confirmation yesterday that my sister does not have cancer, sorry

Chairchucker
Nov 14, 2006

The man was stunningly well dressed. He had a smart looking jacket, and a really neat looking cape, the lining of which was shimmering and sparkling in more than Oriental splendour, which is a great deal of splendour indeed, just ask Kipling.

EDIT: TL;DR

Winner is Sebmojo but Kaishai wrote a good story too.
Loser is Voliun but Peel is drat lucky.

ANOTHER EDIT: Oh I forgot to mention, there were a number of non submissions and while of course all of them have brought shame upon their children and their children's children and soforth, ultrachrist used as his excuse the nonsensical idea that Australia Time is dumb, so he's the biggest loser of all.


Sebmojo is the winner by virtue of he made me laugh and he called his protagonist Bruce Dennis and there was a wagon in the story, which was good. It felt like you were pandering a bit to your audience of me, but as it happens I'm totally all right with that. Also good was Kaishai who also kind of pandered to Things That I Like but probably without knowing it, and some other people were OK I guess but those two were the stand outs. So Sebmojo give us a prompt you jerk, and hey Kaishai you should judge this next round as well IMO. And I dunno, Seb/Kai pick one more judge between the two of you whatever.

The worst was oh my goodness so many of you and that doesn't even count the ones that only had time to write half a story before the deadline because at least they were mercifully short. Let's start from the top and I'll tell you why all of your stories were bad.

Now, one of my rules was that you would not include any Biblical characters. With that in mind, straight out of the gate Nikaer Drekin, straight out of the gate changing Joseph's name to Josephine and then leaving every other element of the story the same. Lesson learned, Chairchucker, don't give them a verse with any kind of a narrative as inspiration, or they'll just retell the story in space and call that inspiration. Yes I know I had 'plagiarise' in there crossed out but that was a joke and you weren't actually suppos- OK never mind, you didn't win but you weren't the worst.

Erogenous Beef, I enjoyed the jokes in this, even though, again, you were clearly pandering to me and my wholly deserved reputation of liking silly humour and puns, but at times I found the plot incoherent and difficult to follow. Having said that, no story with a cat named Bark Doggington will ever be in the losing half of the field on my watch.

Ceighk. You didn't even bother to change Samson's name. What the hell. And literal mechanical firebreathing foxes, really? Like, just take a theme or something as inspiration, I dunno. Not the worst or ever in real contention for worst though.

Schneider Heim. My other judge kind of liked this one. I didn't. Didn't really feel like it went anywhere. Kinda liked the description of space Mah Jong I guess. That worked.

FBH991. This had a chance of losing, not because it was completely horrific but because there were plenty of spelling errors and too much telling and no showing. Like, you even skipped over some conversation in favour of saying 'I informed her of these things' which sometimes works for stylistic reasons but doesn't here. Next time give us some action instead of telling us that once, long ago, a thing happened.

Found Sound. This was creepy as hell and better than any of the things I read before it. Also points for being creepy in a less awful way than might reasonably have happened given the prompt. Maybe a little too abstract I dunno.

Walamor. Pretty good, but again suffered a little bit from almost being the narrative translated into space.

Haitian Divorce. Same literal translation grievances as above but overall enjoyable and competent and you didn't call him Samson, so there's that.

Kaishai. May have had an unfair advantage because of the more abstract nature of your passage thus not letting you just rewrite a narrative, but whatevs. The symbolism of new song/vocal chords ripped out was good, as was gradual thematic shift. Really dug the ending. Really liked it in general. Having said that, it contained a Justiciar which seems to be a thing in sci-fi things now, I don't much care for that.

Sebmojo. I already talked about this before but I liked the pun in the title, didn't pick that up before.

Symptomless Coma. This story's a bit messy. Too many double punctuation marks next to quotation marks. And I couldn't really tell what was going on. And the spoiler text revelation didn't help that much.

Auraboks. I kinda liked this one mostly because the method of beating the city was pretty clever, and for some reason I didn't pick the ending at all. Pretty decent.

Peel. I hate to discourage experimental writing styles or whatever but I couldn't get into this at all. Completely impenetrable. No Sir, I don't like it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDGlN6mluGA

Wrageowrapper. I did not care for this story. Too much heavy handed ye olde biblical stuff for no apparent reason. And then the pay off at the end with everyone wanting to rescue the hookers is kind of lame and also didn't work because somehow there was like a billion people on the radio to them whereas previously they'd just been getting shot down by one guy. Also some spelling errors like your you're that should never be made.

Fumblemouse. Did the whole weird alien crap thing pretty decently. Did however name someone Dagon, hey everyone when I tell you not to have any Biblical characters in your story, stop naming your characters after the characters from the verses I gave you, you jerks.

Surreptitious Muffin. I actually enjoyed this a whole lot and it made me laugh too, it was just not quite as good as the ones that won, also I think there were some spelling errors and they always hurt my heart when I come across them so there's that. Fix that and it could've been a contender if I was the only person you had to please because I eat up that kind of tone, and I think you know it like the other panderers.

Voliun. Spelling errors and a mildly incoherent plot that was hard to follow and not being very good. By itself not necessarily completely damning, especially in this week's company, but your protagonist has an apostrophe in its name so you're the loser.

Bad Seafood. This was pretty good even though all that happened was they found a corpse and the Chaplain was a softie and wanted to throw it back. While I am generally of the school of thought that narrative exposition is awful unless done in an intentional over the top and humorous way, I found myself wanting to know why they were draining the ocean. And also where the heck they were putting all that water. Was it like Waterworld in reverse and they were building large ice mountains at the poles? Anyway. Decent IMO.

asap-salafi. The only real problem I have with this one is that you turned a story of surprise sex, betrayal and revenge into a story of a diplomat making a phone call.

JonasSalk. As I mentioned to you earlier, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5Tow84PrLY&t=1m46s

Sitting Here. Your half of a story was better than some full stories and less impenetrable than Peel's whatever that was, so good on you. Next time please write two halves I guess.

And that's everyone.

HEY SEBMOJO WHERE'S OUR PROMPT.

Chairchucker fucked around with this message at Jun 11, 2013 around 13:52

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.


Oh man, I cannot wait for the next round! I'm gonna jump in balls deep with no regard for my own safety.

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


balls deep in the butt no less

dreadmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

Thunderdome Round 34

That Prisoners call the Sky


Right you useless assortment of jackoffs and fuckarounds the judge throne has had some regrettable renovations since last I planted my rear end in it. This has made me angry. There's tinsel all over the skulls and a half-empty can of VB on the arm poo poo chairchucker how do you even drink that stuff.

This week you are going to pick an Oscar Wilde quote from here and make a story round it. Wilde was hilarious but he had some pretty tragic poo poo happen to him. So your story must be either tragedy, or comedy. And don't tell me which, for gods sake, if I can't tell from reading it then you've failed.

Enter by: Friday, midnight, US EST
Submit by: Sunday, midnight, US EST
Length: 1200 words max
Judges: Kaishai, me

Flash rules will be assigned according to judge whim, and if you don't pick a quote we'll give you one.

IN:
Mercedes Your story must have a character who waited too long.
Asap-Salafi
Crabrock
magnificent7
Voliun
Found Sound
Walamor
Mercedes
Ceighk
Fumblemouse
I cheat to win
PotatoManJack
Accretionist
JonasSalk Duplication must play a role in your story.
Nikaer Drekin
toanoradian A misspelling must play a crucial role in either the comedy or the tragedy of your piece.
Sitting Here Your story must include an entrepreneur. Preferably a billionaire.
Jopoho
Nubile Hillock
Martello Pirates, dogs.
Auraboks
Schneider Heim
Posh Alligator Your story must be in second person and someone in your story must make an important decision.
Dr Kloctopussy Your story must be set under the sea and one of your characters should be remarkably polite.
Draxamus

dreadmojo fucked around with this message at Jun 15, 2013 around 04:12

asap-salafi
May 5, 2012

I wasn't driving down the wrong side of the street, smoking marijuana, waving my gun out the window.


In before I can change my mind.

quote:

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends

asap-salafi fucked around with this message at Jun 11, 2013 around 21:31

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002

aka sticklegs



Grimey Drawer

if we can't find any good oscar wilde quotes can we pick one by olivia wilde?

hopefully I won't be a huge idiot and get so drunk that I have a 2 day hangover.

In with:

"I think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability."

magnificent7
Sep 22, 2005

THUNDERDOME LOSER


I'm in. Delightfully in with my favorite quote of all time.

"Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess."

Voliun
May 31, 2012


In it with this:

"No man is rich enough to buy back his past"

Found Sound
Jun 8, 2010

This is what you get for running under the wire.

THUNDERDOME


In.

"A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it."

Walamor
Dec 31, 2006

Fork 'em Devils!


In.

"Those whom the gods love grow young."

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.


In.

"True friends stab you in the front."

Ceighk
May 27, 2013

THUNDERDOME LOSER

In.

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."

dreadmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

Also, Kaishai drop me an email at my secret mountain redoubt so we can coordinate assigning viciously unfair flash rules.

dreadmojo fucked around with this message at Jun 11, 2013 around 23:18

autism ZX spectrum
Feb 7, 2007



Fun Shoe

In.

quote:

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.


sebmojo posted:

Also, Kaishai drop me an email at jimbowardo at gmail so we can coordinate assigning viciously unfair flash rules.

Should we wait until you give out flash rules before we start writing?

I cheat to win
Feb 26, 2013


In.

quote:


A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.

Fumblemouse
Mar 21, 2013


STANDARD
DEVIANT


Grimey Drawer

In: The well bred contradict other people. The wise contradict themselves.

dreadmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

Mercedes posted:

Should we wait until you give out flash rules before we start writing?

You should do whatever your heart tells you. We're just going to throw them out there when we feel like it, up to the deadline for entry.

For instance, Flash Rule your story must have a character who waited too long.

dreadmojo fucked around with this message at Jun 11, 2013 around 23:26

PotatoManJack
Nov 9, 2009


In

Quote:


"Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future."

Let's do this thing

Accretionist
Nov 7, 2012



In: "In married life three is company and two none."

JonasSalk
May 27, 2012

THUNDERDOME LOSER

In: "No man is rich enough to buy back his past."

Kaishai
Nov 3, 2010

Scoffing at modernity.

JonasSalk posted:

In: "No man is rich enough to buy back his past."

As you are the first to claim a quote someone else has also chosen, I give you a Flash Rule: Duplication must play a role in your story.

Nikaer Drekin
Oct 11, 2012


“Okay,” said Lucy, “this is how it’s going to happen. You turn all the lights on in this place and get your ‘fellows’ to stand down. Otherwise, this stake gets shoved through your heart and your people are minus one leader. Got it?”

“Of course. There is one option I think you missed, though. Why don’t you show her, my fellows?”

A plasma shot came from straight ahead and smacked into Lucy’s hand. The pencil burst instantly and her hand felt like it had been shoved straight into a furnace. She screamed in pain as the Vampire Lord whipped around and grabbed her by the throat.

“To be entirely honest,” he droned with a smirk, “You should have picked a weapon with a little more potency. I don’t think pencils quite count as stakes.” He dropped her to the ground, and suddenly the room flooded with blue light. Ranks of Vampires armed with plasma rifles were scattered all around the antechamber. Their Lord turned and said to them, “My dear brothers and sisters, we have conquered this intruder and, as a reward for our resilience, have two beings full of life to feed on. Truly we have much to be thankful for. Now, let’s get out of here so that the ceremony can commence!” A great cheer rose up, and the whole asteroid began to hum with power.

Lucy had her eyes closed from the pain, but opened them with a start when she felt something brush her shoulder. Her uncle was half-awake, looking down at her with sadness etched into his face. She lifted up her good hand and took his, gripping it tight as the asteroid broke from its orbit and shot into superlight, carrying them far from the Oxford, far from anyone but each other.

Nikaer Drekin fucked around with this message at Jul 15, 2013 around 04:14

toanoradian
May 30, 2011

The happiest waffligator


Hello, Thunderdome. In it to sloppily half-rear end it.

You only allow one source, so I'll be using that source and only that. I don't care if the quote's not real.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

toanoradian fucked around with this message at Jun 12, 2013 around 02:14

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.


sebmojo posted:

You should do whatever your heart tells you. We're just going to throw them out there when we feel like it, up to the deadline for entry.

For instance, Flash Rule your story must have a character who waited too long.

Bring it on motherfucker!

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

I'm in. But I can't decide on a quote, so give me a good one.

dreadmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

Sitting Here posted:

I'm in. But I can't decide on a quote, so give me a good one.

"I love stories about talking pigs so I wrote one and here it is"
- Oscar Wilde

E: alternatively, if you hate things that are excellent:

quote:

Our ambition should be to rule ourselves, the true kingdom for each one of us; and true progress is to know more, and be more, and to do more.

dreadmojo fucked around with this message at Jun 12, 2013 around 05:59

Jopoho
Feb 17, 2012


In with "Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives."

dreadmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

toanoradian posted:

Hello, Thunderdome. In it to sloppily half-rear end it.

You only allow one source, so I'll be using that source and only that. I don't care if the quote's not real.



Flash Rule: a misspelling must play a crucial role in either the comedy or the tragedy of your piece.

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


In.

"True friends stab you in the front."

I don't care if Mercedes is already doing it, because

Auraboks
Mar 24, 2013

...huh?


In.

"Whenever people agree with me, I always feel I must be wrong."

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Schneider Heim
Oct 17, 2012


I'm in. Quote is "Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes."

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