Thunderdome '13 - If this were any other thread we'd all be banned by now

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Thunderdome '13 - If this were any other thread we'd all be banned by now

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HereticMIND: Nov 4, 2012

On the fence here as whether to join or not. On one hand, I wanna flex them writing muscles of mine.

Other hand says that I don't handle criticism as well as I should, complied with my good friend Insecurity telling me that my stuff may not be up to Thunderdome standards.

For now, I'll just sit here...stewing in my indecision. Don't mind me...

# ? Feb 7, 2013 02:18

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 21:45

sebmojo: Oct 23, 2010; Legit Cyberpunk

HereticMIND posted:

On the fence here as whether to join or not. On one hand, I wanna flex them writing muscles of mine.

Other hand says that I don't handle criticism as well as I should, complied with my good friend Insecurity telling me that my stuff may not be up to Thunderdome standards.

For now, I'll just sit here...stewing in my indecision. Don't mind me...

Your vague watery indecision is as sweet nectar to me. Slap him on the list, STONE OF MADNESS.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 02:33

HereticMIND: Nov 4, 2012

sebmojo posted:

Your vague watery indecision is as sweet nectar to me. Slap him on the list, STONE OF MADNESS.

Wait, I didn't say that I would join up, only that I was interested in doing so!

There is a difference!

# ? Feb 7, 2013 03:33

Noah: May 31, 2011; Come at me baby bitch

Seems like you ain't got a choice, bub.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 03:36

Etherwind: Apr 22, 2008; Can't post for 85 days!; Soiled Meat

Just go for it. The worst that'll happen is that you won't be a Stupid Newbie any more.

Well, okay, the worst is that you might get mocked a bit, but you really have to turn in something of legendarily bad quality before that kicks in. As long as you avoid slash fiction based on real people or existing characters, you'll be fine.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 03:40

HereticMIND: Nov 4, 2012

Noah posted:

Seems like you ain't got a choice, bub.

...You're all insane. You know this, right?

Fine. If you want me to go in hard and deep, I'll go in hard and DEEP.

Sign me up. I shall either bathe in the blood of my enemies or be mercilessly slaughtered. Let the battle be joined!

# ? Feb 7, 2013 03:40

BlackFrost: Feb 6, 2008; Have you figured it out yet?

HereticMIND posted:

On the fence here as whether to join or not. On one hand, I wanna flex them writing muscles of mine.

Other hand says that I don't handle criticism as well as I should, complied with my good friend Insecurity telling me that my stuff may not be up to Thunderdome standards.

For now, I'll just sit here...stewing in my indecision. Don't mind me...

Quit shuffling your feet and throw your hat into the ring. You've already stepped into the Dome, now wallow in despair and write for us.

e:

HereticMIND posted:

...You're all insane. You know this, right?

Fine. If you want me to go in hard and deep, I'll go in hard and DEEP.

Sign me up. I shall either bathe in the blood of my enemies or be mercilessly slaughtered. Let the battle be joined!

Insanity and despair are the fuel that run this thread. Glad to see you've got some fight in you. You'll need it. :getin:

BlackFrost fucked around with this message at 03:44 on Feb 7, 2013

# ? Feb 7, 2013 03:40

HereticMIND: Nov 4, 2012

Etherwind posted:

Just go for it. The worst that'll happen is that you won't be a Stupid Newbie any more.

Well, okay, the worst is that you might get mocked a bit, but you really have to turn in something of legendarily bad quality before that kicks in. As long as you avoid slash fiction based on real people or existing characters, you'll be fine.

Oh, I'm going for it. All the way. Every day. Hard. And. DEEP.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 04:01

Down With People: Oct 31, 2012; The child delights in violence.

HereticMIND posted:

Hard. And. DEEP.

If that doesn't become the title of your work I will be sorely disappointed.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 04:25

sebmojo: Oct 23, 2010; Legit Cyberpunk

quote:

If that doesn't become the title of your work I will be sorely disappointed.

Indeed. Let's put our gore-encrusted judge claw on the scale.

Flash rule: HereticMIND's story must be called "Hard and deep".

# ? Feb 7, 2013 04:29

Martello: Apr 29, 2012; by XyloJW

SaviourX posted:

Alright, dicklords, I'm back and I want youuuuu.

FLASH RULE: No "ironic" A Song of Ice and Fire erotic fanfic.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 04:34

HereticMIND: Nov 4, 2012

Hard and Deep (Word Count: 430)

It was sudden, swift, violent, confusing.

�RPG on the rooftop!�, �Where the gently caress is our backup?!�, �Tank in the alleyway! Take it down!�, �Sniper! Sniper on that balcony!�

It was if his body was on fire. Every nerve, every fiber, every synapse, every atom of his being suddenly became alive. As if it was here, right loving now, this very loving godforsaken mockery of an urban jungle in some rear end-end third world country was where he belonged. Where he had a purpose.

Brian was almost overcome by the noise of rockets and the smell of sulfur burning his nose and the sight of his comrades being mowed down and the screams of the dying and oh poo poo what the gently caress is that is that a loving TANK�

He barely got out of the way before the drat thing swung its gigantic turret around and bellowed an ungodly roar. He had to scramble, had to keep running, had to move dammit, move!

And then he heard the screeching of�Friendly Javelins. Firing. At the very tank that was on his white farm-boy rear end. He almost let himself breathe a sigh of relief. Almost.

He leaned against a broken wall of what used to be a towering skyscraper, a far cry from its previous form. He checked his assault weapon, swapped the mag, put a fresh one in, clicked off the safety, chambered the round, and started to run off anew towards the gaping maw of death before him.

The battle raged on, his trigger finger at the verge of falling off his hand. The fatigue was starting to gnaw at his legs, he was running and gunning so much. Every bone in his body ached and pleaded and begged for him to slow down, but he knew the battle wasn't over yet, just a few more minutes and it would all be over.

Every once in a while, an enemy would pop up and his assault rifle would bark at them, sending them down to the rubble-filled streets. It was almost like it was a reflex, really. It just...happened. No rhyme. No reason. Just...instinct.

Then...the enemies stopped coming. They just...up and left. Vanished without any trace. Brian slowed down his quick gait, concern flickering across his face. Something wasn't right. There was no formal surrender, no discussion of terms...

He looked up, and saw glistening silver careening towards the Earth, speeding as if it were thrown from the very hand of God Himself.

Then, there was noise. There was fire. There was dust. There was wind.

And then there was silence.

~~~~

Like I said, I go hard. And. DEEP.

Google Docs (added some fancy formatting; better looking): https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jNHJAgmayqiI_4b1fy9RWEr-OZQOHJ6Y-u1cTh3s4VE/edit?usp=sharing

DL (if you wish): https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B6G29RwFpAuMdlZGeFdlbGVVV0E/edit?usp=sharing

# ? Feb 7, 2013 04:50

Lord Windy: Mar 26, 2010

I want to give this a go. I guess the worst that can happen is I get a new avatar.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 04:55

Capntastic: Jan 13, 2005; A dog begins eating a dusty old coil of rope but there's a nail in it.

Lord Windy posted:

I want to give this a go. I guess the worst that can happen is I get a new avatar.

The worst that could happen is the post above yours, I think you'll come out clean.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 04:57

Lord Windy: Mar 26, 2010

Capntastic posted:

The worst that could happen is the post above yours, I think you'll come out clean.

What about if I write some hardcore pornography? I'm sure that will look good next to some fisting action.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 05:01

Capntastic: Jan 13, 2005; A dog begins eating a dusty old coil of rope but there's a nail in it.

Lord Windy posted:

What about if I write some hardcore pornography? I'm sure that will look good next to some fisting action.

Take a chance. Ars Longa, Vita Brevis.

Capntastic fucked around with this message at 05:04 on Feb 7, 2013

# ? Feb 7, 2013 05:02

The Saddest Rhino: Apr 29, 2009; Put it all together.
Solve the world.
One conversation at a time.

HereticMIND posted:

Hard and Deep (Word Count: 430)

It was sudden, swift, violent, confusing.

�RPG on the rooftop!�, �Where the gently caress is our backup?!�, �Tank in the alleyway! Take it down!�, �Sniper! Sniper on that balcony!�

It was if his body was on fire. Every nerve, every fiber, every synapse, every atom of his being suddenly became alive. As if it was here, right loving now, this very loving godforsaken mockery of an urban jungle in some rear end-end third world country was where he belonged. Where he had a purpose.

Brian was almost overcome by the noise of rockets and the smell of sulfur burning his nose and the sight of his comrades being mowed down and the screams of the dying and oh poo poo what the gently caress is that is that a loving TANK�

He barely got out of the way before the drat thing swung its gigantic turret around and bellowed an ungodly roar. He had to scramble, had to keep running, had to move dammit, move!

And then he heard the screeching of�Friendly Javelins. Firing. At the very tank that was on his white farm-boy rear end. He almost let himself breathe a sigh of relief. Almost.

He leaned against a broken wall of what used to be a towering skyscraper, a far cry from its previous form. He checked his assault weapon, swapped the mag, put a fresh one in, clicked off the safety, chambered the round, and started to run off anew towards the gaping maw of death before him.

The battle raged on, his trigger finger at the verge of falling off his hand. The fatigue was starting to gnaw at his legs, he was running and gunning so much. Every bone in his body ached and pleaded and begged for him to slow down, but he knew the battle wasn't over yet, just a few more minutes and it would all be over.

Every once in a while, an enemy would pop up and his assault rifle would bark at them, sending them down to the rubble-filled streets. It was almost like it was a reflex, really. It just...happened. No rhyme. No reason. Just...instinct.

Then...the enemies stopped coming. They just...up and left. Vanished without any trace. Brian slowed down his quick gait, concern flickering across his face. Something wasn't right. There was no formal surrender, no discussion of terms...

He looked up, and saw glistening silver careening towards the Earth, speeding as if it were thrown from the very hand of God Himself.

Then, there was noise. There was fire. There was dust. There was wind.

And then there was silence.

~~~~

Like I said, I go hard. And. DEEP.

Google Docs (added some fancy formatting; better looking): https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jNHJAgmayqiI_4b1fy9RWEr-OZQOHJ6Y-u1cTh3s4VE/edit?usp=sharing

DL (if you wish): https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B6G29RwFpAuMdlZGeFdlbGVVV0E/edit?usp=sharing

Luckily the screen stopped being red and Brian can proceed to the next checkpoint.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 05:03

Chairchucker: Nov 14, 2006; to ride eternal, shiny and chrome

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2022

Well theoretically, the worst that could happen is you could get permabanned, but somehow no one has yet found the flash fiction sweet spot that achieves that goal...

# ? Feb 7, 2013 06:47

SaviourX: Sep 30, 2003; The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, or Eartha Kitt.

An action scene consisting of both fighting and fisting? At the same time, or..?

# ? Feb 7, 2013 06:51

HereticMIND: Nov 4, 2012

The Saddest Rhino posted:

Luckily the screen stopped being red and Brian can proceed to the next checkpoint.

You totally missed the implication that the area Brian was fighting in got nuked, I'm guessing.

Maybe said implication was too subtle for you to pick up on.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 10:08

Lord Windy: Mar 26, 2010

SaviourX posted:

An action scene consisting of both fighting and fisting? At the same time, or..?

The ultimate BDSM!

# ? Feb 7, 2013 10:10

SurreptitiousMuffin: Mar 21, 2010

HereticMIND posted:

You totally missed the implication that the area Brian was fighting in got nuked, I'm guessing.

Maybe said implication was too subtle for you to pick up on.

Real writers tip: if readers aren't picking something up, it's rarely because they're just not as clever as you. Usually, it's because your prose is unclear.

I think though (speaking of missing implications) that he's making fun of you for basically just writing a vidya game battle in story form.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 10:12

HereticMIND: Nov 4, 2012

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

Real writers tip: if readers aren't picking something up, it's rarely because they're just not as clever as you. Usually, it's because your prose is unclear.

I think though (speaking of missing implications) that he's making fun of you for basically just writing a vidya gayme battle in story form.

Ah. My bad for misconstruing that, then.

And yes, my story did take some cues from vidya gaems. Blame this LP of MW3.

Besides, I come from a family with a military background, so it was only natural for me to write what I know. Plus, I think I may have OD'd on Tom Clancy and Warhammer 40k lore somewhere in my childhood.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 10:19

sebmojo: Oct 23, 2010; Legit Cyberpunk

HereticMIND posted:

Ah. My bad for misconstruing that, then.

And yes, my story did take some cues from vidya gaems. Blame this LP of MW3.

Besides, I come from a family with a military background, so it was only natural for me to write what I know. Plus, I think I may have OD'd on Tom Clancy and Warhammer 40k lore somewhere in my childhood.

Enough chitchat. You stepped up. Pleasing.

Now the rest of you fuckers better get typing, we will be assigning penalties to no-shows.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 11:05

Martello: Apr 29, 2012; by XyloJW

Everyone read the OP again. Pay attention to what I just added to the bottom. :frogsiren:

# ? Feb 7, 2013 12:03

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Capntastic posted:

The worst that could happen is the post above yours, I think you'll come out clean.

Heretic, you look like a little bitch. The only thing you'll be misconstruing from now on is repeated below-the-belt verbal punches into your self-esteem groin, again and again.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 13:52

toanoradian: May 31, 2011; The happiest waffligator

Martello posted:

Everyone read the OP again. Pay attention to what I just added to the bottom.

Bottom of The OP posted:

Martello hosed around at Feb 7, 2013 around 11:02

I don't get it, we already know you're a stud horse.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 16:55

Sitting Here: Dec 31, 2007

Nice job submitting, Heretic. Not just anyone would walk into the 'dome and throw down a piece within mere hours of the gauntlet being cast at your feet.

Your journey is only beginning, however. After the round, once you've wiped the gore off your clothes and pulled the various blades from your abdomen, I fully expect you to go on over to the fiction farm to clean that poo poo up.

Then you come back.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 17:08

Meis: Sep 2, 2011

I'm assuming by midnight friday you mean 00:00 friday morning, not 23:59 friday night? Thought I'd check on the offchance that I leave the spectator stands for this week. I've been too busy to participate recently, which sucks.

Gotta admire the balls on that heretic guy. You should listen to Sitting Here, guy.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 18:32

STONE OF MADNESS: Dec 28, 2012; PVTREFACTIO

Submitters:

judgement has been passed but not pronounced

[edit] YET

# ? Feb 7, 2013 19:01

supermikhail: Nov 17, 2012; "It's video games, Scully."
Video games?"
"He enlists the help of strangers to make his perfect video game. When he gets bored of an idea, he murders them and moves on to the next, learning nothing in the process."
"Hmm... interesting."

So,

code:

if (curTime != friday.midnight(GMT+8) && submissionTime > curTime + 48h) {
Challenger supermikhail = new Challenger();
}
else {
System.out.println("Sorry.");
}

# ? Feb 7, 2013 19:21

Martello: Apr 29, 2012; by XyloJW

This isn't COBOL Cavern so I dunno what the gently caress is that C++?

loving nerds

# ? Feb 7, 2013 19:25

STONE OF MADNESS: Dec 28, 2012; PVTREFACTIO

It's the last loving minute of friday you loving douchebags. Meis, s'mikhail, you are IN.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 19:26

supermikhail: Nov 17, 2012; "It's video games, Scully."
Video games?"
"He enlists the help of strangers to make his perfect video game. When he gets bored of an idea, he murders them and moves on to the next, learning nothing in the process."
"Hmm... interesting."

You mean it's the first loving minute of friday. (You're quite obviously jesus since your gmt+8 lags by whole 2 hours from mine). Oh, well, I don't think I can be the loser even with rushing the thing out.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 19:32

STONE OF MADNESS: Dec 28, 2012; PVTREFACTIO

supermikhail posted:

You mean it's the first loving minute of friday. (You're quite obviously jesus since your gmt+8 lags by whole 2 hours from mine). Oh, well, I don't think I can be the loser even with rushing the thing out.

Time will tell my friend, time will tell

# ? Feb 7, 2013 19:34

Meis: Sep 2, 2011

STONE OF MADNESS posted:

It's the last loving minute of friday you loving douchebags. Meis, s'mikhail, you are IN.

But I didn't say that-

gently caress it, who am I kidding. That new guy submitted something after being challenged, and I'm not going to make myself look like a pissing pansy by saying I'm too busy. I'm not too busy.

# ? Feb 7, 2013 19:48

HereticMIND: Nov 4, 2012

Meis posted:

But I didn't say that-

gently caress it, who am I kidding. That new guy submitted something after being challenged, and I'm not going to make myself look like a pissing pansy by saying I'm too busy. I'm not too busy.

Join me. Join me in glorious battle! Let my courage be your guide through this world of blood and bone! We will go hard! And! DEEP!

# ? Feb 7, 2013 20:33

Etherwind: Apr 22, 2008; Can't post for 85 days!; Soiled Meat

To confirm, submissions are open for another 5 hours and 40 minutes after this post's time stamp, right? I'm convincing someone to join.

# ? Feb 8, 2013 11:20

sebmojo: Oct 23, 2010; Legit Cyberpunk

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3527428&userid=194688#post412203217

# ? Feb 8, 2013 11:45

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 21:45

Meis: Sep 2, 2011

HereticMIND posted:

Join me. Join me in glorious battle! Let my courage be your guide through this world of blood and bone! We will go hard! And! DEEP!

You can stop running that 'hard and deep' poo poo into the ground now. Although I should probably thank you for pretty much ensuring that I won't lose.

# ? Feb 8, 2013 12:25

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Thunderdome '13 - If this were any other thread we'd all be banned by now

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