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Barracuda Bang!
Oct 21, 2008

The first rule of No Avatar Club is: you do not talk about No Avatar Club. The second rule of No Avatar Club is: you DO NOT talk about No Avatar Club

Grimey Drawer

I'm in, first time

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Barracuda Bang!
Oct 21, 2008

The first rule of No Avatar Club is: you do not talk about No Avatar Club. The second rule of No Avatar Club is: you DO NOT talk about No Avatar Club

Grimey Drawer

Pootietron
675 Words


Qu33n C0bra walked briskly, dreading getting any wetter than she had to. It was only misting in Neo-Detroit, but she knew she would have to triple-up her route to make sure she wasn’t being followed, and even in that amount of time, a drizzle could leave her soaked to the bone. After more than an hour, having actually only ended up a mile from Bad Boney’s dead drop, she reached her apartment building. With the untraceable, disposable hypernet interface card in hand, she now had all she needed for the attack.

She rode the elevator to the 117th floor and walked left, eighteen doors, to her apartment. The toothpick still in the door jamb, she entered, confident that no one had been inside since she left. She hung up her translucent leopard-print rain coat near the door and walked to the living room, passing through the beaded doorway that separated the rooms. She crossed the red shag carpet, towards her desk, and set the interface card down next to the lava lamp.

Opening the case of her terminal, she swapped out her standard HIC and installed the new one. It took only a few moments before she was seated with the terminal booting up and her virtual experience goggles providing her with an advanced graphical connection to her machine.

Jack on.

Qu33n C0bra connected to the hypernet, first opening up her inbox to see if she received any messages from her brothers and sisters at Synonymous, the Collective with Cause.

One unread message.

Hey, sister, what’s shakin’? Mad props again for that save with the log file – I still can’t believe I missed it. You the best weapon Synonymous got,’fo real. Ain’t nobody down with the struggle more than Qu33n C0bra, e’rybody know that.

Oh, and ‘ey, that’s crazy about MANTech taking your brother. You really believe they’ll give ‘im back if you get their prototype plans back from those Triads? I wouldn’t trust those honkies fer poo poo. If you need a hand, you come to me.

Stay real
Pootietron


“I ain’t got time for this poo poo,” she said as began the long, repetitive process of hopping through dummy systems to cover her tracks on the way to the Triad system. She doubted they expected her to be coming right now, but she also knew that their admins weren’t a joke, and she had to take this seriously.

Connected to host: E34K:7G9D:4D5W:X180:8V6D:QKL7

“These fools ain’t even usin’ IPv12 for their internal network – this’ll be easier’n stealin' boiled goose from a cracka.”

Qu33n C0bra bypassed the authentication without breaking a sweat, and began navigating the file directory. She found one that had recently been renamed and, after rolling back the changes, confirmed it was what she wanted. The transfer initialized successfully, but she knew it would take at least a few minutes to complete.

Connection lost. Reconnect Y/N?

“This some BULLshit! Mothafucka got me all reconnectin’ an’ poo poo!”

She began to retread her hops to the system, but, with time running short before someone saw what she was doing, she opted to connect directly. She bypassed the authentication, as before, and went right for the active user list:

Users: triadmin, Qu33nC0bra

“This fool musta just rebooted and poo poo. Ain’t no way nobody know I was here,” she said, as she restarted the transfer. She couldn’t risk triadmin doing another reboot so she wrote up a script to lock him out for twenty minutes. She knew he wouldn’t be able to figure out the cause in twenty minutes, and she’d be safe and sound by then.

Run blackice.bat
run blackice.bat
lockout users: * except: Qu33nC0bra
timeout 1200s
delete blackice.bat


The transfer completed in ten minutes, and the log wipe took less than five. “Ain’t nobody can catch the Queen!”

Jack off.

Within an hour Qu33n C0bra had the file loaded onto an optical disk and was headed out the door to meet the courier for Mercer Applied Nanotechnology. She wanted to believe that they’d release her brother, James, the next day, but could she really trust MANTech?

Barracuda Bang!
Oct 21, 2008

The first rule of No Avatar Club is: you do not talk about No Avatar Club. The second rule of No Avatar Club is: you DO NOT talk about No Avatar Club

Grimey Drawer

sebmojo posted:

I will crit the last round entry of the next person to ask me.

What about the second person...?

Barracuda Bang!
Oct 21, 2008

The first rule of No Avatar Club is: you do not talk about No Avatar Club. The second rule of No Avatar Club is: you DO NOT talk about No Avatar Club

Grimey Drawer

In

Flash?

Barracuda Bang!
Oct 21, 2008

The first rule of No Avatar Club is: you do not talk about No Avatar Club. The second rule of No Avatar Club is: you DO NOT talk about No Avatar Club

Grimey Drawer

Russgart Weekly
1072 words

Flash rule: make up some slang


Lydia pulled into the library parking lot and saw a small crowd forming by the entrance, with her assistant, Oscar, trying to keep them calm.

“Oscar, what’s going on?”

“There’s a situation inside. Follow me.”

She followed him through the entrance and into the periodicals section, where an agitated opossum was scampering between shelves.

“How did that get in here!?”

“It looks like it chewed through the screen in the romance section.”

“Jesus Christ, Oscar! How are we going to fix this!?”

“I don’t know…oh, I know. I’ll go get a garbage can and try to catch it…”

“Wait wait wait, no. This is the opportunity I’ve been waiting for. If I can make sure the director knows I took care of this, and made the Library Department look good, I have a much better shot at the assistant director job.”

“That’s a great idea. What should I do?”

“Do you still have that friend at animal control? We want someone who can come and take care of it, but act like he’s a library employee. We don’t want to make it look like we needed outside help.”

“You mean Alexei? I mean, not since my sister broke up with him when the carnival left town…”

“Well, get him over here. We need this thing caught. I’m going to call Janet at the Rassgart Weekly. We need the press to see this. This way, the director can find out on his own, and it won’t look like I’m showing off.”

“Okay, Lydia, I’ll talk to him.”

By the time Alexei arrived, it was already one o’clock in the afternoon, and Janet still hadn’t shown. Oscar, following Lydia’s orders, had blocked off the bulk of the library. The bathrooms, office, and Kidz’ Korner were still accessible, though, and Lydia let the pre-K afternoon story time go on as scheduled, since it wasn’t anywhere near the animal.

Janet, the reporter, walked to the library from her office downtown. Because Lydia was waiting to catch her pulling into the parking lot, she completely missed her go in through the back. Alexei, on the other hand, was waiting inside and was the first to see her. Oscar had told him that if he caught the opossum today, while pretending to work directly for the library, he would put in a good word for him with his sister.

Confidently acting out his part, he approached the reporter.

“You’re the paperista, right? I’m Alexei, the poocher,” he said as he outstretched his visibly clammy paw.

“Yeah, I am. What’s a ‘poocher?’ …and nice to meet you, I think.” She shook his hand, but in a way that kept the actual physical contact to a minimum.

“You know, a hound hunter.”

“Right,” she said, not particularly comfortably.

Lydia, having seen them talking in the doorway, came back into the library.

“Hi Janet, thanks for coming by. We thought this would be a nice human interest piece for the paper. Come with me, and we’ll get started.”

Lydia gestured for Oscar, who had joined them, to unlock the door to the main library room where the animal had been contained.

“You have all your gear, Alexei?” she asked.

“Yeah, got my chokepole and netbox ready to go.”

“Okay, then let’s get started. Oscar, why don’t you lead the way?”

“Sure,” Oscar said, and he hesitantly led the group toward the periodicals section.

The opossum, however, was nowhere to be found. They circled up, concerned about an animal no bigger than a housecat having easy access to their ankles.

“Get down there and look under the shelves!” Lydia said to Oscar, who wanted nothing more than to stay in the circle.

“Oh-okay,” Oscar replied, and slowly got down on all fours to look under the furniture. “There’s nothing down here-“

He was cut off by a frothy snarl on the other side of the room.

From around a desk, on the opposite side of the group from Oscar, the opossum came into view.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” Lydia shrieked, with a tone that curdled the blood of humans and marsupials alike.

Alexei began slowly moving the chokepole’s business end towards the animal and calmly said “Don’t worry guys, I’ve tangled with these pesters before. The thing about branchbucks is that they don’t see slow movement very well. But their reflexes are extremely taught if someone were to make a quick- ”

Just then, Oscar, consumed with concern for his boss, lunged past the group and at the opossum, startling it. It ran back behind the desk and through the open door they came through from the lobby.

“Oscar, you idiot! Why didn’t you close the door when we came in!?” demanded Lydia.

Before he could answer, dozens of screams of young terror erupted from the Kidz’ Korner, where story time had prematurely ended. The four ran to the lobby, where they were stopped by a stampede of parents rushing their children to the parking lot. Alexei was the first to make it into the room, and located the animal right away.

“It’s over here, in the kidstash with the waterjacket sticking out. Keep that corndog away and I’ll catch it,” Alexei said, motioning toward Oscar, who was avoiding eye contact in the opposite corner.

Alexei lowered the chokepole and gripped the opossum in the looped cord. It struggled, its tail at one point smacking Alexei on his bare calf. “Little pester’s fiesty!” he said as it worked it into the netbox. Once safely inside, he carried it out to his truck, with it snarling the whole way.

Janet, taking out her notebook, turned toward Lydia. “That was pretty crazy there. Hard to believe one little animal could cause such a scene.”

“Oh, you know, just a normal day at my branch!” said Lydia, attempting to be charming.

“This is normal for you?” replied Janet, incredulously.

Oscar saw his moment to help his boss and chimed in. “Oh yeah, there’s always something crazy going on here. This place is a real circus. Sometimes I come here in the morning surprised it didn’t burn down overnight!”

Lydia, speechless, turned to Oscar, fists clenched. Trying and failing to regain her composure, she yelled, “You idiot! This is all your fault! The director had better not hear about this, or you’re French toas-“

The berating stopped as quickly as it began when Lydia saw Janet take the tape recorder out of her pocket and thumb the stop button.

Barracuda Bang!
Oct 21, 2008

The first rule of No Avatar Club is: you do not talk about No Avatar Club. The second rule of No Avatar Club is: you DO NOT talk about No Avatar Club

Grimey Drawer

Noah posted:

Bonus: I'm going to compile these Alexei stories into a nice looking pdf. It'll be fun. I'll post it when I'm done.

Uhhh, feel free to correct the TYPO IN MY loving TITLE when you add it to the pdf.

Barracuda Bang!
Oct 21, 2008

The first rule of No Avatar Club is: you do not talk about No Avatar Club. The second rule of No Avatar Club is: you DO NOT talk about No Avatar Club

Grimey Drawer

The Cooper Union for the Cooping Arts

WARNING: THIS STORY IS CANON

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Barracuda Bang!
Oct 21, 2008

The first rule of No Avatar Club is: you do not talk about No Avatar Club. The second rule of No Avatar Club is: you DO NOT talk about No Avatar Club

Grimey Drawer

Sorry, dudes and dudettes, been working on a potential job thing, which unfortunately has to come first.

I realize too, of course, that if I didn't wait until Sunday to write this one, I would have been fine.

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