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In like a motherfucker. FLASH RULE: Poem must be a sestina. Suck it, person below me. edit: this frees it from the 350 word minimum.
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Jan 10, 2013 01:35
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Benny, do I get a flash rule?
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Jan 10, 2013 01:41
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sebmojo posted:Also: only internal rhymes. Just being clear here I went up on the roof and smoked a doob- it's true, it makes your vision blur. is fine but I love you truly be mine, Julie is not, right?
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Jan 10, 2013 04:09
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gently caress yes. Call me a canary 'cos thread #1 is in the GOLDMINE.
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Jan 10, 2013 05:08
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entropy or something like it After many long days I lay down to sleep in the middle - who knew rosewood had no smell? Bartolini mkII and casual epiphany stowed in a shoebox. poo poo it's all coming back to me. Tell me why you cry kiddo. poo poo I know- I just wanna hear you say it. It's eating me inside-out and that's just the dark cells; venal things that never once said please. what happened to my hands? You always knew them better than me. We met a man with rags in his soul and had him drink gasoline; the cosmic molotov- what we smallfolk call purpose. You taste like cloves and you smell like poo poo but I like that about you, kiddo. You light my fire- you make my morning like fresh-juiced OJ and little hairs stuck in the shower drain. In the back room of a pizza place on Cuba we met a man whose head was a brown peach. He had baby gums- bare, pink and fragile. You remember? He said “my lover has fat thighs and my guitar has five strings and I teach both to sing in the dead of night,” and he had us dance until the candle burned down. There's a fist of dark cells growing around my heart and one day soon it'll grow so big that even fire can't kill it. It's young but it's got promise- it's making friends, setting down a few roots. Come back in a few months kiddo and it'll put on a show. I got locked in the metro once- me and this 5'2 French bloke smoking gauloises from 3am til sunup 'cos “there's always a train running in Paris. Just you wait.” Nothing came out of that tunnel but dead air. We drank them down to the filters; two hot inches of air to stop the shaking in our hands. To shake is a fine thing- it means your heart's still beating. I shook when the peach man played- shook until the candle burned down. You taste like cloves and two inches of hot air. I know what you're going to say kiddo. I just want to hear you say it. [355 words]  EDIT HOLY CRAP: prompt is internal rhymes only. Must contain a guitar, a tunnel and a juicer.
SurreptitiousMuffin fucked around with this message at 00:24 on Jan 11, 2013 |
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Jan 10, 2013 11:51
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Meis posted:Poetry? The white space is almost as important as the words Because I'm showing off this week, here's a concrete experiment I did a few months back. I swear not everything I write is like that. Just the good stuff, for some reason. code:
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Jan 10, 2013 21:21
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Bitches, I'm on a roll this week. Here's a thing: I will Thunderbrawl all poetic challengers. If you want to fight me, step up.
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Jan 11, 2013 00:28
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Etherwind posted:By the way, I'm curious: in the event you'd actually stated your intentions like a real man, would you have accepted Dactylic Hexameter adapted to qualitative meter? It's the closest equivalent to Homeric verse. Iambic pentameter is loose by comparison. Like not just "aha give a dude sestina it'll be funny" hard: "Walt Whitman is the only guy I've ever seen pull it off convincingly and even he looked to be having a rough time of it" hard.
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Jan 11, 2013 02:51
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It's not really a Mora system, it's more to do with syllable weight. The best way I've seen the concept transferred into English is that through and dog both have 1 syllable but through is heavy and dog is light. A single dactyl is composed of three syllables that run heavy -> light -> light. I think.
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Jan 11, 2013 03:13
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Etherwind posted:Yeah, that matches what I know. The idea was to go stressed -> soft -> soft for dactyls and soft -> soft for spondees. The opening line I was kicking around was:
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Jan 11, 2013 03:31
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THUNDERBRAWL ME (ROUND 1) Loss, redemption and milkshakes in 350 words or less. No use crying “the single worst year of my life, I slaved under Genghis Khan or some distant relative in a coalmine outside Ulaanbaatar. In summer we burnt and in winter we froze,” he said, finishing his drink. The straw played typhoon melodies in the foam; all grey-brown bruises and spilt milk. “something in me got froze so bad - the sun melted it before I even saw her hot smile; something so small I never even knew what it was. 400 days and 400 nights I walked the desert trying to fill a hole that wasn't there.” Perhaps years passed before his granite hands made a mountain of matters. He held them up- spread them wide, low then ordered another milkshake and made a tempest of the drinking. I could see the colour rising, the bruises fade. The sky outside was quiet and dour though inside I touched the heart of a storm.
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Jan 11, 2013 10:10
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Bad Seafood posted:SurreptitiousMuffin - Submitted
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Jan 12, 2013 08:04
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It's more like "why are you applying to work in a French Restaurant if you can't cook ramen."
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Jan 12, 2013 21:59
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 I'll get you next time, Gadget. (it's best of three, isn't it?)Fanky's right about the clutter. I think a good idea for future might be that prospective brawlers put "willing to brawl" in their signup post, then the judges get to pick one brawling pair per week. Otherwise the thread'll become crazy difficult to follow.
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Jan 13, 2013 00:18
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Fanky Malloons posted:No, it's not best of three, you guys just both made horrible errors last time, so I'm making you do it again. Tip: be better this time
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Jan 13, 2013 00:31
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Martello posted:Maybe we should make a separate spinoff thread for Thunderbrawl. What do you guys think?
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Jan 13, 2013 01:12
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toanoradian posted:So is the idea then that some goons will announce their Brawl in this thread, then take their prompts, judges and submissions to the Sister Thread?
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Jan 13, 2013 01:30
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THUNDERBRAWL ROUND 2 on the rooftop we found new names for old stars We're smoking cloves and roses high above the city streets. She says “We're out of beer and love. We did our best and that's enough.” My monsoon girl is in a drought. No fear my son! I stop to measure weather and lose track of time. My head is spinning now- the tremor moving down from head to hands. “It's Audenesque, almost,” she says. Her frown is catching. poo poo, I'm losing track again: it's something about oceans or bad dreams- I never read the books she liked. A shame but time is what you make of it. It seems I've spent what little time I had with her on hurricanes, poems, tremors and sleep.
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Jan 14, 2013 00:04
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sebmojo posted:ps arguments about linguistic descriptivism can gently caress right off, tia
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Jan 14, 2013 04:37
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I put my flash rule at the bottom of the page.  I didn't want it disrupting the flow of the poem; if the reader's trying to pick the prompt out, it screws with the reading. Though I did forget to say whether it was main or brawl, yeah. Noah, watch this space. edit: here goes Noah posted:Flash rule: Sestina http://poetry.about.com/od/poeticforms/g/sestina.htm Grind blood rust tool save power it's a bit loving maudlin, isn't it? It tries to do something pretty uplifting with them but by its very nature, it's not an uplifting form; the best sestinas tend to evoke a feeling of walls closing in: the form is so very restrictive, the reader can't help but feel trapped and twisted this way and that. With that in mind, words like blood and grind labour the point too much. A good approach is to pick six quite upbeat words and use the tension between the form and vocabulary to build emotional torque. In a non-morbid poem about death, you could've done a Prufrock sorta thing where you talk about big things in the least mythic way possible and in doing so, bring big abstracts like death down into more relatable and a lot more emotionally gutsy territory. Check this out (not a sestina): T.S MOTHERFUCKING ELIOT posted:Should I, after tea and cakes and ices, Never talk about DEATH and BLOOD and OBLIVION on their own: show people on the ground thinking about them. Ground them- make them more human and they go from these big abstract concepts to "holy crap these are things that will happen to me and you and my awesome dog who I love", which is what you want. With a sestina, it's impossible to be light with your form but you can be light with everything else and play off the tension. I feel like I'm repeating myself. Am I making sense, though? Overall: B-. You shot yourself in the foot with poor word choice and would've been better off if you'd forced the point less. It's a solid use of the form though - I can never begrudge a man who puts out a working sestina. Did Noah sink or swim? Dog paddle. SurreptitiousMuffin fucked around with this message at 09:32 on Jan 14, 2013 |
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Jan 14, 2013 09:09
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It's an eye rhyme with the f and b couplets to give the thing a sense of gentle rounding off and a continuation of cycles. (I hate heroic couplets; they feel really cheesy) but I probably had that coming. Hail budgieinspector. I doff my hat you.
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Jan 14, 2013 22:51
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Noah posted:What is this carbs bullshit? Aren't you fat enough?
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Jan 15, 2013 08:20
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Thunderdome XXIV: Keyboard Kings Alright kiddies, twinkle cave hasn't recovered from his victory night barhop coma yet, so the taking charge has fallen to myself and the honourable budgieinspector. After some discussion, we've decided that y'all are good at following rules but not so good when left on your own devices, so this week Thunderdome goes country.  Write a supernatural horror story set in a small town Supernatural is important: think more Stephen King than Texas Chainsaw Massacre. aaaaand that's it. There's not going to be any flash rules with strange form constraints or hidden surprises at the end: you're being given a fairly broad prompt to do whatever you want with. Upper limit is 1750 words. Deadline for signups with 11:59pm Friday NZDT, deadline for submissions is 11:59pm Sunday NZDT. The honourable dead: sitting here sebmojo SC Bracer Etherwind Capntastic The Saddest Rhino STONES OF MADNESS V for Vegas swaziloo supermikhail Meis Benagain areyoucontagious monkeyboydc Canadian Surf Club JonasSalk Zack_Gochuck Noah Blackfrost Chexoid Chairchucker  Cancercakes toanoradian BUDGIEINSPECTOR
SurreptitiousMuffin fucked around with this message at 06:03 on Jan 18, 2013 |
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Jan 16, 2013 08:24
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Also: To limit brawls from making GBS threads up the thread, I will allow one brawl this round. If you have a particular beef, state it, then budgie and I will choose the one pair that get to go. We may choose nobody, if we don't think any of the brawls will be interesting or entertaining.
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Jan 16, 2013 11:51
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budgieinspector posted:
I'm going to have to shiv one of them now, to show them who's boss.
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Jan 18, 2013 05:22
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Right, that's it. For callous disregard of the rules as laid out, budgieinspector is now an entrant for this week.
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Jan 18, 2013 05:55
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Signups are closed.
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Jan 18, 2013 12:01
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12 hours to go people.
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Jan 19, 2013 23:46
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While we're in a writing mood, the current Glenn Beck GBS thread has turned into an amazing short fiction rodeo about life in a libertarian hellhole and I feel like Thunderdome should get in on that action.
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Jan 20, 2013 04:55
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One hour remains We are waiting on: sebmojo The Saddest Rhino V for Vegas Benagain Canadian Surf Club Zack_Gochuck Get loving cracking. You all get the time right when Sebmojo uses the timezone so there's not going to be any mercy for deadline-missers. I'm going to have a hard time telling all you losers apart next week. SurreptitiousMuffin fucked around with this message at 11:47 on Jan 20, 2013 |
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Jan 20, 2013 10:59
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Ten minutes Jesus people c'mon.
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Jan 20, 2013 11:51
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aaaaaaaand that's time. V for Vegas shoots in under the line and sebmojo will be given leniency, if only for his sterling prior record in the 'dome. Also because he both looks and acts like the bastard lovechild of Bob Ross and Syrio Forel. That goes a long way with me. SHAMEFUL LOSERS Benagain Canadian Surf Club Zack_Gochuck HONOURABLE SEPPUKU for braving the thread despite his failure, The Saddest Rhino may choose whether he gets a losertar or not. I am a merciful god.
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Jan 20, 2013 12:05
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Also Twinkle Cave you're the regular judge this week so if you want to take over duties, feel free. I only did because you apparently vanished.
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Jan 20, 2013 23:31
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Pretty sure Wolf Juice is the official drink of Thunderdome, bro. Vodka, white wine, raro, MONSTER, chili powder, squeeze a few lemons in. It tastes like water and hits like a truck. It's gone so far past terrible, it's looped around the other way. That's a true Thunderdome drink, no doubt. edit: forgot to mention you mix it in a plastic bucket.
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Jan 21, 2013 02:30
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supermikhail posted:I abhor my writing. I loathe seeing my words appear on the screen. Before, I thought my plots were askew, but having entered Thunderdome I feel like all these black zigzags in the end fuze into one big smear of something brown and putrid. My critique of everything you do One could, perchance, be convinced that your method of writing prefers to distract the potential elocutionist from the content through the deployment of advanced and somewhat antiquated vocabulary and grammar. The style is more reminiscent of administrative paperwork or other such hurdy-gurdy, when you should be attempting to cultivate an elegant, naturalistic prose style al la Ernest Miller Hemingway. "For Sale. Baby Shoes: never worn" is a superior line to "We are selling the shoes of an infant. They have at no juncture been worn." LOWER YOUR REGISTER, DINGUS. BIGGEST WORD =/= BEST WORD. 
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Jan 21, 2013 21:29
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Martello posted:Yeah but only as comedy. supermisha would use it as a serious line. Look, watch this video. Are the new lyrics: a) funny or b) good both is not an option Erik Shawn-Bohner posted:Rectum? drat near killed'm. 
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Jan 21, 2013 23:00
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I'm going to quote my own email on why I chose Cap for the winner:quote:I'll clarify why I chose Capntastic: it's maybe not quite the best story there but it's such a metric fuckton better than where he started out, that really needs to be rewarded. All the others in the leading pack have been strong contenders since pretty much the start, so I'm willing to give the Cap a few underdog points that edge him over the top. It's a pretty messy, close call otherwise.
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Jan 22, 2013 00:27
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O Capn! My Capn! Your victory's near done, The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize you sought is won; The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting. Because Capntastic is our first ever LOSER RESURGENT, I'm letting him make the call for all future LOSERS RESURGENT: do you want to choose your new avatar, or do you want there to be a Thunderdome WINNERTAR that all LOSERS RESURGENT are awarded? If you choose the latter, any preferences to the design? Any 'domer with design ideas, feel free to post them.
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Jan 22, 2013 00:36
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neonnoodle posted:Hello writers, I'm the new CC mod and I'd like to talk about Thunderdome-related issues. Ultraloser is a different kettle of fish though: there's only going to be more and more as time goes on. Should we scrap it and leave Chairchucker alone with the av?
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Jan 22, 2013 21:45
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because I'm not going to run around with a bunch of foil-stamped limited edition cover variants.
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Martello posted:Chairchucker is MY bottom bitch, please stop slobbering over his sweet Aussie rear end with your filthy Kiwi jowels. I bought him the Ultraloser avatar and there won't be any other ultralosers unless I say there will.  Who got Capn's new one?
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Jan 23, 2013 00:37
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