Thunderdome '13 - If this were any other thread we'd all be banned by now

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Nyarai: Jul 19, 2012; Jenn here.

I can judge if you need it. I won back in September 2012, and I was gonna get in this week, but I'd love to help out on the judge front.

# ¿ Mar 26, 2013 23:52

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# ¿ May 22, 2025 17:01

Nyarai: Jul 19, 2012; Jenn here.

Nubile Hillock posted:

Step up to the Judging Platform! Don't mind the rusty nails.

Sweet, and don't worry. My tetanus booster is still good.

# ¿ Mar 27, 2013 02:02

Nyarai: Jul 19, 2012; Jenn here.

Noah posted:

Is there a signup deadline? Or is that open until the posting deadline?

Nubile Hillock posted:

Signups end on friday, whenever I wake up and log on.

So Friday morning/afternoon CST, probably.

# ¿ Mar 28, 2013 21:29

Nyarai: Jul 19, 2012; Jenn here.

Screw it. In.

# ¿ Apr 25, 2013 22:14

Nyarai: Jul 19, 2012; Jenn here.

Flibble's story reminds me of my manager's solution to Snakes on a Plane: turn the cabin temperature down to 55� F and wait for the snakes to go dormant.

On a more relevant note, in. I'm moving now, but gently caress it. I haven't written in a long time, and I'll hopefully have some downtime at the hotel tonight/tomorrow.

quote:

1794: John Kendrick, an American sea captain and explorer, was killed in the Hawaiian Islands when a British ship mistakenly used a loaded cannon to fire a salute to Kendrick's vessel.

Also, someone toss me a flash rule. :getin:

# ¿ May 30, 2013 18:00

Nyarai: Jul 19, 2012; Jenn here.

gently caress, this was not easy. Crabrock's flash rule wasn't that difficult, as "a sailor forgetting something" is why Kendrick died in the first place, but Martello's certainly required a bit of creative thinking. I feel absolutely awful about the quality, but it's mostly mitigated by the fact I produced something. So I give you the tale of an American sea captain and his (fictionalized) skanky daughter.

quote:

1794: John Kendrick, an American sea captain and explorer, was killed in the Hawaiian Islands when a British ship mistakenly used a loaded cannon to fire a salute to Kendrick's vessel.

Reise, Reise (666 words) :devil:

�What do you mean you forgot?�

The cabin boy withers under my gaze, fingers knitted tightly together. � �M sorry, Cap�n. I just found yer letter in my bunk. It never went out with the rest of �em.� Tears well in his eyes. �I�ll fix it! I�ll take a dinghy an��

I raise a hand for silence, then lay it on the boy�s shoulder. �Don�t worry, James. I�ll likely reach home before it does. Return to your duties.�

James stiffens like a board and salutes. �Aye, Cap�n.� He scampers below deck. With a heavy sigh, I lean against the railing. Of all the letters for him to forget! My wife, Huldah, had written to me with worrisome news about the children. Well, the child. John Jr. was a man now, commander of his very own ship. But Heidi... She had been born during my idle years, that oh-so-brief period between the war and when I took command of the Discovery. She was such a beautiful baby, all blue eyes and smiles. The lass was always thrilled when I returned and miserable when I left her once more. However, my time away seems to have taken its toll. Heidi has forsaken her chores and, most frighteningly, become a regular down at the docks. �You of all people should know what sailors are like with young ladies,� Huldah wrote.

Oh, I do. Primal rage swells in my gut, and I grip the rail until my knuckles turn white. It�s all I can do to stop myself from striking the nearest deckhand. Granted, that wouldn�t make me a better father, but I�d sure as hell feel better.

�Captain?� I turn to face John Howel. One couldn�t ask for a finer clerk. �Kalanikūpule gifted us with a few roast pigs. Says it�s the least he could do.� His brow furrows. �Something the matter?�

�We�re not eating hardtack. What could possibly be the matter?� I force a smile. �Fetch the other officers.�

Within minutes, my men surround the table. Their eyes gleam with anticipation. Howel says grace, his prayer made all the more elegant by its brevity, and I start to carve the first boar. This smell must torment the enlisted men. They�ll get their share soon enough. I pick at my own plate, only eating when I catch Howel�s eye. The Washington would return to Massachusetts in a few months� time. I could be a father to Heidi again but, Lord have mercy, what would I even say to her?

�Captain!� The lookout�s cry pierces my thoughts. �The Jackal�s off our starboard bow!�

Excellent. Captain Gordon and his men were indispensable in our mission to defend Fair Haven from the rebels. I wipe grease from my mouth and bark, �Ready all guns for a salute!� My bo’sun repeats the order, and the men scramble to comply.

The Washington rocks from the cannons� force, which does little to impede my officers� appetites. Smoke rises from the water. Its acrid tang fills my nostrils as I close my eyes. I hear the explosions from the Jackal�s guns, as well as... whistles? I open my eyes. A dozen slugs scream through the air.

My God.

Deckhands scramble for cover. Even a few officers dive under the table. Pointless, really. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. I forge an expression of calm. �So, gentlemen,� I ask, �who thinks we should fire back?� Nervous laughter escapes a few men, then screams.

The world explodes in agony. I strike my head against the table as I fall. No more pain. Good. Wait, not good. Why can�t I move my left arm? Oh. Don�t have one. The world spins, and I�m staring up into Howel�s face. He�s shouting, but I can�t understand. My ears are stuffed with cotton. Blood gushes from my throat as I try to speak, to tell Howel to take care of my girls. He nods grimly. Lord, I hope that means he understands.

I close my eyes, and the darkness overwhelms me.

# ¿ Jun 3, 2013 19:34